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Friday, December 31st, 2027
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11:59 pm - { friendsONLYpls }
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share my interests? like my art? know me irl? or just want to be my friend? :D
comment for me to add you ♥
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| Sunday, June 28th, 2009
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4:59 pm
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"Dearest Nikki,
Silver and Gold I have none to give-- so the scriptures say
And clothes you would outgrow.
But words etched with love in the Scroll of Time
Will never fade, and are best
Though the leaves have fallen
They live again, and again, and again!
A Little Angel called 'Nikki'
V erily I set my heart and mind to write
E very word of praise I have for thee
R adiant is your face with mirth that
O nly five years have made you a complete little lady
N ever have i known one like you
I n our world you came as soft as a dew
C aressing the morning
A s night fades into day
A little pink flower
P oised with a strange beauty
I n the glaring colors of the sky at the
Z enith of the day!
A ngel that you are
R are among your peers
R egal in all your ways
O nly the touch of GOD has made you so.
Yes-- 'Nikki' we all call you even as you are Angeli.
From Lolo
March 27, 1995"
i miss you lolo ♥ rip
current mood:  pensive
current music: mj, son.
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| Sunday, May 31st, 2009
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2:33 am - Woahh... late night revelation.
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"Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.
The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds.
Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.
The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.
It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known."
--Carl Sagan, May 11, 1996
current mood: pensive
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| Wednesday, May 6th, 2009
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4:30 pm
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i just can't take this anymore.
current mood:  depressed
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| Thursday, January 15th, 2009
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8:28 pm - { WTF post 001 | "...damn i'm pathetic" }
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wow, i haven't updated for a while.
but no one cares anyway, right? since anyway, i don't do anything meritable in my life.
which i realize is HORRIBLE because i have been keeping my true feelings bottled up and turned myself into quite the character.
(since i'm not so good at organization from this point on i will type whatever is in my train of thought at the moment i'm typing no matter how private and i will spare NOTHING and i'm going to try to make this a really loooong run on sentence and see who notices and btw tvtropes is such an awesome website i spend like hours just reading like a hundred pages and getting ideas for my manga and this is not detracting from the emoness of my rant in any way)
first of all, i'm not enjoying college all too well.
whenever someone asks me how do i like it, i freeze up for a minute, and weakly say 'ehh'. which they take for 'oh, i luuuurve it'
LOL
i am so lazy i skip classes. (but somehow i manage to pass... albeit barely... so it's fine.)
but the -real- reason i skip classes is because i have nothing to drive me.
no friends to meet, no honors that i can achieve, nothing.
i wish i could say that i want to excel in academics so as not to waste my parents' money, and to make them proud of me, but no. unfortunately, while i do have that to propel me on the best days, i usually fall into a spiraling depression caused by the fact that i will die one day.
which should be something i should ignore and get on with my life, but no.
i think i have an emotional problem. either that or my mental health is deteriorating at a fast pace.
i hear sounds at night. the same fucking one every night; a low-frequency humming that usually accompanies video-game spaceships. i've told my mother a bunch of times already, with a LOT of concern. i've asked for a shrink, no matter how cheap. the first response i got from her was 'ask them for lottery numbers the next time you see them.' the latest one i've got was 'just ignore it! you're too old to be worrying about that kind of stuff.'
no, i'm not. i've never heard that sound before; i only started hearing it last week ;_;
ummm ummm uuummmmm.
why i don't have any friends? i don't fucking speak up. i'd like to change but i can't. end of question.
my daddy has an increased risk of heart disease, and was almost diagnosed with diabetes yesterday, which scares me. he has high blood pressure already, and along with my irresponsibility and inability to follow simple directions is increased like twice the normal. i'm afraid. i'm trying to do everything i can to make him feel better but it's not working since i revert back to my lazy, uncaring, misanthropic self within 5 minutes. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF.
i really need to see a therapist. why the hell am i like this? why can't i commit to making myself a better person?
the misadventures of flapjack is such a creepy show. but the kid is soo cute ._.
how many people will respond to this? i'm thinking none. i think i'll post this on a few sites just to see what people really think.
more on the subject of friends:
i think i have a fear of rejection. which is RIDICULOUS, since everyone's so nice to me. but i think it stemmed from elementary school, when everyone made fun of me for being so quiet.
which i started becoming after the death of my grandfather.
which is why i'm pretty much a nihilist. and a people-hater.
IDK. i'm so jealous of everyone else, having made so many friends who care about them. LOOK AT ME. i hardly leave my room. at home AND at college. i wouldn't even have made ANY friend if they hadn't approached me first. that's the thing about me. if people seem to be uninterested in being friends with me, i won't pursue a friendship. i'd never try talking to people before they talk to me. except that one time....
i don't really know why i'm so uncomfortable with opening up to people. sometimes i'm even quiet among my closest friends. the only person i don't shut up to is my brother. and he doesn't give a shit about my life most of the time.
you know, i think i don't know how to talk to people.
i've never had a proper social life.
i was never able to go out and hang out with friends save for maybe once a week/month. because my parents would be working and i'd have to watch my brother. or the weather was too bad to go out. or my dad would refuse to drive me. or my mom would flat-out say no. either way, i never learned how to interact with people i've never met the way normal kids would.
should i post this on facebook? i'm debating about this now.
(you know how i said how in the beginning of this rant how i'm going to type EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT that pops up into my head? yeah, no thought is spared.)
houji tea is the most amazing tea ever. of course, i've said that about longjing, peony, and peach or jasmine-flavored tea xD (omg! first laughing emoticon of the rant! quite the contrary from how i usually type, with emoticons in EVERY SENTENCE)
my brother's bitching about how his legs hurt and how bad his headache is. GROWING PAINS! my brother is becoming a MAN ;_____; AHHHH i'm getting old.
i should really end this rant and go print out his essay before my dad takes my computer away from me.
but no.
DAMN. i'm looking back on this entry and it's practically the longest livejournal entry i've EVER written. (you know, i think i WILL post this on facebook, so people will know why i act so stupidly and to show them just how much of a pathetic attentionwhore i am)
OHAI. some happy news, i'm programming an rpg. but most of you already know that. so excited! but too much work. and then i have to finish all the xmas drawings i haven't started.
also, when i think about it, every rant i have made on lj has had some form of "WHY CAN'T I MAKE ANY FRIENDS BOOHOO."
wow, i really am pathetic.
i have to stop bitching before people start to hate me for being so annoying.
after all, it's my fault.
i just don't know how.
current mood:  sick
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| Sunday, November 16th, 2008
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2:18 am - { <3 }
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PIMPIN'.
because LX needs some love D:
fanart, codes, icons, or and anything else will be greatly appreciated.
current mood:  rushed
current music: Edo Komoriuta
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| Thursday, October 2nd, 2008
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3:48 pm - { niki's bored | take 567890 }
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| Sunday, September 21st, 2008
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5:47 pm - { niki's bored | take 007 }
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...and ooooh, how bored i am :)
recently i have discovered the joy that is pedobaiting, aka luring pedophiles into thinking you're a young girl and then messing with their minds =DD
i have no idea why, but it's so fun xD
oh, pedos. tsk tsk.
( post is public so i can humiliate these people >D )
in other news...
WHY WHY WHY CAN'T I TALK TO HIM...
i mean, i can... but i can't keep up a whole conversation with him ;A;
omg i think i really, really like this guy Dx
current mood:  mischievous
current music: "Aaja Nachle" - Sunidhi Chauhan =)
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| Thursday, July 24th, 2008
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9:54 pm - { what's this? | public post 001 }
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wtf.
http://news.zdnet.com/2424-9595_22-211912.html
first of all, it shouldn't be a LAW that prevents kids from buying violent video games, it should be the PARENTS of those kids. if kids are getting more and more violent, it's not because of the games themselves, but because the parents don't know what their kids are doing and are TOO FUCKING IGNORANT to even care about game ratings. they don't even take the time to explain to their children the difference between reality and fantasy. i don't mean to say that violence should be condoned; i'm not even suggesting that it should be ok for little 7 year old kids to buy M-rated video games because they're mature enough. but that's just it. the difference between a child growing up to be a violent psychopath and a child growing up to be a perfectly fuctioning member of society starts at HOME. HELLO AMERICA, YOUR KIDS NEED YOU. YOU'RE THE REASON WHY THEY'RE FAILING SCHOOL, ON DRUGS, HAVING 12574198+ BABIES AT THE AGE OF 10, ARE OBESE, ETC. YOU'RE THE NUMBER ONE INFLUENCE IN THEIR LIFE. use it to your advantage.
this rant brought to you by my many failed attempts to change the government and the world around me. thank you and have a nice day. :)
current mood:  infuriated
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_mimiuchi_'s journal
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