Long absence. Come pretty far, but life still seems the same. Not really going anywhere right now. Needs change. I still find it difficult to make friends (only child loner thing), and haven't found anyone who wants to be sexual with me. I still might have that high school curse of people being intimidated by me. I might be 'that guy,' as illustrated by this lame Vampire Diaries quote.:
Stefan: I don't always.. fit in.
Matt: That's because you're 'that guy!'
Stefan: What guy?
Matt: The guy who seems like he has everything so, the people that don't, kind of run the other way.
Stefan: Is that what I seem like?!
Matt: Pretty much.
Fuck. I want a queer relationship more than ever. Living with the mother now, whom I have been afraid of since the fiasco a couple summers ago. Yet I am stuck here.
I want to be queer and sexual and stuff. Which seems harder to attain than ever.
I kind of feel 'over' it, without ever having HAD it.