the hip hop hendrix.

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 23:54:44 GMT

ive yet to quit my job. i have hemorraging in my right eye, and extreme pressure behind both. the doctor gave me steroid drops which have not helped. im tired.

the salvation army had a twenty five percent off sale today, it was awesome.

xo, mo

Fri, 05 Jan 2007 03:17:58 GMT

im quitting my job. i have no particular affinity for the optical field. in fact, i couldnt give a rats ass about peoples eyes. my co-workers (okay not karay) and my boss are a bunch of vindictive pricks. i hope it isnt too late for me to register for the spring semester.

also, i love lauren for finally giving me a chance to use the line 'O R they?' in reference to my scrubs.

i want to finish school, and i want to be in love. i also want to move out of here, and start driving.

those are my goals for 2007. for once in my life my goals (well maybe with the exception of one) are all totally attainable.

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 05:24:57 GMT

i believe christmas livejournal to be the best looking of their holiday layouts thus far. how sad is it that i know that?!?

so, um moving on:

im considering selling my eggs to a needy (read: R I C H) family.

there is no moral dilemma (hah! me? morals?) but the hormone therapy, "non invasive" suction surgery, and the possibility of waiting a year to complete the entire process. &dont even get me started on the possible weight gain. (uggh, is it sad that id rather be thin than financially secure?)

w/e

any opinions? weigh in livejournalers...because im a bit confused and this one seems a little too personal to take the myspace board if you know what i mean.

sometimes when i read back on my entries i feel like i must be the lamest person alive.

xo, mo

ill always be by your side, even when youre down and out:

Sun, 03 Dec 2006 06:18:52 GMT

ive finally realized the reason i get so bummed out is because ultimately i just want everyone to be really happy and it frustrates me to no end that i cant make that happen. inevitably everyone (myself included) has to decide for themselves that they actually want to be okay.

oh livejournal, what a dizzy world!

Tue, 28 Nov 2006 05:10:59 GMT

i wish i knew where my copy of strange parallel that i jacked from elijah is because i used to watch this part over and over

i mean elliott smith covering my favorite george harrison song? its like moboheaven.

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 16:08:07 GMT

tonight is check yo ponytail because tomorrow is my burfday. so if i know you and you love me, go. because i only get out once a millenium, and if you blink youll totally fucken miss it.

thanks, xo mo.

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 05:19:45 GMT

ive pretty much done a complete mental overhaul since i was fifteen but no matter how much i change jason molinas voice will never cease to make me weak at the knees

that motherfucker gets me everytime

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 00:06:45 GMT

i used to think true love was staying by someones side no matter how shitty they treated you. being right there with them on the frontline to fight the addiction cheating lying &especially the bullshit.

but now through all this, im finally beginning to realize that maybe this isnt what is supposed to be.

perhaps there exists a world in which love means someone who cares enough about you not to put you through those things.

i thought my life was over when in reality its only just beginning.

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 15:29:58 GMT

i am currently working on a cover of this, oh peter sellers, how i love thee. (even if you were fucken crazy.)

ps
: my new job blows.

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 04:52:33 GMT

there is a light that shines, special for you and me.

searching for a place:

Sun, 22 Oct 2006 04:22:43 GMT

ive decided to take the job at the big saver corporate office. i will be a receptionist. it pays little more than my cashier job but i have weekends/holidays off and insurance for my son.

i feel like this is a step in the right direction.

im so tired. time for bed.

dont you know that its true that for me and for you the world is a ghetto

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 18:08:51 GMT

i remember listening to this on repeat for hours. what the fuck, im such a pussy now. with my braids and indian jewelry. these past few days ive been working on finding a happy medium.

Smiled that kind of icy blue smile of a noonday
Reckoning, the tied together two of tell-tale pictures
I've sketched in sand castle plots and plans. similar
Starting points, both for sin and shooting blanks. but
It's always the unseen sharp pang; the awkward rhythm
Of the dance like a tick-tock clock in that heart of
Hearts repeating, "there is no happy here, there is no
Happy here..." devil may care touches trickled down
Spine, thigh, and breast may never truly illuminate
The finer art of heartwork.

I was turning over with the sheets, and facing the
Arched back thinking of how my eyes, half-opened,
Caught her arm moving from side to side, but never to
Me. it's all connected by blank words to tell empty
Promises of clumsy miscommunication. so we say what we
Will, to see what we may, to find a Biblical knowing
Enfolded within the next few hours. it's too sad, too
Tragic... I spent myself choking on the motions
Leading up to said misfortune.

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 13:51:12 GMT

im eating boo berry cereal and its like having 'FUCK YEAH' in a bowl.

i have decided that from now on when i am feeling particularly rotund i will only refer to myself as Porker Posey.

hope all is well for you out in livejournal land.

xo, mo

ps:oscar i miss you.

i wish i were dead.

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 04:35:58 GMT

i did not get the job. i feel like i am slowly unraveling. or more accuratley like ive unraveled slowly.

it seems a bit silly to write these things in my livejournal but im not really in the mood to confront that part of my brain that desperatley wants me to grow up right now.

i am hoping things are on the mend, because i am just not into being depressed anymore. its been done. redone. overdone. im done with it, you know? i dont know.

tonight i realized that i love james just about as much as i hate him. but all in all i appreciate him and the role he has played in my life both negative and positive.

on that note i am having similarly strange feelings about/reflections on everything and everyone in my life right now.

i really want to cry. this entry was really weak and repetitive.

that is all livejournal, goodnight.

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 23:15:47 GMT

i got offered a job that pays double what im making right now. the only catch is that i would have to leave before miles woke up and i would be getting back just in time to get him ready for bed.

im really stressed right now and weighing the options.

Thu, 05 Oct 2006 17:32:53 GMT

in addition to clothes and random trinkets, miles will be getting the following for christmas:

fuck yeah.

working has its advantages, but mostly i just miss miles. &my feet hurt from standing in one place for seven hours straight.

xo, mo

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 23:49:54 GMT

the following is a short film written by miranda july and directed by miguel arteta that i have completely fallen in love with. it is only about four and a half minutes long so it wont take up too much of your time.

today i realized that i have no strong feelings or emotions or even an affinity towards any particular god or religious ceremony. its not that i am not open to some sort of 'religious experience' it is just that i have never heard nor witnessed anything that moved me in any sort of way nor have i participated in anything that felt like more than a mere act. today in the middle of church when james said "you know what you did in there right? you drank the blood of christ." my initial thoughts were along the lines of "no i drank a glass of grape juice." and it totally broke my heart. i would love to believe in something bigger than myself, but thus far i have not been able to. i hope the same does not hold true for my son.

xo, mo

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 04:33:42 GMT

sometimes when you step back and take stock you realize you care about people for all the wrong reasons and time is a very innacurate measure of friendship

i was supposed to be out celebrating tonight, oh fucken well.

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 18:39:59 GMT

I GOT A JOB AT A GROCERY STORE!

the sadness over no longer being able to spend every waking second with my son is competing with the elation over being one step closer to getting an apaertment for us and finally being the kind of mom he can respect/deserves.

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 05:19:48 GMT

sometimes things happen so fast that they dont really have a chance to sink in. it always hits you at the dtrangest times. everything will be seemingly fine, or at least normal, and all of a sudden youre a mess because you realize 'my life is totally shit right now.' &then you almost feel like you cant freak out because the storm has passed and it would just seem really wierd.

i just want to listen to piero and smoke cigarettes and maybe die. but i cant because im sick and shouldnt be smoking and have no cigarettes anyway, and fucken andy has my piero cd and im probably never going to get it back which i might be okay with but no im really not and i have a baby whos suvival depends on my being alive.

maybe ill just cry alot or something.

< / vent >

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 05:31:03 GMT

does anyone know how to save your buddylist on AIM triton? because i have a new screen name and dont want to go through the trouble of adding everyone one by one so if i could just import my list it would be much easier.

oh yeah

aim = gfunk regulators

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 05:25:31 GMT

normally, i refrain from making these sorts of post in my livejournal because i use it mainly as catharsis for my personal life and not some soap box but i really need to get this off of my chest...

i dont pretend to be the most politically savvy person alive, there are probably alot of things i dont know, and tons of things i know but dont really understand. i do however try my hardest to keep myself informed via sites like the guardian and other unbiased news sites which i now check almost religiously. that being said here are a few opinions i would like to express

our countrys stance on/role in the whole israel/lebanon debacle is downright stomach turning. at nineteen i know enough to distinguish right from wrong, just from injust....at roughly twice my age i cant figure out the excuse for those leading our country. i mean think about this most of lebanons casualties have been children, CHILDREN, and just about all of them are civilians....fuck...i cant even think about whats going on over there without starting to cry. my mom and i read this quote last night from an escapee they interviewed who said something along the lines of

"one of israel's soldiers gets kidnapped and the whole world goes crazy, but israel has kidnapped an entire nation"

jesus fucken christ.

look i dont know what i hoped to accomplish with this post. i dont want to be debbie downer, and im definitely not trying to tell anyone what to think or do. all i ask, no BEG of you, is that you keep yourselves informed, BE AWARE. because this doesnt just affect us. this is the world we are creating for future generations (if we make it that far) i know were supposed to be at an age where there is no tomorrow but if things continue in this fashion...there wont be.

okay so on a lighter note, the dye isnt even out of my hair and im already regretting it. bye bye red hairs, i loved thee well. its just time for some sort of change and since im not getting my hair cut until next month....gbye red, heeelllooooooooooooooooooo brown.

i really hope things are going well for you all, i was supposed to wash my hair like ten minutes ago and my head is really burning.

xo, xo, mo

Wed, 12 Jul 2006 00:07:19 GMT

my darling boy, i cannot believe we have actually made it this far. you have brought more beauty to my life than you could possibly know. everytime i look into your little eyes or feel your tiny hand slipping into mine i know that everything has been worth it...all the long nights, heart ache, all the drama and stress, everything i have been through and all of the mistakes ive made have led me to you miles luna, and i wouldnt have it any other way.

so happy first year my son, thank you for sharing it with me, and may we have a million more.

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 18:35:22 GMT

thanks bella.

Fri, 12 May 2006 04:40:41 GMT

CALLING FOR ALL OLD PHOTOS!

if you have any pictures of you and i on your computer or lying around or whatnot. i would totally love to see them

thanks.