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[30 Dec 2008|12:04am] |
nobody can come but i still want to feel like i made the effort to invite people.
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[24 Oct 2008|12:15pm] |
Honestly? I am so sick of having a boyfriend. I just want to be alone for a while. I've taken some time off from him and realized that before I make any decision, I pass it by him. Do you like this shirt? No, ok, I won't buy it. I was going to go to Europe with my friends this January. No? You don't want me to go until you can come with me? Ok. I'm gonna get chicken quesadilla Hot Pockets. No? You want meatball? Ok. To be honest, I'm being stifled by it and it's driving me crazy.
Worst of all, he wants to be around me ALL THE TIME. When the fuck am I supposed to go to the bank, or grocery shopping, or the post office? Shit, he wants to be able to accompany me on all my daily errands. And when I DO have a little bit of alone time (typically on Fridays) I can't GO anywhere otherwise he'll make me feel guilty about it later. Oh, you went to the antique mall? I wanted to go with you. Oh, you went to Grower's Direct? I wanted to pick out the fruit and veggies this week. Yeesh!
I'm just seriously over this whole joined-at-the-hip thing. And I need him to not expect that I be with him ALL THE TIME. If I stick around, and that's a big if, I don't really want to see him all that often.
He insists that he's not trying to make me feel guilty, but if that's the case, why do I?
Because if I stop at the couch to have a ten minute conversation with my roommate (God forbid he should have to sit in my room alone for ten minutes-- he could go on the internet, play PS2, etc) he will get upset, and tell me that he thought we were going to hang out. Well shit, honey, I just cooked you dinner, ate it with you, and washed the dishes. Let me talk to my roommate about our fucking housewarming party! The worst is when he asks "How long are you going to take?" I promise I will be in my room and you will have me ALLLLL to yourself again momentarily!
RRRRGGGG!!
:[
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[01 Oct 2008|03:27am] |
September was a good month.
I paid all my bills after three weeks of work, which left the last week's money all for fun. I went out to eat every day for the last week. Maybe i should have gotten myself something nice, (well, I did go clothes shopping for the first time since i moved out!) but not having to cook or wash dishes is a pretty good gift to oneself!
I'm also far enough ahead on my car payments that I don't even have to make one this month!! I'm still gonna, but next month when i need new tires I won't have to worry about where the money's gonna come from. Or in December when Christmas rolls around, I have an extra $350 to spend on presents!
I've even got a little bit of cash squirreled away so that when ALL the banks go under, I've still got a couple hundred cash on hand... yeah, maybe i should pull a couple thousand out of the bank, too!
Moving out has been great, and adjusting to my own space has been easy.
I'm finally starting to be able to design the space I live in just the way I like it. There's cool vintage and antiques mixed with fresh contemporary stuff. Now i just need to get some stuff on the walls!!
Just a few more weeks and I'll be comfortable inviting people over to see the place. There's a bottle of cheap vodka and a little Midori for parties!
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[08 Sep 2008|01:36pm] |
so i finally picked a duvet cover. it's not one you have seen before, but i like it.
http://www.cb2.com/family.aspx?c=1030&f=3911
apparently i'm retarded and never thought to look in the sale section of cb2 for bedding. D'oh.
anyways, it was only $50 total for the duvet cover and the shams, and now i can get some rad pillows!! i'm thinkin' 70's yellow or orange, or maybe some lime green... expect more links with questions soon! haha
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[04 Sep 2008|10:59pm] |
1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating. - I didn't do this step because there are WAY too many things on this list where I don't even know what they are.
1. Venison (at Park Ave. in Stanton-- it was sort of gamey, but what do you expect?)
2. Nettle Tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding (eww.. that's gelatinous blood. that's just nasty)
7. Cheese fondue (mmm.. Melting Pot)
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart (SOMEDAY!!)
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and Beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese (it's pretty nasty... i wouldn't recommend it. it's gelatin + gross cow parts)
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu ( i want to SOOOO bad!! )
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear (i think in Arizona as a kid... i should eat it again)
52. Umeboshi (haha... I love that episode of Top Model)
53. Abalone (on sushi, I think)
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle (mmm... with mushrooms!! it's all i ate in Vienna!!)
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV (Arrogant Bastard and Steel Reserve!! Yeah!)
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin (this crap isn't food... isn't it in toothpaste?)
64. Currywurst
65. Durian (Alan ate some and said it just tasted like rotten mango, i don't know, i should have tried it)
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake (all of the above!)
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette (well i've eaten andouille sausage & pork rinds... that's both things, right?)
71. Gazpacho (cold soup? that's gross. it's basically soupy salsa fresca. blah.)
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant (someday!)
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers (rose tea with the buds in it? munch on em? i dunno, it was weird, but i don't like floral teas)
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam (i make a mean Spam a la King. sounds nasty but it's really good)
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano (Taleo Grill in Irvine does this really well)
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake
i have also eaten these things:
101. Alligator
102. Conch
103. Bear
104. Quail
105. Duck
106. Octopus
107. Squid
I can't think of anything else, but I've eaten some weird stuff. I'll try almost anything. Even the few things I've crossed off, I would probably eat it if I had the opportunity to.
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[15 Aug 2008|09:56am] |
my gmail account has been compromised.
this makes me very angry.
there was some important correspondence in there.
now i have to wait five days to access it.
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[16 Jul 2008|12:04pm] |
I got an internship with ...LOST Enterprises. (ellipses are actually part of the company's name) I know, it's a little "bro," or at least that's what I thought, but when I came in it was actually really awesome. I'm working with the designer of the juniors clothing line, and while I'm not really "designing", per se, I've definitely got my foot in the door. They want me to be able to illustrate, and while it's not really my strong suit, I can do it. It's not the actual illustrating that troubles me, but actually coming up with what to illustrate. I did some simple layout stuff on Tuesday and they still want me to come back, if you can believe it. I've seen the whole line of tees for Summer '09 and a lot of them are actually pretty cool, if I was the t-shirt wearing type.
It's unpaid, but it's a foot in the door, and from here I can propel myself into other places in the industry. My boss is so nice and friendly and supportive, I just wanna work in this industry forever!
Also, moving out August 1, so very excited. I'm smack dab in-between the Detroit Bar, The Lab, South Coast Plaza, ROCKharbor, Mitsuwa Market, Newport Beach, etc etc etc.
And today on the agenda? THE OC FAIR. I will see you in a few days when my stomach stops exploding from what I am about to do to it.
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| I stole this from Aly |
[23 Jun 2008|12:01am] |
You know how sometimes people on your friend's list post about stuff going on in their life, and all of a sudden you think "Wait a minute? Since when are they working THERE? Since when are they dating HIM/HER? since when???" And then you wonder how you could have missed all that seemingly pretty standard information, but somehow you feel too ashamed to ask for clarification because it seems like info you *should* already know? It happens to all of us sometimes.
Please copy my response below, erase my answers putting yours in their place then post it in your journal! Please elaborate on the questions that would benefit from elaboration! One-word answers seldom help anyone out.
1. First Name: Melissa... but you know THAT, right?
2. Age: 22 now. Also known as "almost-thirty."
3. Location: Right now at home in Foothill Ranch, but on August 1 (give or take) I'm moving into a 2/1 apartment in Eastside Costa Mesa.
4. Occupation: I'm a waitress full-time at Cafe Orleans, a restaurant in New Orleans Square inside Disneyland. No, not the Blue Bayou. I don't know, it pays the bills and it's always interesting.
5. Partner: Alan, going on two years now. The only five or so journal entires I've written in that time have been concerning him. :P
6. Kids: No thank you.
7. Brothers/Sisters: Three little sisters. Leanna is 18. Julie is 11. Lauren is 6.
8. Pets: I don't have any personally, but there's two dogs at my house, an Australian Shepherd named Lucky and a Yellow Lab named Jessie. Alan's watching his brother's miniature poodle named Sparkle, and he also recently adopted a Jenday Conure that we named Sunny.
9. List the 3-5 biggest things going on in your life:
a) I just graduated from Chapman University with my BFA in Graphic Design
b) I have awoken to the salvation of Jesus Christ!
c) I am moving away from home for the first time (other than dorm living, which doesn't really count)
10. Where and for what did you go to school?: As stated, BFA in Graphic Design at Chapman University, graduated this month.
11. Parents: I still haven't spoken to my father since my senior year of high school. Apparently he made an appearance at my graduation, but left before they called my name and didn't stick around to congratulate me. He gave me a badly-written card and no money. What a dick. My mom and I are a little rocky on our relationship, but it will most likely improve once I move out.
12. Who are some of your closest friends?: My BFF du jour (just kidding) is Gen, who was a classmate with me at school. Then of course there is Melissa K, also a classmate. And last, Sarah. All those girls went to Chapman and Europe with me. Then of course there is Aly, who is a bad friend!! Just kidding, it's mutual. Man, we haven't hung out in like a year. There is a severe backup in giftage from each of us. :P
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[20 May 2008|09:44am] |
i applied to four full-time jobs,
one part-time job,
and an internship yesterday.
i feel like i'm on the right road.
let's just hope it gets me somewhere--
i don't want to wait tables forever!
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[19 Jan 2008|04:57pm] |
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finally got my car back. was in an accident in november. but parts of it were wrong/scratched/etc. so i have to take it back on wednesday-- the exhaust is still rattling on the hinges and the paint wasn't looking like new on the ground effects kit, so it's going back to the shop. then taking it in to have the front end repaired. hell, while i'm at it i'll probably get the windows tinted like i've wanted to do forever. ahh, throwing the savings away, all into the carrr...
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[01 Jan 2008|11:57am] |
Resolutions:
To be kinder, more compassionate, more charismatic, BETTER-- I've started working on this towards the end of 2007, and it feels good.
To be baptised-- where? I'm not sure yet, but I'm ready to accept Christ.
To graduate-- uh, duh?
To earn more money-- as in it's time to find a new job!
Not too out of reach, I shouldn't think!
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[11 Dec 2007|05:02pm] |
give me your address bitches!
um, xmas cards! duh!
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[14 Nov 2007|12:21pm] |
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Alan and I are doing well. Still no L-word but it just feel right that way. It's like starting all over again, except maybe with someone who is a very close friend. Next week we're going to Las Vegas together for Thanksgiving, to visit with his aunt and his cousins and share a big meal together. The night before, he and I are going to celebrate our one-year anniversary in Vegas because we never celebrated it the first time around. It was too soon after the fight. Picking up the pieces and putting them back together isn't really so bad, after all.
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[14 Nov 2007|12:19pm] |
this is my favorite place in all of orange county
thank god it didn't burn.
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[09 Oct 2007|03:22pm] |
A week ago, I broke up with Alan.
I couldn't take his jealousy, possessiveness, and controlling attitude over silly little things any more. I think the final fight was about how he couldn't ever go out with a girl who would have any interest in drugs, when I said I enjoyed smoking every great once in a while, and that I might try shrooms, IF the opportunity ever arose (and even then I'd probably be chicken). So, I told him I'd save him the trouble and dump him.
So, I think it's probably in my best interest to patch things up with Alan, in respect to my future. I really want to get the hell out of my house, and it's unlikely that I'd be able to pair up with a roommate any time soon, espcially one that I would want to share a bedroom with. I can't afford half of a two bedroom apartment, that's for sure. I'm not saying I want to move out with Alan tomorrow, but something needs to happen soon, because I just can't live at home any more. Additionally, he's made a commitment to treating me well, even confessing that if he ever hurt me again, I could just leave. Good, no more of this messy stuff. In the mean time, I've got to keep him hanging and not give myself over too completely-- you know, keep my guard up. So I play like I'm leading him on, like I don't know what I want, and just when he wants it most, all the pieces will fall into place and it'll be good.
Even in a week he's proven that he's over his jealousy and possessiveness. Where I would have been nervous to ask him IF I could go out once a month, now I've gone out without him twice this week with no comment from him other than 'Have fun.' And this was also out to a party and a bar-- two hot topics that would have surely caused a fight pre-break-up. I've also taken days just to myself, where I just wanna go home, instead of hanging out. That NEVER would have happened before. Is this the same person? I don't know, but it's someone that really wants to keep me around.
Just trying to sort things out in my head, I guess. Hate being single, but in this case, I really don't think I'm staying with a douchebag out of fear of being alone, I think I've made a good guy realize that he should appreciate what he's got, and that he can't control all of my choices. He needs to realize that I'm still coming home to him, no matter what.
He's got abandonment issues from past girlfriends, so I tried to be sensitive to that in the past, but it just came to a point where it was overwhelming. He's a good guy, I think he's had a wake up call, I think it's time to work it out.
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[07 Apr 2007|01:46am] |
i need him here, with me, to pick up the pieces as i fall apart.
but if he couldn't do it two days ago,
what's to say he could do it now, when i REALLY need it?
i'm so stressed, and the situation with him isn't making things any easier.
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[06 Apr 2007|01:13am] |
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music |
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american football - i'll see you when we're both not so emotional |
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if you're so prone to accidents and misunderstandings you may accidently misinterpret honesty for selfishness. we're two human beings, individually, with inherent interest in each other and how we relate. if you're still prone to accidents and misunderstandings you won't understand me or my motivation for being alone. we're just two human beings, individually, with inherent interest in each other and how we relate. considering everything, me leaving with regrets only makes sense. i'll see you when we're both not so emotional.
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