Porcelain

_masssacre_ @ 2008-04-30T00:31:00

2008-04-30T04:33:07Z

AIM IM with fuzylumpkins2304/29/08 11:26 PM
fuzylumpkins230
hey
William Miller, Ph.D.
hey
William Miller, Ph.D.
what's up?
fuzylumpkins230
not all that much
fuzylumpkins230
had
fuzylumpkins230
a shitty game today
fuzylumpkins230
that's about it
fuzylumpkins230
how is your last week of school going?
William Miller, Ph.D.
aw i'm sorry
William Miller, Ph.D.
my week is going pretty well
William Miller, Ph.D.
there's a lottttt of work to do
fuzylumpkins230
word
William Miller, Ph.D.
but other than the like 3 papers i have due in the next three days lol
William Miller, Ph.D.
not bad
William Miller, Ph.D.
how about yours?
fuzylumpkins230
okay
fuzylumpkins230
look
fuzylumpkins230
nvm
fuzylumpkins230
i just cant talk to you like this
fuzylumpkins230
i just wanted to say hi
fuzylumpkins230
that's it
fuzylumpkins230
because i still cant deal with you potentially going to school with me next year
William Miller, Ph.D.
okay
William Miller, Ph.D.
well, then hi
fuzylumpkins230
why are you really happy btw?
fuzylumpkins230
because we are almost done with high school?
William Miller, Ph.D.
well, yes
William Miller, Ph.D.
more nostalgic about that, but happy
William Miller, Ph.D.
but also a lot of things just worked out for me all at once yesterday
William Miller, Ph.D.
which was great
fuzylumpkins230
whatcha mean?
William Miller, Ph.D.
well, i got a prom date
William Miller, Ph.D.
and a dress for prom
William Miller, Ph.D.
andd i kind of made up my mind
William Miller, Ph.D.
about college
fuzylumpkins230
who are you going to prom with?
William Miller, Ph.D.
andrew harris
William Miller, Ph.D.
*yesss*
fuzylumpkins230
o cool
William Miller, Ph.D.
he is so hot
William Miller, Ph.D.
lol
William Miller, Ph.D.
jk...
William Miller, Ph.D.
but he is my best friend so that's awesome
fuzylumpkins230
and college....
William Miller, Ph.D.
oh yeah, that too
William Miller, Ph.D.
lol
William Miller, Ph.D.
i don't know i kind of wanted to call you and tell you
fuzylumpkins230
so you are going to Rhodes
fuzylumpkins230
fucking sweet
William Miller, Ph.D.
are you angry?
fuzylumpkins230
yes
fuzylumpkins230
what the fuck do you expect?
fuzylumpkins230
I am pissed off
fuzylumpkins230
I told you I would be
fuzylumpkins230
dont act like it isnt a big deal
fuzylumpkins230
this is bullshit
William Miller, Ph.D.
alright
fuzylumpkins230
I thought i would never have to see you again after this year
fuzylumpkins230
and now I have to see you again almost every week
fuzylumpkins230
for four years
fuzylumpkins230
really?
William Miller, Ph.D.
evan
William Miller, Ph.D.
i really do not care
fuzylumpkins230
right but everything isnt about you?
fuzylumpkins230
you never realized that did you?
William Miller, Ph.D.
guess not
fuzylumpkins230
why?
fuzylumpkins230
do you really like rhodes
fuzylumpkins230
or do you feel like making my life miserable
fuzylumpkins230
would be fun
fuzylumpkins230
because i know that you will turn all your friends against me there
fuzylumpkins230
and it will be a shit parade
William Miller, Ph.D.
or
William Miller, Ph.D.
they gave me a $ 25,000 grant and a 5,000 scholarship, have an amazing physics department, sweet ass violin teacher, partnership with st. judes research hospital and a great campus
fuzylumpkins230
fucking great becca
fuzylumpkins230
fucking great
fuzylumpkins230
I am seriously considering
fuzylumpkins230
calling Rhodes
fuzylumpkins230
and telling them
fuzylumpkins230
i'm not coming
fuzylumpkins230
and enrolling at Denison
fuzylumpkins230
or something
fuzylumpkins230
because I hate you that much
fuzylumpkins230
right now
fuzylumpkins230
I understand that you like the school
fuzylumpkins230
it makes sense
fuzylumpkins230
I am sorry I got that pissed off
fuzylumpkins230
that was unreasonable
fuzylumpkins230
but here it is
fuzylumpkins230
next year
fuzylumpkins230
we are going to stay out of each others way
fuzylumpkins230
and be mature about the whole thing
fuzylumpkins230
I hope you know that I won't do stupid shit like make things up about you
fuzylumpkins230
and or try to turn people against you
fuzylumpkins230
(because I know you got Mike Broida to IM and give me shit)
fuzylumpkins230
a while ago
William Miller, Ph.D.
um
William Miller, Ph.D.
mike broida is my best friend
William Miller, Ph.D.
and did that on his own accord
William Miller, Ph.D.
he told me the next day
William Miller, Ph.D.
and yeah, i was amused
William Miller, Ph.D.
but i had nothing to do with that
William Miller, Ph.D.
i have never lied about you to anyone
fuzylumpkins230
alright well can we agree to try and be mature about all of this
fuzylumpkins230
and just stay clear of each other?
William Miller, Ph.D.
yes
fuzylumpkins230
okay
fuzylumpkins230
goodbye and I hope you realize you may have just ruined my entire college experience
fuzylumpkins230
before I even step foot
fuzylumpkins230
on the fucking campus
William Miller, Ph.D.
very mature, evan.
William Miller, Ph.D.
and that is absolutely pathetic
fuzylumpkins230
I am being as rationable
fuzylumpkins230
as possible at this point
fuzylumpkins230
you know that I am much more mature than that
fuzylumpkins230
and I know you certainly are able to be just as if not more mature yourself
fuzylumpkins230
and no it isnt pathetic
William Miller, Ph.D.
evan
William Miller, Ph.D.
yes, it is
William Miller, Ph.D.
i would never let the presence of one person who i wasn't friends with dictate my college experience
William Miller, Ph.D.
and let it affect me as much as you're letting this affect you
William Miller, Ph.D.
i am so much nicer to you than i should be 99% of the time
William Miller, Ph.D.
and right now, you are being ridiculous
fuzylumpkins230
I realize that
William Miller, Ph.D.
good
fuzylumpkins230
but I also realize that to me
fuzylumpkins230
in general
fuzylumpkins230
even after a few days of thought
fuzylumpkins230
you will have ruined at least one and up to five years of my young adult life
William Miller, Ph.D.
oh so us dating was a part of me ruining your life now?
fuzylumpkins230
a portion of it yes
fuzylumpkins230
it was the most stressful
fuzylumpkins230
and difficult time
fuzylumpkins230
that i have ever been through
William Miller, Ph.D.
nice to know
fuzylumpkins230
but again
fuzylumpkins230
realize
fuzylumpkins230
I am way out of league right now
fuzylumpkins230
because I am just in shock
fuzylumpkins230
because I predicted this
fuzylumpkins230
like six months ago
fuzylumpkins230
do you remember that
fuzylumpkins230
how I said we better not end up at the same college
fuzylumpkins230
and I was flipping out about it
fuzylumpkins230
take that
William Miller, Ph.D.
yup
fuzylumpkins230
and mutiply it by ten
fuzylumpkins230
that is how i feel right now
William Miller, Ph.D.
why
fuzylumpkins230
because
fuzylumpkins230
of
fuzylumpkins230
you!
William Miller, Ph.D.
i don't get you, evan
fuzylumpkins230
you dont have to
William Miller, Ph.D.
i don't think that actually grasp
William Miller, Ph.D.
how little i care
William Miller, Ph.D.
about you going to college with me
William Miller, Ph.D.
truely
fuzylumpkins230
right
fuzylumpkins230
which makes us
fuzylumpkins230
polar
fuzylumpkins230
opposites
William Miller, Ph.D.
lol i don't even know what to say to you
William Miller, Ph.D.
you are so angry
William Miller, Ph.D.
for no reason
fuzylumpkins230
no
William Miller, Ph.D.
i am not mean to you
William Miller, Ph.D.
we barely talk
fuzylumpkins230
to me
William Miller, Ph.D.
it wills stay that way
fuzylumpkins230
it is a perfectly good reason
William Miller, Ph.D.
we don't have feelings for each other anymore
William Miller, Ph.D.
i don't care!!
William Miller, Ph.D.
no evan
William Miller, Ph.D.
you are freaking out about nothing
fuzylumpkins230
to me
William Miller, Ph.D.
at all
fuzylumpkins230
key word
fuzylumpkins230
to me
fuzylumpkins230
stop trying to make this rational
fuzylumpkins230
because it isnt
fuzylumpkins230
at all
fuzylumpkins230
to you
fuzylumpkins230
to me
William Miller, Ph.D.
yeah! i know!
fuzylumpkins230
it is perfectly understandable
William Miller, Ph.D.
what are you
William Miller, Ph.D.
afraid of
fuzylumpkins230
nothing
fuzylumpkins230
I am afraid of
fuzylumpkins230
yelling random obscenities at you
fuzylumpkins230
wanting to slap you
fuzylumpkins230
etc.
William Miller, Ph.D.
evan
fuzylumpkins230
I CANT
fuzylumpkins230
DEAL
fuzylumpkins230
WITH
fuzylumpkins230
IT
fuzylumpkins230
maybe i just won't go to college next year
fuzylumpkins230
I am going to figure out something
William Miller, Ph.D.
you're insane.
fuzylumpkins230
no
fuzylumpkins230
to me
fuzylumpkins230
I am not
fuzylumpkins230
this
fuzylumpkins230
was my
fuzylumpkins230
worst
fuzylumpkins230
fear
fuzylumpkins230
ever
fuzylumpkins230
this is like that nightmare
fuzylumpkins230
from when you were a kid
fuzylumpkins230
that scares the shit out of you
fuzylumpkins230
even when you aren't sleeping
fuzylumpkins230
option 1: I transfer after next year
fuzylumpkins230
option 2:
fuzylumpkins230
I die between now and August
fuzylumpkins230
option 3: I figure out how to attend a different college
fuzylumpkins230
option 4: I don't attend college next year
William Miller, Ph.D.
evan
William Miller, Ph.D.
i cannot believe you
fuzylumpkins230
that is my thought process right now
William Miller, Ph.D.
i am a human being
fuzylumpkins230
this is true
William Miller, Ph.D.
you don't even look at me that way anymore
fuzylumpkins230
sure I do
William Miller, Ph.D.
no
William Miller, Ph.D.
you really
William Miller, Ph.D.
really don't
William Miller, Ph.D.
you have made me into this monster
William Miller, Ph.D.
in your head
William Miller, Ph.D.
and i'm just
William Miller, Ph.D.
not
William Miller, Ph.D.
you are so afraid of nothing
fuzylumpkins230
alright well I am sorry you feel that way
William Miller, Ph.D.
nothing is between us
William Miller, Ph.D.
so why are you scared at all
William Miller, Ph.D.
i would never speak poorly of you
fuzylumpkins230
it has nothing to do with that
William Miller, Ph.D.
when people ask about you
William Miller, Ph.D.
i always say "yeah, evan hillyer is a great guy"
fuzylumpkins230
again
William Miller, Ph.D.
like, yeah you can be mean sometimes
fuzylumpkins230
realize
fuzylumpkins230
I am in shock
fuzylumpkins230
yes
William Miller, Ph.D.
but i know its just to me
fuzylumpkins230
i am a fucking dick
William Miller, Ph.D.
just
William Miller, Ph.D.
stop it
William Miller, Ph.D.
i'm not a monster
William Miller, Ph.D.
you treat me
William Miller, Ph.D.
like a disease
William Miller, Ph.D.
and honestly, it hurts my feelings when anybody does that
William Miller, Ph.D.
(not like anyone but you does)
William Miller, Ph.D.
like, what the hell
William Miller, Ph.D.
when i actually see you
William Miller, Ph.D.
in person
4/30/08
William Miller, Ph.D.
it's the least big deal ever
William Miller, Ph.D.
you just get this psychological block
William Miller, Ph.D.
that you can't get around
William Miller, Ph.D.
that says that i am just the devil
William Miller, Ph.D.
and out to ruin your life
William Miller, Ph.D.
when i have been doing nothing
William Miller, Ph.D.
but living my own
fuzylumpkins230
becca
fuzylumpkins230
look
fuzylumpkins230
here it is
fuzylumpkins230
you were someone i really cared for
fuzylumpkins230
like
fuzylumpkins230
really
fuzylumpkins230
alot
fuzylumpkins230
and
fuzylumpkins230
then you dumped me twice
fuzylumpkins230
stuff happened I wasnt used to
fuzylumpkins230
you were just way different
fuzylumpkins230
than I expected
fuzylumpkins230
the girl i really fell for
fuzylumpkins230
ended up being different
fuzylumpkins230
and i never got over that
William Miller, Ph.D.
evan
William Miller, Ph.D.
i fell out of love with you
William Miller, Ph.D.
that's what that was
William Miller, Ph.D.
and it took you shaking me awake again and leaving me
William Miller, Ph.D.
to make me realize how lucky i was to have you
William Miller, Ph.D.
and i'm sorry that it ended so badly
William Miller, Ph.D.
and i admit it took a really really long time for me to let go of it
William Miller, Ph.D.
but i'm okay now
fuzylumpkins230
alright well I have run out of thoughts
fuzylumpkins230
so I have to go
fuzylumpkins230
finish some pointless work
fuzylumpkins230
I hope i just die in my sleep
fuzylumpkins230
it would make this so easy
fuzylumpkins230
you would be happy
fuzylumpkins230
and so would I
William Miller, Ph.D.
evan
William Miller, Ph.D.
okay
William Miller, Ph.D.
i know
William Miller, Ph.D.
that the last thing you want to do right now
William Miller, Ph.D.
is see me
William Miller, Ph.D.
but really
William Miller, Ph.D.
i think that we need to just talk
William Miller, Ph.D.
face to face
William Miller, Ph.D.
so you can see how not terrible this is
fuzylumpkins230
meh i'd rather not
fuzylumpkins230
I feel like curling up in a fucking garbage can
fuzylumpkins230
and turning into to compost or something
fuzylumpkins230
that would be so awsome
William Miller, Ph.D.
alright
fuzylumpkins230
compared to how i feel right now
William Miller, Ph.D.
then nevermind
William Miller, Ph.D.
you've been rude enough to me for one day
William Miller, Ph.D.
thanks.
fuzylumpkins230
you know this isnt because i dont like you
fuzylumpkins230
i dont really know you anymore
William Miller, Ph.D.
evan
William Miller, Ph.D.
i really
William Miller, Ph.D.
do not care.
fuzylumpkins230
it is because i never got over
fuzylumpkins230
the whole thing
fuzylumpkins230
yes you do
William Miller, Ph.D.
no
William Miller, Ph.D.
i really
William Miller, Ph.D.
really do not.
William Miller, Ph.D.
at all.
William Miller, Ph.D.
i don't care for you
William Miller, Ph.D.
or us
William Miller, Ph.D.
at all.
fuzylumpkins230
okay
William Miller, Ph.D.
i just wanted to be nice to you
fuzylumpkins230
yes
fuzylumpkins230
and you were
fuzylumpkins230
and I really appreciate that
William Miller, Ph.D.
because i know you can be a nice guy
fuzylumpkins230
I am just fucked up
fuzylumpkins230
you realize i tried to kill myself twice this year?
fuzylumpkins230
no
fuzylumpkins230
you didnt know that
William Miller, Ph.D.
what?
fuzylumpkins230
did you
fuzylumpkins230
I am not just fucking with you
William Miller, Ph.D.
what are you talking about
William Miller, Ph.D.
evan
fuzylumpkins230
I started seeing a psychologist
fuzylumpkins230
and that helped
fuzylumpkins230
but yeah
William Miller, Ph.D.
....when?
fuzylumpkins230
that is related
fuzylumpkins230
to all of this
fuzylumpkins230
it is all
William Miller, Ph.D.
did you try that
fuzylumpkins230
part of the same life
fuzylumpkins230
like
fuzylumpkins230
a month and a half ago
fuzylumpkins230
maybe two
fuzylumpkins230
and then in later January maybe?
fuzylumpkins230
yeah
William Miller, Ph.D.
why?
fuzylumpkins230
because
fuzylumpkins230
i hated my life
fuzylumpkins230
I couldnt deal with any of it anymore
fuzylumpkins230
I was lonely
fuzylumpkins230
because i felt i would never find someone like (the original you)
fuzylumpkins230
again
fuzylumpkins230
and
fuzylumpkins230
I just pulled everything out
fuzylumpkins230
to its extremes
fuzylumpkins230
alright well I pointed this out
fuzylumpkins230
to tell you how irrational
fuzylumpkins230
i am
fuzylumpkins230
and that in all reality
fuzylumpkins230
it doesnt have much to do with you
William Miller, Ph.D.
ok
fuzylumpkins230
alot more to do with me
William Miller, Ph.D.
evan
William Miller, Ph.D.
you are such a wonderful person
William Miller, Ph.D.
and i'm really sorry
William Miller, Ph.D.
that you felt that way at one point about yourself and your life
fuzylumpkins230
alright well
fuzylumpkins230
i appreciate that thought
fuzylumpkins230
but nothing really can stop me from feeling this way
fuzylumpkins230
/that way
William Miller, Ph.D.
i don't know, i just find it hard to believe
William Miller, Ph.D.
that
William Miller, Ph.D.
if you're talking to me right now
William Miller, Ph.D.
and if you don't hate who i am
William Miller, Ph.D.
then i think you are just scared of college in general
William Miller, Ph.D.
not even just me going to it
fuzylumpkins230
no
fuzylumpkins230
i am ultra ready for it
fuzylumpkins230
i just
fuzylumpkins230
never saw you
fuzylumpkins230
as part of the picture
William Miller, Ph.D.
and i won't be
fuzylumpkins230
yes you will
fuzylumpkins230
i will still see you around
fuzylumpkins230
and will hear about you from other people
fuzylumpkins230
it is a tiny ass school
fuzylumpkins230
alright goodnight
fuzylumpkins230
I have to go do some work
William Miller, Ph.D.
bye
fuzylumpkins230
please i beg of you
fuzylumpkins230
don't be upset with me
fuzylumpkins230
all that i have said
fuzylumpkins230
is irrational thought
fuzylumpkins230
that truly only makes sense to me
fuzylumpkins230
and is related to the fact
fuzylumpkins230
that i never got over what happened between us
William Miller, Ph.D.
evan
William Miller, Ph.D.
this is what's going to happen
William Miller, Ph.D.
i don't know what you need to actually feel okay right now
William Miller, Ph.D.
but really
William Miller, Ph.D.
you're going to go to college
William Miller, Ph.D.
and meet so many amazing people you will forget all about me
William Miller, Ph.D.
and you're going to meet an amazing girl
William Miller, Ph.D.
who makes you twice as nervous and fumbly as you were around me
William Miller, Ph.D.
and you're going to forget how everything felt
William Miller, Ph.D.
and you're going to be so, so happy
William Miller, Ph.D.
okay?
fuzylumpkins230
sure
fuzylumpkins230
whatever you say
fuzylumpkins230
again
fuzylumpkins230
i appreciate the thought
fuzylumpkins230
and your kindness
William Miller, Ph.D.
ok
William Miller, Ph.D.
well
William Miller, Ph.D.
just trust me
William Miller, Ph.D.
it's going to be fine
fuzylumpkins230
goodnight
William Miller, Ph.D.
night
fuzylumpkins230 has gone offline.

_masssacre_ @ 2007-11-17T01:51:00

2007-11-17T06:55:44Z

and it got harder and harder to not believe the words that he said
when he poured his heart to her in sips and spots she yearned for it all and her heart broke inside once again.
all it took was an "i miss you, darling"
all it took was an, "i want you back"
all it took was his smile and the way her hands felt on his skin and his scent and his eyes which she couldn't look into and recognize again.
every couple of minutes she would go on autopilot like she had been on for the past 4 months, flying through life with the captain absent.
it returned completely and the flip was switched and the feeling was over.
autopilot.

_masssacre_ @ 2007-10-28T00:27:00

2007-10-28T04:27:50Z

whenever i write the words come from a narrator in my head
it's how i wish i sounded, talking face to face.
everything is thought out, eloquent, spontaneous, like reading from a journal where the ideas and the pace of me writing them came in sink (which never happens, by the way. i'm always too quick and just loose some of it's freshness)
the voice is of Ophelia. i really like that name. it's of the main character in White Oleander. Or the girl in Two Days In Paris who's a photographer even though she's half-blind in little speckles across her retina.
sometimes it's you.
sometimes i'll imagine you reading what i'm writing in class. if you'll stop here. breathe there. emphasize like i imagined i wish i could sound in my head.
it's addictive.
i wish you could hear the voice of these women, just talking shit out of their mouths that somehow forms a perfect rhythm. perfect poetry without even trying.
sorry about that last journal entry. it really sucked. that was me pulling lines from the conversation i was having in the AC lobby the period before the journal was due. my bad. :/

i was really close to calling you
fuzylumpkins230
tonight i mean
fuzylumpkins230
today?
lol
why
dont know
fuzylumpkins230

_masssacre_ @ 2007-09-20T23:34:00

2007-09-21T04:04:21Z

fuzylumpkins230: yeahup
fuzylumpkins230: pain in my ass
fuzylumpkins230: alright
punkrockhype: yeah
fuzylumpkins230: you know what i get to say next
punkrockhype: i know
fuzylumpkins230: goodbye
punkrockhype: evan
fuzylumpkins230: yes'm
punkrockhype: i don't know
punkrockhype: i hate this
fuzylumpkins230: what?
fuzylumpkins230: how can you hate nothing?
punkrockhype: how is it nothing?
fuzylumpkins230: i dont know
fuzylumpkins230: i dont see you
fuzylumpkins230: i dont really talk to you
punkrockhype: i know that
punkrockhype: i don't know what is wrong with me still
fuzylumpkins230: what do you mean?
fuzylumpkins230: you are just fine
punkrockhype: no
fuzylumpkins230: well care to explain?
punkrockhype: it's been five weeks and i still can't shake you
punkrockhype: like
punkrockhype: you have no idea
punkrockhype: i dont' know why i'm telling you
punkrockhype: it probably doesn't matter to you
fuzylumpkins230: sure you can
fuzylumpkins230: you have shaken me
punkrockhype: no, evan
fuzylumpkins230: you just havn't shaken the feeling of being in a relationship
punkrockhype: no
punkrockhype: evan
fuzylumpkins230: I have treated you like complete shit
punkrockhype: i know that
fuzylumpkins230: you should and are way over me
punkrockhype: no
fuzylumpkins230: should be
fuzylumpkins230: sorry
punkrockhype: i'm not
punkrockhype: i know i probably should be
punkrockhype: lol
punkrockhype: even when i tried to talk to you today
punkrockhype: you were just like "hi. what do you want"
punkrockhype: i know you hate taking to me
punkrockhype: i can feel it
punkrockhype: and i hate myself for talking to you and doing these things
fuzylumpkins230: okay that is garbage
fuzylumpkins230: you can't feel anything
fuzylumpkins230: over the internet
fuzylumpkins230: sorry
punkrockhype: i felt it in the way you looked at me
punkrockhype: in the car
punkrockhype: that half smile
punkrockhype: where you curled your lip and nodded at me
punkrockhype: you were like
punkrockhype: "so this is how it is"
punkrockhype: "this is how it's gonna be"
punkrockhype: and there was so much i wanted to say to you
punkrockhype: but i was too scared to even move
punkrockhype: or breathe
fuzylumpkins230: well you have that chance now
fuzylumpkins230: and you have nothing to say other than you can't shake me
fuzylumpkins230: so
fuzylumpkins230: i don't really understand where you are coming from
punkrockhype: yeah.. i know
punkrockhype: goodnight

punkrockhype: i dont' know why i came to your house
punkrockhype: but i just needed to talk to you
punkrockhype: i don't know what i would have said at all
punkrockhype: so when you asked me why i came
fuzylumpkins230: okay
punkrockhype: that's why i didn' have an answer
fuzylumpkins230: ahh
punkrockhype: but of course, you're always just leaving and having to do something or go somewhere else
fuzylumpkins230: okay well this makes a bit more sense
punkrockhype: i guess
fuzylumpkins230: not always
fuzylumpkins230: you just happened to catch me
fuzylumpkins230: at exactly
fuzylumpkins230: the wrong time
punkrockhype: every time.
fuzylumpkins230: twenty minutes earlier
fuzylumpkins230: and i wouldnt have been on my way to lacrosse
punkrockhype: i doubt twenty minutes would have been enough
punkrockhype: i don't know what it is evan
punkrockhype: you obviously have let go of this a lot more than i have
punkrockhype: how did you do it?
fuzylumpkins230: umm
fuzylumpkins230: there is no formally
fuzylumpkins230: formula
fuzylumpkins230: sorry
fuzylumpkins230: for life
fuzylumpkins230: or love
fuzylumpkins230: it just happens
fuzylumpkins230: there are no explanations
fuzylumpkins230: no reasons
punkrockhype: yeah
punkrockhype: but everything that you did made so much sense to me
fuzylumpkins230: bleh
fuzylumpkins230: i am really dumb
fuzylumpkins230: seriously
punkrockhype: no
punkrockhype: really
fuzylumpkins230: okay well whatever
fuzylumpkins230: i am not worth a shit
fuzylumpkins230: that is why my grades are horrible rightnow
fuzylumpkins230: and
fuzylumpkins230: that is why
fuzylumpkins230: i am no good at golf
fuzylumpkins230: etc, etc,
fuzylumpkins230: i could list reasons upon reasons
punkrockhype: wow lol you think those little things matter at all?
fuzylumpkins230: as to why you shouldnt give a shit about me
fuzylumpkins230: i do have to go though
fuzylumpkins230: so you be good okay?
fuzylumpkins230: i have to finish up this economics supplement thing
fuzylumpkins230: goodnight
punkrockhype: evan
punkrockhype: can i see you this weekend?
fuzylumpkins230: maybe???
fuzylumpkins230: i have alot of shit to do
fuzylumpkins230: but maybe
punkrockhype: i really just
punkrockhype: need to
fuzylumpkins230: why?
fuzylumpkins230: i won't know what to say to you?
fuzylumpkins230: and what are you going to say to me?
punkrockhype: i don't know
punkrockhype: but i know that how i feel now
punkrockhype: just isn't right
punkrockhype: it isn't who i want to be
fuzylumpkins230: okay
fuzylumpkins230: well i am not sure i can help you with that?
punkrockhype: no
punkrockhype: you have to
punkrockhype: because it's you
punkrockhype: you're exactly what's wrong with me
fuzylumpkins230: huh?
punkrockhype: i dont' know
punkrockhype: i just can't do this anymore
punkrockhype: i can't break down and cry every time i think about you
punkrockhype: it's just not what i want to do
fuzylumpkins230: well obviously
fuzylumpkins230: that isnt good
fuzylumpkins230: for anyone
fuzylumpkins230: isnt healthy
punkrockhype: i know that!
punkrockhype: do you think
punkrockhype: that i actually want to hold onto you
punkrockhype: and remember everything
punkrockhype: and be scared
punkrockhype: to let myself think
fuzylumpkins230: is that a question?
punkrockhype: i don't know
fuzylumpkins230: okay
punkrockhype: rhetorical if anything, i suppose
fuzylumpkins230: well honestly i have to go
punkrockhype: i mean, it's bad enough not knowing where i stand
punkrockhype: but then you dont' tell me the truth about yourself
fuzylumpkins230: okay
fuzylumpkins230: keep going
punkrockhype: okay
punkrockhype: no
punkrockhype: go
punkrockhype: work on your homework
fuzylumpkins230: i dont tell you the truth about myself?
punkrockhype: i don't know evan
fuzylumpkins230: okay well i don't knows won't do my economics homework
punkrockhype: what?
fuzylumpkins230: hahha
fuzylumpkins230: nvm
punkrockhype: lol mmmm k?
fuzylumpkins230: :-P
fuzylumpkins230: cheer up a bit
fuzylumpkins230: and don't tell me you arnt happy with all your friends
fuzylumpkins230: and that your life is so horrible without me
fuzylumpkins230: because you have alot going
punkrockhype: i know
fuzylumpkins230: that is worth way more than i guy ever will be
punkrockhype: well
fuzylumpkins230: a guy
fuzylumpkins230: sorry
punkrockhype: i wouldn't say that
punkrockhype: but
fuzylumpkins230: so see
punkrockhype: happiness is when you're about to go to sleep
punkrockhype: and you smile
fuzylumpkins230: things arnt as bad as you claim
punkrockhype: and you think about your life and your friends and you smile and feel loved
punkrockhype: and when i go to sleep
punkrockhype: all i see is what i'm 'missing
punkrockhype: all i remember are the little things that you said to me
punkrockhype: and it's everywhere
punkrockhype: and i hate it
punkrockhype: i think.. why did we have to do so mmuch
fuzylumpkins230: good problem solved
punkrockhype: and go so many places
fuzylumpkins230: you hate me
fuzylumpkins230: yay!
punkrockhype: no
punkrockhype: i don't lol
punkrockhype: i love you
fuzylumpkins230: :-P
fuzylumpkins230: you just said so
fuzylumpkins230: alright well
fuzylumpkins230: take your hole ridden logic
fuzylumpkins230: and go wonder off to sleepy land
fuzylumpkins230: and maybe tommorow it will all be better
punkrockhype: evan
fuzylumpkins230: that is my name
fuzylumpkins230: yes this is true
fuzylumpkins230: i am glad you know how to spell it
fuzylumpkins230: otherwise i might be a little worried about oyu
fuzylumpkins230: you
punkrockhype: you were right
fuzylumpkins230: what?
fuzylumpkins230: what was i right about?
fuzylumpkins230: tell me
fuzylumpkins230: jesus god i was right
fuzylumpkins230: at some point
punkrockhype: lol
punkrockhype: you said
punkrockhype: the way that i looked at you
fuzylumpkins230: what divine intervention has done such a thing?
fuzylumpkins230: was hopeful
fuzylumpkins230: yeah
punkrockhype: i don't know
punkrockhype: no one can see right through me like you do
fuzylumpkins230: bleh
fuzylumpkins230: sure they can
punkrockhype: no
fuzylumpkins230: an x ray doctor man can
fuzylumpkins230: (:
punkrockhype: lol
fuzylumpkins230: :-P
fuzylumpkins230: got ya on that one
punkrockhype: i don't know
punkrockhype: i say so much to you
fuzylumpkins230: which means it is time for my curtain call
punkrockhype: and all you can say is "you'll be alright you'll be fine blah blah blah"
punkrockhype: and you never tell me how you are
punkrockhype: or how you feel towards me
punkrockhype: at least you've yet to tell me the truth
fuzylumpkins230: i dont know how i feel about anything
fuzylumpkins230: or anyone
fuzylumpkins230: well okay
fuzylumpkins230: that isnt true at all
fuzylumpkins230: i certainly
fuzylumpkins230: dont have any feelings for you any longer
punkrockhype: okay
fuzylumpkins230: although what we had wwas truly amazing
fuzylumpkins230: for some reason
fuzylumpkins230: the way i felt
fuzylumpkins230: towards the end
fuzylumpkins230: wasn't right
punkrockhype: i konw
punkrockhype: i didnt' feelright at times either
fuzylumpkins230: you just
fuzylumpkins230: weren't who i fell in love with
fuzylumpkins230: or at least maybe i changed
fuzylumpkins230: whatever it may have been
fuzylumpkins230: i couldnt feel the way i used to
fuzylumpkins230: i couldnt sit next to you
fuzylumpkins230: and just feel on fire
fuzylumpkins230: more or less
fuzylumpkins230: just absolutely
fuzylumpkins230: out of my mind
fuzylumpkins230: crazy for you
fuzylumpkins230: and that wasn't fair to you
fuzylumpkins230: it wasn't fair to continue leading you in that direction
fuzylumpkins230: because i knew you cared so so so much for me
punkrockhype: when
punkrockhype: did you start to feel that way?
fuzylumpkins230: a month before we broke up
punkrockhype: exactly?
fuzylumpkins230: so two weeks or so before i left
fuzylumpkins230: no
fuzylumpkins230: no exact date
punkrockhype: but probably
fuzylumpkins230: there was no time of death
punkrockhype: after i broke up with you the second time
fuzylumpkins230: yeah
punkrockhype: yeah
punkrockhype: i knew
punkrockhype: i knew
punkrockhype: and that why i became so desperate
punkrockhype: i needed so much for things to be the same between us
punkrockhype: that i refused to accept that they could not be
punkrockhype: that i had hurt you too much
fuzylumpkins230: yeahup
punkrockhype: for you to love me again
punkrockhype: i knew it
punkrockhype: you just couldn't let me hold your heart
punkrockhype: because i had hurt it too much
fuzylumpkins230: no that would be really painful
fuzylumpkins230: i would most likely die
fuzylumpkins230: unless you had the jesus power
fuzylumpkins230: sorry
punkrockhype: i wish lol
punkrockhype: yeah
punkrockhype: but no
punkrockhype: i knew
fuzylumpkins230: okay that is creeps
punkrockhype: i absolutely
punkrockhype: knew that
fuzylumpkins230: well yeah
fuzylumpkins230: that is how i feel
punkrockhype: it was so weird though
punkrockhype: because in that month
fuzylumpkins230: but i certainly don't not like talking to you
fuzylumpkins230: just the fact
fuzylumpkins230: that you always end up
fuzylumpkins230: doing this kind of thing
fuzylumpkins230: were you tell me that you love
fuzylumpkins230: me
fuzylumpkins230: and can't let me go
punkrockhype: i know
punkrockhype: i'm sorry
fuzylumpkins230: and i know that you really can
fuzylumpkins230: and it hurts me to see you like this
fuzylumpkins230: because there is so much more out there for you
fuzylumpkins230: so many guys
fuzylumpkins230: that would love to hold you in their arms
punkrockhype: i know....
punkrockhype: that's what everyone keeps telling me
punkrockhype: and
punkrockhype: in moments likel this
punkrockhype: i can see it
punkrockhype: i really can
punkrockhype: and it makes so much sense
punkrockhype: but lol
punkrockhype: i don't know lol
punkrockhype: sometimes i am just fucking crazy
punkrockhype: and i wish that i could stop but i really just cannot control myself
punkrockhype: and i know that it makes no sense
punkrockhype: and i know that you think it is so pathetic
punkrockhype: and you think i'm psycho
punkrockhype: it's embarassing
punkrockhype: i don't love you
punkrockhype: but i loved what we were
punkrockhype: i was so in love with what we were
fuzylumpkins230: yeah
punkrockhype: and
punkrockhype: i don't know
punkrockhype: i knew that you weren't talking to me
punkrockhype: because you were scared we'd fall into this trap again
punkrockhype: but it would be even worse
punkrockhype: beacuse of all this baggage that came with us being together before
punkrockhype: and i know
punkrockhype: that it will never be that way with us again
punkrockhype: and that you have moved on
punkrockhype: at least mostly moved on
punkrockhype: my computer is dying.
punkrockhype: ill ttyl
fuzylumpkins230: okay

_masssacre_ @ 2007-08-15T21:57:00

2007-08-16T02:29:20Z

punkrockhype: hey
fuzylumpkins230: hi
fuzylumpkins230: how are you?
punkrockhype: i'm okay
punkrockhype: u
fuzylumpkins230: I guess the same?
fuzylumpkins230: how was your game
punkrockhype: good, good
fuzylumpkins230: are you really doing okay?
punkrockhype: i don't know
punkrockhype: are you
fuzylumpkins230: I dont know
fuzylumpkins230: I am just
fuzylumpkins230: upset
fuzylumpkins230: so
fuzylumpkins230: no
punkrockhype: do you want me to just shut up
fuzylumpkins230: no
fuzylumpkins230: I just dont know
fuzylumpkins230: are you happy
punkrockhype: at the moment, no. not at all.
punkrockhype: are you?
fuzylumpkins230: why not at the moment?
fuzylumpkins230: where you happy earlier today?
fuzylumpkins230: were
punkrockhype: no
punkrockhype: i haven't been happy since sunday night, evan
punkrockhype: i don't know what i feel right now
punkrockhype: last night was all wrong
fuzylumpkins230: yeahup
fuzylumpkins230: I agree
punkrockhype: i really
punkrockhype: don't believe that you love me anymore
punkrockhype: you don't.
punkrockhype: and things will never be the same between us
fuzylumpkins230: okay
punkrockhype: do you agree
punkrockhype: do you love me
fuzylumpkins230: i cant do this
punkrockhype: do what
punkrockhype: talk about it
punkrockhype: or love me
fuzylumpkins230: yes
punkrockhype: which
fuzylumpkins230: the first one
punkrockhype: okay
fuzylumpkins230: im sorry
fuzylumpkins230: okay
fuzylumpkins230: for what I have done
fuzylumpkins230: you will find someone else
fuzylumpkins230: that loves you
fuzylumpkins230: and that can take care of you
fuzylumpkins230: and make you happy
fuzylumpkins230: as I once did
punkrockhype: okay
fuzylumpkins230: im glad to see you don't care
fuzylumpkins230: it makes me feel better
punkrockhype: wow.
punkrockhype: i do care, evan
punkrockhype: i'm just twisted right now
punkrockhype: and i feel abused by you
punkrockhype: really
punkrockhype: like
punkrockhype: you really did abuse me last night
punkrockhype: i let you
punkrockhype: but you did
fuzylumpkins230: look becca
fuzylumpkins230: I feel like shit already
fuzylumpkins230: okay
punkrockhype: hah.
punkrockhype: you think i don't
fuzylumpkins230: I know what happened was wrong
punkrockhype: ?
fuzylumpkins230: I wish it hadnt
fuzylumpkins230: because maybe I would have been able to feel you
fuzylumpkins230: but I didnt
punkrockhype: i could tell.
fuzylumpkins230: and that is what I base how I feel now off of
fuzylumpkins230: because I didnt feel you
fuzylumpkins230: there
punkrockhype: i don't think i was
punkrockhype: i wasn't there
punkrockhype: its kind of funny though
punkrockhype: i knew what i wanted
punkrockhype: you
punkrockhype: so strongly
punkrockhype: for so many nights
punkrockhype: and now
punkrockhype: i don't even know if i want you anymore
punkrockhype: you really are a different person
punkrockhype: the person i saw last night
punkrockhype: just
punkrockhype: i don't know who that was
punkrockhype: i don't know who would use me like that
fuzylumpkins230: it wasnt me
punkrockhype: i know
punkrockhype: i love who you are
punkrockhype: but who that was last night
punkrockhype: their eyes meant nothing to me
fuzylumpkins230: I know that becca
fuzylumpkins230: but please
fuzylumpkins230: don't try to make me feel worse
fuzylumpkins230: I feel like death
fuzylumpkins230: I feel evil
fuzylumpkins230: I feel
fuzylumpkins230: lonely
fuzylumpkins230: I feel cold
fuzylumpkins230: I am upset
fuzylumpkins230: and horribly unhappy
punkrockhype: i know
punkrockhype: what upset you so much today that wasn't us
punkrockhype: ?
fuzylumpkins230: I can't tell you
punkrockhype: no, tell me
punkrockhype: evan
fuzylumpkins230: but I am saying all of those things
fuzylumpkins230: about us
punkrockhype: i know
punkrockhype: i want to know
punkrockhype: why can't you tell me
fuzylumpkins230: no
fuzylumpkins230: you dont want to know
fuzylumpkins230: because
punkrockhype: yes i do.
fuzylumpkins230: you dont
punkrockhype: yes
punkrockhype: i do
fuzylumpkins230: becca
fuzylumpkins230: stop this
punkrockhype: did you hook up with someone?
fuzylumpkins230: no
punkrockhype: what is it
fuzylumpkins230: it is over now
punkrockhype: evan what happened
punkrockhype: please
punkrockhype: just tell me
punkrockhype: evan
punkrockhype: fine.
punkrockhype: don't tell me
fuzylumpkins230: no
fuzylumpkins230: becca look
fuzylumpkins230: It wasnt me last night
punkrockhype: i know
punkrockhype: i don't know if you noticed
punkrockhype: by my poem is all about that
punkrockhype: how we both turn into two different people
punkrockhype: you and i, You and I
punkrockhype: the lower case you and i are how we used to be
punkrockhype: and how we are when we're together and love each other
punkrockhype: and the old us
punkrockhype: and the captial You and I are how we are now
punkrockhype: and how we are in our "modes"
punkrockhype: and the bolder, insecure us...
punkrockhype: i didn't know if you'd notice or not
fuzylumpkins230: nope
fuzylumpkins230: I am no longer anything
fuzylumpkins230: I am a ghost right now
fuzylumpkins230: and I am no longer yours
fuzylumpkins230: and I am not a part of your life
fuzylumpkins230: and that upsets me
fuzylumpkins230: this me
fuzylumpkins230: not that evil fuck
fuzylumpkins230: of last night
punkrockhype: i'm not sure if you say that you're not a part of me anymore
punkrockhype: in remorse
punkrockhype: or just to tell me
punkrockhype: and to tell me that you don't want to be
punkrockhype: and can't be
punkrockhype: you said breaking up with me was the biggest mistake of your life
punkrockhype: but i wonder if taht's just because you're afraid of being lonely
punkrockhype: or want me
fuzylumpkins230: Becca
fuzylumpkins230: what do you want
fuzylumpkins230: do you want to be with me
fuzylumpkins230: do you love me
fuzylumpkins230: not what I was last night
fuzylumpkins230: who I am
fuzylumpkins230: now
fuzylumpkins230: and was before
punkrockhype: evan
punkrockhype: i dont know if you are who you were before
punkrockhype: i loved that person
punkrockhype: i really did
punkrockhype: and i do still
punkrockhype: that picture of you
punkrockhype: i just broke down
fuzylumpkins230: no
punkrockhype: and started crying
punkrockhype: because i was like "wow, i love that boy"
fuzylumpkins230: stop
punkrockhype: because really
punkrockhype: everything that i loved about you
fuzylumpkins230: stop it
punkrockhype: your innocence and your bright smile and your big brown eyes
punkrockhype: your life
punkrockhype: it was staring me in the face
fuzylumpkins230: listen to me
fuzylumpkins230: I fucked up
fuzylumpkins230: we all do
punkrockhype: i know
fuzylumpkins230: but dont say that I am that different just because I am not with you
fuzylumpkins230: please
fuzylumpkins230: dont say that
fuzylumpkins230: last night excluded
punkrockhype: i don't nkow
punkrockhype: i want us to be loving towards each other
punkrockhype: and leave all of our neurotic things on the side of the road and drive away
punkrockhype: like
punkrockhype: how you think that i cheated/will cheat on you
punkrockhype: i would never do that
punkrockhype: ever.
punkrockhype: never
punkrockhype: and i'm sorry that you feel so threatened by my friends
punkrockhype: you just need to know them more
punkrockhype: i mean
punkrockhype: you hated hanging out with them
punkrockhype: you never wanted to
punkrockhype: i feel like if you knew them
punkrockhype: and if you were friends with them
punkrockhype: you wouldn't be threatened
punkrockhype: you know?
punkrockhype: i don't know
fuzylumpkins230: yeah
fuzylumpkins230: I can understand that
fuzylumpkins230: but I am horrible now
fuzylumpkins230: I am beyond that
fuzylumpkins230: that is why you dont want me
fuzylumpkins230: or need me
punkrockhype: see, i don't know
punkrockhype: because you last night
punkrockhype: i didn't want that at all
punkrockhype: that disgusted me
punkrockhype: and sickened me
punkrockhype: but you
punkrockhype: the real you
punkrockhype: is nothing like that at all
punkrockhype: you don't say "i can't control myself, i'm sorry.. i can't control myself."
punkrockhype: you wouldn't have let me do that
punkrockhype: i hated who you were last night
punkrockhype: the way you used my emotions to get what you wanted
punkrockhype: and the way i was so willing to let you
punkrockhype: i wanted you to lay with me like we did in the polo fields
punkrockhype: in the sun
punkrockhype: with you arm wrapped around my waist
punkrockhype: loving me
punkrockhype: i just want you to be loving towards me
punkrockhype: affectionate
punkrockhype: if you do that
punkrockhype: then
punkrockhype: but i don't know if you are willing to do that.
punkrockhype: nevermind
punkrockhype: i don't know what you want me to say
punkrockhype: or what i can say to you
punkrockhype: i dont' even know if you're listening
fuzylumpkins230: no I wasnt because my fucking dog had to go outside
fuzylumpkins230: and my parents
fuzylumpkins230: are being stupid
fuzylumpkins230: and I have to go
fuzylumpkins230: and I am sorry it ended up this wayt
fuzylumpkins230: but we will work this out
punkrockhype: what are you even talking about
punkrockhype: no
punkrockhype: you know what
punkrockhype: i'll just "shut up and go to bed"
punkrockhype: goodnight.
fuzylumpkins230: no
fuzylumpkins230: becca
fuzylumpkins230: stop it
fuzylumpkins230: I have to go
fuzylumpkins230: because my parents
fuzylumpkins230: are being jackasses
fuzylumpkins230: remember last night
punkrockhype: okay
fuzylumpkins230: when your mom came out
fuzylumpkins230: and was being stupid
fuzylumpkins230: it is like that
fuzylumpkins230: but times ten right now
punkrockhype: okay
fuzylumpkins230: okay
punkrockhype: bye
fuzylumpkins230: goodbye
fuzylumpkins230: we will work this out
fuzylumpkins230: dont leave me
punkrockhype: what the hell do you mean by that
punkrockhype: i don't 'understand anything that is happening
fuzylumpkins230: okay
punkrockhype: there is a rock in my stomach
punkrockhype: adn there has been for days
fuzylumpkins230: okay
punkrockhype: i'm turning into stone
fuzylumpkins230: and when it goes away
fuzylumpkins230: i will be gone forever
fuzylumpkins230: I know
punkrockhype: what
fuzylumpkins230: I only have so much time
punkrockhype: we
punkrockhype: do you really
fuzylumpkins230: do I really what?
punkrockhype: i do'nt know
punkrockhype: i
fuzylumpkins230: i have to go
fuzylumpkins230: okay
fuzylumpkins230: I am sorry
fuzylumpkins230: my parents are making me
punkrockhype: ok
fuzylumpkins230: I cant do anything about it
fuzylumpkins230: text me if you want okay
fuzylumpkins230: i am right here
fuzylumpkins230: and not going anywhere
fuzylumpkins230: me
fuzylumpkins230: not who i was last night
fuzylumpkins230: bye
“fuzylumpkins230” signed off at 10:29:05 PM.

_masssacre_ @ 2007-07-07T00:34:00

2007-07-07T05:33:16Z

fuzylumpkins230 (12:04:09 AM): wait what
fuzylumpkins230 (12:04:12 AM): you read my profile?
punkrockhype (12:04:16 AM): yeah
punkrockhype (12:04:43 AM): your aim profile
fuzylumpkins230 (12:04:48 AM): yeah
fuzylumpkins230 (12:04:50 AM): it is a song
punkrockhype (12:04:58 AM): i figured
fuzylumpkins230 (12:05:01 AM): yeahup
fuzylumpkins230 (12:05:04 AM): I am not that genius
punkrockhype (12:05:08 AM): hah
punkrockhype (12:05:39 AM): so how are you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:19 AM): well
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:22 AM): I was explaining to you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:23 AM): that chef
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:26 AM): pulled that prank
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:29 AM): he sent this busser
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:33 AM): on a wild goose chase
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:44 AM): he said we needed domestic pasta shells
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:44 AM): of course
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:44 AM): we had them
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:47 AM): so he sent him
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:51 AM): to Tav Co.
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:53 AM): Brennan's
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:57 AM): Lopez
fuzylumpkins230 (12:06:59 AM): Richie Chan's
fuzylumpkins230 (12:07:02 AM): Lemon Grass
punkrockhype (12:07:05 AM): omg lol
fuzylumpkins230 (12:07:07 AM): and something else
fuzylumpkins230 (12:07:11 AM): but it was because he wanted him out
fuzylumpkins230 (12:07:14 AM): so that the busser
fuzylumpkins230 (12:07:17 AM): he was training
fuzylumpkins230 (12:07:20 AM): could get some experience
fuzylumpkins230 (12:07:22 AM): but yeah
fuzylumpkins230 (12:07:30 AM): it was really awsome
punkrockhype (12:07:33 AM): that is hilarious
fuzylumpkins230 (12:07:35 AM): and he felt so stupid when he got back
fuzylumpkins230 (12:07:40 AM): so he just walked out the front door
punkrockhype (12:07:45 AM): aww lol
fuzylumpkins230 (12:07:48 AM): and then came back like twenty minutes later
fuzylumpkins230 (12:07:55 AM): so yeah
fuzylumpkins230 (12:07:57 AM): anyways
fuzylumpkins230 (12:08:00 AM): work was well
fuzylumpkins230 (12:08:03 AM): I got paid
fuzylumpkins230 (12:08:03 AM): wahoo!
punkrockhype (12:08:08 AM): yay!! how much?
fuzylumpkins230 (12:08:11 AM): and I got home earlier than I expected
fuzylumpkins230 (12:08:14 AM): 200
punkrockhype (12:08:17 AM): nice nice
fuzylumpkins230 (12:08:17 AM): for four days
fuzylumpkins230 (12:08:29 AM): in cash
punkrockhype (12:08:34 AM): sketchyyy...
fuzylumpkins230 (12:08:34 AM): which is chill
punkrockhype (12:08:37 AM): lol
fuzylumpkins230 (12:08:37 AM): yeah
fuzylumpkins230 (12:08:39 AM): and sketch
punkrockhype (12:08:51 AM): did you wad it up like a g
fuzylumpkins230 (12:08:55 AM): no
fuzylumpkins230 (12:08:57 AM): I should though
fuzylumpkins230 (12:09:03 AM): I am just going to exchange it all
fuzylumpkins230 (12:09:06 AM): for FRIZANCE
punkrockhype (12:09:11 AM): sarah gets paid under the table in cash for her job and she wadded up her money hahah
punkrockhype (12:09:12 AM): ah yeah
fuzylumpkins230 (12:09:17 AM): hahah
fuzylumpkins230 (12:09:22 AM): okay so
punkrockhype (12:09:25 AM): she has like 500 dolllars
punkrockhype (12:09:30 AM): so
fuzylumpkins230 (12:09:32 AM): yeah
fuzylumpkins230 (12:09:34 AM): what about you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:09:38 AM): what did you do after work
punkrockhype (12:09:47 AM): came home
punkrockhype (12:09:54 AM): lol ummm yeah
fuzylumpkins230 (12:09:59 AM): word
punkrockhype (12:10:15 AM): i had to plan out my week
punkrockhype (12:10:20 AM): which is basically going to be insane
punkrockhype (12:10:22 AM): minus like
punkrockhype (12:10:25 AM): sunday and wednesday
punkrockhype (12:10:37 AM): if i make it through monday
punkrockhype (12:10:41 AM): i'll be amazed
punkrockhype (12:11:16 AM): work was alright i guess
punkrockhype (12:11:23 AM): it went quickly
punkrockhype (12:11:32 AM): i met your teacher from ruffing
punkrockhype (12:11:56 AM): hello?
punkrockhype (12:12:36 AM): ........
fuzylumpkins230 (12:12:42 AM): sorry
fuzylumpkins230 (12:12:49 AM): I had to send an e-mail
punkrockhype (12:13:04 AM): ok
fuzylumpkins230 (12:13:32 AM): yeah
fuzylumpkins230 (12:13:35 AM): anyways
fuzylumpkins230 (12:13:41 AM): why is your week going to be so busy?
fuzylumpkins230 (12:13:45 AM): just work
fuzylumpkins230 (12:13:48 AM): and volleyball
fuzylumpkins230 (12:13:49 AM): and such
punkrockhype (12:14:05 AM): soooo much volleyball
punkrockhype (12:14:14 AM): cause i have that camp/clinic thing
punkrockhype (12:14:17 AM): almost every day
punkrockhype (12:14:25 AM): from 8-4:30
fuzylumpkins230 (12:14:30 AM): word
punkrockhype (12:14:31 AM): and then on monday i have beach league too
fuzylumpkins230 (12:14:34 AM): ahh
punkrockhype (12:14:38 AM): i knowww
fuzylumpkins230 (12:14:40 AM): don't worry about
punkrockhype (12:14:45 AM): that's going to be like
punkrockhype (12:14:49 AM): 9 or so hours
fuzylumpkins230 (12:14:50 AM): death
fuzylumpkins230 (12:14:51 AM): yes
punkrockhype (12:14:52 AM): of volleyball
punkrockhype (12:14:53 AM): lol
punkrockhype (12:14:56 AM): basically
fuzylumpkins230 (12:14:58 AM): okay
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:06 AM): look
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:11 AM): I don't know what is going on
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:16 AM): but I need some kind of
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:20 AM): decision making from you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:23 AM): I need you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:27 AM): to tell me how you are feeling
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:32 AM): and what you have been thinking about
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:40 AM): my head
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:42 AM): is already spinning
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:46 AM): and I can't take it anymore
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:50 AM): everyone I know
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:52 AM): is telling me
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:54 AM): just to walk away
fuzylumpkins230 (12:15:57 AM): and never look back
fuzylumpkins230 (12:16:03 AM): that you are to high mantinence
fuzylumpkins230 (12:16:08 AM): and that you are just screwing with my head
fuzylumpkins230 (12:16:10 AM): but I refuse to
fuzylumpkins230 (12:16:17 AM): I am right here
fuzylumpkins230 (12:16:22 AM): but I need you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:16:28 AM): and I need your feelings
punkrockhype (12:16:38 AM): okay
punkrockhype (12:16:41 AM): well
fuzylumpkins230 (12:16:45 AM): did
fuzylumpkins230 (12:16:48 AM): you read all of that?
punkrockhype (12:16:51 AM): yes
fuzylumpkins230 (12:16:53 AM): okay
punkrockhype (12:16:59 AM): all day
punkrockhype (12:17:02 AM): i have been in this cloud
punkrockhype (12:17:07 AM): you've been all i've thought about
punkrockhype (12:17:18 AM): but i couldn't concentrate on just one feeling about you
punkrockhype (12:17:25 AM): i could remember things
punkrockhype (12:17:27 AM): and pictures
punkrockhype (12:17:32 AM): flashes
punkrockhype (12:17:36 AM): but i couldn't think
punkrockhype (12:17:43 AM): it was the strangest thing
punkrockhype (12:17:50 AM): like someone had pulled all of the words out of me
punkrockhype (12:17:59 AM): and i have just been thinking
punkrockhype (12:18:03 AM): and exploring options in my head
punkrockhype (12:18:12 AM): possibilities
punkrockhype (12:18:13 AM): outcomes
punkrockhype (12:18:17 AM): decisions
punkrockhype (12:18:39 AM): i imaged conversations that we'd have
punkrockhype (12:18:42 AM): really really happy ones
punkrockhype (12:18:47 AM): where i'm all giddy
punkrockhype (12:18:49 AM): and can't stop smiling
punkrockhype (12:19:01 AM): and i thought wow
punkrockhype (12:19:08 AM): i
punkrockhype (12:19:13 AM): really want that
fuzylumpkins230 (12:19:20 AM): but then
fuzylumpkins230 (12:19:24 AM): you would think about all the times
fuzylumpkins230 (12:19:26 AM): I made you cry
fuzylumpkins230 (12:19:30 AM): and how upset you are
fuzylumpkins230 (12:19:34 AM): more than half the time
fuzylumpkins230 (12:19:50 AM): and how no matter how happy you felt at moments
fuzylumpkins230 (12:19:53 AM): it wasnt enough
fuzylumpkins230 (12:19:55 AM): right?
punkrockhype (12:19:58 AM): honestly
punkrockhype (12:20:06 AM): i couldn't remember feeling unhappy with you
punkrockhype (12:20:19 AM): that was the only thought that didn't pass through my head
fuzylumpkins230 (12:20:25 AM): hmm
fuzylumpkins230 (12:20:27 AM): interesting
punkrockhype (12:20:31 AM): and i don't know
punkrockhype (12:20:34 AM): what that means
fuzylumpkins230 (12:20:39 AM): I am sorry darling
punkrockhype (12:20:41 AM): but the only thing that i could see
fuzylumpkins230 (12:20:46 AM): if I am being
fuzylumpkins230 (12:20:46 AM): mean
fuzylumpkins230 (12:21:00 AM): understand it is because I just had two people tell how I should just give up
fuzylumpkins230 (12:21:07 AM): and just tell you I was finished
fuzylumpkins230 (12:21:22 AM): and that I should just tell you that it was over
fuzylumpkins230 (12:21:23 AM): period
fuzylumpkins230 (12:21:42 AM): but I realized
fuzylumpkins230 (12:21:45 AM): how I can't do that
fuzylumpkins230 (12:21:53 AM): and they were saying how I just shouldnt talk to you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:21:57 AM): and I can't do that
fuzylumpkins230 (12:22:05 AM): and I don't care
fuzylumpkins230 (12:22:09 AM): if you screw with my head
fuzylumpkins230 (12:22:14 AM): it doesnt matter anymore
fuzylumpkins230 (12:22:18 AM): I just want you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:22:20 AM): to figure things out
fuzylumpkins230 (12:22:21 AM): for yourself
fuzylumpkins230 (12:22:23 AM): and for us
fuzylumpkins230 (12:22:31 AM): and I will do whatever it takes
fuzylumpkins230 (12:22:34 AM): for you to get there
fuzylumpkins230 (12:22:53 AM): sorry what was the only thing you could see?
punkrockhype (12:23:04 AM): the only thing i could see
punkrockhype (12:23:11 AM): was me sharing my life with you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:23:29 AM): yes
fuzylumpkins230 (12:23:34 AM): quite a bit of that took place
fuzylumpkins230 (12:23:38 AM): (:
fuzylumpkins230 (12:23:48 AM): :-*
punkrockhype (12:23:49 AM): no
punkrockhype (12:23:50 AM): i mean
punkrockhype (12:23:55 AM): i want to share my life with you
punkrockhype (12:24:10 AM): that was the only outcome
punkrockhype (12:24:15 AM): of all of that thought
punkrockhype (12:24:19 AM): that made any sense
fuzylumpkins230 (12:24:23 AM): hmm
fuzylumpkins230 (12:24:30 AM): well
fuzylumpkins230 (12:24:34 AM): what about what you said before
fuzylumpkins230 (12:24:38 AM): when you were at work
fuzylumpkins230 (12:24:42 AM): you said that you wanted to be with me
fuzylumpkins230 (12:24:47 AM): and that you wanted to hold me and love me
fuzylumpkins230 (12:24:55 AM): was that just garbage?
fuzylumpkins230 (12:25:08 AM): because at first I was angry that you would say that because I thought it wasnt how you felt
fuzylumpkins230 (12:25:15 AM): and then at work I was just confused
fuzylumpkins230 (12:25:20 AM): that is why I wanted to talk
punkrockhype (12:25:31 AM): i'm sorry if i confused you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:25:41 AM): yeah
punkrockhype (12:25:43 AM): and maybe that was coming on too strong
fuzylumpkins230 (12:25:45 AM): you have done quite alot of that
punkrockhype (12:25:51 AM): but i do
punkrockhype (12:25:59 AM): i do want you in my life evan
punkrockhype (12:26:05 AM): not just as friends
punkrockhype (12:26:20 AM): i want us to be happy
punkrockhype (12:26:32 AM): and i'm sorry that i've tortured you
punkrockhype (12:26:37 AM): that's what hurts me the most
fuzylumpkins230 (12:26:46 AM): yeah
fuzylumpkins230 (12:26:52 AM): I have felt terrible
fuzylumpkins230 (12:26:56 AM): for a long time
fuzylumpkins230 (12:27:01 AM): and the only thing that has brought me out of that
fuzylumpkins230 (12:27:04 AM): is what you just said
fuzylumpkins230 (12:27:09 AM): but i am not sure how you can see that
fuzylumpkins230 (12:27:16 AM): that you want me in your life as more than friends
fuzylumpkins230 (12:27:18 AM): plus
fuzylumpkins230 (12:27:20 AM): what does that mean
punkrockhype (12:27:50 AM): i think it means
punkrockhype (12:27:54 AM): that i want to be with you
punkrockhype (12:28:20 AM): if its okay
punkrockhype (12:28:50 AM): i want to lay with you in the sun
punkrockhype (12:29:05 AM): i want to know that you're mine
punkrockhype (12:29:07 AM): and hold you
punkrockhype (12:29:25 AM): if you can't take me back
punkrockhype (12:29:27 AM): i understand
punkrockhype (12:29:34 AM): because i have been so terrible and hurtful
punkrockhype (12:29:48 AM): i don't know why you ever would
fuzylumpkins230 (12:30:00 AM): why I ever would love you like I do?
fuzylumpkins230 (12:30:03 AM): well that is simple
fuzylumpkins230 (12:30:07 AM): it is because you are all I want
punkrockhype (12:30:22 AM): then will you have me?
punkrockhype (12:30:33 AM): as you have me
fuzylumpkins230 (12:30:51 AM): i am so confused
fuzylumpkins230 (12:30:54 AM): what does that mean?
fuzylumpkins230 (12:31:12 AM): what happened
fuzylumpkins230 (12:31:30 AM): to your "lets be friends for right now maybe it will work out later I can't have you like that right now"
fuzylumpkins230 (12:31:31 AM): play
fuzylumpkins230 (12:31:35 AM): /plan
fuzylumpkins230 (12:31:49 AM): sorry I meant to say plan
fuzylumpkins230 (12:31:51 AM): not play
punkrockhype (12:32:14 AM): i could never just be friends with you
punkrockhype (12:32:20 AM): and i realized
punkrockhype (12:32:25 AM): how stupid taht was of me
punkrockhype (12:32:34 AM): that was really a dumb idea
punkrockhype (12:32:48 AM): like
punkrockhype (12:32:49 AM): a lot
fuzylumpkins230 (12:32:54 AM): okay
fuzylumpkins230 (12:32:55 AM): well
fuzylumpkins230 (12:32:59 AM): now that is all cleared up
fuzylumpkins230 (12:33:05 AM): do you think you want to be with me
fuzylumpkins230 (12:33:07 AM): or
fuzylumpkins230 (12:33:08 AM): you do
fuzylumpkins230 (12:33:12 AM): or you might
fuzylumpkins230 (12:33:17 AM): you need more time?
fuzylumpkins230 (12:33:28 AM): I can't have you shift on me in a couple hours
punkrockhype (12:33:50 AM): i don't want to be with you
punkrockhype (12:33:53 AM): i need to be with you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:35:03 AM): god
fuzylumpkins230 (12:35:06 AM): I
fuzylumpkins230 (12:35:09 AM): Becca
fuzylumpkins230 (12:35:12 AM): you can't want this
fuzylumpkins230 (12:35:17 AM): you just spent two days
fuzylumpkins230 (12:35:19 AM): telling me
fuzylumpkins230 (12:35:20 AM): you didn't
fuzylumpkins230 (12:35:24 AM): how
fuzylumpkins230 (12:35:36 AM): is it possible?
punkrockhype (12:35:52 AM): we are reasons so unreal
fuzylumpkins230 (12:36:03 AM): nice
fuzylumpkins230 (12:36:24 AM): I love that you used a song
fuzylumpkins230 (12:36:31 AM): that was meant to describe the end of us
fuzylumpkins230 (12:36:36 AM): to bring it all full circle
punkrockhype (12:36:43 AM): lol
punkrockhype (12:36:49 AM): way to analyze it like my english teacher
fuzylumpkins230 (12:36:52 AM): hahha
fuzylumpkins230 (12:36:58 AM): god
fuzylumpkins230 (12:37:05 AM): my heart is just racing
punkrockhype (12:37:09 AM): "hmm yess... very nice conclusion becca A+"
punkrockhype (12:37:30 AM): i can feel mine beating in my chest
fuzylumpkins230 (12:37:37 AM): yes
fuzylumpkins230 (12:37:39 AM): usually we can
fuzylumpkins230 (12:37:42 AM): (L
punkrockhype (12:37:45 AM): lol
fuzylumpkins230 (12:37:45 AM): (:
fuzylumpkins230 (12:37:52 AM): I am glad you arn't dead
punkrockhype (12:38:01 AM): that's always a plus
punkrockhype (12:38:02 AM): omg
punkrockhype (12:38:04 AM): do you know taht last night
punkrockhype (12:38:18 AM): at the united dairy farmer on the corner of superior and lee
fuzylumpkins230 (12:38:21 AM): yeah
fuzylumpkins230 (12:38:23 AM): shooting
punkrockhype (12:38:25 AM): yeah
punkrockhype (12:38:29 AM): and you were almost right there
fuzylumpkins230 (12:38:30 AM): I heard about it at work today
punkrockhype (12:38:34 AM): at that time
punkrockhype (12:38:36 AM): driving home
fuzylumpkins230 (12:38:38 AM): yeahup
punkrockhype (12:38:49 AM): and i almost ran after you
punkrockhype (12:38:54 AM): and i would have been there
fuzylumpkins230 (12:39:02 AM): yeahup
fuzylumpkins230 (12:39:08 AM): but it didnt happen that way
fuzylumpkins230 (12:39:13 AM): plus I think they were in the parking lot
fuzylumpkins230 (12:39:21 AM): I dont know the full story
punkrockhype (12:39:25 AM): me neither
fuzylumpkins230 (12:39:41 AM): I still don't understand it all
fuzylumpkins230 (12:39:50 AM): is this what you want?
punkrockhype (12:39:56 AM): yes evan
punkrockhype (12:40:00 AM): it really is
fuzylumpkins230 (12:40:14 AM): but you still don't love me
punkrockhype (12:40:42 AM): i don't know really
punkrockhype (12:40:48 AM): i think that that will come in time
punkrockhype (12:40:55 AM): i am confident
fuzylumpkins230 (12:41:02 AM): I am not sure I can have that
fuzylumpkins230 (12:41:07 AM): I can't be with you again
fuzylumpkins230 (12:41:13 AM): knowing you don't love me as I love you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:41:19 AM): knowing you could do this all over again
punkrockhype (12:41:29 AM): try to think of it
punkrockhype (12:41:32 AM): as budding love
punkrockhype (12:41:53 AM): maybe i do love you
punkrockhype (12:42:02 AM): perhaps that is why i need you so much
fuzylumpkins230 (12:42:03 AM): no
fuzylumpkins230 (12:42:13 AM): don't say that
punkrockhype (12:42:15 AM): i don't know
fuzylumpkins230 (12:42:18 AM): yeah
fuzylumpkins230 (12:42:22 AM): which is alright
punkrockhype (12:42:26 AM): is it?
fuzylumpkins230 (12:42:30 AM): well I mean
fuzylumpkins230 (12:42:33 AM): sure it is
fuzylumpkins230 (12:42:40 AM): you are confused
fuzylumpkins230 (12:42:41 AM): about me
fuzylumpkins230 (12:42:43 AM): about the whole thing
fuzylumpkins230 (12:42:54 AM): so of course it's alright that you dont know if you love me
punkrockhype (12:43:02 AM): thank you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:43:11 AM): why are you thanking me?
fuzylumpkins230 (12:43:17 AM): I didnt do anything
punkrockhype (12:43:26 AM): you gave me everything
fuzylumpkins230 (12:43:30 AM): not really
punkrockhype (12:43:33 AM): yes
punkrockhype (12:43:38 AM): you did
fuzylumpkins230 (12:43:38 AM): look
punkrockhype (12:43:40 AM): you have
fuzylumpkins230 (12:43:41 AM): you are just confused
fuzylumpkins230 (12:43:48 AM): you don't need me
fuzylumpkins230 (12:43:49 AM): or love me
punkrockhype (12:43:51 AM): what?
punkrockhype (12:43:58 AM): no
fuzylumpkins230 (12:44:02 AM): its okay
punkrockhype (12:44:14 AM): you
punkrockhype (12:44:17 AM): won't have me
punkrockhype (12:44:20 AM): will you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:44:26 AM): my god becca
fuzylumpkins230 (12:44:27 AM): yes
fuzylumpkins230 (12:44:31 AM): of course I will
fuzylumpkins230 (12:44:38 AM): I didnt say that I wouldnt
punkrockhype (12:44:42 AM): then why are ou sayin these things/!?!
fuzylumpkins230 (12:44:49 AM): because
fuzylumpkins230 (12:44:50 AM): you have been confused
fuzylumpkins230 (12:44:55 AM): for the past two three
fuzylumpkins230 (12:44:57 AM): four weeks possibly?
punkrockhype (12:45:16 AM): but when i say i need you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:45:18 AM): you broke up with me
punkrockhype (12:45:19 AM): you just push me away
fuzylumpkins230 (12:45:21 AM): no
punkrockhype (12:45:23 AM): why
fuzylumpkins230 (12:45:33 AM): I am not pushing you away
fuzylumpkins230 (12:45:37 AM): I am just telling me
fuzylumpkins230 (12:45:39 AM): what you told me
fuzylumpkins230 (12:45:45 AM): two days ago
fuzylumpkins230 (12:45:52 AM): that you were unhappy with me
fuzylumpkins230 (12:45:55 AM): and I need you to be happy
fuzylumpkins230 (12:45:59 AM): because I love you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:46:10 AM): so I am only saying this
fuzylumpkins230 (12:46:13 AM): because it is what I know
fuzylumpkins230 (12:46:17 AM): from what you have said to me
punkrockhype (12:46:50 AM): i feel like that was a different person
fuzylumpkins230 (12:46:53 AM): and it hurts to know if you do need me now that I went through all of that for almost nothing
fuzylumpkins230 (12:47:12 AM): it wasn't
fuzylumpkins230 (12:47:12 AM): it was you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:47:37 AM): sorry
fuzylumpkins230 (12:47:43 AM): sorry I am upsetting you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:47:49 AM): i am just saying these things
fuzylumpkins230 (12:47:53 AM): because it is what i knew last
fuzylumpkins230 (12:47:55 AM): that was certain
fuzylumpkins230 (12:48:00 AM): from you
punkrockhype (12:48:19 AM): ok
fuzylumpkins230 (12:48:30 AM): okay what?
fuzylumpkins230 (12:48:32 AM): look
fuzylumpkins230 (12:48:35 AM): I want to be with you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:48:38 AM): I need you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:48:44 AM): and I love you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:48:50 AM): I just want to be sure
fuzylumpkins230 (12:48:54 AM): this is what you need
fuzylumpkins230 (12:48:55 AM): and want too
fuzylumpkins230 (12:48:58 AM): for certain
fuzylumpkins230 (12:49:08 AM): and if it is
fuzylumpkins230 (12:49:12 AM): then I am happy with that
punkrockhype (12:49:21 AM): ok
fuzylumpkins230 (12:49:28 AM): becca?
fuzylumpkins230 (12:49:33 AM): are you alright
fuzylumpkins230 (12:49:39 AM): I shouldnt have said those things
fuzylumpkins230 (12:49:41 AM): in that way
fuzylumpkins230 (12:49:51 AM): okay
fuzylumpkins230 (12:49:53 AM): I am sorry
punkrockhype (12:49:56 AM): no
punkrockhype (12:50:04 AM): i'mthe one who said everything
punkrockhype (12:50:17 AM): to be sorry about
fuzylumpkins230 (12:50:22 AM): my heart hurts
fuzylumpkins230 (12:50:33 AM): and I am cold
fuzylumpkins230 (12:50:35 AM): and afraid
fuzylumpkins230 (12:50:39 AM): love
fuzylumpkins230 (12:50:48 AM): if I pushed you away
fuzylumpkins230 (12:50:50 AM): I am sorry
fuzylumpkins230 (12:50:55 AM): but I need you
punkrockhype (12:51:02 AM): but you said
punkrockhype (12:51:10 AM): that if i don't know if i love you
punkrockhype (12:51:14 AM): then you cannot have me
punkrockhype (12:51:21 AM): and i just
punkrockhype (12:51:22 AM): don't know
fuzylumpkins230 (12:51:32 AM): I didn't mean it
punkrockhype (12:51:33 AM): i don't even know who i am anymore
fuzylumpkins230 (12:51:49 AM): I was saying
fuzylumpkins230 (12:51:56 AM): that if you are unsure about all of these things
fuzylumpkins230 (12:52:00 AM): i don't want to hurt you more
fuzylumpkins230 (12:52:04 AM): by saying I will have you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:52:08 AM): and take you into my arms
fuzylumpkins230 (12:52:18 AM): and then having it all fall apart
fuzylumpkins230 (12:52:25 AM): I was saying it for you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:52:31 AM): because I had no idea
fuzylumpkins230 (12:52:34 AM): that you needed me like that
fuzylumpkins230 (12:52:38 AM): and I couldnt beleive it
punkrockhype (12:52:51 AM): please
punkrockhype (12:52:55 AM): believe me
fuzylumpkins230 (12:53:09 AM): I do
fuzylumpkins230 (12:53:15 AM): becca
fuzylumpkins230 (12:53:35 AM): is this the only thing you are certain about?
fuzylumpkins230 (12:53:38 AM): that you need me?
punkrockhype (12:53:46 AM): yes
fuzylumpkins230 (12:54:07 AM): I will make it
fuzylumpkins230 (12:54:09 AM): work
fuzylumpkins230 (12:54:17 AM): if that is all I have from you
fuzylumpkins230 (12:54:20 AM): it is enough
fuzylumpkins230 (12:54:28 AM): the rest will come in time
fuzylumpkins230 (12:54:40 AM): you need someone to bring you done
fuzylumpkins230 (12:54:42 AM): you need a base
fuzylumpkins230 (12:54:46 AM): I am here
fuzylumpkins230 (12:54:47 AM): for that
fuzylumpkins230 (12:54:54 AM): and if you know nothing else
fuzylumpkins230 (12:54:56 AM): know that
punkrockhype (12:55:06 AM): okay
punkrockhype (12:55:12 AM): i know
fuzylumpkins230 (12:55:20 AM): are you okay now?
fuzylumpkins230 (12:55:23 AM): you were hurt before
fuzylumpkins230 (12:55:25 AM): I could tell
punkrockhype (12:55:33 AM): i'm better
punkrockhype (12:55:40 AM): but i loved it
punkrockhype (12:55:46 AM): when your heart was racing
punkrockhype (12:55:52 AM): because mine was too
fuzylumpkins230 (12:55:55 AM): it still is
fuzylumpkins230 (12:55:56 AM): it has
fuzylumpkins230 (12:55:58 AM): this whole time
fuzylumpkins230 (12:56:01 AM): because I had no idea
fuzylumpkins230 (12:56:06 AM): what was going to happen
punkrockhype (12:56:18 AM): evan
punkrockhype (12:56:20 AM): hunny
punkrockhype (12:56:25 AM): are you happy now
fuzylumpkins230 (12:56:31 AM): because you gave me so much hope today when you said you needed me
fuzylumpkins230 (12:56:49 AM): I think so
fuzylumpkins230 (12:56:59 AM): I will be happy when I am in your arms again
fuzylumpkins230 (12:57:00 AM): but yes
fuzylumpkins230 (12:57:08 AM): i am happy to know you need me now more than ever
fuzylumpkins230 (12:57:10 AM): that feels good
fuzylumpkins230 (12:57:14 AM): which is saying alot
punkrockhype (12:57:19 AM): lol
punkrockhype (12:57:24 AM): yeah
punkrockhype (12:57:27 AM): i know what you mean
punkrockhype (12:57:36 AM): i haven't thought this clearly
punkrockhype (12:57:40 AM): in a long long time
punkrockhype: shit shit shit lol sorry. internet. my bad
fuzylumpkins230: its alright
fuzylumpkins230: so what are your clear thoughts telling you
fuzylumpkins230: to clear this all up
fuzylumpkins230: (:
punkrockhype: there are so many questions
fuzylumpkins230: for me?
punkrockhype: that i think you want to ask me
fuzylumpkins230: I love questions
punkrockhype: lol
punkrockhype: what's your favorite colorrrrr
fuzylumpkins230: hmm
fuzylumpkins230: blue ish
fuzylumpkins230: turquoise I guess
punkrockhype: hmm yes yes
punkrockhype: date of birth? mother's maiden name?
punkrockhype: hi
punkrockhype: i'm becca
punkrockhype: what's your name
fuzylumpkins230: what are you doing?
punkrockhype: lol i don't know
punkrockhype: trying to start over
fuzylumpkins230: what?
punkrockhype: with you
fuzylumpkins230: I thought you just told me
fuzylumpkins230: you needed me
punkrockhype: i do
fuzylumpkins230: and that your earlier plan
fuzylumpkins230: was stupid
punkrockhype: it is
punkrockhype: but we're beginning again
fuzylumpkins230: ahh
fuzylumpkins230: okay?
punkrockhype: lol sry
fuzylumpkins230: my name is Evan
punkrockhype: hmmm evan
punkrockhype: i really like that name
punkrockhype: what do you want to name your kids/
fuzylumpkins230: I have no idea actually
fuzylumpkins230: something
fuzylumpkins230: pretenious
fuzylumpkins230: shit
punkrockhype: hahah
fuzylumpkins230: pretentious?
fuzylumpkins230: I dont know how to spell it
fuzylumpkins230: like jeffrey
fuzylumpkins230: with a G
punkrockhype: hahah
fuzylumpkins230: so Geoffrey
fuzylumpkins230: or Humphrey
punkrockhype: georffrey?
punkrockhype: oo
fuzylumpkins230: or something sweet like that
punkrockhype: winston
fuzylumpkins230: yeah
fuzylumpkins230: I love that name
fuzylumpkins230: because my cousins
fuzylumpkins230: named their dog that
fuzylumpkins230: and he is so cute!!!!!!!!!!
punkrockhype: that's awesome
punkrockhype: hahah
punkrockhype: if i have a girl
punkrockhype: i think i want to name her ginger
punkrockhype: or amy
fuzylumpkins230: amy
fuzylumpkins230: ginger sounds like a stripper name
fuzylumpkins230: kind of?
punkrockhype: !!!!!!!!!
punkrockhype: hahahh
punkrockhype: you don't like my ginger idea/
punkrockhype: i think its sweet
fuzylumpkins230: well ginger
fuzylumpkins230: is really strong
fuzylumpkins230: not that sweet
fuzylumpkins230: but okay
punkrockhype: well i'm not about to name her cinnamon
punkrockhype: or paprika
fuzylumpkins230: hahahah
fuzylumpkins230: or sugar
punkrockhype: lol
punkrockhype: sugar
punkrockhype: now THAT would be a stripper name
punkrockhype: geeez
fuzylumpkins230: okay
fuzylumpkins230: this is silly
punkrockhype: i konw lol
punkrockhype: but
fuzylumpkins230: I am enjoying it
punkrockhype: i made you smile
fuzylumpkins230: that is true
punkrockhype: and i'm actually hungry for the first time in two days
punkrockhype: i haven't eaten anything
punkrockhype: actually taht's a lie
punkrockhype: i had a chicken sandwhich
punkrockhype: but then i threw it up
punkrockhype: :/
fuzylumpkins230: yuck
punkrockhype: correction i have not injested anything
punkrockhype: lol
fuzylumpkins230: well go get something to eat
punkrockhype: i konw right
punkrockhype: i want some of your pancakes
fuzylumpkins230: hahaha
fuzylumpkins230: man
fuzylumpkins230: that pizza was tasty
fuzylumpkins230: we had like four pizzas
punkrockhype: ew lol
fuzylumpkins230: because no one felt like making pasta
fuzylumpkins230: and we had a big salad
fuzylumpkins230: yumm!
punkrockhype: oh god
punkrockhype: you know what i hate
punkrockhype: arugala
fuzylumpkins230: nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
fuzylumpkins230: it is the best thing ever
fuzylumpkins230: okay
fuzylumpkins230: look
punkrockhype: NO way
punkrockhype: ew
fuzylumpkins230: trust me on this one
fuzylumpkins230: we make a salad
fuzylumpkins230: that is arugala
fuzylumpkins230: dressed in balsamic reduction
fuzylumpkins230: vinagrette
fuzylumpkins230: with strawberries
fuzylumpkins230: pine nuts
fuzylumpkins230: and pearlized onions
fuzylumpkins230: it is so good
fuzylumpkins230: let me make you one sometime
fuzylumpkins230: and if you don't like it
fuzylumpkins230: I will eat it
punkrockhype: hahah
punkrockhype: okay
punkrockhype: deal
fuzylumpkins230: promise?
punkrockhype: i promise
fuzylumpkins230: yay!
fuzylumpkins230: o
fuzylumpkins230: and goat cheese
fuzylumpkins230: which is so good
punkrockhype: god
punkrockhype: i missed you
fuzylumpkins230: what do you mean?
fuzylumpkins230: o
fuzylumpkins230: ?
punkrockhype: nothing lol
punkrockhype: just
punkrockhype: the way you talk about food
punkrockhype: actually makes me laugh
fuzylumpkins230: o
fuzylumpkins230: I hope that is a good thing?
punkrockhype: no no
punkrockhype: its great
punkrockhype: i love it
fuzylumpkins230: alright
punkrockhype: lol sry
fuzylumpkins230: I am still really confused
fuzylumpkins230: where are we now?
fuzylumpkins230: i mean
fuzylumpkins230: sorry
fuzylumpkins230: that was stupid
fuzylumpkins230: nvm I guess
punkrockhype: no its okay
fuzylumpkins230: you have had enough for one night
punkrockhype: so have you
punkrockhype: just
punkrockhype: change your facebook status back
punkrockhype: lol
fuzylumpkins230: becca?
fuzylumpkins230: what are you saying
fuzylumpkins230: are you saying that this is what you want
fuzylumpkins230: you want us
fuzylumpkins230: again
punkrockhype: yes
punkrockhype: i do
punkrockhype: if you'll have me
punkrockhype: i do
fuzylumpkins230: god
fuzylumpkins230: I am
fuzylumpkins230: breathing heavily
fuzylumpkins230: like I want to cry
fuzylumpkins230: because I am so happy
fuzylumpkins230: but I can't find the tears
fuzylumpkins230: and my heart
fuzylumpkins230: is just
fuzylumpkins230: out of control
punkrockhype: you don't have to cry anymore
fuzylumpkins230: I did today
fuzylumpkins230: for about two hours
fuzylumpkins230: because I kept listening to that song
fuzylumpkins230: and thinking about you
fuzylumpkins230: and
fuzylumpkins230: all of it together
fuzylumpkins230: was too much
punkrockhype: don't think like that anymore baby
punkrockhype: i am not going anywhere
fuzylumpkins230: we just need to work together
fuzylumpkins230: I will do whatever it takes
fuzylumpkins230: to help you
fuzylumpkins230: back
punkrockhype: yes
punkrockhype: we can do this
punkrockhype: i know we can
fuzylumpkins230: :-*
fuzylumpkins230: god
fuzylumpkins230: this feels
fuzylumpkins230: just like a dream
fuzylumpkins230: I am just beyond myself
fuzylumpkins230: with joy
punkrockhype: i'm so glad
punkrockhype: to know you're happy
punkrockhype: i'm happy too
punkrockhype: thank you
fuzylumpkins230: I don't want that to be why you decided to do this though
fuzylumpkins230: to make me happy I mean
fuzylumpkins230: this was about you
fuzylumpkins230: feeling it
punkrockhype: i know
punkrockhype: i know i iknow
punkrockhype: and i am happy too
punkrockhype: and this is what i want
fuzylumpkins230: you
fuzylumpkins230: you you
fuzylumpkins230: you y
fuzylumpkins230: you y
fuzylumpkins230: you
fuzylumpkins230: you
fuzylumpkins230: I love
fuzylumpkins230: you
punkrockhype: :-*
fuzylumpkins230: does thank you do it?
fuzylumpkins230: I don't know
fuzylumpkins230: if me
fuzylumpkins230: saying think you
fuzylumpkins230: that is like an insult
fuzylumpkins230: I needed you
fuzylumpkins230: and you came back
fuzylumpkins230: well go find yourself some food
fuzylumpkins230: take it in
fuzylumpkins230: enjoy
punkrockhype: lol
fuzylumpkins230: did you find something?
punkrockhype: no i haven't left the computer
fuzylumpkins230: well then
fuzylumpkins230: go
fuzylumpkins230: get
punkrockhype: okay
punkrockhype: i got some yogurt
fuzylumpkins230: no
fuzylumpkins230: silly
fuzylumpkins230: get something more than that
fuzylumpkins230: get some cereal
fuzylumpkins230: if that is all you can find
fuzylumpkins230: I need you to eat something though
fuzylumpkins230: really hun
fuzylumpkins230: you need it
fuzylumpkins230: you are just going to break yourself down
fuzylumpkins230: and you need your energy for this week
punkrockhype: okay
fuzylumpkins230: get some fruit
fuzylumpkins230: some yogurt
fuzylumpkins230: some granola bars if you have them
punkrockhype: i really want you to spoon feed me some food lol
punkrockhype: i sound like such a grandma
punkrockhype: lol
fuzylumpkins230: no
fuzylumpkins230: you sound cute
fuzylumpkins230: mmm
fuzylumpkins230: I am going to find some dates
punkrockhype: the fruit?
punkrockhype: or the days...?
punkrockhype: or your other girlfriends
punkrockhype: lol
fuzylumpkins230: def the other girlfriends
fuzylumpkins230: ?
fuzylumpkins230: :-P
fuzylumpkins230: the fruit silly
punkrockhype: heheh
punkrockhype: omg!
punkrockhype: you still have to try taht appetizer at whole foods
punkrockhype: mmmmmmm
punkrockhype: dates stuffed with goat cheese wrapped in fancy bacon with a balsamic vinagrette
punkrockhype: GOD it is amazing

_masssacre_ @ 2007-04-26T15:32:00

2007-04-26T19:33:08Z

Rebecca Miller
Clark History 5th
4/25/07
Annotated Bibliography
Guy Ashley and Robert Simerman, “Murder Trial Against ‘70s Radicals Revives
Old Hopes, Resentments,” Contra Costa Times, January 2002, 21.

This source also paints a negative and violent image of the SLA, provoking sympathy for their captor, Patricia Hearst. The document states that the SLA “was always more criminal than political, more driven by media than any revolutionary socialist ideals” and further categorizes them as “young zealots whose passion for change led them into acts of unconscionable violence”.

Harriet Barovick, Elizabeth Bland, Janice M. Horowitz, Victoria Rainert,
Rebecca Winters, “27 Years Ago In Time,” Time Canada, January 2002, 28.

This magazine article describes Patricia as nonchalant and honest in undergoing her metamorphosis. The document helped to categorized and further describe the personality of Hearst such that she appeared to be an apathetic antagonized. The document reads, “But she did not look or act like a victim who had been forced by her abductors to rob a bank and denounce her grieving parents and her fiancé as "pigs" and "clowns." She was as casual as if she had dropped by to answer a traffic summons.”

Roberts, Jerry, Editor of San Francisco Chronicle. Interview by Noah Adams, 17
January 2002.

This document, an interview between NPR’s Noah Adams and a editor of the San Francisco Chronicle, Jerry Roberts, and discusses a murder that the SLA made in the late 70s which highlighted the SLA’s participation in violence.

RW Johnson, “Patty Hearst’s Kidnapper Held After 26 Years,” The Sunday
Times, November 2002, 11.

This newspaper victimizes and sympathizes with the kidnapping of Hearst and concentrates namely on the negative and violent image of the SLA. The article describes them as a “gang” who held a “reign of terror” over California while performing illegal activities such as “kidnapping, murder, illegal possession of explosives, and bank robbery”.

Derek Weiler, “Patty Endures as Tania; Icon of Urban Terrorism,” Toronto Star,
July 2005, 31.

This source puts a negative spin on the actions and influences of the Patricia Hearst scandal. The article both provides a recap of events and illuminates the link between terrorism (explicitly 9/11) today and the terrorism prevalent in the 1970s.

_masssacre_ @ 2007-02-05T22:01:00

2007-02-06T03:10:26Z

automated voice recording:
"Hello. This is an automated voice message..."

Becca:
"I love you."

automated voice recording:
"...from Hawken School to inform..."

Becca:
"I love you."

automated voice recording:
"...you that school will not be held tomorrow, February..."

Becca:
"Marry me?"

automated voice recording:
"...6th, due to extreme weather conditions..."

Becca:
"Let's fuck."

_masssacre_ @ 2007-01-24T16:45:00

2007-01-24T21:46:41Z

gym or sleep
gym or sleep
gym or sleep
gym or sleep
gym or sleep

??????????????

sleep.

_masssacre_ @ 2007-01-07T22:47:00

2007-01-08T03:47:27Z

fuzylumpkins230: alright well
fuzylumpkins230: goodnight becca
fuzylumpkins230: thanks for telling me all of that though for without it i might continue to trick myself

_masssacre_ @ 2007-01-06T18:31:00

2007-01-06T23:46:17Z

heyooo
sup?

yesterday was the Totoro party
evan was there and cute and awkward lol
i definitely love being around him, although his sense of humor i think is a little too conservative. i mean, he hates south park and family guy.... which is... like NOT me. he thinks its kind of crude *pensive*. he also HATES scary movies: which i do not, lol.

but yeah so we were sitting next to each other on andrew's love-seat and after a while he worked up the nerve to hold my hand under the covers. it was cute.

ryan hasn't called/talked/texted me since tuesday. i'm kind of bothered by that.

i'm upset for amy, shawn is being douche-y. even though it may be karma i don't think she deserves to be treated like this.

annnyywayyy i might be going to poker tonight if i can hitch a ride from lax

ttyl kiddos

_masssacre_ @ 2007-01-04T19:06:00

2007-01-04T23:06:39Z

today i felt something missing in my life.
a void.
a dearth of happiness, if you will.

and then i thought, "UMMM LJ DUH!!"

hahhah!
so yesh, its 2007!! celebrate!!
(my new years was spent in a hotel room with snoring 50 year old people and my cell phone.)
:D

my break in a nutshell:
boysboysamyboysboyslaurenboysboysdallasboysboys

and yeah, anyways so there are complexities in abundance with... people.
specifically evan hillyer and ryan holy.
them two boys are crazy.

ryan says he's going to randomly show up at school sometime??? *worries* lol
he's an idiot. a lot.

evan hillyer is adorable. he's really awkward and says sweet things to me every 5 seconds.
some of which are actually pretty suave.
i told colleen that evan liked me and she just started laughing
hahah oh noo...

i'm starting to worry about college a lot.
it seems like that's all people talk about and i've done nothing.
*feels bad about my brain*

schedule
fri: TOTORO PARTY! :D
sat: CYO then ?????????
sun: senior recital thing. anyone else going/playing?

_masssacre_ @ 2007-01-01T16:30:00

2007-01-01T20:30:23Z

happy new year!!!!

(whatever definition of happy you choose to use, hahah)

_masssacre_ @ 2006-12-27T04:25:00

2006-12-27T08:25:52Z

anndddd she's off!!

brook conversation #847 (with commentary)

2006-12-15T22:50:33Z

freshprince303: hey u
punkrockhype: heya
freshprince303: wat r ure plans 2night?

not hanging out with you!!

punkrockhype: i'm not sure, probably going to sushi rock
punkrockhype: u?
freshprince303: maybe a movie

you just made that up to not sound like a loser.

punkrockhype: what are you seeing?
freshprince303: maybe the holiday? lol
punkrockhype: htat looked kinda cute
punkrockhype: who're you going w/?
freshprince303: idn maybe alex
freshprince303: not sure
punkrockhype: that's cool that's cool
punkrockhype: i can't really imagine jack black in a romance though lol
freshprince303: yea

*long pause*

freshprince303: so....
punkrockhype: are you going to the US game??
freshprince303: maybe
freshprince303: u?
punkrockhype: yeha i bought a ticket today
punkrockhype: lol i'm already excited about it
freshprince303: hhha
freshprince303: thats good
freshprince303: so hows shawn and amy doin?
freshprince303: i think she likes me
punkrockhype: ......amy?
freshprince303: yea
punkrockhype: lol ...what?
freshprince303: she gves me dirty looks

HAHAHAHA.
you are an idiot.

punkrockhype: ummm lol i really don't think she does.
punkrockhype: no offense.
freshprince303: why?
punkrockhype: cause she likes shawn, like a lot.
punkrockhype: and she tells me everything that she thinks ever.
freshprince303: and what does she say about me?
punkrockhype: nothing.

is this some absolutely pathetic way to attempt to make me feel jealous over something i could care less about?

freshprince303: ook...
freshprince303: and u?
punkrockhype: and me what?
punkrockhype: what do i say about you?
freshprince303: yea
punkrockhype: um i've told amy about our conversations.
punkrockhype: cause she's like my best friend
punkrockhype: and its basically like talking to myself lol
freshprince303: ok

freshprince303: well i say we just hook up....lol

jesus christe......

punkrockhype: ummmm okay... what do you think i'm going to say to you right now?
freshprince303: nooo i was joking
freshprince303: joke...haha
freshprince303: i was kidding

NICE SAVE.................. NOT.

punkrockhype: ah lol
punkrockhype: its kind of hard to tell
freshprince303: on AIM yea

yeah, on AIM.... plus the fact that a week ago you were completely serious when you said that.

freshprince303: well g2g shower
freshprince303: bye
punkrockhype: bye.
“freshprince303” signed off at 5:43:01 PM.

wow.

_masssacre_ @ 2006-12-10T20:47:00

2006-12-11T00:47:38Z

gorgeous little boy
its depressing now to see
how i look your way so often
when you barely see me

_masssacre_ @ 2006-12-09T16:28:00

2006-12-09T20:28:49Z

CYO
CONCERT TONIGHT!!!
7:00pm @ Waetjen Auditorium in CSU
its gunna sell out so be there or be square!!!
www.cyorchestra.org

_masssacre_ @ 2006-11-27T17:32:00

2006-11-27T21:32:30Z

rebound'd!!

_masssacre_ @ 2006-11-26T11:49:00

2006-11-26T15:49:35Z

so i went to a rap battle last night
yup.

+ =

lol i need to find something to do today
call me!

_masssacre_ @ 2006-11-22T01:30:00

2006-11-22T05:30:04Z

i. rock. at. life.

the fucking end.

_masssacre_ @ 2006-11-12T00:37:00

2006-11-12T04:37:51Z

I'M GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE!!!!!!!!

my junior olympic tryouts are tomorrow.
and i am going insane.
why? i'll tell you why.

because

+is >

and i am terrified of it.

_masssacre_ @ 2006-08-19T11:38:00

2006-08-19T15:46:03Z

YAY NEW CUTE HAIR!!! :D
AND YAY PICTURES OF MY SUPER CUTE HAIR!! :D:D:D::DD:AFJKLASHFAKS

(ohh noo chink monkey face....)

HOTHOTHOT!

: P

otay that's all!! hope you like it!! ;D:D:D