all I wanted to come home to was clean dishes and an apartment that didnt smell like garlic bread that had sat out all night and all day. and then I broke my new mug, because my ankles are swollen and fat and uncomfortable and I can't walk right. I'm trying so hard to work as much as I can before the baby comes and the weekends are usually my busy long shifts and I don't mind cleaning, I really don't...I'm just so freaking stressed out.

I need to have a baby shower/pre-birth/coming-out/whatever we're doing party planned in the next week or so, so that I can get the time off work and find a place and get everything together, I need to figure out how I'm going to pay bills when I'm not working, I need to remember to drink the nasty orange stuff before my next appointment and then as soon as we're done there I have to go to work, I can't spend Easter with mom unless I get my shift switched at work, I have two papers to write in the next two weeks and one more month of classes to get through, and I've already given up on two of them, so its quite possible that I may have to pay back a few hundred dollars if they find out I stopped going. I spend the time driving to work and back running these things through my mind. If we don't have a baby shower, and we wait to have a coming-out (as in hi, she came out of my vagina, welcome to the world) party, we'll have to take care of immediate baby needs ourselves - like diapers & wipes, clothes, a breast pump and bottles, crib sheets/blankets, a boppy, and a car seat (I can breastfeed and use a baby sling and make do with whatever for a little while). I want to finish reading Ina May's books and I want to feel settled into our birth and mother/fatherhood and I want to take a vacation before she's born - to Chicago - or to the farm in Tennessee! I want to tie dye more onesies and we need to go grocery shopping so bad and we need to finish decorating the apartment and get a stupid kitchen table and find a way to set up the living room so that it doesn't feel so messy all the time, and I'm tired! I fell asleep not even half way into our movie last night. I have to meet Rachel tonight to get a book and give her a scarf and I need new clothes and I can't bend over to shave my legs and I can't make up my mind as to whether or not I even want to shave them - I am a hairy beast and I have fat ankles and legs and these are the things that no one tells you about - the back aches, leg pains, and inability to see from the waist to mid thigh...I can't even lean forward to pick something up on the ground when I'm sitting on the couch. I still have 13 weeks to go...and I'm sure they will be the most wonderful 13 weeks, but is it that much to ask for some clean dishes or for the last Jones soda which was mine to be still here when I get home? I still haven't gotten to get any plants for the balcony, or changed my address at the post office. More things.

I know you didn't mean it. I'm just really overwhelmed and the smallest things make all the difference.
:(