|melodies listening to their own music
November 7th, 2008 at 2:23am]
its when you hear
those melodies empty
themselves in a spiral
down your ear
and make some awkward
connection to a moment
with your mind,
you realize how how much
you get sidetracked in
getting to know everything
because they show a small
interest in you.
call it insecurity,
or a sad excuse to be in love,
but you're learning lessons
kid and its about time
you got use to all these
secrets you've been spilling
about lovers that don't
know how to be tangible.
make them where a better
shade of who they really
because the carbon copy
of them seems to like
you more than the original
and i don't think you know
how to love the one made
of flesh and bones.
ask yourself when a dream
started to breath,
and how it felt when it
grew lungs and a heart
in the sake of being with
you for awhile.
if we weren't so tired of
trying to make a point,
we'd try to wake up from
all this sleeping in
different worlds in exchange
for loving strangers you
forget to know.
so wake up kid
and learn to teach your
heart a lesson on
forgetting people you
never knew well enough to love.
because your brain has
got its framed pictures
of no one and its suitcase
stuffed with forgetfulness
and has planning to disconnect
from you since it taught
what your heart was really for.
|i need you more than ever now.
June 30th, 2007 at 1:32pm]
your not something i want to deal with right now.
your something new that i don't have the time to sort out
and im afraid that i've hurt you already
and we aren't even together.
i'd rather spend the rest of my life at sea.
|i can see this being my future.
February 19th, 2007 at 4:30pm]
i have a feeling im going to be one of those people that end up reading to children and having to pass out candy to them.
kid: Hey mister, what's in the bag?"
me: Its candy, the school paid for it.
Kid: what else is in it?
Me: nothing else, just that, candy.
Kid: are you sure? my mother says candy is made by the devil and gay people.
Me: well im sure your mother would no alot about the devil billy, considering she fucks him every sunday.
some whiney kid will annoy me and tell me what a failure i am b/c that's what we are teaching kids today and im going to snap.
Kid: your ugly and fat.
Me: johnny, that's not very nice.
Kid: i hate you. im going to laugh when you die.
Me: Johnny, that's not called for.
Kid: my mommy says that im super good and smart and nice.
Me: are you sure about that?
Kid: YEAH! and im hungry. i want some food! what does my mommy pay you for anyway nigger.
Me: well johnny, i've got something for you.
Kid: [excited] what is it?"
Me: Come really close and i'll show you.
the kid will get really close to me and then..
Kid: OUCH!! what'd you do that for?!
Me: oh, im sorry johnny, i thought you said you were hungry. i was just giving you a nice warm helping of go fuck yourself, you didn't like it?
|memory lane is one road i always get lost on
February 4th, 2007 at 10:20pm]
i was looking back at one of my old lj's
and it kind of caught me off guard at how emotional
and dramatic i was.
it was like nothing could get worse in my life at that point,
my writing was alot better i think though.
What was it that made me think life was so bad back then?
i guess its just the idea that these feelings you have
when your younger aren't sincere.
As I was reading i noticed that nearly all of my entries
were about me feeling alone and unwanted.
And even though i've gotten older and have gained a sense
of humor for the things that i "thought" upset me,
i don't think everything has really changed.
i think in some degree i still feel alone and unwanted
and maybe its b/c i don't say it alot anymore,
maybe its because i just feel like im wasting my life away
saying those words,
like some emo child of today,
but regardless, that feeling of being incomplete and feeling
like you wish you could find someone hasn't left me.
its funny, i'm not the same person that i use to be,
but im still effected by the same things.
i guess somethings you never truly outgrow.
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