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i'm sort of in a state of shock right now. i can't believe it's gotten like this, and to think i let it be for months when i KNEW it wasn't the same. i tried so hard for it to go back to normal, i wanted it to be right so badly. i was seeking all the good and trying to suppress the bad, when in reality i knew for a long time it wasn't going to work. i just wanted to be in perfect harmony, and when people told me it was going to work out and that it was perfect, i believed them. but i never did what i wanted, what i thought was right, until yesterday. and although i'm probably the scum of the earth to a lot of people right now, i know in my heart it was the right thing to do. not just for me, but for you. how fair would it be to have gotten back together right now if it wasn't the same? i felt like i wasn't telling you the whole truth, and when i did i knew your heart was going to implode. i'm so, so sorry. i know your heart will heal, but to know that i've been the cause of this twice to the same person makes me wish i was someone else. i don't know why i feel the way i do, you're absolutely perfect in most every way. sure, minor problems happened here and there, but you handled things like a real man would. i'm so proud to have been yours for so long, and to have battled things with you i know i couldn't have battled on my own. but the fact still remains that i'm not in love anymore. it's nothing you did or said, it's just the feeling that somehow expired. i love you very, very much, and you have been one of the best beings to have ever come into my life. for all this i thank you. i don't even know how to thank you, but i do. you didn't have to be there for me when everything went down at different time periods in my life, you could've walked away and said, "well, she's crazy anyway", but you held my hand and watched me cry and cry and cry some more, and told me that the world was crazy and things were going to be fine. and you didn't have to stick around after i broke your heart the first time, but you miraculously did, and i thought it was our second chance at being what i wanted us to be. i wish i knew how to repair this without going this way, but i don't know how and as i said before, it's not fair to you to hold on when i know i want to take a different course. our time came and went, and it left me with some of the best memories of my life. i hope it left you with the same, even though right now you might not see it that way, which i understand completely. you're an amazing human being and i know someone will find your love and hold onto it in a way i don't know how. i will never forget about you and how you just stood out in a crowd, and in my mind. i will never forget what we shared and how special you are. there will always be a place for you in my heart. a very big place, in fact. you don't have to speak to me again, we don't have to be friends or acquaintances. as long as i know you'll be alright, i'll be alright.
i'm just so sorry, though. i could never express how sorry i am.
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