| if i only had a brain |
[Nov. 12th, 2004|03:22 pm]
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| [ | mood |
| | fuck it | ] |
| [ | music |
| | buzz | ] |
I guess I really can't go without fucking up, like I thought.
I just.. let my emotions get the better half of me.
And now.. I've fucked up in more ways than I ever thought I could. With the only person I would give my life for.
...This is so much harder than I ever imagined.. But I'm going to fix it. I'm going to make it better than before. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 8th, 2004|03:22 pm]
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| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Girls and Boys- Blur | ] |
Today is day one of second tri. My schedual is-
1. Algebra II AP- good cell phone signal, lame teacher, good seat
2. Interior Design- no cell phone signal, way too talkatie teacher, ugly class room, bad seat
3. Chemistry GT- okay cell phone signal, uncomfortable stools, I sit with the smart kids
4. English III AP- no cell phone signal, I love this teacher(reminds me of Lucielle Ball, minus about a foot)
-LUNCH- I sit with Brad, Chase, and Trevor. I think the art kids might steal me. Almost Step Brother, Ryan, sits a few tables away-
5. Psychology- no cell phone signal, okay seat, interesting class, Sorority Sister teacher(ie- personality clash is highly posible)
Leave a comment... About anything. Or about nothing. Just leave a comment, okay? |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2004|04:58 pm]
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| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the clicking of the keyboard keys | ] |
All I ask for, is to be able to let one day go by where I don't fuck up.
That's it. Just one day.
and baby i can't help it
if i'm the mirror image of a
train-wreck
spinning beneath the neon lights |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2004|09:26 am]
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| [ | mood |
| |  relaxed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bowl of Oranges- Bright Eyes | ] |
The rain it started tappin'
On the window near my bed
There was a loophole in my dreamin'
So I got out of it
And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open
Just my nightstand and my dresser
Where those nightmares had just been
So I dressed myself and left then
Out into the gray streets
But everything seemed different
And completely new to me
The sky the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body
And each person I encountered
I couldn't wait to meet
And I came upon a doctor
Who appeared in quite poor health
I said there's nothing that I can do for you you can't do for yourself
He said oh yes you can, just hold my hand, I think that that would help
So I sat with him awhile
Then I asked him how he felt
He said I think I'm cured
No, in fact, I'm sure of it
Thank you, stranger
For your therapeutic smile
So that's how I learned the lesson
That everyone's alone
And your eyes must do some raining
If you're ever gonna grow
And when crying don't help
You can't compose yourself
It's best to compose a poem
An honest verse of longing
Or a simple song of hope
That's why I'm singing baby don't worry
'Cause now I got your back
And every time you feel like crying
I'm gonna try and make you laugh
And if I can't
If it just hurts too bad
Then we'll wait for it to pass
And I will keep you company for those days so long and black
And we'll keep working on the problem
We know we'll never solve
Of love's uneven remainders
Our lives are fractions of a whole
But if the world could remain within a frame
Like a painting on a wall
Then I think we'd see the beauty then
We'd stand staring in awe
At our still lives posed
Like a bowl of oranges
Like a story told
By the fault-lines and the soil
-Bright Eyes, Bowl of Oranges |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 6th, 2004|11:09 pm]
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| [ | mood |
| | flirty | ] |
| [ | music |
| | There She Goes- Sixpence None The Richer | ] |
Update-y Update-y
Today was spent at Cassidy's sister's/Cassidy's-sister's-girlfriends apartment, watching Queer As Folk with mi amiga/os. Funstuff, I've never, ever seen Queer As Folk before, but it's really good. We only got to see the first 8 or 9 episodes of season 1, though. But Friday we're all going to get together, I think, to watch.
Spring Break will be spent in Ohio with Nina. She's moving to Ohio sometime soon, I think. I want to be with her so badly right now, though. But my mom isn't giving me any answers as to when I can get my silly arse to Georgia.
Speaking of arse's, I'm wearing my infamous Power Rangers boxers now. I love these boxers. The, uhm, pee hole bothers me some, because I got them from the little boys section, so I have to either a) wear "real" underwear underneath them(and where is the fun in that? hmm?) or b) just be careful of who I wear said boxers around. I chose b. Because I enjoy my boxers, and I sleep in very limited clothing, so yes. I'm sure you all wanted to know that, eh?
I start my Interior Design and Psychology classes on Monday, I'm so freaking excited. Nina say's that I can be the one to decorate our house :)
I love talking about our future with Nina.. Talking about getting married, and having a house, and even kids.. I love it so much, I love this feeling. I love her, as well ;)
I'm in a very flirty mood at the moment. I want Nina here. So I can flirt my silly arse off with her. I don't want to flirt with anyone but her. Ever.
Goodnight my darlings..
Especially Nina |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2004|09:13 pm]
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| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | CNN delivering the (thus far) not so great news. | ] |
i want to marry her.
she's my everything- my heart my soul my love
ps- go kerry! |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 1st, 2004|03:41 pm]
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| [ | mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Speak Slow- Tegan and Sara | ] |
Damn. Computer ate my entry. I WANT IT BACK!
So. I'm sitting here in my boxers and a hoody. My room needs to be cleaned, my homework needs to be done, and I need to talk to Nina.
My sister has friends over now. And I'm still in my boxers. HA!
I had Taking Lives figured out from begining to end last night. I figured it out when I first saw Ethan Hawke. HA! But Texas Chainsaw Massacre still scared the shit out of me. I love being scared.
Okay. I just finished lunch. Cheers.
TEGAN AND SARA ARE COMING! TEGAN AND SARA ARE COMING! TEGAN AND SARA ARE COMING! |
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| forVER |
[Oct. 24th, 2004|04:35 pm]
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| [ | mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | static | ] |
Mom is engaged to Bob now.
And I can't fucking handle it.
My mom and dad are supposed to realize they should have never divorced and get back together and live happily everafter. And now Bob's there.
I can't deal with things like this. I can't.. Can't keep everything from getting to me. I hold everything, all of my emotions inside, because if I say what I really feel, everyone will know I'm not as strong as they think. And they won't feel like they can rely on me. But when I keep everything inside, it just eats away at me.. That's why I first started hurting myself.. I needed that release.
And I don't like Bob. He makes me feel less than human. He's just so.. I don't know. He doesn't think about the things he says before he says them. And it hurts sometimes. Most of the time.
And now that he'll be here forever, my mom won't need me. She won't need me to hug her when she's sad. I won't be the first she calls when something amazing happens. It won't be the two of us anymore. It'll be her and Bob.. And I just can't handle that.
This isn't how it's supposed to be. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2004|07:31 pm]
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| [ | mood |
| | content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | LOVE- Nat King Cole | ] |
That is my hoose. It was taken before we moved in. Next summer, I get to move into the room above the garage because Ryan is going to college. So I get my own sort-of apartment. :wink wink:
This is Catman. He's a pimp. But, secretly, he's my baby.
This is Chloe. She's a hermaphrodite. But we just say she's a girl. But really she's a hermaphrodite. She's my baby as well.
And. This is me. All nice and pixelated for ya. |
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