Malneirophrenic Murmurings of a Neuromantic

Last Friday I got to FINALLY meet tigerpal and brainwhisper and countlibras after DECADES (really, it seems like) of knowing them online.

NOIR was amazing (the buttered bourbon cidery cocktails even more amazing, and the de rigeur Dirty Harry martinis-with Noilly Prat added at my request) and having an evening with new old friends chatting about everything from Mr.Satan (of course) to my not-so-popular conservative political views was still entertaining!

Next friday I get to meet another gilded soul, one who crossed starpaths with me long ago, and who I'm sure will be a dear kindred spirit in this life as much as he must certainly have been in a past one.

Wednesday morning I had a long lucid dream about some time in the near future when the Russians(Red Dawn style, sorry for the gross assumption here but Reagan traumatized me deeply in the 80s!!!) had decided to take over our country and rather than fight it, we relented. We had x # of days to bend to their requirements, which were vague and terrifying in my worst childhood cold war fears, but specifically listed NO BOOKS, NO ALCOHOL (truly a Russian prison?! haha, for I personally know few Russians who could last without it), NO FURS (perhaps a concern due to the encroaching nuclear winter, but even in the dream I laughed at the randomness). During that timeframe American society collapsed, as all our bank money was confiscated, and no one was allowed to go to work. Gulag-style complexes were being set up in all the major cities for those who would not conform or those who were fit to do work. SS-style stormtroops would roam the streets to enforce curfew and take care of undesirables on the spot.

In the final days before "succumbment", many of you spend time with me together as we knew we would be forced apart soon, imprisoned, or executed. I specifically remember <lj user="shimmerlily"> and her husband defiantly declaring their martyrdom because they would not part with their books. Bars all over the city were open 24-7 in an effort to get rid of the last of America's alcohol stores, giving away free booze. But the smarter of us had abandoned the wild parties in order to hide our beloveds and our belongings for posterity, and on the final occasions we ventured out for a last toast, the bars were serving the most rotgut of liquors and there were just some sad goths and raver rejects swooping about the floor in broad daylight as if it were Saturday night 1997.

I was at home burying some books beneath the odd stone room in our crawlspace when the door knocker clanged. I figured it was a soldier come to despatch me and I considered taking the shotgun up the stairs but decided it was better to die on my own threshold than in some makeshift himmelstrasse. I kissed my remaining cat, the Himalayan, and threw him outside the back door in a hope that essentially, instinct would triumph over imperium. Ash was still raining down (down, down, down Mother Russia) from the nuclear-scarred skies. Going to the front door, I opened it to find my dead grandfather Wallace standing there, smiling, looking as he did years before he died, wearing a plaid hunter's jacket as if he was about to take out an unwary pheasant in the backwoods of Angelica NY. The only thing amiss was a huge black puffy shiny area on his left cheek that in retrospect could have been a keloid but in the dream I wondered if he was a zombie come back to life as I did know he'd been dead for nearly 2 decades. He laughed and asked if I needed anything and I, stunned, said no, but thanked him for visiting me and said that the quiet love he had for my Grandmother inspired me all my life, and how I thought of him and loved him even though he always presented himself as a grumpy thunderstorm of a man.The final scene of the dream was him laughing again and patting my shoulder, telling me to get some orange juice and "fire it up as much as you can" implying add a lot of vodka to it.

Thank you, veterans, and thank you HGC, and SK, W, MH, D, Cross, and those who want peace but are called to fight.


poppies, by the way, were noted in flanders originally because the artillery shells exposed dormant seeds and the flowers blossomed forth unexpectedly amid the battlefields.

recommended reading-- The Bowmen, by Arthur Machen (which effectually created a huge belief in the "Angel of Mons" myth)
http://www.aftermathww1.com/bowmen.asp

reading or movie: johnny got his gun by Dalton Trumbo
http://www.thirdworldtraveler.com/General/JohnnyGotHisGun.html
traumatizing.

Les Croix des Boix
http://movies.nytimes.com/movie/review?res=9E0CE1D7163EE633A25750C0A9629C946394D6CF
absolutely one of the most harrowing, stark, and beautiful war movies ever made. this version stars a cast of veterans, including Antonin Artaud, and much of the shocking artillery and battle footage was used for years after by American moviemakers. Reminds me of the Seventh Seal in its stunning cinematography.


it is unbelievable it is almost 100 years since the "war to end all wars" commenced. and yet we still are fighting in foreign fields of poppies.

Yesterday my beloved daughter Niko (aka Nico, aka Niko La Biotch) passed from this life to her next radiant journey.
Many of you have already read <lj user="viannin">'s tweets or <lj user="slumberjack">'s beautiful entry:
http://slumberjack.livejournal.com/579824.html?style=mine

On Hallowe'en, we were burglarized-- car, cameras, computers stolen, which took a lot of memories, but one day I will put together what images I have left and make a flickr for her. That invasion, on top of the mr. being away during our anniversary, and then the sudden illness and transformation of Niko from living to light-form all within a week basically has left me in a strange state (and terribly broke :/). also my favourite ringneck dove, Ume, disappeared sometime after the robbery, which is heartbreaking for me as well. He was the bird of peace who LOVED to watch old war specials on the history channel. he hugged and kissed and knew some commands, but moreover, he had the most sweet and spectacular personality.

I got Niko the week I left my parent's house to live in an old horseshoe apartment high on a hill in Rome with Parks. Niko has been a constant in my life, and literally, the most beloved creature in my existence. I have never known a more beautiful or beneficient or bitchy being. 

This whole thing was particularly emotional because I have been preparing to find her curled asleep forever in her 15.5 years, but she became severely ill last week, stumbling, refusing to eat or drink. she insisted on coming up on the bed and sleeping with me. On Friday it was a beautiful bright day and she spent all day outside next to the buddha, hidden amongst the leaves. The next day, upon my bed, she could barely move and I sat with her, meditating from the Tibetan Book of the Dead and had set up a shrine with Kannon and roses. Niko smiled at the roses and stared at Kannon, but then kept her pale eyes focused on the gorgeous autumn skies and sunlight. I knew I had to take her to the vet. 

At the vet initially I could tell the doctor was devastated and was prepared for the worst,  but then the vet found she had +4 glucose and thought she had treatable diabetes, and a couple days on IVs was all she needed to be back to normal. The updates on Sunday confirmed the same. However on Monday, I was asked to come see the doctor in person. 

 Alas, it wasn't diabetes, and all her fluid tests and reflex tests were normal, but her mind was clearly no longer focused on this plane.

But she has always been a sort of boddhisatva, our starbeest.  Since I am still too raw to properly eulogize her, I want to share the email I sent to my husband (it was hard to talk as he was onstage in Amsterdamn and today is enroute to somewhere else in Europe). this is quite raw, but honest, so i want to share it with the few of you who may still read me here, and keep it here as a remembrance:

<lj-cut text="luceat eis">

When I came to the vet Monday morning, she was in her cage and completely asleep, so asleep, i could tell the vet thought she had already passed. but she revived and slowly dragged herself toward me. but her pretty pale cerulean eyes could not focus, and she seemed extremely out of it. even though she was on an iv, it seemed she was more dehydrated than before and completely listless. she stayed by me but seemed cold. eventually the vet brought her towel and niko pushed it into a doughnut and curled inside of it. 
 
I then began conversing with the vet and she basically said the xrays showed no obvious tumors or cancer, the bloodwork and other tests showed everything normal, her reflexes were normal but still she could not walk. the vet was in tears at this point and kept saying "she is an enigma: there is something in her mind that isn't working with her body anymore". 
 

(Mr) you know i would do anything and everything to keep that bright spark in our lives but when she curled up away i knew she was done with this passage. i asked the vet: is it in her mind, like a stroke or aneurism and she nodded and said it had to be a tumor or cancer or stroke because her body was there but her will was not. basically she would be kept alive artificially until her mind completely went or she would starve herself. i told the vet i was ready to make that decision but asked to make some phone calls when is when i tried to call you, then <lj user="pneumacia">,parks, my friend T at work, <lj user="viannin">, and my mom.
 

 
the vet let me take niko into a room and i turned out the light. she was swaddled in a white and pale nikonose pink towel and that cat just sprawled in my arms. a few times she lifted her head to watch shadows or make herself more flat against my body (i was slunk ridiculously low in the chair), and she completely cuddled [the way my himalayan Jupiter aka Big Sexy would] against me, which is really unlike her. i had been reading my Tibetan Book of Living and Dying and it was very important for us to have a quiet, happy, relaxing time for her. I told her how much you loved her and how much I loved her and we talked about all the places she had lived and the sunshine and all her favorite things. i sang her the "niko puff" song you left for me on my answering machine back in...2002? she curled her paws happily beneath her head and smiled, opening her pale blue eyes now and then for me, and then she started purring. her body became so warm. i told her thank you over and over again and told her she was a greater beauty than we could comprehend and how she would go on to bring love and light and beauty to so many more people. there was much silence and staring and then she closed her eyes and dug in closer and wrapped her tail around my arm, then she took her arm and stretched it over my arm and literally pressed in, hugging me. i knew it was time.
 
the first shot went in and she kept purring, holding tight, then when the second shot went in she relaxed her body almost instantaneously, and i could feel her purr slow. i was praying sutras and then took a sharp inhale and instantaneously Niko gave a small exhale, the sound of a flower expanding, or the moonlight beaming.
 
 
 
 the doctor was surprised as it literally took less than 5s for her to be still when normally it is several minutes, and the doctor even said she didn't think it was the shot, but Niko willing it to be so.
 
the doctor cried quite a bit but i had explained previously as a Buddhist the transformation to death must be very still and calm and even joyous so she kept saying how Niko was about to begin another journey, a longer one, to make even more people happy and full of love with her beauty and light. then she left after confirming Niko had gone.
 
I held our baby for what seemed like too short a time but was close to an hour and a half, and in a most miraculous way, her fur seemed to be whiter than before, and she literally radiated heat whereas her body had been cold and frail for days. she had the most beauteous smile on her face. as i petted her and kissed her and thanked her, [the nerves made it so] her eyes opened and the pupil slid towards me then she winked then her eyes--such long, white pure lashes-- shut. i held her and stroked her and kissed her, touched her warm paws, giving her goodbyes, arigatou, love, from everyone.
 
finally i felt i needed to leave her alone so she could fully transform into her next being, and requested the vet leave her be for at least 12 hours which they said they would do. she passed from this world curled up in peaceful sleep, and when I laid her back on the table on her blanket, she kept the same position, which was naturally the sleeping lion position on the right side, just like the buddha died.
 
i asked for her to be cremated as you and i have discussed this and i know it is what she would prefer. her remains will be ready on monday or tuesday. a hurricane is headed here and i could not bear the idea of her being in cold mud. i know she is a pure sunfire starfire being and this way the remnants of her body can go immediately to heaven. 
 
when i came home all the animals gathered round me. i put on the white kimono i bought last year in mourning and sat for tea and jupiter came to me and literally sat in my arms the same exact way niko did before she died. he has been very comforting and loving and lapsang is very concerned and esma is clingy. harry [the canarry] has been singing super soft, sad songs all night long.

 
she had spent her last truly active day next to the buddha statue outside, so I plan to plant a white peony there for her and make it a shrine. at home i lit candles in front of paarshiva and kuan yin, and had the roses Niko smiled at before we took her to the doctor. her picture is there as well as her last bowl of food, water, and catmilk. we burned incense and i laid out the white scarf i was wearing which she pressed against as she passed. liz and i drank dragon pearl tea then Z got wendys (which was not just lazy, but also, appropriate, as niko adored junior bacon cheezeburgers sans tomato from her earliest kittenhood!!). 
 
 
Paul I have not loved anyone as much as Niko and her death was one extremely full of grace, kindness, and compassion. I will never forget her little hug as that is one of the most compassionate gestures she has ever exhibited. She was ready to go on to her next mission as a bringer of light, purity, love, and sweetness to the next world that needed her.
It should be everyone's hope they could die the same way, assuring their loved ones this is what they wanted and that they were grateful for the loving life they shared.
 
I love you so much and miss you terribly. I am so sorry this has happened while you are gone. but please know Niko is with us with the sunlight, the snow, the moonlight, the stars, and you only need to touch your heart to know she is there. for all i know she decided to go ghost so she could escape this barrier and fly through the ether to be closer to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The final vet bills (not including cremation) have come to over $1500. If you have anything to spare (seriously, $5 is most appreciated), I will be most grateful as the burglary and this expense have truly caught me off guard.
I know Karma is strong and all of your prayers, love, and generosity (monetary or thought-wise or action-wise) shall be repaid immensely. Hug and kiss your fur-loves as much as possible, and be kind to each other.

if you can assist, i am most humbly grateful and i can accept paypal at : maldorora (at) gmail (dot) com

thank you, and,
remember:
Amor Vincit Omnia

Some Songs to Bay a Burglar, preferably set to shuffle at volume 11 when you aren't home:



+In the Nursery, Psychic TV (back when PTV/COIL/C93 were the same deal)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRplSvgx738

+Armenia II, Einsturnzende Neubauten
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCX6KvfIovU (official video film by Sohgo Ishii, 1986, and one of my top favourite songs of ALL TIME. Blixa Bargeld is a God among Chaos.)


+Knowhere?, Skinny Puppy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60YPopn1BD8


+Broken Birds Fly II (Maldoror Wails)- Current 93
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IBHzpiHWQA&feature=related
you could pretty much make an all c93 playlist, but this song is trying even for us fans. but oh so brilliant! also recommended: anything from "DAWN" or "DOGS BLOOD RISING"

+loop the opening credits of the movie Gummo, with chainsaw-cockadoodle (who killed cock-robin?)-cat drowning sound fx
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVHefoI0ueI

+anything by Z'ev /Boyd Rice/ Naked City/ Mussolini Headkick
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPL9ZARLO0s

+CoH feat Jhonn Balance: Love's Septic Domain
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goFmITXA8RI
<i>Astral archaeologists
Electronics take a shit
Gynaecologists
Very wellbeing their living
Sterilise, cauterise, and dress
By confessions in a stainless steel chair
Or a titanium chair
Or a lithium...
A shiny metal chair; do you want that?
My favourite person is ....
(Be on your best behaviour) Yeah, I know! Yeah, I know!
Dirty hospitals, dirty hospitals
Dirty hospitals, dirty hospitals
It's a terrorist's briefcase or an innocent's bomb
This place is run, it's overrun


Now I'm alone, and I have time to kill
I sit and stare at my long, long fingers
Ten inches is a monstrous size
It doesn't do to glamourise
There are rules and there are regulations

Be on your best behaviour
Yeah, I know
Yeah, I know
Yeah, I know!

Dirty hospitals
Dirty hospitals, hospitals
It's overrun by medical regimes
And I have hypnotists and anaesthetists
It's struck dumb by vitamin deficiency
Its medicine has terrorism ...???
Empty coagulates again, sugar shit and chloroforms
(I have patience
I like to have a hands-on approach to things)
Twenty-seven pills before 9 a.m. in the morning
(Yellow, brown)
Then another thirty-five by nine in the evening
(And occasionally red)
Three intravenous intrajections
(I've used this before)
One in the thigh, two in the eye
One in the thigh, two in the eye
(I'd like to try it again)
One in the thigh, two in the eye
(But I'm confused between sexual, murder, magic, and medical
Is the difference metric or imperial?
Septic, fertile, furtive, or sterile?)
I take twenty-seven pills before 9 a.m. in the morning
Another thirty-five by nine in the evening
I have three intravenous intrajections a day
One in the thigh, two in the eye
One in the thigh, two in the eye... eye!
I've got two thighs and two eyes
One in the thigh, and two in the eye
These dirty hospitals, these dirty hospitals!
These dirty heeeeahspitals!
I have twenty-seven pills before 9 a.m. in the morning
</i>

+Anything Gabber, aka, the musical equivalent of the world's most irritating car alarm. Gabber's most extreme subgenre,Speedcore, could effectively drive Osama bin Laden from a cave.
see: Extreme Terror (DJ Chainsaw mix), DJ Skinhead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKjhh9gZnTo&feature=related or
303 Gabber, Beardyman:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7S1OWLB57A
people will think Europeans are having electrical fits in your computer room.

+Evergreen, Roy Orbison, although they may be left swooning wishing Morrissey was this manly-sad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANVZM-uYzXo

+grindcore.
some of the artists included in this wretched sample: 
Orchidectomy - Seraphic Abhorrence
Artery Eruption - Screams From The Disemboweled
Haemophagia - Her Body On A Viscera Bath
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-3maJ3_Lok

throbbing gristle,  vow of silence
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Npfsji16YQ
'

+Bees, Controlled Bleeding (Or anything off of the ultra avant DRY LUNGS compilations 1-VII)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woix2v6lfOg&feature=player_embedded#


+Anything by Morrissey solo because robbers will realize you are too pathetic to have anything nice to steal

+Several Small Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered in a Cave & Grooving with a Pict
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1tfUaBezFo
Possibly the only song that could give Nivek Ogre Nightmares.

also,  <lj user="sparklingai">: i found a message from you on my phone!!! i am working opposite hours usually from 4am-late in the evening, but I will be in touch once I am back on a normal schedule  (also, lj friends, this is why I have been absent here for so long...)

NB: cold eclipse.

the mr's d*con performances:

fri-mon: table (next to Faith & the Muse and Abney Park in the marriott)
sat: at the banquet. I will perform as well!
sun:
2pm- the ghosts project concourse show
midnight?leading the F&tM string quartet as well as doing some solo licks during the headlining show
mon: the 5th annual string players improv session on the hyatt concourse-- all string players welcome!


I'm excited to see the F&tM show as their new sound is very sophisticated and intense. Paul spent the last couple weeks at their animal sanctuary, dodging fires and learning taiko drumming. i am a huge fan of kazuo ohno (see icon, from the last antony release) and so seeing butoh dancers will be quite the treat.

from aquaknot:

The first new release from FAITH AND THE MUSE since 2003's The Burning Season, : ankoku butoh : (“Dance of Darkness”*) is a CD/DVD/Book set, encased in a beautiful foil-stamped slip cover, containing a brand new 13-song studio album, a concert film, unreleased album videos, interviews and extras, and a graphically rich 30-page book with lyrics, detailed liner notes, lush artwork and additional information.

In anticipation of the release, FAITH AND THE MUSE will be performing a special concert at Dragon*Con in Atlanta, GA with a 9-person line-up, featuring a string quartet, taiko drums, butoh dancers and more, creating a rich, theatrical atmosphere that brings the myth and legend of their lyrics to life.

The full band performance is scheduled for Midnight on Sunday, September 6th in the Hyatt Centennial Ballroom.

Monica and William will also be performing an acoustic set on the Hyatt Concourse at 12:30 PM on Saturday, September 5th.

Faith and the Muse will have a table in the Marriott Marquis Concourse open throughout most of Dragon*Con.

With : ankoku butoh : FAITH AND THE MUSE once again extend their reach into world music, this time choosing to explore a fusion of Asian sounds and flavors, while lyrically expressing the Japanese Shinto concept of honor, ritual and reverence for Nature and Life's Mysteries.

: ankoku butoh : will be released on FAITH AND THE MUSE’s own label, The Mercyground**, on October 31, 2009.

* http://worldcity.wordpress.com/2008/11/29/ankoku-butoh-an-introduction-to-dance-of-darkness/

** www.mercyground.com

first four are from slumberjack...he also played after me for about 30 min. thank you everyone who came out!! and many extra special thanks to viannin aka robogeisha aka Joan of Arc.

movies:
the graduate
the crying game
near dark

(parks)
saint etienne: hobart paving
prefab sprout: cruel
anna domino: rhythm
isabelle antena: laying on the sofa
(mal)
yuko honda & miho hatori: dream about you
fra lippo lippi: shouldn't have to be like that
furniture: brilliant mind
section 25: after image
south ambulance: die 5 times times 5
nouvelle vague: in a matter of speaking (tuxedo moon)
thomas dolby: screen kiss
talk talk:it's my life
sad lovers & giants: lost in a moment
blonde redhead feat. david sylvian: the messenger
abc: tears are not enough
the associates: wild & lonely
mohito feat. howard jones: slip away
depeche mode: leave in silence
coil: boy in a suitcase
ethyl meatplow (jack dangers vocal mix): ripened peach
joan of arc (feat cale parks): the sun rose
basia bulat: little waltz
costeau: last good day of the year
a-ha: never a forever thing
vitamin z: burning flame
simply red: stars
the smiths: pretty girls make graves
pj harvey + thom yorke: this mess we're in
the the: uncertain smile *request
wolfgang press: chains
pet shop boys w/ dusty springfield: what have i done to deserve this
yazoo: don't go
blow monkeys: digging your scene *request
robert palmer: mercy me/i want you (marvin gaye)
communards: there's more to love than boy meets girl
mike ladd: housewives at play
sade: never as good as the first time *request
mica paris/groove armada: i should have known better
wire: i should have known better
bent: i can't believe its over (somewhere in there, didn't write it down!)
tears for fears: head over heels
erasure: sometimes *request
soft cell: hello goodbye (2002 remix)

one day, i shall write in here wonderful things.
but until then...come see me dj next week!
(yes, i am a shameless fan of leyendecker...and his lover-muse)

for a moment today, the deluge turned the atmosphere as black as midnight.

the mr is off in hollywood doing this tonight...i won't see him until d-con so i must finish up the Orlac production on my own :X



...and sakurakurakura and i truly must get some art together for our show in late sept!

viannin is hosting a birthday party for me at nakato around 630/7...if you'd like to come, drop her a line in her lj.


bastille day was very laid back for me...i brought over 1000 songs but only played about 20, but i was heartbroken because i'd left Chas Trenet's "Le soleil a un rendez vous avec la lune' which is one of the most beautiful, incredible songs about cats singing about the end of the world ever written...by someone other than Tibet haha

here is the song, with somewhat of a translation.





i'll post the set list and some mp3s later, as there is some french coldwave i'm sure some of you would love to hear or have!

today, crab for the third time this week and now champagne and caviar. last night we had a grand marnier mousse au chocolat gateau avec un tour eiffel de chocolat et champagne rose.

yellow orchids from canada and a slipcase from japan have been my first birthday greetings this year. and sakurakurakura gave me this! it has the most awful inscription in it "to mummy, from the biggest baby on the beach"
!!!

and gedanken23 sent some snow in summer <3


but alas, i left the charcuterie hattie mae gave me at the club!

we also saw one of those 19th century vampire hunter kits at the antiques show today.


future travel plans:
the mr will be playing with faith &the muse at whitby & london, then amsterdam, maybe paris?
this week i hope to do some acrobatics in a biplane over the gold coast...

http://shop.ebay.com/merchant/maldorora_W0QQ_nkwZQQ_armrsZ1QQ_fromZQQ_ipgZ


listings from a recently discovered treasure trove of BUCK-TICK stuff I forgot about!
and antique japanese dolls, kimono, etc.

tomorrow I shall list about 20 old, rare, first edition books including treatises on beauty & aesthetics from the 1840s-1870s, several editions of decadent works such as "DEPRAVITY IN THE FRENCH MASTERS" from 1921 Paris about les poetes maudits et al., some midcentury jean genet french paperbacks, and a few volumes ex-libris COIL's Jhonn Balance among other unearthly delights.

but now its time for champagne + the petrified forest!

How To Poop- English subtittles


HULK SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...We went to the circus and saw the crocodiles of Le Capitaine Wahl."
"Can you remember that?"
"Very well. The Capitaine Wahl wrestled with a crocodile (he pronounced it crowcodeel, the crow as in the bird of that name) and a beautiful girl poked them with a trident. But the biggest crocodiles wouldn't move. The circus was beautiful and round and red with gold paint and smelled of horses. There was a place in back where you went to drink with Mr Crosby and the tamer of lions and his wife."
"Do you remember Mr Crosby?"
"He never wore a hat nor an overcoat no matter how cold it was and his little girl had hair that hung down her back like Alice in Wonderland. In the illustrations I mean. Mr Crosby was always very very nervous."

(from Ernest Hemingway's posthumously published novel, Islands in the Stream)

also, si seulement ils s'habillaient comme ce toujours!

ULYSSES Homework: read up to page 114 (in the editions we've been reading, this takes you straight up to chapter 7 aka the "newspaper headline" section). Discuss, share your favourite lines, and p'raps, tell us what the fffffffff is going on.

I am thinking we will meet at apres diem or the highlander this time
1- My favourite restaurant's brunch sucks without oysters or charcuterie ;-;
2- We are seeing little ashes at some point

In other news, the mr has been devastatingly sick, but his 2nd dr visit and some iv fluids seem to be helping. today was the first day he didn't have a triple digit fever since saturday. tomorrow we are performing during the opening ceremonies for a psychic-paranormal convention at the hilton so i'm glad he recovered in the nick of time.

Happy birthday to Harry Crosby, whose luminosity dazzles us still.
champagne, scotch & oysters in salute!


(Harry embracing skeleton with wife caresse & friends the powels, paris, 1920s)

 previous selections:
1.  (kurokuruttataiyou. Henri Chopin & ASCII forty years early.)

2. from Chroma,. "Blue" (www.queerculturalcenter.org/Pages/Jarman/JarmanBTx.html) - Derek Jarman. I think yellow or transparent also.

3. Osoki hi no
kage mo haya nashi
chiru sakura

Shadows from a lingering sun             
blur into dusk...                                  
falling cherry petals.  
-death poem of Soko     
                   
4. Batwings (A Limnal Hymn): http://equ.in/ox/music/coil/lyrics_musick_dark_2.php Jhon Balance
(most accidents occur at home, or in Harry Smith's room at the Chelsea Hotel) (the fire of the mind.)

2009: a page of poems by August Stramm, KIA WWI 1915.  selections from 1919's Dripping Blood:
http://www.cipherjournal.com/html/stramm.html
between tedium and terror falls the shadow. (kahn+eliot.)

http://www.nyc.gov/html/poem/
In celebration of National Poetry Month in April, New York City is hosting the 7th annual Poem In Your Pocket day (PIYP) on Thursday, April 30, 2009. Be part of the excitement by carrying a poem in your pocket. You can write your own poem or borrow one from your favorite poet; just make sure to share it with your friends, family, and colleagues.

Where has Mal been? Mal has been cowering beneath




A virgin(ia) blacksunrise, 0740 am, en route to Abington, VA, home of the Barter theatre where during the great depression you could bring food equivalent to the price of admission to get a seat
(of course you may doubleclick to enlarge! and DONT HATE photographers, these were all taken while in motion(=driving) down the road, so I didn't have much chance to make them pretty!!!))



first of all, it is WRONG to be nearly 80 degrees one day and icy, snowy 25 the next. WTH? and this has been a slightly more aggravating excursion than need be due to some general weaknesses of human communication and basic concepts of physics. fortunately the strengths of human ingenuity and basic concepts of physics will make this better quick.

but  as with all work-related trips, i do  always strive to find <i>something</i> beautiful and interesting.
so lovely that the addictions of the modern hyper-hypochondriac medicine age lead me to (legally) distributing controlled substances to some of the most obscure areas, filled with their own intrigue.

granted, i have always ADORED the blue ridge parkway and the wilds of TN,NC,VA surrounding it. but i've never been to this side before-- so based out of the bizarrely schizoid city of Bristol TN/VA (really, shared by two states...!), here are some other highlights found along what is officially called the Virginia Creeper Trail (not after the vine, but after the fact that trains had to creep up and down the steep mtns!):


The skies here have been hallucinatory-gorgeous in the early mornings, full of snow/ice-heavy black clouds and a most radiant white sun over a listless faded cerulean blue.
and the trees are still winter-bound, except for some early fruiting trees.



A more dramatic sunrise is hard to imagine--- i can only think of one other in my life (the morning before my wedding, new orleans, the night after tornados) that was more beautiful and terrible in its awe-ful command of color and space.



I've been here for a few days, but today is the first day i was able to take pictures (while working, so i haven't even explored anything that wasn't directly close by where I had to be for work!!!)

AAAAAAAAAGH LOVECRAFTIAN HORROR! BARN!! the corresponding house was completely in ruins a few yards up, but I couldn't take a picture due to some people working in front of it.

HWY 11, near exit 24 off I81 (which was littered with wrecks today due to the black ice)

I was thrilled on my ride up from Knoxville to spot a barn with a hex sign painting...the first real life one I've seen.
These parts of VA are filled with old farmhouses and collapsing grey barns.


AND CREEPY FORESTS! with scary old mountains in the background.
why are these mountains and forests scary-creepy?



1. They're really ancient, but still oh so tall. (Mt.Rogers area, 5700+ ft above sea level)


2. WILD FUCKIN PONIES. ON A MTN. IN THE SNOW. WTF.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH yes the Mt.Rogers area is known for its wild ponies!!!
I did not take this pic, despite spotting the plentiful ponies, because i did not have my camera the day i was actually on mt.rogers ;-; also, it has not been this bright outside since i've been here >>
alsoX2, I have seen 2 "barr." SHOULDNT THEY BE HIBERNATING?!





3. It seems like as soon as you are more than 300 feet off of I-81, the roads instantly coalesce into Lovecraftian Doomways such as this, with creepy barren grapevines and horrid old trees whose roots ingratiate the train-coal road as well as your mind.
Some farm road off HWY 11 near Emory + Harry College,  Emory, VA



4. When the sun DOES come out, it is quite sinister. (about 815 am, approaching Chilhowie, a most creepy little town that can't be wiki'd accurately...the westernmost frontier of the US circa 1750 with ruins to match: read on!)



5. Tiny valley-towns founded on ancient beasts' salt-licks! en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saltville,_Virginia Saltville, VA. Surriously, this place is F'd up and I love it to death. Home of the Buchanan guy from Survivor? Noooooooo~~~! try...home of wooly mammoths and mastodons and crazy shit like an 18th c saltworks destroyed by the Union and the 1920s MUCK DAM BREAK  where chemical spew flowed and killed people and made the river a dead zone. This place gave off some very, very, very, very, creepy vibes. I must come back and explore it completely.


4. YEAH. READ N WEEP MY FRIENDS. this whole place reminded me--placidly!-- of the song "The Three Bells (the Jimmy Brown Story)" until they played it on the am "old country*" (aka murder ballads and cheatin songs to the tune of incredibly amazing circa 1920-1970, thank you very much) station 1600-highly recommended!--and I found the strange habit of this song (lyrics:http://www.lyricsreg.com/lyrics/dick+flood/The+Three+Bells+The+Jimmy+Brown+Story/" )and "I'm your sunshine" being played every 2 hours 2 days in a row quite unsettling, and delightful.
*i love listening to random am radio stations whilst traveling, but any "old country" (often crossing into early 20th c klezmer, big band, jazz, and gospel too) station often satiates my plague song/murder ballad lovin heart).



5. terrifying burned down homes with only chimneys remnant. mainly because  there were a lot of these around the home I grew up in during my teens, from the 1900s. but this particular knoll in Chilhowie was the farthest western settlement of the US circa 1750, and on this hill stood a townhouse, then a farmhouse, and now all is left is a great series of bramblage, a crumbling brick wall, and these chimney towers. the road alongside of it is the old stagecoach road, and i took this photo from a hill covered in old-recent graves (not particularly interesting until you see all the recent graves for teenagers in black marble inscribed with images of the hotrodded cars that possibly brought their deaths.)

6. You know I am overwhelmed with creepy  when I go to cemeteries to get a better angle of a photo, and do not even bother to photograph any interesting headstones!



7. another angle, reminding me of some early 1800's georgian-gothic painting of ruins.
In true Souther Gothic fashion, these ruins are bordered by a trailer park on one side and a discount food supermarket/shady late 70s strip mall on the other side. the nearby drug store hawks "VACCINE FOR SHINGLES!"

............the state slogan "virginia is for lovers" becomes utterly sinister for me.

so much i could photograph here, but some things are so sublime they can only be accurately evoked in unspoken memory...so true for so much of these beloved appalachian mountains.

last night I made many preparations for dying for reasons which will remain obscure, and found peace. but the sound of my little sister's tears (unheard for ....over a decade??!) shook me back into a fragile shade of the heart.

<img src="http://pics.livejournal.com/viannin/pic/0001s0he/s320x240">
pic by Catmomma <lj user="viannin">

So back in the day when I was CRAZY I was in love with this guy who became in love with a girl once I became in love with my favorite musician of all time even still and some other guys and his girlfriend had a cat with kittens and in that weird rural south way where everyone in a 200 mi radius is connected in the most awful ways ever, a good friend at work announced she knew someone who had KITTENS!!!! and of course we had to send straightaway for one.

out of this miasma of human drama came a perfect little bolt of grey fuzzy love, a little kitten her kitty  mama had named "Speedy" (In authentic redneck NW GA fashion, all the kits had been named versions of 'Meth' based on kitty mama's true source of reliable income. Speedy not only because of unfortunate kitty experimentation ><, but also because this particular baby bolted across like a grey grease streak.

<lj user="viannin"> took her in back in 1996 and she was named "Jewel" after the Cranes' beauty. Jewel was a formidable (read: overweight!) presence, but the most charming proper Southern lady, preferring a good meal of fatty fowl followed by a nap on the veranda to any cat foolishness such as hunting moles or chasing shiny crinkly things. 

One year something happened to her ear: it fattened up, and required surgery, resulting in Jewel's head being cocked like some sort of eternal gramaphone kitty, her pale eyes glancing upward as she squeaked softly to acknowledge your more than willing petting hand. 

She was a grand lady! A true southern belle, respledent in her stripey soft fur and gentle expression. I hope that she passed in great comfort, for great comfort she brought to the house that raised her and now mourns her.



In tribute to her, I present one of the hidden gems of late 2008: Peruvian shoegaze band Resplandor's album Pleamor (produced by the Cocteau Twins' Robin Guthrie). While it is very "stock," there is still much much beauty in here. It reminds me of her languid love, her patient wisdom. 

May we all be more like cats. 

Thank you, and Goodbye until we meet again, Dear Sweet Jewtissa, Mewl, Jewel.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dptSn5Mn-0c
Robin Guthrie with Resplandor live, "Twilight", 1997



http://rs32.rapidshare.com/files/139615142/RPD_PLMR_2008_www.sehrimetal.com.rar
Resplandor album "Pleamar" November 2008

are over here:
http://sakurakurakura.livejournal.com/536525.html#cutid1

there's even Sakurai grabby triBuTe photos (accidental, but still funny)


this is one of the most brilliant things I've ever seen on Tim & Eric Awesome Show Great Job.
As if the commodore-mode opener isn't funny enough, the actual Kraftwerk meets Kafka song is PRECIOUS.
And mercifully shorter than "Autobahn."


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dQo0fNaQx0