Broken Knuckles, Broken Hearts, I Fell In Love And Fell Apart......

_morbid_reality @ 2004-12-05T00:42:00

2004-12-05T05:42:29Z

Add me on itwasallalie59

_morbid_reality @ 2004-12-04T22:28:00

2004-12-05T03:28:51Z

I Love This Song Dont Yall?

"Since You've Been Gone"

Here's the thing we started off friends
It was cool but it was all pretend
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

You dedicated you took the time
Wasn't long till I called you mine
Yeah Yeah
Since you've been gone

And all you'd ever hear me say
Is how I pictured me with you
That's all you'd ever hear me say

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
What I want
Since you've been gone

How can I put it? you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah yeah
Since you've been gone

How come I never hear you say
I just wanna be with you
I guess you never felt that way

But since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone

You had your chance you blew it
Out of sight, out of mind
Shut your mouth I just can't take it
Again and again and again and again

Since you've been gone
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get
I get what I want
I can breathe for the first time
Im so movin on
Yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know)
That I get
I get what I want
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone
Since you've been gone

_morbid_reality @ 2004-12-03T13:25:00

2004-12-03T18:47:41Z

Well hum. Wensday was my dance rehersal.Sabrina and Michael came with me. Sabrina had to work the curtains on stage cause she broke her ankle and couldnt dance. Michael just sat and watched us practis. My dance teacher kept us there till almost 10:30! I didnt get in the be till about 12. At school yesterday nothing really happened untill lunch. Michael had lunch detention so I was in there with Rob. i sat on his lap like all thru lunch. I felt so so bad but it just felt right. I miss him so much. I want him out of my head, he needs to be out of my head I have a boyfriend but he keeps comeing back! I just cant froget about him! Micael found out I did that but wasnt mad. When I got hom my mom and Michael came to get me and Pamela for the dance residle. Me and Sabrina got there at the same time. Backstage was awesome all of our dance2 class had gotten really close. I was talking to people I hated befor. Like Kayla Edrington and Amanda Sparks. They were alot nicer that night than usual. I only messen up once in my first dance but we did good. When the advanced dancers got done danceing the said to Kayla "Its going to take alot to dance us up now"! In our last dance we all messed up but we fucking rocked. Everyone was screaming and cheering. Everyone was calling our names. I was so happy cause I only heard Kayla, Natlie, Alyson, Jamie, and MEEEE!!! yay. Michael and Corey were screaming my name. After the show my tacher gave us all a rose, my mom gave me 12 roses and Michael gave me a rose with a teddy bear...."my mom bought it for him to give me shhh lol" I think me and Michael are going to far. I think we need to slow down alittle. We have only been together about 2 weeks. I think I should listin to my friend Michael Eddy and find out whats going on in my head.....the sad thing is I dont even know??

Your Not Gone ---
Your telling me your gone but your not gone, your never gone. Your still here I feel you, I miss you, I kiss you. This was forever but no you say never. I breath in, I breath out. I pull you in, you push me out. Still on your chain you hold me here, thru all of this you never cried a tear. Stop telling me your gone, your not gone, your never gone! Theres no point in us hanging on. I want you, you need me. I love you, you use me. Im finnished, im done, leave, be gone......but your not gone, will you ever be gone?

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-30T17:16:00

2004-11-30T22:24:55Z

Ugh!! Rob is a JERK! He was telling me yesterday that he wanted to go back out with me and that him and Jessica were going to brake up. I was happy but he didnt talk to me the whole res of the day! I wrote him a note saying no. Today he said that the note made him sad and that he doesent talk to me cause it hurts. i belived it untill just now when I found out that he had 2 girlfriends. Jessica and some 12 year old!!! He is turning 16! Ugh Ahhhh! He never loved me it was all a lye! He never loved anyone that heartles bastard!! Ugh! He is cutting again and he is lying about it saying that they are cat scratches! Bull shit if they were than they wouldnt be in srtight lines on his wrist!!! I give up on him he just wont listin.

Beach---- The beach was fun. Me and Sabrina went to the beach like 2 times, saw the movie Saw, Went to the skate park to watch people, and hung out in the hot tub. I had a good time.

I will comment on yalls journals thursday

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-25T10:44:00

2004-11-25T15:47:47Z

Hey guys. I am going to the beach today and wont be back untill sunday. The next time I update will probably be tuesday. I love you all and I will comment and all that good stuff when I get back. <<33

Lindy I am sorry I couldnt comeback over me and my mom were really getting into it. If you take me to school on monday than we can talk than. <<33

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-24T13:50:00

2004-11-24T18:56:19Z

Last night Me and my mom were talking and she said I can go to the beach with Sabrina over Thanksgiveing if her grandma says I can! She said the only reason i couldnt go to Michaels was because she didnt have enough gas but I still might get to go if his cuzin will come and get me. I came and spent the night at Lindys after me and my mom were done talking. It was fun she did my journal how I wanted it. I am worried about Michael E and Erika W. I know Michael has been really sad lately and I gave Erika a high 5 and I saw cuts all on her arm! I dont know what to do? I dont think that I can do much cause they like me but not enough to trust me :( . Today I am going to go home and she is going to come get me latter and we are going to try to go and see a movie. She gave me some of her old punk stuff cause she used to be punk/goth but she sint now so that is cool for me lol. Well I will try to write latter.

I think I am going to make my journal friends only IF I think I have enough will power to go and change all my old entries to friends only. =/

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-23T18:40:00

2004-11-23T23:54:43Z

Well hummm were to start. I assome I will just sat w/e comes to my mind. There wasnt really much to say about my life untill today and even now there isnt alot to say. This morning I got my stud bracelet from Nick. Rob was suposed to have it but he was flirting with Nicks sister and she took it! Bitch! Ugh. When you flirt with a guy you mess with their crap not someone elses! Am I right or am I right? In english class Bobby kept asking me why I wouldnt go out with him. Poor boy, I feel so bad cause I dont know why I wont other than I have a boyfriend but I thik it would be bad to say I dont have a reason other than what he already knows. On the way to gym Rob came to meet me and he yelled at Bobby and said dont put your arm around her she is my woman! I didnt know what to say to that? Cause yeah, im not any more.At lunch Rob was dipping and he had to spit the dip out cause a teacher saw him and he sat the dip bottle and his dip right in front of me! I was actin all mad at him and he asked why and I didnt answer. I just dont want to see him mess his life up. He is ding weed again and everything. Nothing bad to any of yall who may do that but I care about him and I dont want him in that mess. He sent Corey in the lunch room to give me a bracelet! I think he found it on the ground but it was still sweet. All that went on after lunch was drama drama drama! Mostly with Michael, Mary, and Meagan but I am not at libberty to talk about what was going on. Welp yeah I THINK thats all <<33

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-21T10:13:00

2004-11-21T15:17:09Z

Ugh I feel like I am running all the time!! friday I stayed out of school but latter that day I had to go watch the 2 or 3 hour long dance recitle and take notes in the dark for my dance class. Saturday I had to go to dance practis at church and help carry turkeys to charter busses. Today is sunday and I am not doing anything but I feel dirty....ya know that feeling you have when you first wake up. Maybe if I take a shower it will go away lol. <<33

Ugh I want to make my journal friends only but than my friends that dont have journals cant read it!! That sux.

My love life is going down the crapper. That sucks too!

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-19T13:52:00

2004-11-19T19:51:39Z

I didnt have to go to school today yay!!!!!!! Everyone look at my user info lol I figured out how to do some stuff on there!!

School Life
What's your school's mascot?: Eagle
School color(s)?: black and orange
Who is your favorite teacher?: Ugh I have none

What do they teach?: Nothing

Is this your favorite class?: Dance I guess

Internet
Do you use any instant messengers?: Yeah.
If so, which ones?: AIM.
Do you have a digital camera?: Yeah.

Music
3 Favorite Bands:: Blink182, Cold, New Found Glory

Do you go to concerts and/or shows?: I would if I could
What is the most you've ever spent on a concert/show?: IDK
What is the least you've ever spent?: Free.
Do you think buying merch at a concert then wearing it there is corny?: Umm No.
Do you listen to any bands that you'd be ashamed to admit to listening to?: A few

Word Association
Blue:: Sky.
Camera:: Picture
Boy:: Ass
Pretty:: Sad
Pants:: Clothes
Music:: Rock
God:: Faith
Sweater:: Hot

Live Journal:: Writing..

Labels:
Do you think labels are dumb?: Yeah.
What do people label you as?: Sometimes Punk/Goth and sometimes Normal

Which Is Worse?
Physical Pain/Emotional Pain?: Emotional.
Blink-182/Good Charlotte?: Neither.
Being Deaf/Being Blind?: Being blind.
Being Bored/Rushing around because you have too much to do?: Rushing.
Losing your dominant leg/Losing your dominant arm?: Dominant arm.

Love
Do you believe theres a difference between "love" and "in love"?: Yeah.
Is it better to have loved and lossed than to have never loved at all?: Yes and No
Are you romantic?: Yes, I think.
Are you in a relationship now?: I guess you kight call it that?
If not, how long have you been single?: Psh for some odd reason I cant stay single for longer than a week?

Ranomosity
War: Good or Bad?: Bad.
Who's skankier: Britney Spears or Paris Hilton?: Paris Hilton.
What is it with guys and cars?: I honestly don't know?
Do you sing?: Yeah dont you?
If so, what part (Soprano 1,Alto 2, et cetera)?: Alto
Kiss or hug?: Both.
What color is your room?: Soon to be black and white.
How old is your mom?: 42.
Black and white or color photos?: Black and white.
Who cuts your hair?: Grate clips Ugh they always mess it up!
What color is your toothbrush?: White and green
What color is your hair brush?: Black.
What kind of hair products do you use?: Shampoo.
Is K-Mart just the poor man's Wal-Mart?: No.
Are you sexy?: Not really.
What color do people tell you looks nice on you?: Black and umm I dotn know?
What color do you think looks nice on you?: Blue.
Clothes shopping or grocery shopping?: Clothes.
Who do you sit with at lunch? Michael B, Rob, Mary, Michael, Philup, and Fresman.
Do you like the sound of your own voice when you hear it played back?: No.
Who has the nicest speaking voice that you know?: Lindy I guess
Do you prefer to date people younger, older, or the same age as you?: Older or the same age.
Do you listen to songs on repeat often?: Yeah.
Who was the last person you hung out with?: Michael but soon to be Sabrina

What did you and that person do?: Hang out at my house and go to church.
Are you a people-pleaser?: Yeah I get sad when I hurt or make people mad
Do you dye your hair regularly?: No.
What about your eyebrows?: No.
Do you wear makeup?: Yeah.
Does your mom like the song "Hey Ya" by OutKast?: Ugh yes!

----THINGS YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT----
Something important on your desk: My computer.
When you sleep you wear: Shorts and a tshirt

If you could afford it at the moment, you would buy: A car and a new house and a new wordrobe

Something you don't have a lot of: Socks and Money

If your house was burning and you could only save 3 items what would they be: My cds, Jounal and poembook, and my clothes.

MORALS
If there were no side effects, you would enjoy being addicted to: Drinking

A time when you purposly hurt someone emotionally: Calling Jessie a whore

A time you accidentally hurt someone emotionally: Rob in some way IDK he would never show it if I did and I called MK gay once.

One person you have killed in your thoughts: Rob

FRIENDS:
Three traits you look for in a friend: Trustworthy, someone you can talk to about all your problems, and someone fun to hang out with.

Who makes you laugh most often: Sabrina
A friend who you can tell anything: Lindy Sabrina and Michael
A friend you can go to for advice: Lindy and Sabrina
The best piece of advice you had been given: "Screw him he isnt worth it" Lindy

Two closest friends: I have three so screw this question Lindy, Sabrin, and Michael

The friend who uses most of your energy: Sabrina

EGO
Your 3 best qualities: I care what other people feel, I like to be funny, I am a good listiner.

Your 3 worst qualities: I get depressed alot, im alittle bossy, I get jelous alot
The greatest emotional pain you ever endured: When Rob dumped me and broke my heart twice. That ass!! And Feeling ignored and under pressure at home.
Moment you are most ashamed of: Things I have done with Rob

Your best physical feature: Eyes

Who/What makes you happy: Sabrina Lindy and sometimes Michael, Feeling wanted.
Who/what makes you sad: Rob Rob Rob Rob Rob.....that ass!! And seeing other people hurting emotional or phsyical

EMOTIONS
Emotion you hide most: Jealousy and I try to hind being mad and depressed but people say you can see that in my eyes
The emotion you tend to experience most: Happiness and love
The emotion you are feeling most lately: Depressed.
When you are angry you need: To be alone
When you are in love you need: The person I love

MEMORIES
One of your most peaceful memories: Me being alone

One of your most tragic memories: Rob that asss fuck, Michael D, Me cutting, And alot of other crap...
One of your angriest memories: Rob fuck face! He found his g/f lied to him about being pregnate but staied with her, and my brother being an ass
A memory that makes you laugh: lol All the times with Sabrina and Lauren

Two things appealing about people: Personality/intrest and sense of humor.
A personality trait you find appealing: Sense of humor and careing about everyone
Your secret passion: Writeing poetery but it sux
What you enjoy most about having a committed relationship: . The feeling of security, knowing that you have someone who's there for you who isn't your family, being loved, being able to love someone unconditionally, having someone who accepts you for who you are, Haveing another best friend

RELATING
DO you have a bf/gf if yes who? Yes, Michael Beamon

What do you find sexy about them: Ummm personality

A place where you want to have sex: Ugh yuck

A strange place where you have had sex: Once again yuck.
What drives you crazy (in a good way) about this person: He loves me

What music is on when you have sex, or is it the tv?: Never had sex sorry to disapoint you
Favorite song to have sex to: El nothing

Describe your mate physicaly: See user info

Describle your mate's personality: Funny sometimes clingy, gets mad easy but over it fast, posesive.

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_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-18T16:55:00

2004-11-18T22:11:17Z

Ugh Ahhhhhh! Yesterday Micheal told me that Rob said he only wanted to be friends with me and that he loved me but wanted to be with Jessica. I was really mad becuase he lied to me if that was true! I asked Michael out and he said "yeah" of corse. He rode the bus home with me and we made out. Noone that knows me sayanything about that. its not like or they went out for a day and made out, we have been talking and acting like we were going out already. When me and Michael went back to my house from Curtis's house I found out Rob called me and I called him back and he acted mad because I didnt call earlier because his aunts funaral was that day. i felt really bad but I had to go to church. I tried to call him back but he was "watching a movie". Today I told him about Michael and we got in a fight. He was yelling and saying that Michael was lying and takeing advantage of me and he said I love you but im going out with someone I care about im sorry you dont understand that! I mean GOOD LORD how am I suposed to understand when he never tells me the whole story and lies!! Ugh. He was acting all pissy all day and every now and then he would say something to me but nothing really good. I was looking at him in lunch and he was like "Can I help you". That fucking ass!! Why is he such a jerk!! Even if he did ask me out I would say I love you but no you have already broken my heart like 10 times I cant just let you do it again!! I am not mad that he dont want to be with me or that he loves his girlfriend, that just makes me sad. I am mad that he is being a jerk to me! If he dont want to hurt me he needs to just leave me alone "in that way". I can be his friend but he needs to stop giveing me false hope that we can be together. He has been being a big ass! He is saying that he cant flirt with people cause Jessica is getting pissed, that doesent bother me but it does bother me its just that he has been saying he loves me and all that crap. What do you call that? Not flirting? Psh w/e! I am finnished tring to get him back! I am thru! I love him but I HAVE to let go......I have to!

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-16T17:17:00

2004-11-16T22:17:53Z

Ugh drama DRAMA! I hate it.

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-15T16:38:00

2004-11-15T21:51:30Z

Ugh saturday Robs aunt died. They dont know how but she did. I made him a card last night and gave it to him this morning, I gave him a teddy bear too. He was somewhat distant, He wouldnt talk to or look at me much. I know he was sad but it made me feel bad that I spent so much time on tring to make him have a better day and he acted like he didnt even notis or say thank you! I even went to the trubble of telling I gave him my fav bear and that I stayed up untill 1 am working on his card...He still said nothing about it. Nick had told me that Jessica said she wasnt really pregnate and that she was lying to Rob. Him and Nick walked me to class and started talking about Robs girlfriend! That pissed me off. At brake rob still didnt say much but he did walk me to class. In english me and Sean talked...well not really alot but it was cool, we havent talked since we broke up. Bobby was saying how he wanted to go out with me but I dont want to go out with him. I walked with Rob to his third but he didnt talk to me then eather! I got LD again! I have it today and tomarow! They said I was late a 5th time but I wasnt!! I hate the damn lying school system. In guy Michael was mad at me. He said that he knows that I am never happy unless I am around Rob. He got over it neer the end of guym. After lunch Rob was telling me that he was going to slit Michaels throat cause he suposidly broke a pen Robs aunt gave him into little peices!! He said that he was going to do it no matter what I said. I was mad at Michael but I was mad at Rob to, I know that ment alot to him but I am suposed to mean alot to? I bumped into Michael on the way to choras and he was yelling at me saying he loved me but he hates Rob and that he didnt brake the pen. he said he knows that no matter what ill always have Robs back. *That in most cases is true*. After choras Michael told me he was sorry he yelled at me. Ugh I am stressed out big time!!I need a nap...a LONG LONG LONG nap. I dont think I can but there is no harm in tring I guess. I just ate a big bowl of shreded cheae so if I go to sleep now I will just get all the fat from that chese lol.

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-14T17:16:00

2004-11-14T22:27:43Z

I wonder why you have to be a certin way for people to like you? I have been thinking about me and Seans brake up and it is kind of starting to hurt. He said I wasnt his type any more and that gothic people annoy him. Im not even a full goth. I have ONE pair of goth pants and I have only worn them once! My pesonality hasnt changed and as far as I know neither has he? I know it was a good thing we broke up because we were not ment for each other but I cant get over the fact that how I dressed was even a factor in the brake up. Last year Michael D broke up with me because I cut! I just cant help but be sad thinking how bad it would be if I was ment for someone and they wouldnt go out with me because of that! Maybe I should change? Even if I did I would be hideing me. Ill always be the hopeless romantic poetic girl that gets depressed alot. I mean I have other goth friends who are in good relationships I dont know why I cant find someone who likes me that I like to? I thought I had with Rob but he had to go and get that girl pregnate. I mean he may like me but theres nothing I can do about it now. Im glad my friends have someone but I want to be happy with someone too. I thik that after all the guys I have ended up with I will never trust any guy even when I find the right one. I hope someone will love me for me SOON. I think that the time were you feel in love the most is in high school so i kinda wanna have someone now. I know I have to like myslef for other people to like me but I find that so hard when I dont have a guy to remind me that im not so bad. I have Michael B but I cant help I dont like him like that. Well yeah sorry yall I was just venting.

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-13T22:25:00

2004-11-14T04:09:06Z

Arg Fuck! I just got off the phone with Michael and Nick and they were talking about Jessica Robs stupid ass fucking g/f I hat everything! Why do I have to be in love with someone who is an ass and I can never be with again? Why does he have to mean so much to me when I am really only a back up? Fuck it fuck everything ill never be good enough for anyone!

PAST.
-first grade teacher's name: Mrs.Marian
-last word you said: Lights
-last song you sang: Over And Over Again
-last thing you laughed at: I dont know? Michael and Nick I think?
last time you cried: Today

.PRESENT.
-what's in your cd player: A mixed CD
-what color socks are you wearing: None
-what's under your bed: Nothing
-what time did you wake up today: 11:00 I think?

.FUTURE.
-what is your career going to be: Not a clue?
-where are you going to live: At the beach
-how many kids do you want: 0
-what kind of car will you drive: Dont care as long as it works

.CURRENT.
-current hair: ugh..dark brown and up
-current clothes: black shorts and Robs black hoddie that says Philadelaphia Eagles
-current jewelry: One neckles with this cool looking symbo and One neckless with me and Sabrinas best friend ring and heart.
-current annoyance: My back and Rob
-current smell: Nothing
-current longing: To be with you know who
-current desktop picture: A blue fary
-current favorite music artist: Ugh.....I dont have one
-current book: I am reading cut now
-current worry: Rob
-current hate: Everything I dont hate people....
-story behind your username: Reality on earth is morbid so there
-favorite physical feature on a guy/girl: Eyes and hair
-one person you wish was here right now: Rob
-line from the last thing you wrote to someone: I miss you
-i am happiest when: Im with my friends or when the person I love loves me too (and we can be together)
-i feel lonely when: Have no one to talk to and im depressed.
-do you think too much: Yeah
-if you could live anywhere in the world, where: The beach
-do you have any regrets: Yeah many
-sex or love: Love
-favorite coffee: french vanela
-favorite smell: Rob
-what makes you mad: People who think their better than everyone, backstabbers and people who talk about my friends
-favorite way to waste time: Lay down liting to music being depressed and talking on the phone
-what is your best quality: I dont know?
-are in currently in love/lust: Yeah I am and it sux ass
-what's the craziest thing you have ever done: Haa haa lotz of stuff...unless im with my friends im usualy pretty calm.
-do you find it hard to trust people: Now I do people are lying ass holes
-bath or shower: Shower
-favorite season: Fall
-favorite color: Black
-favorite time of day: Dusk
-gold or silver: Silver
-any secret crushes: No its out in the open and I get hell every day for it

.FASHION.
-how many coats and jackets do you own: Like 4
-do you wear a watch: No
-favorite pants color: Black
-most expensive item of clothing: IDK
-most treasured: Umm Robs hoddie

.YOUR FRIENDS.
-do your friends know you: No....*sarcasum*
-what do they tend to be like: Funny, Cool to hang out with, easy going, and good listeners
-can you count on them: A few of them
-can they count on you: Yeah

.LAST.
-last book you read: You Remind Me Of You
-last movie you saw: Shreck 2
-last thing you ate: Rice
-last time you showered: Earlier today
-last time you smiled: When I was talking to Michael
-last person you hugged: Kayla
-last person you kissed: Michael
-last person you talked to online: Mary
-last person you talked to on the phone: Michael and Nick

.DO YOU.
-smoke: No
-do drugs: No
-drink: Alittle when mt mom lets me but hardly ever
-sleep with stuffed animals: No
-have a dream that keeps coming back: No
-play an instrument: No I will soon though
-believe there is life on other planets: No
-read the newspaper: No
-have any gay or lesbian friends: Yeah
-believe in miracles: Yeah
-Consider yourself tolerant: Yeah VERY
-have a favorite stooge: Yeah a few
-believe in astrology: Not really
-believe in magic: No
-pray: Yeah
-go to church: Yeah
-have any secrets: Yeah
-have any pets: Dog
-go or plan to attened college: Yeah
-talk to strangers: Sometimes when im with my friends
-have any piercings: Yes
-have any tattoos: I wish
-hate yourself: No but im not a good friend of mine
-like your handwriting: Sometimes
-believe in witches: No
-believe in ghosts: No
-believe in santa: No
-believe in the easter bunny: No
-believe in the tooth fairy: No
-have a second family: No
-trust others easily: No not any more

DO YOU...?
have a crush? Yeah
want to get married? I dont know not really
get along with your parents? Sometimes

PREFERENCES:
cuddle or make-out: Cuddle
chocolate milk or hot chocolate: Milk
milk, white, or dark chocolate: Chocolate
vanilla or chocolate: Chocolate

IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU...
Cried? Yeah
Helped someone? I dont think so?
Said 'i love you'? Yeah
Talked to an ex?: No
Missed an ex? Yeah
Written in a journal? Yes.
Had a serious talk?: No
Kissed someone? No
Hugged someone? Yes.
Fought with your parents? Yes
Fought with a friend? No

Would you ever..
Kiss someone of the same sex? No.
Have sex with someone of the same sex? No.
Go out with someone for their looks? No
IM a stranger? Yeah
Get drunk off your Ass? No
Make someone cry? No.
Date someone more than 10 years older than you? No

Have you ever...
kissed more than one person in 24 hours? Yeah
cheated on a bf/gf? Yeah :)DO YOU...?
have a crush? most definately.
want to get married? yes.
get along with your parents? not at all with my mom and yes with my dad.

current hair color: blonde/brown
eye color: blue

FAVORITES:
color: orange and black
day: saturday
song(s):
broken-wait and bleed-far behind- critically acclaimed(osf)-thats only recent ones
season: summer

PREFERENCES:
cuddle or make-out: hmmmmm....both but prolly cuddle
chocolate milk or hot chocolate: milk
milk, white, or dark chocolate: white
vanilla or chocolate: vanilla

IN THE LAST 24 HRS, HAVE YOU...
Cried? no.
Helped someone?i think miranda i hope so
Said 'i love you'? yea
Talked to an ex?: no.
Missed an ex? no
Written in a journal? yes.
Had a serious talk?: yes
Kissed someone? no
Hugged someone? yes.
Fought with your parents? yes
Fought with a friend yes

Would you ever..
Kiss someone of the same sex? no.
Have sex with someone of the same sex? no.
Go out with someone for their looks? idk maybe but prolly not
IM a stranger? yes
Get drunk off your Ass? prolly not
Make someone cry? no.
Date someone more than 10 years older than you? no

Have you ever...
kissed more than one person in 24 hours? yea once
cheated on a bf/gf? Yeah :(
been too shy to talk to someone you like? Yes.
done drugs? No
been drunk? No.
snuck out? Yeah
been caught? Yeah.
stolen anything? No.
gone to a concert? Yes.
driven under the influence of anything? No.
lied to look good? Yeah
been on honor roll? Yes.

Whats the most...
romantic thing youve done or had done to you? Every day with Rob was romantic but I rember the day he asked me to run away with him the most.
nervous about a first kiss youve been? When I kissed Rob the first time
in love you've been? With Rob
heart broken you've been? Now and after Michael D dumped me

How many...
people have you kissed? 6 or 7
hearts have you broken? 1 I think
crushes at the same time have you had? 2
boy/girlfriends have you had? Lotz
times have you been out of state? Lotz
times have you been out of the country? Never .
been too shy to talk to someone you like? Lotz .

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-13T15:53:00

2004-11-13T21:45:12Z

Ahh Lindy I was going to fix that survey but im not sure how it has a bunch of numbers??

I am at Sabrinas now yo! She rocks! I love the song over and over again it makes me think of Rob.....

RanD0m

[spell your first name backwards]: adnarim
[four words that sum you up]: Retarded, Very Emotional, ~~~~~
[wallet]:  Black w/stars
[hairbrush]: Black
[jewelry worn daily]: my neckless with this cool looking symbol on it and my neckless with me and Sabrinas bestfriend heart and ring.
[pillow cover]: Green
[coffee cup]: I dont have one thank you very much!
[shoes]:  Black and white convers that say love sux all over them.
[cologne/perfume]: None...
[piercings]: 2 in one ear 3 in the other

                              **...Mix me a Margariter...**

[wishing]: that I could still be with Rob and he didnt go and get that girl pregnate......And that everyone would get off my case about likeing him.
[talking to]:  Sabrina
[eating]: Nothing
[some of your fav. movies]: All the scary movies, Sorority boys, Bruce Almighty, Dirty Danceing, Harry Potter, The Crow, and....theres more but IDK!! Fuckers!
[somthing you're looking forward to in the upcoming months]: Getting my room redone....other than that and Christmas brake nothing....
[last thing you ate]: Ice cream
[something youre afraid of]:  The dark....I think that MAY be all?
[if you could have any animals as pets what would they be]: A tiger!!
[some of your fav. foods]: Chinese, Sea food, Tacos, adn pizza!
[something you wish you could understand better]: guys, parents, and life.
[miss someone you haven't seen in a long time]: Yeah Lauren and Josh....I dont know why I miss him but I do.

DO YOU...:

[like candles]: Yeah fire is fun!
[like incense]: Yeah smoke is pretty.
[believe in love]: Yeah and it SUX ASS
[believe in soulmates]: Yes but mine is taken FUCK IT ALL!
[believe in love at first sight]: No
[believe in forgiveness]: Yes
[want to get married]: Maybe....I cant see me takeing a dump with someone else in the house?
[want to have kids]: No
[believe that you know the person that you'll marry at this point in time]: I hope he is but im thinking I wont get to.....

           Have you _________ in the last 24 hours?

[cried]: Yes over the song Over And Over Again and cause I miss Rob.
[bought sumthin]: Yes a picture from Mary.
[gotten sick]: Ugh No
[sang]: Yeah
[eaten]: Yeah you fools!
[felt stupid]: Yes when Sabrinas mom walked in on us acting like retarded birds.
[wanted to tell someone you loved them, but didn't]: No
[met someone new]: No
[talked to an ex]: Yeah it was Rob FUCK you too!!
[missed an ex]: Yeah it was Rob SHUT UP BEFOR I SHOVE A STICK UP YOUR ASS!
[talked to someone you have a crush on]: Yeah it was once again Rob BITCH
[had a serious talk]: Kinda with a few people
[missed someone]: ROB ROB ROB ROB OK?!?!?!?!
[hugged someone]: Yeah Sabrina and her mom
[fought with your parents]: Yeah kinda

             ~~»SOCIAL LIFE«~~

[best girl friend]: Sabrina
[best guy friend]: Michael or Rob
[boyfriend/girlfriend]: I miss Rob
[hobbies]: Music, sleeping, LJ, dancing,singing, hanging out with Sabrina yo!
[pager/cell]: cell you cant have my number he fools!
[are you the center of attention or wallflower]: When im with Sabrin or around guys that like me I guess the center of attention other than that im not.
[would you rather be with friends or on a date]: Friends.....guys suck ass
[job]: No im a hobo
[attend church]: Yes indeed I do
[like being around people]:  Depends on the person & my mood...

                                         :`*`:PErsONAL:`*`:

[who is your role model]: I dont really have one.
[pet peeves]: When people say the same thing over and over, when they dont look at you when their talking, when all they say is uhuh and yeah, and when they only talk about themself.....thers more but yeah up the butt
[ever liked someone you had no chance with]: yeah many times.
[ever lied to your best friend]: Yeah :( Rob once again
[ever wanted to get revenge on someone b/c they hurt you]: Muhahaha their body is still in my closet!!
[cried over the opposite sex]: Yeah many times....those bastards!
[have a certain "type" of person you go after]: No not really but I hate preps and wiggers
[rather be dumper or dumped]: Dumper sad to say
[rather have a relationship or "hook-up"]: relationship
[what is your fav. part of your physical appearance]: Eyes I guess
[are you happy with yourself]: No not really you imbasle!
[are you happy with your life]: No!!!

If I were a month, I'd be: October

If I were a day of the week, I'd be: Saturday or Tuesday

If I were a time of day, I'd be: 6:00 PM

If I were a planet, I'd be : Venus

If I were a sea animal, I'd be: Dolphin

If I were a direction, I'd be: Left

If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: A bed

If I were a sin, I'd be: Lust when your not married

If I were a historical figure, I'd be: dead.

If I were a liquid, I'd be: water

If I were a tree, I'd be: Weeping Willow

If I were a clothing accessory, I'd be: Chaines

If I were a bird, I'd be: Humming Brid

If I were a tool, I'd be: Hammer WACK!!

If I were a flower/plant, I'd be: a white or black Rose

If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: Thunder storm

If I were a mythical creature, I'd be: Mermaid

If I were an animal, I'd be: A fling fish

If I were a color, I'd be: Black

If I were an emotion, I'd be: In love or depressed

If I were a vegetable, I'd be: I dont like vegetables so I wouldnt be one.

If I were a sound, I'd be: Smooch

If I were an element, I'd be: Silver

If I were a car, I'd be: ----I have no clue----

If I were a song, I'd be: Over And Over Again or Nobodys Home

If I were a movie, I'd be: Never Been Kissed I guess :(

If I were a book, I'd be: Cut or You Remind Me Of You

If I were a food, I'd be: TACO

If I were a place, I'd be: the beach

If I were a material, I'd be: silk

If I were a taste, I'd be: Orange

If I were a scent, I'd be: Rob :(

If I were a word, I'd be: Passion

If I were an object, I'd be: Promis ring

If I were a body part, I'd be: Eye

If I were a facial expression, I'd be: Confused Constipated or Sad

If I were a subject in school, I'd be: English

If I were a shape, I'd be a: Star

If I were a number, I'd be: 8

HOW OFTEN DO YOU CRY?
Almost every day

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY THE EASIEST?
Memories, certain songs, and some people.

WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY HAPPY?
When I know someone cares about me and would do anything for me and Sabrina!

HAS ANYONE CLOSE TO YOU EVER DIED?
My grate grandma

HAS ANYBODY CLOSE TO YOU EVER COMMITTED SUICIDE?
No I should do that someday.....

WHAT WOULD BE THE SCARIEST WAY TO DIE, IN YOUR OPINION?
Slowly. Cancer, or AIDS. Being stabbed. Getting raped and then brutally beaten to death. Something like that

I see: a computer screen
I need: love....and money
I find: Love sux and people are imbasles!
I want: *o* and money and.....Everything muhahahha
I have: lots of stuff.
I wish: that I could be with Rob....I wish these things would stop makeing me say his name FUUCKERS!
I love: my family and friends...blah blah etc etc and once again ROB
I hate: liars cheaters assholes preps school and other stuff

I miss: Rob
I fear: Dieing alone and the dark
I feel: Depressed im always freaking depressed! I am somewhat happy now though?
I hear: Nothing yo
I smell: air
I crave: I dont know??
I search: What? FUCKER WHAT??
I wonder: Why Rob was so stupid to get some girl pregnate and about alot of other crap too
I regret: many things love many things

HAVE SEX? - No almost did but no thank god!
HAVE A CRUSH? - Yeah bitch and I bet you cant guess who it is!
HAVE A BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND? - No :( MEN SUCK!!....im stright dont wory!
HAVE ANY GAY, BISEXUAL OR LESBIAN FRIENDS? - yeah
BELIEVE IN MIRACLES? - Yeah
BELIEVE IT'S POSSIBLE TO REMAIN FAITHFUL FOREVER? - Yeah most people dont cause their gay!
BELIEVE IN GOD? - Yeah
HAVE ANY SECRETS? - yeah.
HAVE ANY PETS? - Yeah a dog
GO TO OR PLAN TO GO TO UNIVERSITY? - No
HAVE ANY TATTOOS - No:(
HAVE A BEST FRIEND? - Yes her name is Sabrina
TRUST OTHERS EASILY? - Not anymore
TAKE WALKS IN THE RAIN? - Sometimes

-- In the past month--
-- Drank alcohol: no
-- Smoked: no
-- Done a drug: no
-- Had Sex: no
-- Made Out: no :(
-- Gone on a date: no
-- Gone to the mall: No
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no
-- Eaten sushi: no
-- Been on stage: Yeah
-- Been dumped: Yeah
-- Gone skating: no
-- Made homemade cookies: no
-- Gone skinny dipping: no
-- Dyed your hair: no
-- Stolen anything: no

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-11T12:23:00

2004-11-11T17:26:20Z

Damn shit mother fucker! I did this long survey thing and it fucking got deleted fuck shit bastard mother fucking peice of shit!!!

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-09T16:29:00

2004-11-09T21:32:26Z

I broke up with Sean cause his friend told me Sean said that he didnt like me as much and that he wanted to brake up with me. :( I still like him alot but I dont think I could have taken it if Sean broke up with me. :(:(:(:(:(

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-06T10:03:00

2004-11-06T15:15:01Z

Ugh I have to write this all over again cause I deleted it crap. Well yesterday Philup Gram was in my lunch. i saw Rob looking sad so I went to sit with him. Philup was telling Rob he wished his baby would die! Rob was already pissed but that makes me mad to. It doesent matter if Philup and Rob dont like each other you should never wish a baby would die. I took Rob into the other cafatera to calm him down but Philup had to fallow us. The bell rang and Michael Beamon told Rob that he wasnt as dumb as me to listin to him. I dont care about what anyone says about Rob now. Yeah he can be a jerk, he has lied, He broke my heart, He flirts too much and all that stuff but think about it....we all do that stuff. You can write a person off for being human or else we would all have no friends. About 80% of his friends are eather talking about him behind his back or just not likeing him now. I am not going to be like them and abandon him just because he makes mistakes. He needs someone who will always be there for him other than Jessica because some of the things I think stress him out have to do with her. I am going to be by him no matter what but I will not listin when he says he loves me.

Oh and I dont want any bad comments about Rob if I get any I will not be talking to you for a LONG time because I am not in the mood to hear people put down someone who makes mistakes JUST LIKE YOU.

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-04T19:21:00

2004-11-05T00:24:03Z

Arg I am sick of people getting into fights over stupid crap. I am sick of annoying people and ass holes! I hate alot of people right now.....well not really hate just do not like verry well. One more thang Rob Benson is being an immature jack ass! Thats nothing new but w/e.

_morbid_reality @ 2004-11-02T16:35:00

2004-11-02T21:53:26Z

Not much has happened really. On saturday my mom took me and Michael to Sabrinas and that was fun. On saturday my mom took me and Michael to go get the pics of saturday developed and to church. Today me and Michael hang out in the morning. Sean came up to us and we hung out. At brake me and Sean were all hugging up on each other. Sabrina said something to him and yeah it was funny. Me and Sean were lovey dovey all day. In gym Kristina got mad at Michael cause he wouldnt give her a hug. He said he wouldnt because that time Kristina kissed Rob when we were going out and he was going out with her. I talked to him and he said he would tell her he forgave her but he still cant talk to her. At lunch Sean and Philup almost got into a fight. Philup was saying that he didnt respect Sean because he brought a knife to school and he carved Whittany, Chrystal, and Heathers inatials on his arm. I started cring so they made up. Sean spilt a drink all over Robs book bag so Sean and Rob about got into it....Michael came up and was tring to calm Rob down but Rob pushed him and so Michael pushed him back. I started cring and Rob came and huged me and thay all made up. Thats all really?

_morbid_reality @ 2004-10-28T17:03:00

2004-10-28T21:25:49Z

This morning I walked with Corey so he could smoke. When we got there the teachers werre saying that noone could go over to the store now. That pissed me off! It makes no sence to me? Those stores make a BIG profet off us in the morning do they not? Now they just lost alot of bussnes! I left Corey and went to go see Michael. Me and him walked around untill we ran into Rob. I asked him about that note I found on the groud that Breanna wrote and he said that SHE wanted to go out with HIM. He told me he got AID for 3 days cause he snaped some girls thong up her butt. lol Haa haa. Natalie came back today she looked happy. At brake Sean was all lovey dovey. Awwww. Sabrina sang the begining of the song she was going to sing to him yesterday. He thought it was funny I think.At lunch Sean was being awesome!! He is sweet SOMETIMES. Philup Owen was there today. He kept pinching Seans nipples. Thats all that happened important I guess.

_morbid_reality @ 2004-10-27T16:34:00

2004-10-27T20:55:54Z

This morning I waited for Michael and we went to go get our pic taken with my mom's digital camera. The pic turned out pretty good. I got some more of Mary, Nick, and a few other other people. When we got back to school Rob kept tring to hive me high five and than he would run off with that stupid fresma Breanna! I got pissed but thats just me, hes a ling prick!! I didnt dress out in dance and I got to stay with Sabrina. At brake I saw Sean he was in uniform so we couldnt hug or anything. Corey huged me at brake! lol No big deal he does alot. Me and Sean got to sit together again in the computer lab. When we were all done typeing our papers he held my hand wich was cool because He dont do stuff like that in uniform. At lunch I stayed with Michael, Mary and Sean for the most part. Rob came out there and was tring to make Sean jelous. I think it worked but Sean didnt get mad at me because Michael Beamon told him that he needs to be mad at Rob and not me cause in not going to do anything. In choras I had to go to the computer lab and I saw Sean on my way back. The rest of the class was a free period cause our teacher had to go somewere. Deja said she was friends with Breanna. I cant stand her only because of Rob. I know it is his falt and not hers but still. I found a note that Breanna wrote one of her friends saying that she might go out with Rob and all that shit. That pissed me off. That means that he is asking her out! He is saiyng that he is only wanting to be with me. BULL to the SHIT!! Ugh. On the way to the bus Sean kissed me! On the bus Corey and me were talking some. He huged me befor I got off the buss. I was really sad cause he has likesd Lindy and Sabrina and their like my best friends. Oh well I like him kinda but ill never be his number one or anyones for that matter. I am going to church tonight Michaels comeing. lol Yay. I am haveing a girl problem so I am haveing bad mood swings! It sux.

_morbid_reality @ 2004-10-26T16:59:00

2004-10-26T21:08:44Z

Yesterday was cool. Sean was being really lovey dovey and all that good stuff. Today was not so good I guess? In the morning I was with Sean and Nick. In first Sabrrina went home and that pissed me off because she was wearing a skirt with me and she was supposed to do something for me at brake! At brake Rob was all over me saying he loved me and all that stuff. Probably only because that lill whore Breanna went to the Romeo and Julet play with the 6th graders. In english we went to the computer lab. I sat beside Sean, He didnt talk much he just talked to Bobby but hey boys will be boys. In health Michael gave me my poems back, he wrote me two. They were sweet. At lunch I was so pissed off! Rob was all over me and Erika! Sean and him about got into another fight. I hate how they do that. They pretend like their not mad at each other untill Rob starts hugging on me than their true feelings come out. I wish they would grow up and work it out! Rob needs to stop being such a fucking wanna be pimp lyer and Sean needs to learn to stick up for himslf and express how he really feels! Well thats all pretty much I have to go call Rob "I told him I would".

Thanks for my layout Lindy i love it :)

_morbid_reality @ 2004-10-24T12:36:00

2004-10-24T16:47:00Z

Friday afternoon I talked to Corey, Micheal, Nick, kinda Chris and Sean. What I talked to Sean he was all telling me how he should have gone out with Mandy in the 8th grade and how he wanted to go out with this girl Chrystal Beel last year but she was taken! Rob called me friday night too and was telling me he was sorry about those notes he showed Sean. And he said it just seemed like a good idea at the time. He asked if he had lost me forever and I said I dont know you keep hurting me and I dont know why. He said he knows and he was sorry and that he wasnt tring to anymore. He said that I didnt know how manny times he had thought about leaving Jessica to me with me. He said Sabrina told me you really like Sean and I said I do I have to I dont have anyone else and he said you have me. He said he was sorry for alll he put me through and than he had to get off.

_morbid_reality @ 2004-10-22T17:17:00

2004-10-22T21:31:16Z

Well today when I got to school I hung out with Nick and Michael. At brake I stayed with Sean...I really like him I am glad he was nice enough to not brake up with me. I went and talked to Corey too. I huged him hee hee. Sean actualy waited on me after english today! He walked me to health. In health Micheal didnt hold my hand thank god but he did flirt. Curtis's gf Dana is going to jail for 2-4 for statatory rape. In lunch I was with my ean! :) Rob came up to me and said he still loved me even if I didnt belive him. I was like yeah whatever. He said he was sorry for yesterday and I was like sure.The rest of the day was blah but the parts with Sean made me happy. I wa son the but and I was messing around with Corey. He gave me his old neckless and a belt today. He likes me, I kinda like him but I really care abot Sean. Oh yeah I made A B honor role!