Whose dwelling is the light of setting suns...

So I've started this thing where I watch a movie every night before I go to bed. Sometimes I watch two or maybe even three depending on whether I'm tired or not. Well tonight I watched Edward Scissorhands because I love that movie and then Life as a House and I love that movie as well.

Life as a House may have just become my favorite movie beating out Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. That movie like showed me this side of people that I never thought would be shown to me becuase I didn't think anyone else experienced what I do at times. I know that it's a movie but it gave out such a powerful message in my mind. My eyes are actually watering up as I'm thinking about it. I don't think I've ever been that emotionally attached to a movie, and if I have I've never felt this way after watching it. I need to watch it again and again and again. It's that amazing.

In other news...I don't sleep anymore. I'm never tired at night and if I'm tired during the day all I have to do is lay down and sit for like 15 minutes, then I'm find to wander around and have fun again. I really like sleep too so this is quite upsetting.

Also I've gained this strong desire to cook. And not just cook one meal and be done, but cook like many meals complete with like the three courses. I just haven't done this yet because no one has wanted me to. I think I'll just do it for the family and anyone else who asks me.

Lately life has been a little bit difficult. The medication feels like it's been wearing off. I sit in my house a lot by myself just watching movies. The sad part about that is that I'm actually really liking the time in my room, which is probably really not good for me since I spend an insane amount of time in there now. I think about all the stuff I used to be apart of and I don't care that I'm not really apart of it anymore. For example, I don't think I'm going to keep going to youth. I'm only friends with a few of them now, and if I want to hang out with them then I can do it outside of the church because I'm tired of being lectured about God and Jesus and not even caring or believing most of the stuff. I also can't stand the idea that half of the people I used to be so close to don't really talk to me. I lost one of my favorite people in the world and it's all because he just doesn't want to talk to me anymore. And I'm trying to open up to new people, but I feel like I'm just being a burden. My eyes won't stop watering...just thinking about all the stuff that I've felt just in like two hours has sent my emotions crazy. That Life as a House movie sure knows how to touch someone.

Well I think I'll go to bed or my room before I get in trouble for being up at four in the morning. Until next time...