sunrise

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 10:12:05 GMT

So here I am, apart from Sara again. Only this time I am lying outright to all in my family, with the exception of Chritin, so that they do not belittle our relationship if we ever get back together. I have been apart from her since the weekend after thanksgiving. I am officially going mad. I have grown a great deal, and learned much, but none of that seems to be useful at the momet. All I want in the immediate is to be with her, to know that she will only be with me. All I want in the end is to be happy with some one, I want that some one to be her, but I am not so niave as to think that it will ever be possible.
I have hope of being with her, if I did not I fear I would be in far worse a state than I am now. Hope trully is a powerful thing. I hvae been makinhg efforts to see that I do not find myself in the arms of anyone else. It is not easy for me... I am not sure why. I feel I should be strong enough to stand on my own, and when I know that Sara is not with anyone else I can move within myself, but is that really movement at all. I feel that I need to move reguardless of what she does, but then I will need to numb myself, clear out, plow down all feelings fo her, and I will not do that. I cannot in my right mind force myself to get over her, it needs to come with time if it ever will. That is melodramatization, of course it will if I am never again with her.
I find it hard not to cal upon others to comfort me. I find it hard to have no arms to find shelter in, yet I can do it if I know that she is doing the same. Butshe has told me that for her I cannot know. That she needs to have her life and decissions in it without my knowledge of them. I want to be one with her, and if not her some one else. But I do not want others so much as to act upon that desire. I will try to find a peace that will bring me happiness without the companionship of another.
Her mother is gone and she needs me for the time being. This has been.. difficult for me. I fear almost every moment that I am not either with her or in class that she is with some one else. I need to dismiss that fear and continue on a journey of my own, but I cannot do thst while I still see her. So for these weeks that she is without her mother I shall be strong fo her, and after, I shall be rid of her.
I cannot deny that I wanted this excuse to be with her for a while longer, but I also canto deny that it is hard.
May we someday find peace.

Mon, 04 Jul 2005 00:32:05 GMT

I'm at camp, well actually I'm at home, but i was there for a week, and I'm going back for the rest of the summer. Its sweet, but its also why I won't be updating. Thought I'd come in to say that.. anyway... catch ya on the flip side.

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 01:34:01 GMT

The ahrdest part of all of this is those days that i know I would spend with Sara, and now I spend alone. Like every day I finished work I would go over to her house, we would cuddle, talk, fight a little, and have sex. None of these things do I get from some one who loves me any moore. Well that's not true, but it doesn't feel the same. I want to know what makes it feel different. If I could figure that out maybe then I could move on. even now i want a relationship. I know I can't realy handle one. Actually, what I want is a party, some alchohal and a few permiscuos people.

I don't know what to do anyone and it hurts that even now the first thought that pops into my head when I'm thinking of what to do is "Is Sara busy, I'll go see her." Which is quickly followed by, " you lost her, and you'll never have her again." Not the most fun. ANy way, i just wanted to get that out.

The Force.

Thu, 26 May 2005 03:02:15 GMT

I drank tonight.. not much... just enought to numb the pain. I hate being away from her.. I hate knowing that she may never be in my arms again. I LOVE YOu SARA.... why is that not enough? Why did I go and fuck this up just like I always do?!?!!?!??1!!!.... God fucking damnit... i just was to be in your arms right now. I want to know that you love me and want me. Why is that so important for me to hear... why do i break all of what I stand for to self medicate. To abandon reality. I stand alone on this island reaching out to her.... I try to help opthers... but what I wnat is her. I LOVE YOU SARA!!!!!!!....
Brooke is amazing and time with her seems to be my way out... but I fall right back in as soon as she is gone. I hate being this attached... I hate being this... this way.

Sun, 22 May 2005 06:05:11 GMT

So Brooke is currently sitting on the ground besie me in ger pjs ansd I am thouroughly happy to be sitting on this chair here in nothing but my boxers.. plus also my socks.
It his been an absolute day, Zavida... nap... Brooke and keels... craziness with Brooke the grocery store with the almost knocking over of the apple consetion. Movied it up bvut didn't end up watching any of them. Ps sorry to B for the lack of time spent together today.

Sara has crossed my mind, and Brooke and I chatted about the not getting attahed factor cause i don't know whether or not I'm realy available. I know that I am right now but tomorow... or two weeks, when we have already shared and leaving will hurt alot.

so ay.. I actually don't know where i am.. I'm not on a timeline right now and I love... Its just experience after experience.....

It so very good, I just don't know if its what I want or not in end.

Sat, 21 May 2005 04:55:32 GMT

I warn you to turn back now before you find yourdelf trapped in a void of my self pitty spiralling downward. And yes, while its true there are momnets of brightness the void is definatly worth avoiding.

I spent the day setting up a chair for my mother as it was prom and no one was in my classes. To be more specific an all season lawn swing slash fouton. my evening was spent at Zavida. I managed to find and amazig monollogue for my audition... its simply brilliant. During Brooke's break she and I drove while listening to Ani. The highlight by far of this was the field we pulled over to frollic in. Thats right, I said frollic, some good old rough and tumble fun. She is the best distraction I have for my current state. But his leads m to what's reay on my mind, what I feel I need distraction from. Sara. GAH!!!

These thoughts are never ending. I'm silent when I would used to speak, life is overwhelming. I need... I don't even know what I need anymore. I want to hold Sara and be with her infinatly.

Even the best fall down sometimes
even the wrong words seem to rhyme.
Out of the doubt that fills my mind I finally find,
you and I, colide.

This is honestly my prayer. She comes to this, for this is where I have come to. I want to colide with her having our bodies meld together. These desires never leave but are likly to never again be satisfide. So let go I must.

"Only a sith thinks in absolutes."

Fri, 20 May 2005 03:25:03 GMT

Brook is a great distraction. In fact there is somthing about the entire Zavida evnvirontment that i love. Plus also Brook talks fast and seems to be full of energy. Both kinds. Im going to work on monolugeus with her tomorow... well, she said she might be able to help. She likes ANi and other stuff I do. And she's an actress.. its good to meet good people... especialy right now.

God damnit every time i think about sara I get so very very sad... i think there will never be a time for us again and that all of the things that we experienced will be lost. So I am lost. I want so badly to hold onto her and experience new things with her. We shall see. I love her, but I don't know how much longer I can take this...

Be strong, you've done it so far. Be strong for the sake of your future to make you a better person no matter the outcome. Focus on the work of tomorow to subside the pain of today. Think about who and what you want to be for long and hard enough and you'll find that you eventually become it.

Or end it all and forget it ever happend.

Thu, 19 May 2005 19:35:48 GMT

Please forgive the next series of journals. If i do indeed continue to write for the next few weeks it will most likly be quite depressing for the reader and piontless to try and understand.
I miss her... I was ready not to talk to her for 2 weeks but then she called. Now all I want to do is talk to her. They say the first 3 days are the worst... I hope so. I have good people at my ready if I need them. 12 days and counting.
On the plus side I went to see Revenge of the Sith last night. It was shall we say, intense. The love scenes made me think too much of Sara and the entire movie was based around betrayel and coruption. That is not to say that it wasn't very good. But sad, definatly sad. If I was talking to Sara I would most definatly recomend she doesn't see it as she doesn't do well with such movies. This is the sad truth, as I left the my first instinct was to call her and tell her how the movie was, and try to warn her about it. During the movie i reolized my cell was on vibrate and I had two missed calls. I was so worried that I had missed her call and she wouldn't feel like I was there for her that I lefgt in the middle of the movie to call her and make sure she was alright.

Weed makes me paraniod and encourages me to dwell on things. Which is often good but right now all I think about is not having her... or worse... someone else having her. God, the idea of some one having any form of sex with this girl makes me weak. I don't knwo what to do.... it might be good for her to expirience it with some one else.... but I hate the very idea of it.

ARRRGGGG!!!!!
What do I do, its too late to call her and let her know... so all these ideas I have of helping her are goinfg to waste they remain in my head and plague me all the more with frustraion.... but thats what she needs.... to not have my ideas. To live on her own and be independant. Independant of me at least. I can deal with not having her to support me but i want so much to be abloe to support and care for her. To be at her side, able to give her anything that she needs or wants... I love to give to her, to see her happy.... so know that she is growing as a result of being around me.

Okay so rant must come to an end before i get too too worked up.
By for now.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

we've taken the u out of us.

Wed, 18 May 2005 16:25:21 GMT

We broke up yesterday. She kisses another boy whikle in washington. THis was the first one she kissed while sober. She says she needs to find out if she realy loves me. I doubt that. She needs to find a way to get away from me. I need to find a way to cope. I don't know what to do. SHe was my life. My days were spent thinking about her and my nights spent with her. My days are now spent trying to get the thought of her out of my head,l and my nights trying to distract myself.

It pathetic realy, I can't function properly. Trying to sit and do work always leads me to dwelling on her, it always has. But now it is different. Now my thoughts a sad. I don't like being sad. I almost feel as though I have lost my future. Damn I'm emo. enough for now. She is finding her answer so I shall find myself.

MAy the force be with you.

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 04:12:52 GMT

Craziness... back at school, finishing up. I never thought I would enjoy where I am this much, especially not now. But hey, I like surprises. Life is sweet, and to be living it is even sweeter.
I'm crazy ansy to get a couple denaro$ and a night off to drive like I used to. I'm looking forward to the change that seems to be brought my way everday. BLAAAAHHHHHH. sorry bout that, little splurdge.
To close I will put effort into journalizing... its good for me...

Love me! Love me! Say that you love me!!!

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 04:19:17 GMT

so im a little freaking out... im waiting for a cab to get here so that i can make it to where sara is by midnight..... i may be kicked out tonight... or tomorow... im sorta treaing this place like a hotel and my rents aren't so ok with it. so ya... i need to see sara... i want to be with her when the ball drops... partially because of the oc episode.. but mostly because i know it means alot to her and i want to be there for her... maybe i should put sme focus on being there for my family more... but they don't want me as much as sara does... she wants me 24/7 and i love it... i want to be with her so much... ahhhh my sara.... i live you...

gettin ansy... going outside to wait for cab....

see you next year....

The long version...

Sat, 11 Dec 2004 02:28:13 GMT

The long version of a conversation that just goes to show; people don’t understand, don’t realy care about me, and only want to feel like they help.

But I think I said some good things and got out feelings I wanted to put here... so I thought I’d make it less typing for me to put what I said up here... her part of the covo is here just so mine makes sence.

MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
whats up
lost says:
too much
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
did u drop nightclass?
lost says:
you could say that...
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
thats too bad
lost says:
it happens
lost says:
how are you?
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
im well
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
u?
lost says:
the long or the short?
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
what do you mean
lost says:
do you want the long or the short version of how i am?
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
lol
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
short
lost says:
contemplative
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
i see
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
and long
lost says:
14 days ago i over-dosed on E...
13 days ago i told my family...
10 days ago i reolized i want to spend my life with sara(girlfriend(not anymore) and told her i cheated on her in ausust in attepts to be honest...

lost says:
iv been spending most of the past 2 weeks in depression and feeling lost
lost says:
im back in richmond hill with my family
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
im sorry to hear that
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
how are you feeling right now
lost says:
oh... and 3 days ago my oldest friend told me i was no longer to be a part of her life
lost says:
tonight sara is at a party trying to get over me and likly to mess around with people there
lost says:
right now i want a way to get better
lost says:
to get better for good
lost says:
im full of good intenssions
lost says:
but they are so short lived
lost says:
i am lonely but i won't go to anyone, for the possability that sara might take me back
lost says:
i want to shout but feel i have no one to talk to
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
i see
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
well u know that u can call me
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
if u want to talk
lost says:
i want to change my life and become better but i've been at this piont before.... and i still ended up here
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
i think moving back home
lost says:
i just want to know how to get better....
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
was excellent
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
for your condition and for you
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
u need family
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
people who love you around you
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
and care what happens
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
u will have to understand
lost says:
and the worst part of all of this is that there probably isn't a fullproof antidote for what i am
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
why you did take e
lost says:
its fun
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
and the next time u have that problem
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
how u can make ur feelings better
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
and resort to ur feelings in a postive way
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
i think u should start being confusing
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
honestly
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
and think about ur priorities
lost says:
to try and find a way to get better for good
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
and what u want to do with yourself
lost says:
but it feels so hopeless
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
u wanna get ur girlfriend back
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
u gotta earn that
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
i dont think she wants to be with you not only because
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
u cheated
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
but what ur doing to ur self
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
ur dragging urself down
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
and her as well
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
u need
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
to find a counselor
MiSS. DjIBOUTI sayS:" ThE WaY YoU ToUcH Me, LeTs Me KnOw YoUr MiNe" says:
someone u can talk to

A new begining

Thu, 09 Dec 2004 18:29:32 GMT

So here I am. I cheated on Sara on what I think to be August 20th, told her December 1st and am now single. But not quite, I am waiting for her to find what she needs to. To get some form of an idea as to what she should be doing about this. We still talk almost every day for a few hours, in fact I am going to see her after school today, she Is preforming in a christmas production.
My life has become a battle with my mind. Constantly fighting to find what's deeper, what makes me feel and act the way that I do so that I may put an end to certain actions, start taking part in others, and eventually become the person I wish to be.
I over-dosed on E (took 5 double stack(purple hand-shakes))the friday before I told sara. SHe nurtured me back to life over the weekend. I base so much of my life and value on my physical abilities. When I was imobile it was only she that could make my days worth living. I cut myself in deep depression when she left for school and when she came home my heart skipped a beat only for her. I ended up telling her because I reolized my love for her and could not go on with tthe lie.

This is me, a fool, fallen, weaker than I can ever remeber. I want to be more, ot have a life that lives on long after I am gone, in a way the changes people to strive to become better themselves. I wonder if my grandfather would even care if I told him the impact his death had on me. I was moved at his visitatyion, my only words to him were, 'I want what you had'. I am thinking of becoming a nurse, just a thought. John, one of the nurses in the ER was, well I don't even realy know my feelings for him other than a gratitude that I feel I can never repay.

I dont' know what worht fighting for, or why I have to scream. But now I have some clarity, to show you what I mean. I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright...

So I'm breaking the habit tonight.

Wed, 06 Oct 2004 04:31:36 GMT

John,(i may adress future journals to you as a way of messaging you)
your words to me in the birthday card meant more than you know. thank you. To be blunt, I have my suspisions since you mentioned it that this shawman may be affecting you in ways you do not know. I say this because you spoke differently to me tonight than you have yet with regard, s to your journy, it may very well be that you have only just been experiening it differently than before, but the thought would not leave me, so I thought you might care to know.

it was so good to talk to my brotheer tonight, I felt we do indeed have a relationship worth fighting for. I don't know where my life will lead me, nor does it really matter to me, as long as I continue to grow and my eyes remain open to the world; but I do hope and desire that my path will cross with my brothers. It ius hard to say what I feel. I apologised to Sharon Clements, it felt good to be clear of that. I see myself moving now, see the growth I was striving for, it was a matter of focussing and working, working on the things that I knew needed work and leaveing the extras out. I do greatly enojy the time with others, the tea the smiles, but in that is not what gives motion to my growth. Athough I suppose it was conversation that jolted my mind to clearly see these things as they were and know the areas which I needed to tend to. I have only to remember "constant vigillance".

Lessons are everywhere, how I look determins whether or not I learn.

Tue, 05 Oct 2004 18:04:06 GMT

What to write?
What to do?
nothing left, nothing new.

Not to complain, as I am now aware I do for more than is good for me. Tralalaaaa! Happy thoughts... happythoughtshappythoughtshappythoughts!!! ooo, I have two likly job openings, yay for me. I also have started night school, which while it is not alot, its getting me out and about. I have a new appreciation for our downtown. It has so many beautiful things that could entertain me all year.

I suppose what I write focuses on what I would like to better, so it makes perfect sense that it would appear as complaints, when actually it is more of a plan. The issue is keeping the focus on not the negative, but rather thoughts that do not touch the page, the answers to overcoming what stands in my way. Iteresting that i talk of somthing standing in my way, I have very little in the way of goals, but I do have an ongoing desire to better myself, that with new information I may... have fun.

Tue, 06 Jul 2004 05:26:03 GMT

I have just completed my first trip home without the company of the few who know what home is. It was a short visit, mostly taken for the trip there itself, but I did manage to pick up a delightful suvenir.
Last night I arived home from the first canoe trip of 2004. To be honest, the trip was slightly dissapointing, don't misunderstand, I did enjoy myself, and will continue to relive it over and over again in my mind. But.. well.. I wanted more.. I still want more. I want the few who I love to spend time with to come on a trip with me. Sara, Caitlin, Mattea, Kelly... I want their company rather than my fathers or brothers. It was nice because they know what ther doing, and because of that made the trip itself a great deal easier, and alot less of my direction. I just want more. I want to grow internally more on a trip and the atmosphere tha I created with them was not what I wanted to experience, I knwo it was my choice to create it but... arg, I'm done with that for now.

I heard from Kelly... oh what joy it is to hear she is doing well and misses me. She means a greatd deal to me you know. I speak as if speaking to someone... I suppose my journal is a someon, a future me who will one day recieve the message my now is sending.

Set me free among the lillies, to dance and live as people were once meant to.
Set me free atop the mountains, to scream and shout as I have always wanted.
Set me free in darkest caverns, to dwell and ponder the thoughts that have no answer.
Set me free within myself, so that I might one day set others free as you have set me.

Thu, 17 Jun 2004 11:04:00 GMT

I have a job... its not starbucks... but its a job!! at least for the day. I'm going downtown to be an extra in some movie. Two exams down, and one to go.. Mr. Ford sure would be proud to see my porductive thinking today. Meh, I'll think want I want to think, and if you don't like it, stay out of my head.
I like certain people knowing things about me, but ussually I need to tell them for me to trully feelt hat they know. And telling people what's going on inside your head i not always the simplest task.

I want to be rememberd, I want to have such an effect on people that David Virtue is a name to stick with them for years.
I want to be remembered for doing things a little bit differently, for provocking the thoughts in those hard to reach places. And while I am still around people, I want to be enjoyed to the fullest.
Just what I want.

Ps. cudose to Kevin, wouldn't come near me at 6:45 and was holding me hand with a grin at 8. Kids are freaking fantastic.

Tue, 15 Jun 2004 21:26:33 GMT

So my question is, 'where do I go from here?'

Do I follow my inticts blindly?
Do I hide my pride from these bad dreams and give in to sad thoughts tht are maddening?
Do I sitt here and try to stand? or do I try to catch him red-handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness? or do I trust nobody and live in lonliness?

Oh teer little emo me... woe is me what shall I do?

Do not speak; unless you are improving on silence.
Do not move; unless you are improving onstillness.(reolizing this may seem random, it makes perfect semce to me)

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 11:18:39 GMT

Katelyn and Mattea, you rock my proverbial world!

Mon, 14 Jun 2004 10:46:02 GMT

It all starts somewhere i suppose. I'm in need of a job to once again silence the infernal voice of my father. I don't understand, there are plently of amazing cliffs he could through himself off of and still he doesn't. Although some parts of life right now are sweet indeed. I have become shall we say, closer to two peoples recently, and I am quite enjoying where that is taking me. for those of you who don't know i was previously among the dead (deadjournal(Kristopher)). I'm not entirely certain why I've chosen to make the switch; change, all the cool kids are doing it, but whatever it may be I'm here, so might as well make the most of it and give all of you mindless banter to read.
I like beginings, they seem so, so fresh and ripe. The infanite possabilities of where we might go, what might become of us. I like that feeling of the unknown, but with some distant form of nostalga. When I meet others its as if I am meeting part of myself and discovering tha much more that I didn't reollize was there.
Okay so enough of my cheesy bunk.
The only thing anyone need know when reading this; it is not me, only a part of me, the way I feel at one instant where I manage to find a computer to write down what I feel.