![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
Puffy-eyed and Dragging through the Mud in my mind...
« previous entry | next entry »
Feb. 21st, 2007 | 12:37 pm
mood: 
crushed
Between the drama going on back at my apartment and the drama going on at work--both of which I cannot escape--it seems as though I've finally hit some sort of rock bottom. I haven't been sleeping much these days, it's been tough. I'm too angry to sleep--too upset at my lack of anything resembling healthiness and balance.
I'm going to tackle some of this work drama today at the all-staff meeting, and whatever isn't resolved gets left behind. I'm going to talk to Jeanne about this--it's not healthy for any of us.
At home I have no privacy, I practically get driven out of my room by my roomate's stepdaughter who doesn't even live with us. If things don't start changing, I'm going to have to find someone to finish out my lease. I'm going to talk to the roomie and the daughter in the coming days. I can't deal with this anymore. It's uncomfortable to listen to teenagers having loud sex multiple times a day, telling me about it, taking over my room and practically living with us---trashing the place and I'm done with it. I'm going to have to put my foot down and stand up for myself instead of letting people walk all over me so I can please them and they will like me. I know what I have to do, and I'm afraid of being percieved as a bully---but my health and well being is suffering and I can't live like this.
It's the same at work: I do everything asked of me because I'm afraid of two things: a) no body else will do it and it needs to be done--which happens all the time and b) I feel this need to prove myself and receive external validation.
I do get to see Erin McKeown in concert tonight--but my roomie is sick and canceled out on me. Which, I hope she gets better---but it also sucks. I feel like such a loser going to a concert alone.
That's how I've felt these last few months: alone. I mean, I talk about balance and levity on my other blog http://actdammit.blogspot.com but my personal sphere is severely out of wack. I'm lonely and tired and scared of having no one to bounce things off of, no one I can call up or see in person.
I'm scared because I feel this need to bring balance into the community sphere of my life, but I have no place in this community. I don't know what to do.
I'm going to tackle some of this work drama today at the all-staff meeting, and whatever isn't resolved gets left behind. I'm going to talk to Jeanne about this--it's not healthy for any of us.
At home I have no privacy, I practically get driven out of my room by my roomate's stepdaughter who doesn't even live with us. If things don't start changing, I'm going to have to find someone to finish out my lease. I'm going to talk to the roomie and the daughter in the coming days. I can't deal with this anymore. It's uncomfortable to listen to teenagers having loud sex multiple times a day, telling me about it, taking over my room and practically living with us---trashing the place and I'm done with it. I'm going to have to put my foot down and stand up for myself instead of letting people walk all over me so I can please them and they will like me. I know what I have to do, and I'm afraid of being percieved as a bully---but my health and well being is suffering and I can't live like this.
It's the same at work: I do everything asked of me because I'm afraid of two things: a) no body else will do it and it needs to be done--which happens all the time and b) I feel this need to prove myself and receive external validation.
I do get to see Erin McKeown in concert tonight--but my roomie is sick and canceled out on me. Which, I hope she gets better---but it also sucks. I feel like such a loser going to a concert alone.
That's how I've felt these last few months: alone. I mean, I talk about balance and levity on my other blog http://actdammit.blogspot.com but my personal sphere is severely out of wack. I'm lonely and tired and scared of having no one to bounce things off of, no one I can call up or see in person.
I'm scared because I feel this need to bring balance into the community sphere of my life, but I have no place in this community. I don't know what to do.