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[11 Jul 2010|04:04pm] |
Friends only bitches.
Comment to be added.
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[17 Jun 2005|05:14pm] |
Somedays, I am completely sure of what I am doing. But lately, I don't feel that way.
I am the most unselfish person that you could probably meet. I get sick thinking about other people's problems and worrying about how they are feeling. Arguments unsolved leave me in complete saddness until they are resolved. I have had the most amazing 2 months filled with love, happiness and better luck than I am use to. But I feel like all good things must come to an end.
I seem to prepare myself for disaster everday. Fearing the worst and constantly expecting something bad to happen. When the sense grows stronger, I break down before I even know what may come of it. I know this is all because of the misfortunate events in my life over the past year, but when will I live free? I long to be loved the way I love others. I have learned through the worst of times to care about the people around me as if they could be gone tomorrow. Sometimes that isn't enough and that hurts. It's as though all my efforts are worth nothing.
I don't want to cry anymore. I thought starting over would give me the ability to start new. But it hasn't. I try so hard but get nothing in return. I broken heart is never mending. When I think it has, I am proven wrong. What more do I need to do? When will it be my turn?
I have made all these new changes in my life, none seem to be good enough. I am the only one who feels blessed to be here. Blessed to be with people and have the things that I have. How can these people around me be so ungrateful? I waste my life away just waiting to be shown I matter. Hopefully someday it will be my turn.
( Someday (I Will Understand) )
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