I'll be waiting for you..so if you come here..

_nausicaa @ 2007-09-09T01:05:00

2007-09-09T05:08:17Z

Today was the best day I've had in a while.

I got to meet Alex Gray at his Cosm exhibit in the city..

It was completely by chance and we (Me, Allen, Dana, and Allen's younger brother) went to see some of his art work at his art museum and it just so happened to be the opening of a new art gallery and alex gray himself was there!

Allen ended up talking to him for a while about his art and got permission from him to tattoo some of his work on him...and he recommened the best guy for it. Then he got a picture ..

For all who don't know..this is Alex's work http://www.alexgrey.com/shop.html

he also does the album art work for the band Tool.

Very cool guy..
We are going back to hang out with him in a week or two for the opening of a new painting he's been working on.

Amazing day and I'm so happy we decided to go to the city this morning.

This is Allen and Alex.

_nausicaa @ 2007-08-30T14:14:00

2007-08-30T18:11:00Z

Hey everyone

I just returned from Aruba a few days ago

and what fun I had :)

I have 3 new photo albums up on my facebook with all pictures from the party I threw at my house for Allen, and from aruba.

I loved every bit of it, cept for having to leave loki home. Hes my child and I missed him too much..

We are much like soulmates now....just I don't shit on the carpet all day.
only difference.

Two days ago I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed..so excuse me if I don't make sense in this entry because Im loaded up on oxys. As awesome as they feel now, I can't imagine having to be weaned off them...I might just be addicted. woops.

Saturday allen and I are moving into our apartment and then school starts!

Im going to take horse management as an elective cuz theyre too cute.

_nausicaa @ 2007-07-24T12:37:00

2007-07-24T16:38:17Z

I DEAL WITH THE MOST RETARDED PEOPLE IN THIS COUNTRY AT MY JOB.

I CANNOT HANDLE IT ANYMORE.

_nausicaa @ 2007-07-19T12:05:00

2007-07-19T16:09:59Z

Loki is getting pretty big. I think he's almost 20 pounds now.
That's a lot for a little pup.

I love him to pieces and he really is the brightest part to my day whenver I see the stupid faces he makes at me.
Not to mention he's the cutest puppy in the entire world.
Minus his alligator teeth.god damn they're bad.

I just wish I had more time to spend with him. This breed is supposed to be constantly trained everyday for a least a half hour for them to just behave like a normal dog. I dont think Ive trained him once.aside from the little things I correct him for.

I try and get him to walk normally on the leash but his nature is just PULL PULL PULL and I am NOT a big person at all. This dog is going to drag me the fuck around new brunswick until I get him to figure out that it's much more comfortable to walk beside me then to drag me.

I think Im going to have to spend a ton of money on professional training...that is if I EVER have any time at all.
This summer is so busy for me. I have to go to school from 9am to 4pm for bio 102 every monday and wednesday..and then every other day I have to drive to fucking brooklyn for work..which is so slow now by the way. I just waste my summer days sitting in this fucking store. Im just as pale as I was in december.

_nausicaa @ 2007-06-18T12:50:00

2007-06-18T16:58:51Z

So this past Thursday I got my puppy :)

He is adorable beyond all reason.

He is eight weeks old..a male Siberian Husky and we named him Loki

( sam is the worst influence ever.)

These pictures make him look huge but he's really tiny and awesome.

He gets along great with everyone...isn't too hyper (yet) and howls on command.

The other night Gina Derek Lou Mike Green Val and her boyfriend came over and we all howled and he howled along with us.

He's the coolest wolf ever.

more pictures to come

_nausicaa @ 2007-06-07T12:16:00

2007-06-07T16:23:17Z

Well

it is official

ME AND ALLEN ARE getting my little puppy mush face on Wednesday.
This is what he will look like

I know. WE fell in love too.

That's why Im paying 400.00 for the little shit :)
and allen is paying another 400 for him......we're splitting him

His name will be Diesel (yes, after my late awesome ferret)
Not Indigo, not spartan, not nova. Diesel.

Its badass..just like his bad ass.

He will be 8 weeks old and I am going to have one hell of a summer ahead of me training this little guy.

I havent stopped researching. Ive read countless things..even a 200 page book about how to train them and all that comes with owning a siberian husky..because they are certainly NOT an easy dog to train. Beautiful..yes..But they are working dogs and they are VERY smart..so I have a lot ahead of me.

Only thing Im having a problem with is deciding what food to put him on and how much.
I know at first I have to wean him off whatever he's been fed at the pet store, but if anyone has any suggestions that would be awesome :)

_nausicaa @ 2007-05-31T23:37:00

2007-06-01T03:41:46Z

Today is a great day!

My sugar glider mommy finally let the baby out of the pouch

so this adorable little guy is clinging to her and I can't express in words how adorable it is. It also has GORGEOUS fur and I am in love.

As soon as it open it's eyes I will take pictures of it :)

anddddd
I am getting a Siberian Husky puppy in three weeks !!
Not sure whether or not to get a girl or a boy so any help would be awesome. Im leaning towards a girl.

this dog is going to be my best friend that I desperately need.

_nausicaa @ 2007-05-18T11:45:00

2007-05-18T16:00:29Z

Summer so far...

eh.

I hardly get to update because my computer hasn't had internet in months..

regardless.

I work all week long in Brooklyn..
it's tiring and the commute really gets to me

But the pay is good and I guess I need money

well, of course I need money what am I saying.

Other news..
Ive been playing Shadow hearts covenant over at allens house all the time

Any rpg fan MUST try this game out. It's fantastic.

Yesterday I got to see my shelly face croissant. I miss her. We had a good time at Barnes and Nobles..and then afterwards Allen dana and dafick came by and we talked about everything under the sun until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.

And as for you because I know you read this :

You know better.
You really do.. You know your better than this and I know you can beat it.
Im not about to pretend that I understand what your going through..but I do know that your
an amazing person and it's killing me. I can't think about you without being brought to tears and I wish I could help but I can't. I tried. Im not an angel.

Tell me...where's your love..Tell me..where's your heart..Don't look back..to the stars..

2007-05-07T15:01:02Z

I stand alone with my thoughts
on a crossway to neverwhere,
every end shows your tender face,
a long kiss goodbye-
my tears flow over,
the time just fans the fire,
why can't you stay forever?
Why can't you just pull the trigger
I wish this nightmare would end
goodbye

_nausicaa @ 2007-04-22T13:37:00

2007-04-22T17:37:38Z

F is for Funky who fell down the stairs.

really, really, really hard.

_nausicaa @ 2007-04-21T13:15:00

2007-04-21T17:20:21Z

The other day was one of the scariest morning Ive had in a long time.

My father regularlly hires electritions to do maintanance work on my attic.

And I, unknowing that these men were coming the next morning, let my gliders out for the entire night.

Basically..the guys left the attic door open and I had two gliders loose in my fucking attic.

Keep in mind, attic= glider heaven. The whole place is lined with what looks to them like a giant sleeping pouch because of the insulation..and there are ceiling rafters that go way up high everywhere..so attic is much like their Australian native home.

and there is no floor for me to run around trying to catch them.

so I basically had to learn to navigate my pitch black attic without falling through the floor with a flashlight.

Luck for me..Loki..my boy glider..is in love with me..and as soon as he heard me calling for him he glided to me from god knows where, but Luna..is pregnant..so she tried to hide in the insulation of my attic to save her baby.

I had to sit in the silence and dark until I heard her scratching herself from the insulation.
Turns out she was sleeping in the insulation of an area I was standing directly next to..and when I saved her she looked at me and pretty much said "thanks mom" and climbed into her pouch.

mother fuckers.

_nausicaa @ 2007-04-17T11:20:00

2007-04-17T15:21:39Z

Last night I noticed that Luna, my little girl sugar glider, was carrying around a baby joey in her pouch =)

Imma be a grandma glider mom!

I am more excited for this then I was when Robert was born.

_nausicaa @ 2007-03-27T12:20:00

2007-03-27T16:30:10Z

Long time no update.

I think I've been avoiding updating.

Only because so much has happened in such a short time, that I have no way of putting this into words.

A lot has been lost, but never forgotten. Ever.

My life literally flipped upside down and backwards.

I don't even know when or how it happened..
But I do know that when I wake up to these new mornings,
I feel a different sense of belonging

Something Ive never felt before.

I have a reason to rise now.

So thank you.

thank you for being the only one to figure me out

thank you for realizing who I am and what I have to offer

thank you for saving me

thank you for teaching me

thank you for bringing me back to life

thank you for falling in love with me.

I know I keep fucking up
I know I can't forget
and I know I'm reluctant to change my ways
But the light you've given me won't burn out
I will never be mistaken again.

I'm yours now.

_nausicaa @ 2007-03-03T12:36:00

2007-03-03T17:46:38Z

What an interesting turn of events last night!

Mr. Santa Maria and I rounded up a gang of people ...( andrew, pat and gabby)

and all of us took my car to the city.

And we met my cousin Lenny there and we all ate at Burrito Loco...this really good Mexican place that doesn't card for alcohol.

Lenny orded us a pitcher of Sangria and got me perdy fucked up.

Walking around the city drunk feels so good for some reason.

Then all of us went back to Lennys house and we watched some Darth Vader sessions..and a brief porno clip of his friend's ex gf who apparently now has sex for money.
And works in the Long island mall.

Blunt on the ride home and gawd damn.

Marie and I almost hung out last night. It was a close call.
I wish she came with us to the city :( She would have had a ball.
I'll get her one day.

Lately I'm alright
and lately I'm not scared
I've figured out,
that what you do to me feels like
I'm floating on air.
I don't need to know right now
all I know is I believe
in the very thing that got us here
and now I can't leave.

Say anything, but say what you mean.
When you whisper you want this
your eyes tell the same.
We are gaining speed
I can barely breathe.
Cause I'm caught in suspension.

_nausicaa @ 2007-03-01T00:43:00

2007-03-01T05:54:14Z

Today is a day that will live in infamy!

Honestly though..this was my first taste of college level biology that I hope to never taste again..or at least in this up coming month.

I worked on a formal lab report from 11:00AM to 11:15 PM today.

I did not stop

I did not use the phone, computer or anything. I got up off my bed twice. Once for sushi and another time for some chocolate pudding.

I don't even think I used the bathroom or drank anything except for coffe only to aid in my speed typing.

This is because Jessika loves to wait until the last minute to do things. I had until midnight to finish that shit and 14 pages later I did.

kerrie called me today and said i was a dumbass for still using this thing.
I honestly am.
but not really because I love looking back on entries to read my life.
so fuck that Im keepin it :)

_nausicaa @ 2007-02-26T11:42:00

2007-02-26T16:44:59Z

He laid emeralds in her eyes,
oh but I'd already tied a bracelet made of gold and scarlet thread around her wrist..and everything was wrong so we sang sentimental songs:
"Oh how seldom we belong........
...... but how elegant our kiss."
and we painted crooked lines but we
danced in perfect time to a love so much refined,
we know not what it is until like a dullen wine
we pour into a grief we know before

but it's never quite like this. never quite like this.

All I know now is regret, it follows like a silhouette
along the cobblestone behind me, but has nothing to
say except to innocently ask, a voice as delicate as
glass,
"Do you see me when we pass?"
but I continue on my way.

_nausicaa @ 2007-02-19T21:37:00

2007-02-20T02:43:51Z

I've been such a cunt lately.
Breaking hearts like the west was won.
They should call me the rattlesnake.

Ive thrown away people in my life because of my own problems and blamed it on them.
I guess it was nobodys fault.
I keep repeating this in my mind but it refuses to believe so.
part of being crazy I guess.

so I run.
and I surround myself with happiness.

And yeah I've been happy.
nostalgic sometimes.
confused mostly.

and I can't get mad at him for finding other girls because
he's just trying to be happy too.
nothing wrong with that.
And he deserves it.
he's a good boyfriend and a good person.
Im neither.

I guess nobody likes being replaced.
but once your replaced, your replaced and theres nothing else left.

So Im moving on.
and maybe I'll see you around sometime.

it's all up to the stars now.

_nausicaa @ 2007-02-14T23:31:00

2007-02-15T04:31:55Z

Fuck this day.

=)

2007-02-07T16:17:11Z

Yesterday I had a lot of fun.

BECAUSE I HUNG OUT WITH MY BESTEST FRIENDS EVER!

G came over and we hung around and went to dinner and it was awesome because I miss her cute butt.
I met her friend Melissa, who is equally as cool..

AND ! Kristen came over too and she looks fucking fantastic. She dyed her hair dark brown and was all spiffed up. Jealous I am.

Allen came by too for a little while.
We found out my snake, David, is sick..
so he made him a get well soon card and drew him with arms and legs.

hahahaha I love it.

daves getting better though. thank the serpent lord.
he will live on.

My bunny chewed my wireless router so I have to use alexa's mac
and I feel like Im learning how to walk when I use this contraption.
Its also the reason Im listening to my heart will go on .

This weekend is the all pet expo.
I am really looking foward because I want one of these.

PS- when I first tried to post that picture, a picture of adriana lima came up instead of the bunny.

oh. yeah
Im in love.

_nausicaa @ 2007-02-01T08:48:00

2007-02-01T13:48:59Z

Close your eyes
The dark outside can't hurt you
And I will never desert your bedside
So close them tight
The stars are so glad that they've found you
And on the blankets that surround you
They shine their light

So rest your head
And I will be watching from the doorway
As you slip into a perfect, peaceful sleep
And morning will come
In all its simple glory
And you will find the light
And I will be there
Standing in your shadow
Knowing that you once were mine
All mine..
my baby

_nausicaa @ 2007-01-29T23:55:00

2007-01-30T04:58:05Z

I need a change.
I say it all the time but..something has to change or I am going to change it.

and then probably regret what I changed but at least I had the balls to change it and I can be happy with that.

Because Im sick of being a pushover and just taking life as it comes at me like everythings no big deal.

when it is a big deal.

Im 19 fucking years old and I can't think straight if I tried.

I need a best friend.

I really fucking miss gina.
try finding someone 100% like you that finally understands the bullshit that pours out of your mouth all day long and then having them go away.
because nothing gold can stay.

story of my life.

nothing stays.

_nausicaa @ 2007-01-27T15:35:00

2007-01-27T20:37:54Z

I took this from Anowyn's journal.

but..everyone should watch this.
it's such a self-esteem booster.

_nausicaa @ 2007-01-14T03:10:00

2007-01-14T08:11:50Z

To all who got me drunk as fuck tonight!--thank youuuuuuuuuuu

to all who got me high as balls tonight--- i love youuuu

best night Ive had.. like..ever.
never laughed this hard.

thank you tom..

thank you austin..
thank you allen..

thank you everyone.. you are my life.

and i love you all. forever.

-jb.

_nausicaa @ 2007-01-11T13:20:00

2007-01-11T18:26:14Z

So this week really hasn't been that great.

Before I forget.. I heard something last night from my friend that made me almost throw up on the spot.

It was something along the lines of one of you (in reference to those who regularly read my journal)

Opening their mouths about something very personal to me, and fucking telling random people about it.

THAT IS MY FUCKING LIFE YOUR DEALING WITH YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

I considered you one of my best friends, and I am at the point this second that if I were to see you ever again, nothing would stop me from beating the fucking shit out of you.

If you know who you are, keep the fuck out of my way.
you disgust me.

Otherwise..
Jon and I decided to go on a break for a little while.
Things with us have been so hectic lately that it was ruining our relationship.
Im hoping shit will eventually settle down with us, and we will be able to recover from this.
I really, really do.

I also wanted to say..that my deepest condolences go out to the boys who died in the car accident on Kozloski road yesterday, and to their families.
rest in peace.

_nausicaa @ 2007-01-06T17:02:00

2007-01-06T22:02:24Z

(if you actually are thinking about it..it's by Lois Hill)

(it's in Nordstroms too)

( I'm really good at sex also)