| Beethoven is my homeboy. |
[Nov. 17th, 2009|10:59 pm] |
I'm having dreams about him, and he's in a fucking relationship.
Fuck my fucking life.
Fuck is such a satisfying word. |
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| Crossroads of confusion. |
[Nov. 6th, 2009|01:54 am] |
Incredibly intelligent people like me more and more as they get to know me.
How WEIRD!
My own preferences constantly boggle me.
I'll need to make some concrete decisions about my "direction" pretty soon.
... Still lost. |
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| FUCK. ... Human. |
[Aug. 19th, 2009|11:27 pm] |
I AM SO FRUSTRATED
I could cry.
I want to pound the shit out of something.
I agreed to face my fear and (in order to convince someone else to face their fear) perform within the next two months. [If it scares me, I must do it. ... This is the scariest thing for miles.]
And I didn't even get to talk to you.
Coward.
[I know I have no right to complain; living in this world is incredibly difficult.]
I want to pound something.
I think it might be drag.
If I commit to a performance, it must be spectacular.
ps - Apparently, my anxiety has decreased 70%.
It is only because I am on a NEW LEVEL of challenging that it feels increased.
... Yay? (This fucking sucks...) |
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| Calluses and ink indulge selfish pride. |
[Aug. 9th, 2009|06:55 pm] |
I shall spend the rest of the month practicing guitar, writing, drawing (START, dammit!), and reading detective fiction. It's my last English class to complete my Major. I think it shall be fun. Considering how popular the genre is... I have yet to read any!
I will start along the lines of:
* C. Auguste Dupin, created by Edgar Allan Poe, is widely considered to be the first fictional detective in English literature. He appeared in three short stories written in the 1840s: "The Murders in the Rue Morgue" (1841), "The Mystery of Marie Rogêt" (1842) and "The Purloined Letter" (1844).
* Whose Body? is a 1923 novel by Dorothy L. Sayers, which introduced the character of Lord Peter Wimsey.
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_works_by_Agatha_Christie |
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| I like someone. |
[Aug. 3rd, 2009|05:10 pm] |
I don't even recall how we got to dancing, and um, kissing...
but I don't think I have ever been so synchronized with someone upon first bite.
And then I got scared because this has happened before and I know what the scene is like and I don't want to get hurt so I opened my mouth
and totally ruined it. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 14th, 2009|02:27 am] |
I want to be wanted.
I need to work on my relationships.
Badly. |
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| I want to hug people a lot. All the time. Intensely, starting last night (Garg party) and more now |
[Apr. 26th, 2009|05:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
It seems to be a good day for people to die. Publicly. In the sun.
Today was weird.
Good weird. A good kind of weird to throw in with the regular variety.
Got to see I Have Aids! again, and I kind of love it more now. This means I shall acquire the courage to verbalize my praise to Sky Gilbert. There are so many people in my life whom I have profound respect and admiration for, but the words do not come out and it makes me sad. So I must make up for my lack of words with action! [Hugs are good, but they require consenting intimacy. So we start slow by showing appreciation for each other's existence and feel it out from there. Soon I shall give and receive many hugs. Yes. That will be nice.]
The weird part was taking in peoples' energy (and, oddly enough, there were many conversations regarding overcoming life's difficulties today, in a very relaxing yet humbling consensual we're-all-human kind of way) and feeling in yet distant from people and allowing that to be.
On my walk home, there were two huge scenes of traffic being blocked off by fire trucks and ambulances and cop cars and cop motorcycles and all that good stuff.
The first one was in front of the Y, and I was happy not to have to walk down that road.
The second one was fucking bizarre.
There's this music festival happening right at Yonge-Dundas square, and near the exit ramp, on the road, was what I perceived to be a suicide. I had to walk by it, and decided to look once. I think what I saw was a man in a beautiful bright green shirt spewing a gorgeous shade of vibrant bright (as in, an orange and not a blue) red onto the road from his head. In my mind, the only way that can happen in this particular location is from jumping off of one of the Yonge-Dundas Square shelters that outline the square. [I hope the news can satiate my curiosity. But it isn't likely; suicide happens all the time and the city keeps it quiet.] And people were looking and people were awkwardly trying to get this man onto a stretcher so he can be taken away in the ambulance and traffic can resume and what will happen with all of that blood and all the while there are happy people singing onstage.
And now I must study.
Though I have more to say regarding other facets of my life. They can wait. Scratch that; they're a continuing process. When I get around to writing about them they will be more clear. |
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| WTF |
[Apr. 9th, 2009|05:07 pm] |
http://www.nationalpost.com/todays-paper/story.html?id=1467702
Doesn't surprise me. It's just really fucked up.
Gargness tonight and hopefully get to slip out for a free drink at the SDS party.
Promised to be easier on myself. Now that classes are over, I will begin going to the gym again and be a thankful, loving, constructive entity.
I am on the right path. |
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| EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW EW UUUUUGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[Apr. 2nd, 2009|03:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
I destroy my beauty so naively.
And I can't cover this shit up.
Chewing away at my lip spawned into a monster infection that disturbs me to no end.
It grew 10 times in size in a very short period of time and clearly contains puss since it is partly yellow.
Though all I can do is wait it out and take two AMOX TR/POTASSIUM CLAVULANATEs a day, and perhaps Advil for pain. Jesus Christ on a Crutch.
GET OFF MY FACE!!!!!!!!!
I am the Hunchlip of Notre Lame.
I have an easter egg growing out of my mouth. And inside, kiddies, are the things that NIGHTMARES ARE MADE OF.
I didn't get any sleep for the past two days/nights due to finishing my essay, which I ended up handing in LATE.
On a sidenote, that (extreme sleep deprivation) gives you/me mild hallucinations.
And then came the breakdown over my deeply disturbing growing lip.
It's getting so big that the middle and side of my lip looks like it will crack/separate from the monster.
Good thing I don't have to go anywhere.... Oh wait. Gargoyle elections are tonight!!!!!
X!^&@!*!?!@!*!&@*&!!*!!!!!!!
Buckets of fun. I put scarf over mouth. And am only a little more illegible than usual.
... Prey for me. |
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| Watching mindless movies when I should be studying. What's new? |
[Mar. 25th, 2009|08:45 pm] |
Spent my entire day grueling (due to my anxiety and perfectionism) over the comics collage centrefold.
It is beautiful.
( See for yourself. )
 </center>
My mom made me cover it in Saran Wrap, before double-garbage bagging it and venturing through the rain, public transport, to school.
Wearing my orthotics all day means my feet ache to no end once I come home and take my shoes off. I hope that ends soon.
Tomorrow is my first real shift in the box office and I am scared.
I wish I could focus my mind and push out all the distractions that exhaust my being to no end. Eventually, I will get there. It is a long journey.
I want lots of cuddling. |
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| TODAY'S MUSIC CLASS |
[Mar. 24th, 2009|09:38 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | U of T lecture hall | ] |
| [ | music |
| | We're @ "Your Love," can't wait for Tribulations!!! | ] |
Kraftwerk “Aerodynamik” (2004)
DJ Frankie Knuckles
“Tears” (1989)
“Your Love” (1989)
“Bodyshine” by Instant Funk (Larry Levan Mix)
“Pull up to the Bumper” by Grace Jones (Larry Levan Mix)
Eddie Flashin' Fowlkes
“420-Low” (1993)
“The Golden Apple” (Mark Broom Remix)(2002)
Derrick May “Strings of Life” (1989)
Akufen “Deck the house” (2002)
Soft Pink Truth
“Everybody's soft” (2003)
“Promofunk” (2003)
LCD Soundsystem
“Daft Punk is Playing at My House” (2004)
“Disco Infiltrator” (2005)
“Tribulations” (Tiga's Out of the Trance Closet Mix) (2005)
Tiga “You Gonna Want Me” (12 inch Dance mix) (2005
... Fits my brain state. When I get no sleep, it isn't my mind that bothers me most (I'm usually out of it anyways); it's my body... my circulation is much worse than normally (which is pretty bad). I can barely feel my hands, even when I try to revive them. I can feel my feet, but the feeling is cold. And my teeth want to grind, because they have missed their nightly chance. |
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| IN WHICH I AM OFFERED LANDLORD STATUS |
[Mar. 24th, 2009|01:47 am] |
My dog is slowly getting too old to function tolerably (mainly bladder issues).
Mom wants to kick tenants out of first floor apartment (something about Reiner being unreliable & collecting way too much junk in/around our house), and has offered to give me a room downstairs if I can gather three reliable people to rent out the place (there are four rooms downstairs, [mom can cover my ass with minimal child support,] which means we need to gather a total of $1700), which is very reasonable for our location.
[We have had to deal with many people moving in and out of that place.]
Now I have to figure out who I would be comfortable living with/ who wants to live here. |
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| I want to cry. |
[Mar. 16th, 2009|10:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
I missed this class last week:
Week 10: DJs and Turntabling
Run DMC “You Talk Too Much”
Sugarhill Gang “Rapper's delight” (1979)
Grandmaster Flash & the Furious Five “The message” (1982)
Run DMC “King of Rock” (1985)
Run DMC with Aerosmith “Walk This Way” (1986)
Beastie Boys “Fight for your Right” License to Ill (1986)
NWA “Fuck Tha Police” (1988)
Public Enemy “Prophets of rage” (1988)
Public Enemy “Fight the Power” (1989)
Tupac Shakur “Dear Mama” (1995)
Notorious B.I.G. Street footage (recorded at age 17)
Eminem “My Name Is” (1999)
Kanye West “Gold Digger” (With Jamie Foxx) (2005)
Lil Wayne “Lollipop” (2008)
I am incredibly stressed and am scared of being a nervous wreck tomorrow.
Damn early morning classes. |
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| In other TV news |
[Mar. 16th, 2009|12:31 am] |
Liz + Christian on Nip/Tuck was initially one of those WTF NOOO soap opera twists
but now I think it's kind of awesome.
Especially in this episode:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1335608/
I can't view the previous episode (5x16) online, which is kind of upsetting me, since it sounds awesome:
"...Raj develops an attraction to the trans-gender wife of a trans-gender male patient whom is being operated on for his lack of masculinity." Which is the same ep in which Christian makes Liz cum. Yaaay for mainstream TV breaking stereotypes! |
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| Episode 9 (Possibility) of The United States of Tara is soooo cute. |
[Mar. 13th, 2009|06:31 pm] |
I have a hard-on for Andrew Lawrence.
And the guy who plays Marshall (Keir Gilchrist) is actually old enough to be in high school (rare)!
I am jealous of Marshall's intelligence, penchant for dandyism, and how his parents are so accepting of who he is. |
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