Holy eyes...

_mixxtape @ 2007-02-12T10:00:00

2007-02-12T10:00:57Z

Family, friends, Jay.

Music, shopping, dancing.

High heels, dresses, cardigans.

Jesse Lacey, Robert Smith, Morrissey.

Nights out, summertime.

Memories, photographs.

Julian B & Noel F.

Good hair days.

London.

Love ♥

"...You're such a strange girl..."

2007-01-23T12:22:59Z

I wish I could shake off this feeling of unhappiness I keep getting.

Me and Amme kep arguing all the time.

My dad gets stressed out every single night whenever I go round, not at me but at having 4 children to look after I guess.

I hate not seeing my friends enough.

I miss Jay unbearable amounts.

I want my own place and my own freedom and somewhere I feel like I belong, then I don't want my own place because I couldn't stand to be alone all the time, and then I do again then change my mind back again. This is about 10 times a day.

I hate just moaning on for the sake of it. I wish I could just get to the root of what gets me down like this I suppose. At least it's easier to put it ina a livejournal entry than have to burden someone with my "problems" that really are just in my own mind.

On the plus side I rediscovered my Jimmy Eat world albums this morning and it's payday in 3 days and I'm getting my hair done on Thursday so I should just focus on all that :)

"...I always could count on futures, and things would look up, they'd look up..."

2007-01-03T15:26:35Z

2006/2007.

Happy New Year girlies :)

Gosh I haven’t updated this for about a million years, but I thought seeing as it’s a new year and a fresh start and all that I should put down my resolutions into words and let go of 2006 as well.

So, first things first- 2006, overall, was not my best year.

On the plus side;

+ Work. I held down an entire year at a full time job, and then when the time came to move on I was offered loads of interviews and more than one job. I know now as well that I definitely picked the right one and I’m going to be earning quite a lot more money in 2007. So that’s good.

+ Jay. The whole year up until he moved in September was pretty much just a horrible build up and knowing he was leaving soon, and since he’s been in Wales I have missed him incredible amounts. In a weird way though since the move I feel like we’re even closer and I love him even more, because the times I do get to see him are so special and I know now more than ever how strong our relationship is to maintain it long-distance.

+ Family. This time last year I wasn’t even speaking to my dad and I hadn’t gone round to see Amme, Naomi and Alex in months, now I get on with my dad better than I ever have done, I’ve been going round and seeing them all much more, I help out with housework etc and now I feel like I’m a proper part of the family again.

+ Friends. I could not have survived this year if I hadn’t had such lovely supportive friends around me. I have had a lot of fun nights out and got closer to some friends, I’ve met some really lovely new people, I’ve also got back in contact with a couple of old friends. The main people I’m thankful for are of course you two gils though- however much our lives have changed as we’ve got older and we see each other less, knowing that you’re there and I can be completely myself around you and open up to you about anything at any time has got me through some really hard times and I hope you both know that. I want us to be best friends forever and I honestly believe, even if by the time we’re 30 Kat lives in Spain and Laura is running the Royal Bank of Scotland and I’m shacked up with Jay god-knows-where, we’ll still be there for each other and care about each other as much as we do now.

+ My birthday. I was really worried that people wouldn’t bother showing up etc but I was really touched by how many people either came for the meal or the night out (or both ^_^) and once we actually managed to get in to Kitch I had such a fun drunk night, no one fell out or got upset, I spent next to nothing thanks to Dan paying for my meal and people keeping me in (very cheap) drinks all night, the music was good, and me and Jay got a really special taxi home with a TV in it!! ^_^

+ Holidays. Going to see Brand New on London in the summer was one of the most amazing things ever, I saw my favourite band in my favourite place, me and Amme got to stay in a gorgeous hotel, it was sunny and hot the whole time, I bought far too many clothes, I got to talk to Jesse Lacey out of an open window… I can’t wait to go back!! Also, going to Newquay with Jay for his brother’s wedding was so lovely and romantic, the hotel was amazing, Newquay is gorgeous with all beaches and sunshine and sea, I got to swim in our own PRIVATE POOL, it was an excuse to drink all the time, and the wedding ceremony itself was really sweet.

+ MEETING MITCHELL AND WEBB. I can die happy now!

On the negative side;

- Jay moving. Although I am so glad he was here for the summer it felt like there was this big black cloud hanging over us the whole time knowing he was going to be moving soon. Plus I missed out on the holiday to Spain, which I’m so gutted about. We had loads of horrible arguments when I was drunk and it was all coz I was so scared of losing him. Now he is living in Wales I just miss him immensely until he comes back. I really am trying to stay positive but it’s been such a tough year in that respect.

- Hadfield. I can’t express strongly enough how much I hate where my mum lives now. I’m exhausted from travelling backwards and forwards there all the time, and I’m sick of spending an absolute fortune getting taxis back if I miss the last train, or I always have to take fucking sackfuls of clothes out with me so I’ll have something to wear the next day if I stay over at people’s houses. I’ve recently discovered that one of my friends, Klaire, has just moved there so I now will have one person I know around there, but other than that I don’t have anyone out there. It’s freezing cold or windy all the time, there’s nothing to do there. And it’s absolutely filled with chavs. Getting the train, especially at night is awful coz they’re all in groups drinking and fighting on the train. I can never just go out on the spur of the moment coz it takes so long to travel. Plus Naomi, Ann-Marie and Alex hardly ever go to my mum’s coz of how far it is so it’s so lonely. And I really dislike Andrew. And the shower’s rubbish. So yes, I HATE Hadfield with a passion.

- Losing touch with friends/drifting apart. I have missed and drifted apart from too many people this year and it really saddens me. People like Laura McDermott, Hanan and Sarah Bailey I only get to see occasionally because of uni, and Emmy has become one of my best friends over the course of this year so when she goes to Nottingham I miss her incredible amounts. Steven from college used to be one of my best mates and I didn’t see him once in all of 2006 I don’t think. I’ve also only seen Lauren a handful of times this year and it doesn’t feel like it’s “the 4 of us” anymore. However I do have my 2 very best girls for the 6th year in a row, and I honestly do feel truly blessed by that.

Also, although I’ve met some really lovely people this year, there’s no one I really feel has become a close new friend in 2006- I think that’s partly due to not seeing them enough and partly coz I’m usually drunk when I do see them so it’s harder to feel a really deep connection with someone when it’s like that.

- Meeting pricks. Or just the one singular dickhead really who tried to split me and Jay up. Stupid tosser Luke, having to see him at the SU every week makes me want to cave his face in =[

- My grandparents getting ill. On both sides of my family this year, my grandparents have been getting worse- both my granddads are doing ok but my Nana and my Grandma have both been in hospital this year. Seeing my Grandma in hospital on Christmas Eve with a back brace on was really hard, and she didn’t recognise me at first either. My nana’s had a couple of pretty bad falls, and she probably hasn’t left the house more than a dozen times in an entire year. She finds it really painful just walking around now and she constantly has to have something or someone to hang on to in case she falls. I know grandparents getting older and eventually passing away is a fact of life we all have to deal with but it’s incredibly upsetting sometimes.

- Wasting money. God when I think about the number of clothes and shoes and bags etc I’ve bought this year that I don’t really need, I could seriously have been saving up for my own place with that money. Plus there’s plenty of things I bought that I don’t even like now etc and it’s all so wasteful. It makes me feel selfish as well, knowing that really I could have given some of that money to people who really need it rather than fritter it away. Hmm.

- Losing self esteem and confidence. This has been by far the worst thing about 2006, and I suppose it’s due to all the other negative things that have happened that I’ve felt so low about myself in 2006. I know I’ve never been really outspoken or confident, and I’ve never been that secure in myself but way, way too many times this year I’ve fallen apart at the end of a night out and cried, fought with Jay, etc. I’ve felt really lonely a lot of times, and like I’ve needed to get really drunk some nights just to be able to talk to people on nights out. I’ve felt shy to ask friends if they want to meet up coz I’m scared of rejection, I’ve felt like I have nothing interesting to say a lot of the time- I never feel good about how I look, I’ve quite often just don’t feel like I fit in, I’ve felt as though some people don’t care about me like they used to, I’ve felt used… :(

Basically this year sort of felt like someone took a giant magnifying glass to everything I dislike about myself and followed me round with it all year long to the point where even on a really fun night out, I know there’s this little voice and these bad thoughts that are never far away, and it doesn’t take much and suddenly I’m feeling like the most horrible, worthless person ever.

Well. No more feeling sorry for myself because really it’s silly. Life is only what you make it, and I’m very lucky to have a job I like, family, friends and a boyfriend I love, I’m healthy, I can afford to buy myself nice things and pretty dresses, I’m young and I have a lot of opportunities ahead of me.

So my new years resolutions are:

1)Not to let the “I’m too shy” excuse hold me back any more. If I really want something, I am going to have to make myself find the courage to go after it. And try to worry less about what others think of me.

2)To see all my friends but especially you two, Laura and Kat, as much as I possibly can.

3)Save up. I’m going to try really hard not to waste so much money on dresses I wear once and never again, and instead start saving up for my future with Jay.

4)Drink less. Not that I drink loads, but coz I’m such a lightweight it does affect me horribly some times.

5)Learn to drive. I think it’s about time now really; I can’t put it off forever.

6)Get contact lenses. Just for the sake of vanity really, but I’m sick of never being able to see where I’m going properly unless I have my glasses on, which I refuse to wear except at home when no one but my family are around, and at work.

7)Travel. I went to London, Newquay and Wales in 2006 but I want to visit new places. I really want to go abroad, I want more adventures like the ones to Newcastle and Sheffield me and Amme went on the summer before this one, I want to make some really amazing memories this year. So far already I know I’m going to London again, to Bradford, to Liverpool and to Birmingham for concerts so that should be an easy one to stick to :) I also want to try new places for nights out instead of the same old SU and the same few places in Manchester- I want to broaden my mind and meet new people!

8)De-clutter. I need to get rid of all the stuff, old clothes I don’t wear any more, papers and things I don’t need anymore that I’ve been hoarding and learn to be bloody tidier!

9)Celebrate every special occasion properly. Birthdays, anniversaries, Valentines Day, Easter, Halloween, bonfire night, Christmas. I want to get dressed up and do something I will remember forever for ALL of them.

Last but not least…

10)To update my live journal more! And also maybe start keeping a written diary. I really miss when I used to have a fantastic night out or something really special happened and writing reams and reams about it then being able to look back and remember how happy I was on times when I’m feeling down.

_mixxtape @ 2006-11-01T16:00:00

2006-11-01T16:00:24Z

Tonight’s plan:

Home
Have tea (cereal, nice and quick)
Dye hair
Don fishnets, corset, lacy black gloves, super high heels, lots of eyeliner and red lipstick
Go to Rocky Horror night at the SU
Get v drunk
Get glared at on last train home to Hadfield
Watch “The Smoking Room” on DVD til I fall asleep/pass out

Rest of the week’s plan:

Nurse hangover tomorrow AM
Take Alex and Naomi to see “Click” at the Printworks
Quality time with Amme
Work on Friday
Then home, SU, Laura’s house
Lie in bed all Saturday morning while Loz is at work ;)
Dance, get ready and have pre drinks with Laura on her return
Further drinking and dancing in Manchester
Crawl back to Laura’s
Crawl home Sunday morning
Recover
Get train to Macclesfield
Watch fireworks
Eat treacle toffee
Dance about with sparklers
Sleep at Lizzie’s

Begin work week exhausted and start counting down til the next weekend :))))

Laura- thank you so much for a lovely meal last night, it was so much fun to see you!
“I just want to be able to flush the toilet when ever I want!!!”

Kat- I hope you’re having such a wonderful time in Spain, you lucky, lucky lady! Can’t wait to see you when you get back!!!

"...I'm pretty like drugs..."

2006-10-16T15:06:25Z

EXCITEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDDDD!!

I can’t wait for my birthday!

Really really I can’t!

Had such a fun weekend the one just gone, me and Jay went to the SU Thursday and Friday then on Saturday a few of us went out for Nat’s birthday, I experienced my first TRIPLE Jaeger with coke and was suitable wasted at a place called the Thirsty Scholar, where they played The Cure and Siouxsie and the Banshees til 3 am :).

Spent a really lovely Sunday afternoon evening cuddling with Jay in front of Anchorman and generally recovering! Having him back I the absolute best thing ever, it really is. I’m just trying no to think about him going again.

Anyway.

Mmm, and I have really nice Pantene hair stuff that’s like leave in conditioner, it makes my hair all nice and shiny and soft.

And eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee only 4 days til my birthday- did I mention that??

Hope you both had a lovely weekend xxx

Boredy mc Bored

2006-10-13T12:50:06Z

1. Who/what would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?
I would say Jay but tbh I don’t think he has the shopping stamina and it’d make sex a bit awkward.

2. Who do you blame for your mood today?
Hangover I blame on myself, inane happiness on Jay

3. Have you ever seen a bad accident?
Touch wood, I don’t think I have.

4. What should we do with stupid people?
Play cruel jokes only clever people would understand on them. They deserve it for being stupid.

5. How long do you think you will live?
50/60. I’m not planning on being any older than that ta.

6. What was the first thing you did this morning?
Pressed snooze about 15 times, forced myself out of bed and cleaned my teeth.

7. The colour of the walls in your bedroom?
White and pink

8. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
None, I haven’t taken it yet!

9. Last person you went out to dinner with?
Laura, Kat and Lauren for cocktails and tea last Thursday :)

10. Are you spoiled?
Yeah, but I spoil myself coz it’s my own money I earn then spend.

11. Do you drink lots of water?
Yes, it’s all I drink at work

12. What toothpaste do you use?
Whichever is on the shelf, normally Colgate

13. How do you vent your anger?
Scream, cry, shout, kick!

14. The last compliment you received?
Jay told me I was beautiful last night and this morning

15. Do you look more like your mother or father?
I wouldn’t say I look like either of them that much tbh.

16. When was the last time you threw up?
Last Saturday at Rock Kitchen, erk.

17. Is your best friend a virgin?
I stole her virginity a million years ago.

18. What theme does your room have?
Pink and messy!

20. Are you a momma's child or a daddy's child?
A mummy’s girl, although I do love my dad very much and he Makes me cry laughing when I go round.

21. Would you ever join the military?
Absolutely not.

22. The last website you visited?
Myspace. Lame.

23. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
Katie

24. Next concert your going too?
I don’t knowwwwwww it’s a surprise!!!

25. Last person you went to the cinema with?
Jay in Wales, we saw Talladega Nights.

27. Number of layers on your bed?
Depends, normally 1, sometimes 2.

28. Is anything alive in your room?
Flowers

29. Today, would you rather go back a week or go forward a week?
FORWARD TO MY BIRTHDAYYYYYYYY

30. What are you looking forward to right now?
Saturday night, it’s Nat and Gracie’s birthdays!!

31. Did You Realise There Was No Question 19?
Lol, no

50 random things about YOU

1. Where is your dad right now?
At work

2. Last time you kissed someone?
This morning

3. What is something you've learned about yourself recently?
I need to get some more self confidence

4. What colour is your watch?
Invisible

5. Do you like anyone?
Obvvvvv

6. Are you close to your mum?
Yes I am <3

7. Where does your best friend(S) work?
Royal Bank of Scotland/Blockbusters
8. What are you listening to right now?
City and Colour

9. What do you smell like?
Deodorant

10. What colour are your pants?
Knickers? Pink

12. What colour is your bedroom flooring?
Purple

13. Do you have a chair in your room?
No, it had to move to make room for clothes!!!

14. What time of day were you born?
Evening? I’m not sure

15. Do you know anyone who is engaged?
Yes.

16. What's your favourite number?
14

17. Do you know someone named Lori?
Sadly not

18. What colour is your mum's hair?
Blonde

19. Do you have a dog?
No. I have a fish.

20. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid?
Erm yes.

21. When was the last time you went swimming?
Summer at some point

22. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings?
Last night

23. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
No

24. Do you play an instrument?
No. I can do the absolute minimum on the guitar and keyboard and that’s it.

25. Do you like fire?
Not in the destructive burning houses down way. In the hot chocolate and middle of winter way though, yes.

26. Are you allergic to anything?
Not that I know of.

27. When was the last time you cried?
Last Saturday I think.
29. Have you ever been to a spa?
Not yet, I’m going with Lorraine next month though!

30. Did you take science all four years of high school?
Yes. And it’s five years.

31. Do you like butterflies?
Yes they’re gorgeous and feature on my amazing new dress!

33. What is one thing you miss about your past?
Just being really carefree and how easy it was to see my best friends every single day

34. Have you ever see the school counsellor?
No.

35. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher?
I used to want to be a primary school, teacher, and did my work experience there. It was really fantastic, then all of a sudden I decided I don’t like children… :/

36. What is one thing you've learned about life?
Everything happens for a reason

37. Are you jealous of anyone?
Erm. Only like, gorgeous celebrities and the like!

38. Is anyone jealous of you?
Not that I know of. I’m not that enviable!!

39. Ever been stuck in an elevator?
Only for a minor amount of time.

40. What does your dad call you?
Hez

41. What does your mom call you?
Hez

42. What does you hair look like right now?
Passable.

43. Has a friend ever used you?
Yes. They aren’t a friend any more.

44. Has anyone recently told you that they like you more than as a friend?
No.

45. What have you eaten today?
An apple

46. Is your hair naturally curly or straight?
Wavy-ish

48. Who was the last person you drove with?
My mum last night to SU, aww!

49. What are you looking forward to?
Saturday night, Nat and Fit Gracie’s b-day!

50. How are you today?
I’m very, very well =]

"...missed me, missed me, now you have to kiss me..."

2006-10-10T17:00:41Z

Gossshhhh long time no update.

JAY IS HOME IN TWO DAYS.

The good ol' ball and chain.

Last night after work Wheeler inroduced me to loads of fabulous places in the Northern Quarter in manchester. We went to Cafe Pop, Thunder Egg, and Oddbar for drinks.

And we tried on scarves and hats in Primark. I bought a glittery top, glittery necklace, silver hair bows and these amazing music note earrings. Yesterday's theme was glitter.

Last Thursday seeing my 3 best friends again all at the same time was such a rare treat and just wonderful. I had such fun. Cocktails and you 3 more often please ^_^

Friday me and Amme went to see McFly, we were insanely late and missed about the first half hour thanks to random druggies talking to us n trams, but when we actually got there it was terrific. I love rubbish pop music =]

Rock Kitchen on Saturday was really, really good, but because all I'd eaten was a bowl of cereal all day I went from 0-wasted in 4 Cherry VKs and was really sick. Ended up paying 35 quid for a taxi home at 3am, but until then it was fun. Kitch seemed dancier and nicer than I remembered, maybe coz it's so long since I last went.

Work this week so far has been horrid, but at the same time I don't want to leave there for my new job. Yesterday was too busy, today I was too tired. I fell sound asleep almost all the way home on the train this evening.

Bah, I wish it was the weekend NOWWWWW. Or at least Thursday.

10 days to my birthday, so at least even if I don't get to see my lovelies oth at th same time before then, I have that to look forward to ^_^

Love you both so much

:(

2006-10-02T23:04:52Z

I want to go back to believing in everything.

....

2006-09-19T20:34:05Z

I went to 36 Crzyfists with Lisa and Lizzie last night

:)

_mixxtape @ 2006-09-14T11:21:00

2006-09-14T10:16:34Z

Well.

London was just amazing.

Brand New were just amazing.

We kept seeing people we knew when we came out of the gig, and it felt really strange being in London and meeting up with people from Manchester. Also I met this guy called Mason I talk to on myspace, and we saw Joe McSpraggan(!), and we went round the back to meet that band and spoke to Jesse Lacey through a window!!!

The hotel was beautiful, absolutely lovely. Me and Amme had the best time ever.

I ate at Eat and M&S food for the very first time (mmmm, posh pasta salad yumminess)

And we shopped, shopped, shopped in Camden Market and Oxford Circus- I got:
A pink polka dot bag
A white tee shirt with pink strawberries on it
A brown mini skirt
A blue halter top (“at least you guys can wear halters, I’ve got man shoulders ^_^) with hearts on it
Some cute hair clips
Pic n mix
A red jacket
A blue corsety/vest top with flowers on it
A cream dress with a brown bow on the front
A pink necklace with a butterfly on it
…I think that’s it, I may be forgetting :]

Monday when we got back I was KNACKERED at work, went back to my mum’s to recover and get ready then met Laura McDermott in town at 10. Had the BEST night, we started off in Baa Bar with cocktails (Desperate Housewives are the FITTEST THINGS EVER) and made friends with a gay guy who jumped on top of us, then went onto Revolver which is one of the funnest places ever. The bouncers were really nice to us coz we were “rock chicks” and the bar staff kept serving us even though we were stood in the wrong place. It’s in the Roadhouse downstairs (and it’s BOILING in there) but they play really good 60s music, like the Kinks and Aretha Franklin, and everyone just dances together and is really friendly and eee it was so fun.

On the way to Istanbul’s for pizza this black guy pounced on us and wouldn’t leave us alone for ages, he kept asking me to be his “baby girl” and wanted us to meet him and his cousin in some chav club, it was quite funny coz were just laughing in his face but at the same time it was like “GO. AWAY.”

Bought pizza and chips on the way home and I was trying to explain how ketchup stops you getting cancer, to which Laura replied “Goodbye cancer, hello heart disease.”

Then we dived into a taxi and got back to Laura’s where we chatted til about half past 3 then Laura tucked me into bed “like my Nana.”

I booked Tuesday off work so I lay in til about half 11 then went to wake Laura up, we sat in her bed for an hour or so groaning about our crusty eyes and massive hair then I got a taxi to my dad’s changed out of my 60’s yellow mini skirt and black jumper and into some jeans, then got the train to my mum’s.

Last night me and Loz couldn’t start the dance class coz she’s all full of a cold, so just ended up doing sod all, but we did have a nice chat on the phone, then I bugged Amme for a few hours to laugh at crab DNA, then of to bed.

SU tonight, Sarah Bailey from college is going to say goodbye coz she’s off to uni in Chester soon, think I’d best not get too drunk tonight as have to be up early for going to Wales in the morning.

ARGGGGGGHHHHH WALES WALES WALES.

Don’t know how I feel!

Excited to see Jay, sad already about saying goodbye.

By the way Kat- just want you to know how much I love you and am always here for you. Anything you want or need, let me know and I’ll do whatever I can for you. <3

"...you'll be sorry when I'm gone..."

2006-09-06T15:44:01Z

Fantastic news.

Because when your boyfriend moves hundereds of miles away, hearing that he's got a job working in a NIGHTCLUB is just what you want.

no good can come of this.

i bet they'll be scantily clad ho-bags he can cop off with everywhere. It's not like anyone around will know him and be able to tell me if something happens.

...and we all know people that work in bard don't give 2 shits that they have a girlfriend if they fancy one of the regulars.

FUCKING JGFIUT8UERIGDFJKGFJHGJFHGJFJBNJFN!

_mixxtape @ 2006-09-05T23:12:00

2006-09-05T22:17:32Z

This world, I am afraid, Is designed for crashing bores
I am not one, I am not one
You don't understand, You don't understand, And yet you can
Take me in your arms and love me, Love me, And love me

Take me in your arms and love me, Love me, love me
Take me in your arms and love me, Take me in your arms and love me

"...like the circles that you find, in the windmills of your mind..."

2006-09-05T10:06:54Z

Happy. Sad.

So it’s now been nearly a week since Jay’s family packed their bags and off they went to Wales. Been keeping myself as busy as possible to keep my mind off missing him but it’s hard- on Wednesday me and Laura went for a drink at Wetherspoons after work then I sort of crashed when I got to my mum’s. Thursday was my first SU without Jay in God knows how many months. I had to pay to get in! :[ I miss the advantages of sleeping with a member of SU staff and getting guest listed already! Once in, Wheeler and Lizzie and the Katies and Luke and Jenni and Sophie were there, so I had a bit but not too much to drink, so that I was merry and dancing, not crying and bleh. Hairy Paul bless him, played plenty of “bad” music I could dance to. Went back to my Dad’s after and I was drunker than I realised I suppose coz I managed to fall asleep on Amme’s floor with no cushions or anything under me, just a thin duvet, I was freezing when I woke up. Felt really ill and ended up phoning in sick, I pretty much did nothing all day then at 5 to 9 I set off on the endless journey from Bramhall to Hadfield. :[

Getting of the train and walking on my own through Hadfield at 11 at night is NOT something I want to repeat, there were loads of underage drunk chavs everywhere and I have to go down some really dark, isolated streets to get to my mum’s, I was convinced I was going to get mugged/raped/shot/beaten up/pitch-forked by a raving farmer. But then as I got on my mum’s road and was walking down the hill I could see these headlights beaming in the dark and as I got nearer who should be there in the car but my lovely amazing Jayface! Had the nicest night on Friday, just cuddling and talking and sexing and ahh. It was so lovely and I just never wanted the night to end. Saturday morning we had the house to ourselves, so we had some sex and cereal and went to Manchester for a bit, I got some sexy new Topshop jeans, then went to meet Ellen and Chris at Asda at 5. got some curries and plenty of alcohol (including “Princess drinking kits” that me and Ell got, with a Smirnoff-y type drink and a tiara and wand) and went back to their flat. Jay and Chris then went on a mission to Oldham for weed, while me and Ellen cooked, and danced round to girly music. By the time Jay and Chris got back I was pretty well drunk, and we all proceeded to get more so til eventually we passed out. It was such fun.

Sunday, me and Jay battled through the world’s biggest hurricane and rainstorm to get from Chorlton to Hadfield, then before I had chance to even wash my bloody awful hair it was time to meet Kat and Loz at the Chinese buffet place in Stockport. I’m really sorry by the way, about how quiet and down seeming we both were, Jay was just dreading going back to Wales which in turn got me really down. Thanks for a really nice night though!

Yesterday at work I was feeling really crappy, me and Ann-Marie had had a fight when I got back to my Dad’s on Sunday and basically I just felt completely lost, like I don’t have a home any more- I’m staying at my Dad’s but none of my things are there, I have no bed or room to call my own, but then when I’m at my Mum’s it’s so far away from everyone and everywhere I know that it doesn’t feel like home either. Then the guy at Bramhall train station was a complete arsehole to me when I was trying to get on the train and I ended up missing it coz he made me late buying a ticket then let everyone else on without one, I was so stressed I was nearly in tears.

Lisa and my mum sent me nice emails all day, which made up for a really quite bad day at work, then at 5 I met Loz and her dad and went back for pasta (and CHEESE!) then to see “You,” “Me,” “and” “Dupree” “by” “Universal” “Pictures” which was rather funny and Owen Wilson is rather delicious with his 7 stages of smoke.

Had the best drive home from Parrs Wood blasting Catatonia and taking turns to sing the “Ballad of Tom Jones” (I never threw my knickers at you!), watched some fairly depressing programme about beauty pageant contestants in America and went to bed.

Jay kept sending me really sweet texts while I was just getting off to sleep, ended up having a little cry at the last one which said:

“Love you, will see you in your dreams.”

I miss him so much.

Must keep busy.

See you both tomorrow :)

^_^

2006-09-02T10:04:39Z

Hes here! He's upstairs in my bed :]

I'm not letting him go back on sunday!

Lovely weekend planned. Me and Jay, and Emo and Amy are going to Ellen and Chri's flat tonight for cheap booze, then tomorrow I see my best girls and my best boy for a Chinese.

Happy happy happy.

QUIZZLE MCDIZZLE, FO'SHIZZLE MA NIZZLE.

2006-08-29T13:41:51Z

1. How tall are you barefoot?
5, 4 or 5 or somthing???

2. Have you ever been cheated on?
I hope not!

3. Do you own a gun?
No. How silly.

4. If you had a mental disorder, what would it be?
I think I do have a bit of an obsessive-compulsive nature.

5. How many letters are in your crush's name?
3, or 6 if you're using the full name :]

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Vile. Eurgh. Vom.

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
"Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," or "Santa Baby."

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
If I'm at work, Diet Coke for the caffeine. Otherwise, fruit juice.

9. Do you do push-ups?
No, but at my Dad's I do pull ups.

10. Have you ever done ecstasy?
No, no, no. Daft.

11. Do you like DisneyWorld?
I've never beeeeeeeen.

12. Do you like the rain?
Occasionally it's nice, especially at night and you're indoors all cosy. But generally it's a pain in my arse.

13. Do you own a knife?
Not of my very own.

14. What do you smell like?
Shampoo and deodrant I hope. I'm very clean today.

15. Do you have A.D.D.?
No.

16. Full initials?
H. L.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
Train tickets to London.
Going for my meal tonight with Jay.
Why's it effing raining again?

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought.
Chewing gum, heat magazine, lipgloss.

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink.
Vodka, diet coke, irn bru, water, WKD.

20. What time did you wake up today?
6:20am

21. Can you spell?
I'm a very good speller.

22. Current worry?
Jay leaving tomorrow.

23. Current hate?
Wales. Stupid awful sheepy grey mountainous crappy Wales.

24. Favorite place to be?
Oh there's too many!

25. Least favorite place to be?
The 16:36 train to Hadfield, packed with chavs on a miserable Monday.

26. Where do you want to go?
Japan

27. Do you own slippers?
Yes, Laura McD bought me the best fluffy pink slippers.

28. Where do you think you will be in 10 years?
Somewhere good please.

29. Do you tan or burn?
Bit of both. Emphasis on the bit.

30. Yellow or blue?
Blue.

31. Would you give up your current life to be a pirate?
Ho, ho, hell no.

32. Last time your mobile rang?
Before, Loz phoned me and it instantly died. Quelle Surprise.

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
"Maneater," most recently.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
The man under the bed.

35. What's in your pockets right now?
Nothing.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Cheap skate biscuits and Bicardi.

37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
Awww, these stripey ones with "Furry Friends" on them. they were lovely. I really like my Hello Kitty duvent atm though.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Spraining my ankle.

39. What is your GPA?
What's that?

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Which house? 3 at my mum's, 4 at my dad's.

41. Who is your loudest friend?
Probably Lizzie.

42. Who is your most silent friend?
I don't have any silent friends.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Jay damn well better.

44. Do you wish on stars?
Lalalalalalalalala. Yes no yes no.

46. What song did you last hear?
"Poor Leno, Poor Madame Hollywood" by Felix Da Housecat. It's sublime.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
"Colourblind" by Counting Crows.

49. What were you doing 12AM last night?
Having sex :]]]]]]]]]]]

"...I am running out of time..."

2006-08-23T12:29:56Z

Feeling really low today.

Not only is Jay moving to Wales exactly one week from now, but today my mum is at hospital having a lump on her breast examined.

I really, really don't feel like being at work today.

"There's just a reason you cry..."

2006-08-19T11:41:06Z

Aiseleyne was robbed in Big Brother.

Fortune Favour Nothing were robbed in the Battle of the Band Thursday.

I have a job interview Monday and am intenseley nervous about it.

That is all.

=]

_mixxtape @ 2006-08-07T20:08:00

2006-08-07T19:10:08Z

Newquay was amazing.

The hotel was amazing.

the wedding was beautiful.

The sun shone all weekend.

I've come home brimming with love for my wonderful Jayface :]

Happy. Peaceful.

2006-07-31T22:36:43Z

I've had a fantastic weekend.

SU Friday.

Seeing Amme and Naomi and Alex on Saturday.

Picnic with Bez and Lizzie and Luke on Sunday.

Pizza and giant garlic bread with Laura today.

I can take deep breaths again. :]

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
And nobody's gonna bring me down today
Been feeling like nothing's been going my way lately
But I decided right here, and now, that my outlook's gonna change
That's why I'm gonna
Say goodbye to all the tears I've cried
Everytime somebody hurt my pride
Feelin' like they won't let me live life
Take the time to look at what is mine

I see every blessing so clearly
And I thank God for what I got from above

I believe they can take anything from me
But they can't succeed in taking my inner peace from me
They can say all they wanna say about me
But I'm gonna carry on
Keep on singing my song

I never wanna dwell on the pain again
There's no use in reliving how I hurt back then
Remembering too well the hell I felt when I was running out of faith
Every step I'm about to take moves towards a better day
Cause I'm about to
Say farewell to every single lie
And all the fears I've held too long inside
Everytime I felt I couldn't try
All the negativity inside

For too long, I've been strugglin', couldn't go on
But now I've found I'm feelin' strong and I'm moving on

I believe they can take anything from me
But they can't succeed in taking my inner peace from me
They can say all they wanna say about me
But I'm gonna carry on,
Keep on singing my song

Every time I tried to be what they wanted from me
It never came naturally, so I ended up in misery
Was unable to see all the good around me
Wasted so much energy on what they thought of me
Than simply just remembering to breathe
I'm humanly unable to please everyone at the same time
So now I find my peace of mind living one day at a time

In the end I answer to one god
Comes down to one love till I get to heaven above

I have made the decision
Never to give in
Till the I day I die no matter what
Im gonna carry on, keep on singing my song

"...where is my mind?"

2006-07-29T06:28:22Z

This morning I left a message with Off the Record, a counseilling service for young people.

I think it's time I spoke to someone before I self destruct.

“You know how I know you’re gay?”

2006-07-25T08:59:48Z

Sweaty towels. Bum biting. Orbiting emos. Combichrist. Homina. 70’s head banging.

Yellow mini skirts. Mistaken identities. Sanitary towels on scene kids backs. Sanitary towels in DJ booths. Mini bottles of wine. The time warp. Gracie’s stripey tights. Rooftops. 24 hour Tesco. Luke’s driving. Slidey floors. Escalators. Opportunistic chavs. KT and Lora in the Tesco toilets. Giant not-WKDs. Pro plus. The feeling we might die. Too much alcohol. Multi storey car parks. Bottle throwing. Pissing in corners. “SUCH a lesbian.” Jilly’s Rockworld. Acting non-drunk. ID love? Too many rooms. Sitting on dance floors. Hugs. Passing out on backseats. Home at 4am.

Pro plus. 15 year olds. Vodka. Katie’s garden. Spice girls. Bez in a pink tee shirt. Space cakes. Poppers. Hair extensions. Johnny Depp as masturbation material. Who ARE those people. Von Dutch hats. Bathtubs. Skittles. Scene kids. Sunlounger bondage. Drunk Wheeler. Absinthe. Patio steps. Jam roll. Bullseye. Snoring. Mullets. Fall Out Boy being gay. Lostprophets being gay. High as a kite at 6am. Rage Against the Machine. Amme’s tumbleweed. Katiespacecakes. McDonalds drive thrus. Screaming. Comedowns. Nose bleeds. Tiny wolverine dogs.

Laura. Sunbathing. The very best of old skool euphoric choons. Throwing some shapes in the garden. Pizza. Door of photos. The 40 year old virgin. Vince Vaughn. Paul Rudd. Jurassic Park. Best friends. Sleep-selling bank loans.

“You know how I know Lizzie’s gay?
“Bum chum!”

“You know how I know Katie’s gay?”
“She has a mullet.”

“You know how I know Wheeler’s gay?”
“Bulls eye!”

“You know how I know Amme’s gay?”
“Tumbleweed.”

“You know how I know I’m gay?”
“I did poppers and got a nose bleed.”

“You know how I know Lora’s gay?”
“Wait, where is Lora?”

“You know how I know Luke’s gay?”
“He’s definitely asleep.”

“You know how I know Bez is gay?”
“He looks better in my pink tee shirt than me.”

“You know how I know you’re gay?”
“You’re from London.”

“You know how I know you’re gay?”
“You’re in Fall Out Boy.”

“You know how I know you’re gay?”
“You’re in the Lostprophets.”

“You know how I know you’re gay?”
“You’re wearing a Von Dutch hat.”

“Helen you’re such a geek. People do poppers when they’re 12 and feel nothing. You do it and get a nosebleed.”

“Bring that shit in. Oh no, wait.”

“Hello…. Is it me you’re looking for?”

“Don’t move me. I’m a jam roll.”

“Oh no, we didn’t pass the regional qualifier.”

“YOGA?”

“Helen tell a joke. Oh look, Katie’s hair extensions are forming tumbleweed.”

“I’m going to poo myself and it’s all your fault!”

“I want to laminate Johnny Depp.”

“Wheeler’s more than a person. I think he might be God.”

“Who the fuck is Jeffree Star?”

“You know how I know they guy who works at Macc cinema is gay?”
“He has a 20 foot penis.”

OH GOD.

BEST WEEKEND EVER.

UNTIL THE NEXT ONE.

_mixxtape @ 2006-07-20T18:40:00

2006-07-20T17:42:47Z

you're such a strange girl
i think you come from another world
you're such a strange girl
i really don't understand a word
you're such a strange girl
i'd like to shake you around and around
you're such a strange girl
i'd like
to turn you
all upside down

you're such a strange girl
the way you look like you do
you're such a strange girl
i want to be with you

I love Kat and Jae together. Wetherspoons on Tuesday was lovely.

Work was fab today. Load sof people said I'd done a good job organising the conference and thanked me for my work and it was really rewarding.

Mmf. Just had carrot cake and it was beautiful.

And SU in an hour.

^_^ i'm in a reet old good mood.

"...every single star I drew..."

2006-07-18T12:42:29Z

Went to see Superman at the IMAX last night on a double date with Emmy and Dan.

It was fantastic, the screen is so big even I could see everything going on without my specs on (^_^) AND for certain scenes you put 3D glasses on and it literally felt like you were inside the film. Superman is rather gorgeous too. Unfortunately its about 3 days long, so by the time we got out of the 9pm screening it was midnight, kept falling asleep against Jay in Dan’s car on the way home. It was lovely though, late summer nights and driving and being with friends and my boyfriend and mm. It was lovely.

And now: a quiz, yoinked from Loz.

ARE YOU GOING TO LIE?
No

WHAT KIND OF SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
A pink tee shirt

WOULD YOU KISS ANYONE ON YOUR FRIEND'S list?
I have done, on numerous occasions

HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT TO HAVE?
None

DO YOU HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH BOTH YOUR PARENTS?
Erm, my relationship with my dad’s a it weird as I only see him about once every 3 months, but me and my mum get on fine, most of the time

WHAT NAME WOULD YOU WANT TO HAVE BESIDES THE ONE YOU HAVE?
Brody. Still

WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOUR LAST B-DAY?
Nelson and Rock Kitchen at the weekend, then I killed myself with White rum at the SU on the actual day. Then me and Jay we

WHAT'S YOUR CURRENT RING TONE ON YOUR PHONE?
”5 Colours”- McFly

WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY?
6:30, then again at 7:30

NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN'T WAIT TO DO?
SU Thursday and Rockworld Friday

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MUM?
Monday morning

WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE ABOUT YOURSELF?
Do I really only get one? I’d be less insecure and paranoid

IF YOU HAD 500,000 DOLLARS... WHAT 5 THINGS WOULD YOU DO WITH IT? (RANDOM ORDER)
Buy my own house with a pool, throw a huge housewarming party with all my friends, go somewhere beautiful on holiday, shop for shoes, clothes and anything else my heart desires.

WHAT COLOUR UNDERWEAR ARE YOU WEARING?
Black with red hearts

LAST THING YOU ATE?
An apple

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE MONTH
The summeriest. July/August.

YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE MONTH?
November. My birthday’s gone Christmas isn’t for a while and it’s freezing and miserable.

WHAT'S THE LAST PIECE OF CLOTHING YOU BORROWED FROM SOMEONE?
A tee shirt off Jay to sleep in

WHO IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES RIGHT NOW?
Iain Bell-end at work

MOST VISITED WEB PAGE?
Myspace.com, for shame

LAST PERSON YOU TEXT MESSAGED?
Luke this morning

LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU SAD.
Chav teenage mums in the shops last night

WOULD YOU TAKE A BULLET FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Yes

HAVE YOU BEEN TO EUROPE?
Yes

IF SOMEONE YOU HATED DIED, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
I really don’t know

HAVE YOU KISSED SOMEONE IN THE PAST WEEK?
Yes on holiday!

---------YOUR LAST EX-------------------

IF YOU COULD TELL YOUR LAST EX SOMETHING WHAT WOULD YOU SAY?
”Sorry, you were just too chavtastic for my tastes.”

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR EX WOULD SAY TO YOU?
”Get involved!”

WOULD YOU GET BACK WITH YOUR LAST EX IF YOU COULD?
No

WHO HAS BEEN YOUR FAVOURITE EX?
Haha. Erm. They’re all nice enough but a bit comical really, I’ll say Tony

HOW MANY PIERCINGS DO YOU HAVE?
4. Next week it’ll be 5

TATTOOS?
None

IF YOU COULD GET PIERCED ANYWHERE WHERE WOULD YOU GET IT DONE?
None, after I get my nose done again I’ll be happy at that

WHAT ARE YOU MOST SCARED OF?
Loneliness and rejection

DO YOU LIKE BEING ON STAGE WITH A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WATCHING YOU?
Not really. Til I’m drunk.

"...a pirates life for me..."

2006-07-17T12:39:13Z

Without my audience I couldn’t be bothered to update …

But now you’re back ^_^

I had such a super weekend.

SU on Thursday and Fortune Favours Nothing were competing in the second round of Battle of the Bands, Jay didn’t think they played well but they still absolutely trounced the other contestants. I stood at the front taking lots of very blurry photos proudly.

Then Friday the SU for whatever reason was all but empty, but it was really nice, coz it meant it was mostly people I knew. Had a cider and black and thought I was (relatively) sober still, then 2 sips of the next one and I was OFF MY FACE. I know I danced pretty much non-stop for most of the night, to whatever crap Will played and however few other people were dancing (which normally obscures how stupid I look!) And oh god bless the boy who did “The Caterpillar” across the dance floor. That boy had some mad skills.

Ended up a bit too drunk though and I really don’t remember any of the end of th night, apparently I was horrible to Jay on the way home and said I don’t think we have a chance in hell when he goes to Wales and stuff which I didn’t mean. I hate not knowing what awful things might have come out of my stupid mouth when I’m that intoxicated. Silly Helen.

On the plus side I got to wear my new Blondie tee shirt and my bargain sale-rail Topshop skirt, both of which I am in love with.

Saturday morning I rolled out of bed about 3 minutes before we had to leave for Jay to work, he was fine with me about the night before and just said it was ok coz he knew I was drunk :/ Managed to forget my phone AND charger and had to brush my hair in the car on the way to Asda, I was that un-ready.

Got to Laura’s for about 11 to discover she’d lost her hearing in Spain. After about 15 minutes of ringing the doorbell, knocking on every door and window and eventually throwing my (clean, unworn!) knickers rolled up at Loz’s bedroom window to try and get her attention I finally got in. We spent all afternoon just catching up and dancing round to chav dance classics like retards, I got to hear all the amazing Spain stories and it sounds like the most fantastic place, I want to go on holiday there so badly with you guys next time!

Went to get my hair done (again!) at 3 whilst Loz sat and read Take a Break or some equally exciting magazine, I’m quite pleased with it, although I think I’m going to get it done again before I go to Newquay for Gavin and Rachel’s wedding coz my fringe seems to grow longer overnight. Back to Laura’s for a romantic dinner and Big Brother, and an introduction to the scary world of the Advert Game. “BOOTS, BOOTS, BOOTS!!!”

Kat arrived and I was overjoyed to see her after SO LONG ^_^ And I’m so, so happy for you and Jae/Jai/Jay? From all the texts and stuff you showed me from him are so cute! I think he’s going to make you really happy, and damn right he should! The three of us stayed up talking for a while and then eventually we went up for “She’s/Just The Man” in bed, which I drifted off in after the tampons-up-nose scene.

Lovely sunny Sunday morning we all got up and went into Stockport, I had to trek off to Asda to get my phone off Jay and I passed Nat in her shoe shop looking very hot and fed up. By the time I’d walked up the A^ back to the cinema I was fucking hot and fed up too, I felt like I was melting. I’m not knocking all this lovely sunny weather we’re getting but it’s not fun hiking up and down busy roads in, especially when you’ve been in the same outfit for 3 days on the run. =[

Got to the cinema to see Pirates of the Caribbean 2 (for the second time that week!) and stumbled round in the dark but totally could not find Kat and Laura, ended up sat next some randomers until eventually Loz texted me and we were re-united. The plots a lot less baffling watching the second time, but I’m still not totally sure I understood everything going on. Still, lots of lush Johnny Depp gorgeousness to be had so I can’t complain!

Trekked back to Hadfield after that and got home finally about 6:30, to discover I had the house and garden to myself for the evening which was lovely. Listened to lots of old Muse and Smashing Pumpkins tracks and I felt the most chilled and summery and happy I have for ages, had lots of thinks about how I can be a good friend and a good girlfriend and about the stuff I want to achieve this year. I’ve been applying for quite a few jobs lately, including a couple I sent off for on Friday at Stockport PCT, which is right opposite the precinct, if I could only get a job there I’d be so pleased. I really do desperately want to start earning a bit more money so I can have a place of my own in town.

Just right now though I’m pretty happy with stuff, it looks like Jay’s move is going to take longer and longer to happen coz there’s subsidence (?) in the house… * selfish chuckle. * Seeing Superman at the IMAX today after work with Jay, Emmy and Lora, how I love superhero films.

So thank you for a lovely weekend girls, I’m so glad you’re back, if you’re both free on Tuesday evening do you fancy Wetherspoons or the Nelson for a bit?

"...oh your hair is beautiful..."

2006-07-01T09:06:05Z

My hair IS beautiful.

Had yesterday off. Had an eyebrow wax, did late lunch at Wetherspoons, had my hair done by a wonderfully amp man at Laura Caroline, put on my amazing £10 vintage dress and danced all night at SU.

I started my week long photoblog also.

:]

Miss you two already!

:[

xxx