Red Letter Year

I just saw Ani in Spokane a few weeks ago but alas she's coming to my town in July...just spent money that I don't have but hey, it's Ani.

There are just a few things that bother me, or at least make me think these days.  I'll share them with you if you'd like:

-I hate Adam Sandler but The Wedding Singer is one of my favorite movies (I also hate romantic comedies...)
-I saw Juno last night, pretty good--but the adoptive couple in that movie was set to live in St. Cloud--my old hometown--and let me tell you there are no lofts in downtown St. Cloud.
-My co-worker had her baby on Tuesday...and I think I'm the only one who really doesn't care.
-I've been so tired lately...very worn out.  Which is strange because I'm really not doing anything lately.
-I don't understand women who have one really bad hairstyle that doesn't fit them--and they wear it every day!  Come on!
-The chick on CNN Headline news keeps calling Myanmar  "MEE-enmar."  It's BURMA!  Even NPR is still calling it Burma.  I wore my Free Burma shirt today in protest of the military junta...
-Everyone is all stoked that Cubans are finally being allowed to by cell phones...but part of me is thinking that maybe they'd be better off with out them--we'd all be better off.

Okay, I know I hardly post here anymore, but I've had a batshit crazy time these past few weeks.

Ani Difranco concert in Spokane on the 19th kicked my ass in a good way.  I love that crazy bitch!

Reece got deployed on Monday for his first tour of service--he's on an aircraft carrier in the pacific ocean.  I miss him but I'm still torn--he willingly signed up to do something I know is so wrong so I can't support him to the extent that is expected of me, but I still care about him.  My room mate is an army brat so I don't think she'd understand.

I took a scientology quiz online just now and was disturbed that I got 80% right...then again I picked the most ridiculous answers.  I can't believe people actually believe that stuff.  At least Mormonism seems a bit more plausible.  Take the quiz yourself.  http://www.skrause.org/humor/scientologyquiz.shtml

Anyways, uh, yeah.

And now I won't update this thing for another six months.  Enjoy!

Hey yall

I've noticed a lot of people friended me lately and I'm just going to say thanks, and that please don't be offended if I don't friend you back because I almost never post on here anymore.  I'm not trying to be rude, just letting you guys know what's going on.  Thanks!

If you're looking for my Ani posts--see [Bad username: righteous_babes If you want my Mythbusters slash fic, see mythbusterslash]

I almost never post on here anymore, but I made a comment on some online blog somewhere today and I wanted to share it with you.

In America we have this gag order we place on each other.  We don’t talk about the war, we don’t dialogue, we just put tape on each other’s mouths—support the troops.  How can I support someone who willingly signs up and carries out what I know in my heart, in my gut, to be so wrong and evil?  I don’t wish harm on anyone, of course, and I know these kids are coming home broken in every way which is something I can’t condone either, but to just quietly wave the flag because I’m a citizen?  I can’t do that either.  Supporting the troops silences the dialogue that we so desperately need now.  I won’t put that tape on my mouth or anyone else’s.

 

New Year's Resolutions 2008

1.  wear more hats
2.  keep my office clean
3.  shift my graduate work focus to rhetorical analysis/film studies
4.  take a welding class this summer
5.  learn as much about special effects/model building as possible (maybe i'm watching too much mythbusters, but damn vfx looks like the coolest job ever)
6.  don't forget to have a good time

That is all!

Title:  Saw Blade Part 5
Rating:  R, very strong violence and sex!
Slash:  Adam/Jamie, Jamie/Kari
*warning--this gets really dark, with some attempted rape and some serious violence.  If you are sensitive to this, please don't read*

Synopsis:  Jamie realizes he still loves Adam, despite everything.  He goes to visit Kari and take out his rage on what she has done.  Julie reveals her bad intentions.

I'm watching this writer's strike stuff all over the media and Tina Fey is getting top billing--it's her picture they are posting everywhere and it pisses me off.

She's not funny.

She almost killed SNL.

Just an angering observation.

I'm glad she's temporarily not ruining our airwaves.

Yuck.

Long time no post!

Whew...well what's up with me?

-Hillary blows monkey chunks out of her flip-flopping non-commital vag
-Obama is a joke
-My kitten, whom I renamed Mythbuster because Hamell on Trial just didn't work for a girl kitty, is amazing.  Proof positive you can tame a feral cat.
-Allergies can pee in my butt
-I can't stop playing Rob Zombie's new live CD (yes, Rob Zombie.  When your Dad raises you on Zombie, Manson and Sabbath while your mother introduces you to Joan Baez, Iron and Wine and Ani, that happens--my iPod is Crazzzy)
-I bought these cute shoes that are comfortable except for the backs giving me blisters on my heels...
-I have red shoulder length hair (think Ani circa right now) and can't decide if I want to cut it super short and go back to purple
http://www.picsearch.com/info.cgi?q=ani%20difranco&id=e5SCzKLdp6HXVasqS9KRvhMvPyE6qYsgTte5KNeZcy8&start=941
Or just deal with it as it is.  I am impatient
-My job is boring these days
-grad school is gonna suck, getting ready for it is worse
-i don't want to take the gre
-everyone around me is having kids or adopting (go Michael!) or has youngin's, and for the first time in my life I think having my own crotch dropping is a good idea...
-i am exhausted.  i don't know what's going on but i can't get enough sleep and i'm constantly tired
-i heart my new icon (see the spinner video!)
-i saw dane cook was on tv last night--doesn't anyone realize what a douche he is?
-now that i know i'm staying in this state for a good four more years, i should get around to dating again.
-my roomate is still jobless and i worry about her, even though she is fully capable of taking care of herself
-nobody has bought tickets to our event yet, and that makes me nervous

I really want to start a new journal, because I feel like things are new for me in the past few months, so instead of starting a new one, I'm going to lock all my old entries, change up the style, my icons, everything--this way I get to keep my journal name and friends list.

Look forward to it!

Some great parodies here...

I just bought a ticket to see POTC 3 on Friday at 10am (yes, I'm skipping three hours of work...but I'll make it up!)

I'm a dork, considering I also bought tickets to see it on Friday night and Saturday morning with two seperate groups of friends....

perhaps the funniest thing i've ever seen!

I've always wondered what it would be like to stalk someone.  Sick, yes I know, but still I think about it.  What is more human than thinking about sick things?

I had a dream last night that I shaved my head, which was sad because I'm having fun with the whole purple hair bit.

There is a banner on my page as I type for another stupid movie with a bunch of blonde bimbos going through some sort of trial or life lesson bullshit while covered in makeup and driving the nicests of new cars.

I'm a bit dis-enchanted with things as of late, can you tell?

My father is so bull-headed---if he wasn't my father I would most likely admire this trait in him.

I was trying to explain the concept of framing to him yesterday over the phone---see, I recommended he read Whose Freedom? by George Lakoff recently and he said he did....but he didn't.

I can't have conversations with that man about anything other than the humorous or mundane.

But then again, he's a comic (and an art teacher) so I can only expect so much.

My parents are saints, they paid my cell phone bill for me.  Fuckin' L, those Verizon fuckers cut me off because I owed them 22 dollars, and then they charged me 15 to turn it back on....

We spent the rest of the call hammering out a new bit about the Dr. Suess-asutra.  You know, the fox is IN the box, the lorax love position, thing 1 and thing 2 do whovilles to you.....it sounds much funnier than it looks in written form I tell you.

I'm sick of the media's coverage of Virginia Tech.

I hate the distortions, I hate how the media is causing people to "give a damn" and I really hate how Bush went to the school and gave his condolences to the innocent victims...

when he is directly responsible for the murder of millions (yep, it's got that high) innocent people throughout the world in the last 6 years.

I guess when the murders occur on US soil they are worth more. I don't see this much coverage when someone overseas dies or is murdered.

Just trying to put things in perspective people.


32 Lives
(I wrote this last night, it's going in my book!)

i picked a fine time
to turn on my t.v.
watching a college boy
on his misguided spree
cnn, fox and abc
tell the nation to fall to it's knees
commercially interrupted cries
of the sanitized "oh say can you see?"

warm tears roll down
selected priviledged white faces
while jackson and sharpton
await rainbow coalition debates about races
32 lives
are turned into sob story cases
as the value of an american life
is a story my t.v. chases

while hundreds of thousands are
killed in iraq (pronounce it correctly people)
but government sanctioned murder
gets easily forgot when the media moguls convince us
that we care not if non-white
christian innocents are slaughtered and shot

they say our cell phones
are causing bumble bees to die
yet according to our science
they shouldn't even be able to fly
if they can't explain nature
they give up and sing "we tried"
turn attentions to writing fiction books
about holy "men" in the sky

am i the only american left that
is proud to be here?
to get the priveledge to pay taxes
and not equate freedom
with guns and beer?
is more than happy to get involved
when impending doom whispers in my ear?
that equates bringing back the wolves
as the alternative to gunning down deer?

now my t.v. speaks lies and half hearted truths
in my room, in the dark
while jay leno quipps
about some stupid new theme park
it becomes increasingly clear to me
that they all missed the makr
that they've become a sitcom
that long ago jumped the shark

32 lives converted to currency
that's worth more on US land
and how dare we be subjected to condolences
from the chief man in command
who has killed so many innocents
with his very own hands

no, wait
those are 18 year old kids
who were conned into thinking
they were giving freedom
room to stand

I was talking on the phone last night to my friend Dennis--this great man I met a few years ago while I was in college. He was talking about a concept, well, more an idea or observation, that he has been obsessed with for a few weeks now. I guess he thought it was like the tape in the The Ring, if he tells me, his burden is lifted.

He tells about how there is a certain beauty in simplicity, in how one note, one word, one action can yield so many results. This, I told him, wasn't exactly news to me--we've been told for years that we need to get back to basics and to free our lives from clutter and complexity. Dennis goes one step farther--saying that it is the intention and purpose behind the simple act that is truly astounding.

Not quite sure what he means, I ask him to clarify. "You play guitar, don't you? Well, that one intentional act of hitting a string results in a simple, singular note. But unless you react, that note continues for some time--and even when it because inaudible, the string still vibrates, right? There you go...now it's not the chaos theory, that crap about a butterfly flapping it's wings in Mexico and a guy in Europe gets a blow job, no. It's about the lasting power of intent."

Okay, so that was as close to verbatim as I could remember, but it's the last sentence that struck me: the lasting power of intent. Does that mean if I mean to do something, as opposed to an accident, that it lasts longer and has more meaning and power? If I were to accidentally set off a nuclear bomb, does that mean less than if I did it on purpose? Does the outcome change? No, the bomb still goes off. Does how the act is viewed change? Perhaps. Does my guilt change? I'm not so sure. One could argue that if I set of the bomb on accident, that it wasn't my fault and I would not be to blame. One could even say that the act itself takes on a different meaning, a tragic meaning, since it was not intended.

And what if it was? Does that mean I am suddenly to blame? I'm not sure---I mean, wouldn't people be ready to blame my religion (or lack thereof?)? How about the current governmental system, or my parents for not seeing the warning signs?

I think Dennis' concept of intent and simplicity struck me, sure. Otherwise I wouldn't have written about it. However, I don't know if we can sit and mull over intent when nothing is being done in the first place.

Between the drama going on back at my apartment and the drama going on at work--both of which I cannot escape--it seems as though I've finally hit some sort of rock bottom.  I haven't been sleeping much these days, it's been tough.  I'm too angry to sleep--too upset at my lack of anything resembling healthiness and balance.

I'm going to tackle some of this work drama today at the all-staff meeting, and whatever isn't resolved gets left behind.  I'm going to talk to Jeanne about this--it's not healthy for any of us.

At home I have no privacy, I practically get driven out of my room by my roomate's stepdaughter who doesn't even live with us.  If things don't start changing, I'm going to have to find someone to finish out my lease.  I'm going to talk to the roomie and the daughter in the coming days.  I can't deal with this anymore.  It's uncomfortable to listen to teenagers having loud sex multiple times a day, telling me about it, taking over my room and practically living with us---trashing the place and I'm done with it.  I'm going to have to put my foot down and stand up for myself instead of letting people walk all over me so I can please them and they will like me.  I know what I have to do, and I'm afraid of being percieved as a bully---but my health and well being is suffering and I can't live like this.

It's the same at work:  I do everything asked of me because I'm afraid of two things:  a) no body else will do it and it needs to be done--which happens all the time and b)  I feel this need to prove myself and receive external validation.

I do get to see Erin McKeown in concert tonight--but my roomie is sick and canceled out on me.  Which, I hope she gets better---but it also sucks.  I feel like such a loser going to a concert alone.

That's how I've felt these last few months:  alone.  I mean, I talk about balance and levity on my other blog http://actdammit.blogspot.com but my personal sphere is severely out of wack.  I'm lonely and tired and scared of having no one to bounce things off of, no one I can call up or see in person.

I'm scared because I feel this need to bring balance into the community sphere of my life, but I have no place in this community.  I don't know what to do.