Learning to fly

_m3_ @ 2008-09-01T15:25:00

2008-09-01T19:34:00Z

When I was in LA, I used to take those long ass walks all around listening to my music and shit. I kept my eyes open for any stray animals left in boxes to adopt, because hello with that many people, surely there's abandoned furry things with big eyes. Never found a one.

On Wed or Thurs last week I get this frantic call from my boss down in the parking garage that there was a hungry stray kitty and to bring food fast before it got hit. Long story short, a girl at work I'm friendly with, Emily, rescued the kitty and kept it. She's had cats before, but doesn't currently (she has a Pom and two male roommates). It was very sweet, a gray and white male cat, not a small one like they rescue on Animal Planet but a good sized kitten. It played in our cube for a while in a paper bag. Pretty funny to watch. Mostly it slept curled up along her hip in her cardigan.

There was little doubt I could ever take it home with me (and I didn't want to hold it or touch it because I'd want it... watching it was bad enough) but I called mom to prank her and tell her I was bringing it home, no one else wanted it. She called Dave at work, who called his girlfriend at college, who called her aunt, to see if the aunt could take it. Dave calls ME to tell me no way, no cat, he's finding it a home right now and I have to explain it's a PRANK. Which only pissed him off further. Then I called mom back and told her it was a joke.

She said I'd better be prepared to move out if I brought the cat home. It wasn't coming the house, period. She even said to call Animal Control to get it, which astounded me.

So in light of all this, I may be considering moving out instead of moving to Los Angeles again. God knows I make enough money, but I'm not saving enough because these lazy fucktards suck all my paycheck away. Hundreds of dollars a month on groceries, fast food dinners (Dave NEVER seems to pay for ANYTHING), I pay for the cable/internet, getting the dog groomed, any stupid shitfull thing they want.

What *I* want is a cat. Life is so fucking painfully ironic sometimes.

I'll take one of everything.

2008-08-02T01:26:43Z

Today was a really good day, mainly because I spent THREE AND A HALF HOURS in the most amazing craft store ever with someone who is only mildly craftastic. So all my ideas were "amazing" and "that's so creative" which is a nice ego boost. And with the discount prices and my $50 gift card from secretary's day, I only paid about half what I was expecting! SCORE!

Pat Catan's is like... well, my nipples were hard. Really, the art section is amazing, I actually didn't go down some aisles because I'd want things, like the masking fluid and an acrylic kit and more brushes. In fact, in three and a half hours, we didn't really hit the scrapbooking or jewelry sections, because by then our brains hurt and we were TIRED.

I bought some of the bestest stuff and I'm so inspired! Things that Joanne's and Michael's have NEVER had, like these tiny adorable 2 inch by 2 inch canvases, and hell, masking fluid, and pretty little bottles with cork stoppers, and GOOD tiny clear vase filler half-bead things, and silver leaf sheets, and a whole fucking aisle of just star merchandise. They had what had to be about a four foot high metal star, and every size from there on down. I don't know what the big deal with the stars is (are they nautical? they look a little like the emo tattoos that are mocked), but they had a whole fucking aisle.

I finally got my ampersand (wooden, not paper mache), and I was GOING to get a pack of giant pink pom poms to cover it with, but that was too much. "Why do you have an ampersand?" vs. "Why do you have an ampersand covered in pink pom poms?" Yeah.

I found this molding mesh that's going to be amazing and allow me to create contours for my canvases without adding much weight, and I found pre-made paper mache paste stuff in a box, which will also create the contours AND texture without adding the weight of the clay I was anticipating on being forced to use. In fact, they had about five different types of clay in one brand alone. I fondled so much stuff in that section.

They also had solid styrofoam balls and forms instead of just those fuzzy foam that flakes everywhere. I also picked up a bunch of things for texture under paint, like rattan mesh and feathery yarn and some flower petals. About the only thing I found wrong with the store was their lack of good stone merchandise. They did have sea glass, which is good, but I might have missed the entire mosaic aisle... their vase-filler slash marbles slash stones were a little sad.

BUT! I bought something that may be life-altering... it's an "iron" with different point attachments, so you can cut your own stencils by tracing with this hot fine tip, or you can use the triangle tool to scorch/burn edges of paper, and it has a hot knife feature to cut through foam core smoothly. FINALLY! But the best part, the reason I bought it, and would have paid twice as much, is the transfer flat iron attachment. You can transfer any laser printed image onto almost any surface with it.

Let me repeat.

You can transfer any laser printed image, be it color or black, onto almost any surface, be it cloth, canvas, or paper.

I can print out quotes and transfer them to canvas, before or after I paint on it. I can print out a picture and transfer pieces of it onto nine little 2x2 canvases to reassemble into a whole. I can add palm tree silhouettes to my sheer curtains. I can put a curly script title on the actual wood frame of a shadow box.

It really is mind-blowing.

I just need a desk/table work area for the room. Dammit.

And in other news, my cousin is [hopefully] sending me a manuscript my grandfather wrote. It's for a soft-core pulp porn novel.

It's HEREDITARY. How fucking hysterical is that?!

_m3_ @ 2008-05-17T18:22:00

2008-05-17T22:25:42Z

I feel restless but disinterested.

I buy things for projects but then they sit. At risk of failure in the attempt? Or needing to know I have what I need should that 1% specific momentum arise again to complete?

I want to paint and stitch, but I should be cleaning and organizing. But no one else does. So why bother.

I've been reading. I've conquered the brutal nightmares, so now sleep is almost fun. I can read horror novels again. I want to rent movies, but will they sit, like everything else? Wasted?

I don't know what I want to do, when I start I find "This isn't it." And then I stop. Action without motivation is useless.

Blah.

_m3_ @ 2008-04-26T11:11:00

2008-04-26T15:13:39Z

My colored glass palm tree ornament from Ocean City broke!!

I'm calling them Monday to see if they can ship me another one.

But it won't replace that one. SAD. FACE.

Where did I go wrong?!

2008-03-23T02:33:06Z

How does a 19 year old college student afford a portable PS game thingie plus three games for her BF for xmas, then turn around in MARCH and get him a PS3???

What fucking memo did I miss???

And why is she bent on making him even more shiftless than before!? I felt bad enough doing the WoW subscription. At least that expires sometimes.

When he's 45 and living in a reeking-of-ass-and-socks trailer, playing PS3 and WoW on his giant 80 inch plasma TV and sucking down the Coke Zeros, I hope we all can point back to these items and go "Gee, maybe those were bad gifts for a 25-year-old waiter with an Associates in nothing."

_m3_ @ 2008-03-14T07:50:00

2008-03-14T11:51:20Z

Today may be the day I take the midget down.... Donna pulled some fucked up repugnant shit yesterday, and then still bitched. If she so much as looks at me today, I will verbally bitch slap her till she cries to HR. Don't fuck with the babysitter.

Time flies when you're just surviving...

2008-03-10T02:08:42Z

So it had become time to actually DO SOMETHING with the shit I'd been buying for my room. I had/have plans, but to actually enact them after I come home exhausted really never worked out, so this weekend I FINALLY got to it. I took some pics of shit, and I'm not done, probably another two weeks/weekends and I will be, so I'll wait till then to share them.

And yet more backstory being that my closet "broke" because I had too much weight on the top shelf storing boxes of my childhood, so I was going to store them on top of my armoir and bookshelves and in those crappy plastic boxes under the bed, then came up with a cunning plan to just elevate my bed and store them in the boxes they're already in, under there. Which was quite cunning... I have six Baxter boxes (um, 12 inchs high?) under there filled with old school stuff, old childhood bookcase stuff (Eiffel tower statues, old diaries, god only knows) and boxes of my past jobs. (Also a foot bath in a box and my old old CPU which I can't get rid of because of all the damn porn and music on there... I won't give up yet!)

One box contained Steve things... and while I didn't open the three kraft envelopes sealed seven times around in packing tape and marked "DO NOT OPEN EVER," I did run across The Card and contained therein was The Email. Which I read, because it was NOT marked "DO NOT READ EVER."

It's funny how NOW, being out of that "relationship" and not so fucking butthurt over being rejected, that I kinda get what he was trying to say. Except, of course, the insults he flung around in his narcissistic whirlwind of pity that was 80% of The Email. I still think that is utter bullshit and hurts and pisses me off. But anyway.

And I looked at some of my old work stuff. I found my birthday card from EDMC, along with some goodbye gifts. I can't believe it was just summer of 2006. I found a polaroid of Maria and I when she came back from getting married (the second time) and I'd TP'd her cube. I don't recall the year, probably summer of 2000. I found the happy secretary's day card that only Stefanie and Susan signed for me from MedCom, which was like... meh, summer of 1997??? I found school pictures of friends from high school that were the wrong friends all along (except Sue-Wen, she was fucking awesome and I'm ashamed of how little I realized that). I'd say those were from 1991 or 1992.

In putting my Los Angeles Stuff in a box (with a zipper lid to keep it safe) I realized that was Fall 2003 - Fall 2004. Almost four years ago. And that really does feel like yesterday. I swear, half of me is still there, has a job, and occasionally while standing at the copier looks up and thinks about what life would be like in Pittsburgh, just as I'm doing the same in Pittsburgh and picturing LA. It's spooky. I picture places I've never actually been, and walks I've never been on, and times at the beach I never actually had. Spooky and depressing.

It's coming up on one year at Rizzo. Which is fucking insane. April 2, 2007. I can't believe the time has gone so fast.

And all this feels like I'm running in place. I haven't really done anything or accomplished much. In the last year at least I was running as fast as I could just to stay in one spot. As the theory goes, I'll have to run twice as fast to get anyplace at all. How exhausting.

_m3_ @ 2008-03-01T18:43:00

2008-03-01T23:45:38Z

It's funny how seven hours at work when you're supposed to be off was almost pleasant.

As opposed to Donna sending at least two emails a week in 16pt font yelling about something we did or didn't do properly.

And Linda buzzing around the corner, asking a question, plopping down, not letting me finish the answer, then taking off again.

And Kathy just being there, always behind me.

Very pleasant.

randomy shit

2008-02-24T22:15:48Z

* Perfect health! CT Scan on sinuses came back clear, doctor told me to try a Neti Pot (I managed not to cry in front of him when I asked if I'd just have to live with this), shook my hand, said goodbye.

* Missed a day on my BCP and now I set off the deluge. It's only been two months. But I'm going to take tomorrow off (I am so fucking sleepy right now, I slept from like, 1am to 2pm today, with only about an hour in between where the drip on my window woke me up and I listened to Prehistoric X till I dozed off... wtf).

* I had something due to go out, but I made the changes and didn't print it. I was going to proof it, since the new chick thinks we capitalize things like compass directions, "federal" and "state," and the word "work." Also she tried to move a period from within quotes to without and I was all um denied.

* She also puts commas between simple sentences joined with a conjunction. It's really hard to explain the use of commas, I'm finding. She's putting them where she pauses in her reading for comprehension, not where she'd pause naturally. I told her to stop that. Read it for comprehension all the way through, THEN punctuate. But the simple sentences thing pisses me off. Plus, she has a fucking Gregg, USE IT. Look shit up.

* So I'm probably calling off and telling them the changes are made, ship the bitch. I don't think Donna has anything to do, plus it's stone cold repro, L can handle it herself I'm sure. Granted I took off Wednesday, but whatever. K took off Friday because she heard snow was coming. Bitch drives a 4 wheel truck thing and is afraid to drive in the snow. Ridiculous.

* Dave adjusted the computer chair here and it has started back problems for me. I'll sit in it and within 5 minutes the right side of my back under my bra strap area goes numb, then I get pain. And now, it happens at work, AND while I'm just standing outside waiting for the dog. I need to see a chiro and get a new chair. I hate Dave.

* Bought some purty shit at the Gem and Jewelry expo yesterday. Jade pendants, some beads for glass vases, and got some free stuff too. One is junk and going to Dave (it's hearts) but the other is a pretty, unique piece in blue I'm keeping. Plus we got in for free. I LOVE my tenant elevator pass! I HATE show employees who feel they're god. Bitch I will go where I want, I WORK here. NP!

* Have not cleaned room yet. Took pics of messiness, have not cleaned. I was tired, now I'm sleepy, and crampy. It's going to be a big job.

* Found a tv table on Harriet Carter (plus those mighty hooks that look like fishhooks?), but they no longer sell the blanket lifter thing for my feets. I wanted to do one stop shopping but nooooooo. And since I blew about $300 yesterday on jewelry, and another $200 on Wednesday on IKEA, Value City lamp (it's going back) and dinner, I'm gonna wait till payday this Friday to buy.

* I'm also waiting till then to buy D some Porn Fairy stuff. She was saying she was frustrated and I was like well don't you.... ? And she's like NO! And I'm like oh god, I'll hook you up. She's open to it, but doesn't want anything internal - not a virgin like I thought, just made a mistake with a guy and is now punishing herself/her body by not having sex till marriage. Good luck with that.

* IKEA was fucking awesome as hell, it was almost like Disney with the waving banners in the breeze. And the fact that it's in our town but so fucking far away from me as to be in another state. I haven't been there in TEN YEARS. It's two parkways, two tunnels, and one river away, which translates to traffic jams and a retarded bridge system. We have to be careful when we go to avoid most of the traffic. Ridiculous!

* I found only one thing from my list there, and by the time we left my right foot was mostly numb from the heel spurs. Normally I walk and sit, or stand and take sit breaks, but this was constant walking through the displays then the store. They had gorgeous vases but not in blue. I exited the lower elevator to the flower and vase display and said "Girly orgasm!" and Dave snorted and walked away. They had some cool staging but I didn't bring my camera :(

* They also sell cute stuffed animal spiders, beavers, and alligators! If only I was into collecting unique animals still... I did find boxes, some vases, and some dirt cheap cool xmas ornaments (25c for 4!). The whole "cute and cheap" thing adds up though, pretty fast. If it's $10 here and $14 there... well, you know.

* I have inspired people with my plants!!! They had a trade show about plants/flowers for six hours at the expo, and Donna mentioned that last year they just left all the cut flowers for the trash. She said this year she was going down when they started packing up and getting some. Of course, everyone in the office (except J which is another sign he's not seeing anyone!) went down to get flowers. But even the PLANT VENDORS were pitching their wares!!! I was like, wtf, you have beautiful hostas and ferns, take them back, grow them, sell them! But no, so one of the women who said she "fell in love" with my cubicle because it was so green and homey was working late and salvaged a fuckton of plants. She was trying to give some to me but I have a black thumb. However, there's now rows of live plants all over the office, mostly given by her to the people who also said they loved my cube. I'm proud.

* Of course the night this happens I go to Michaels and see these CUTE little pots of gerber daisies for $5. I buy three, thinking one for M and one for D and one for either Donna (who has real flowers on her desk each week but could keep it UNDER her shelf) or Kim, who is returning in March. I get to work Thurs and find oh hey, they have real shit now, they don't need my fake crap. Whatevs. They're going back. They're very sweet, but I don't need them, personally.

* I have some cool new music, some of which is actually uploaded to Box.net. You can listen to bunches of stuff before you download - MUsic SHaring aka MUSH. There's 200+ files, some are recent, some are old, some are just things I had to share not that I really like them. You decide. I have CB uploading now since i forgot to do that earlier.

* I'm going back to bed.

fucking adorable

2008-02-16T20:04:57Z

So on Wednesday I heard our exec admin ordering the monthly birthday cake, and I FINALLY heard J's name on the list. As I'm pondering a thought comes to me but I figure no, never happen.

So on Thursday when we get a birthday email announcement wishing someone there a happy birthday, I AGAIN have a thought but figure no, that'd be too cute...

Sure enough, J is a Valentines baby!

Thursday was the day we moved from a split cube to one cube, shared between Kathy and I, and after we moved Kathy was telling J, whom we sit near now (YAY!) if we're too loud to either tell us to shut up or come join us. He laughed and said it wouldn't be a problem.

Later he stopped by to find where Kathy put the candy dish and I casually asked, while cleaning my new, filthy phone, if his birthday got him an easy out for valentines. He laughed and said SOMETHING, and I wish I could remember the exact phrasing, but he said no, it hadn't in the past - which phrasing was pretty much to me an obvious statement that he's not seeing anyone NOW. I wish I could remember!

Kathy said that Valentines was important (she buys herself diamonique and has that puppy poster, you recall) and I said birthdays were WAY more important and it didn't seem fair for him to miss out because of valentines. Then... I forget, we all kinda petered out and wandered off.

I wished him a happy birthday as I was leaving for the day. He's so adorable.

The doll

2008-01-27T23:38:26Z

So here's pics of the doll in J's cube, but Dave didn't get any close shots of her face (he was there to sneak into the Home Show with me, and I was stuck doing work at 6pm on a Friday!!! argh).

Normally you can't get this close to the wall of his cube because we added filing cabinets along there, so no one GETS this view unless they step up and lean. So really, no one can see the doll, mostly.

The thing on top of her head is the top of the "swing" she's supposed to be on, plus the round circle thing as a hanger. The green ribbons are the strings between the top and bottom of the swing, and loop around her wrists. When I sat down in his cube and commented on the doll, I said I wasn't sure but I thought she was on a swing, unless the green ribbons were some sort of weird doll bondage thing. Not sure if he caught that, since he was already laughing.

Also, since I opened PaintShop for THIS, I figured I'd do the latest images too.

The Czech glass ornaments I bought that I tossed in my shell dish until I found something to transport them safely home in. The blue is egg shaped, the purple is a ball. They were $7 when I sent D. down to pay, but he said $14 when I took them, so I'm a little displeased that he was trying to gyp me out of $7 when I was going to help him pack for 4 hours!!!

I fucking LOVE this marble ball. It's got these deep crystals in it that are fascinating. I love to take it with me and fondle when I have to do a shakedown of a naughty engineer. I also roll it around and fiddle with it when I'm proofing. It was $8.50, wholesale. The stand he got me for $1.50. Whatevs. Diff guy than the Czech glass.

Oh and we're NOT moving locations. The same landlord, different locations, and they want to soak us for $1M to break our current lease, remodel the new office, and transport our shit for us. So instead, we're staying where we are, waiting out the next door neighbor till Dec 08 when THEIR lease is up, then knocking down the dividing wall and rebuilding their space to mesh with our own. It'll only cost $100K. And until then, our usual "field" people will be living in a trailer (DOWN BY THE RIVER) over in an abandoned store's parking lot across the road. I shit thee not. Of course, our field people are only in the office for maybe a month or two every five months, and they're used to working out of trailers, so no big. But it's FUNNY.

Here's what the Expo looks like with a show on. We're the blob sign on the first balcony.

So.... yeah.

Hmmm

2008-01-23T00:12:58Z

So what's it mean when the joke doll sits on his desk for the last two days?

I expected it to be on my desk Monday. Nope.

I expected it to be gone by Tuesday, either hidden, or in the kitchen as a freebie, or maybe behind him even on a shelf. Nope.

It's still on his desk.

So does this mean .... what? He keeps forgetting to take it home/pitch it? Or he likes it there as a reminder of our little joke? And having to explain it to anyone who asks?

He's on vacation Thurs and Fri. I wonder if he'll take it Wednesday.

He said thank you for it, too. He was laughing, but still.... Why is he keeping it!?

I boned.

2008-01-18T17:27:32Z

I got the doll for J., left it on his desk. Waited all week for him to come back, worrying over his reaction.

Today? Off with a migraine.

I TRIED to go in late, half day, but the smell of my hair and my jeans is making me ill again.

I think it's a sign if I dropped the dragon pendant off my necklace THREE TIMES (which I never ever do) before getting it around my neck.

WTF is wrong with me :( I hope he thought it was funny. And it's not sitting at MY desk now.

Jesus.

_m3_ @ 2008-01-14T17:45:00

2008-01-14T23:05:50Z

In my desperate attempt to have attention, I joked with the Crush, who is away for most of the week, that he'd miss the creepy doll wholesale prices tomorrow and that I'd have to get him one to put in his cube. He replied to get him two, if there's enough left. I didn't reply but it's enough of a challenge that I will. It helps that the dolls are priced CHEAP because they don't want to repack them.

And then I was like, why can't I sell these on Ebay and make some money? There were some cute maybe 8inch dolls that look like they're $2... pop those babies (no pun) online and see what I can get.

We'll see tomorrow when we go down to shop at 10am. Most everyone is pricing for cash and carry at this point to avoid repacking. I need to remember to take boxes. I can't decide if I want to get J. a "tassle" doll like this for $2 or something else. They have moose statues, penguins, polar bears, wedding dolls, baby dolls, etc. They even have skeletons with chains on in wooden cages. He can either sell it or give it to Goodwill, whatever, it's only a few bucks for a joke and ATTENTION.

And Randall, my brother and I geeked out over your gift. You really should stop doing that!! But thank you!!! I can't decide which to watch first... Probably High Anxiety, I haven't seen it in AGES and I barely remember it. WONDERFUL!!!!

_m3_ @ 2008-01-13T20:05:00

2008-01-14T01:34:38Z

Do you ever have one of those dreams that feels like real life, except it's like maybe, three clicks different on a Rubik's cube? Like, you're having normal thoughts, "Oh, have to get back to the hotel before checkout time," and you maybe know it's a dream, but everything feels almost real? But NOT, like if you'd say "How far on Grant do you go?" to the cab driver and he says "Only to Wilshire." which is mixing Pgh and LA, but it's all OK.

And then you wake up in a bit of a panic and have to bolt from the room and don't want to go back because you can't shake the dream and you CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT YOUR REAL LIFE IS LIKE????

Yeah.

Did you ever wish you could take your legs off for a couple hours? I'm not shaving my legs till Spring. They're so dry that when I took a bath the other day, and sat down in an inch of water, my legs immediately erupted in a "razor burn" like I haven't seen in years. Just from WATER. So instead of shaving them twice a week to keep the stubble down so it doesn't hurt to, well, exist, I'm going to suck it up and grow them out.

Also, the other reason I can actually do this is because my micro-fleece blanket from Target ($20, great stuff) is so fucking awesome I can sleep curled in it at night. As opposed to inside my bed ($20 bamboo sheets from Target are rough as hell) with a bunch of heavy blankets on me and my legs irritated. Because the micro-fleece doesn't irritate my legs! Amazing! And it's so WARM. Snuggly even. Which rocks.

We had stand up taco shells tonight for dinner and yet mom insisted in breaking them up into a taco salad. I'm like, yes, but THEY STAND UP on their own! You're ruining the magic! No no, taco salad. She's all "I can't believe you're getting worked up over this." and I'm like I can't believe you're not even going to TRY them and then she went on for a bit and I finally yelled "I don't care if you fucking make origami out of them, stop talking about the taco shells!"

Did I mention on Tuesday I'm going to help this guy pack up his display at the gift show at the expo in exchange for $40 free stuff? Did I mention he's got these wee tiny itty bitty glass animal sculptures too and a few are salamanders that I want? Did I mention art glass (fused, dichroic, whatever) is like my crack?

Did I ever link this site, which is adult, and has really arty-good pictures of hot sometimes semi-naked chicks, that gets updated daily? Or that this pic and this pic and this pic are my favorites?

Did I ever talk about ZUG and the fact that I laughed till I almost threw up reading this article and that I LOVED this and this and well you can browse the rest of the site.

It's past my bedtime.

freaking heck

2008-01-13T04:23:59Z

I'd REALLY like to stop thinking about someone, except you know, I can't. And it's pissing me off because it's so unlikely, except it's entirely possible it's NOT unlikely and it would be amazing, except it's so unlikely.

And what's worse is this cute new girl started and she's sitting near him and asking him for help on things (because her stupid witch boss didn't introduce her to ANY of the admin staff at ALL!) like faxes and phones and stuff, and she's CUTE and actually his height.

I AM JEALOUS.

This whole thing seriously sucks.

It's PMS. Because I'm down to that third week of pills when normally I crave things (like chocolate cupcakes, CHECK, hot dogs, CHECK, gallons of water, CHECK) except I'm not going to HAVE A PERIOD so if this lasts for the next three months holy fuck please kill me.

Also, I ITCH because apparently while I did have a yeastie beastie as I thought, it wasn't a problem until I TOOK THE MEDICATION TO GET RID OF IT. Maybe it's interfering with my antibiotics (or vice versa) so I stopped taking those, which were useless, but now...

I feel fat, horny, sad, lonely and itchy.

He totally got the Caddyshack quote on my wall and he laughed at it.

Make it stop

_m3_ @ 2008-01-06T21:04:00

2008-01-07T02:32:51Z

So I realized that my interest rate starts on my personal credit card soon, either January or March, and I can't recall what the rate is, either. In a panic I log in and see how much I really owe, and how much I have in savings, and I'm considering pulling my savings (not the CD, though) and paying half the card off. I can pay the rest in about three or four months.

Granted that wipes me almost down to zero in savings, but also almost zero in that debt too.

Mom's card I'm paying off is only 10% interest rate, and I have a long long way to go on it. However, that's fine, I can keep chipping away at it as long as it takes. I'm definitely taking at least $200 off the top of my checks to go back into savings though. It's not on track for the monthly save for LA plan but it's at least SOMETHING. I'll have my tax return to put towards it, plus a raise soon, and I'm going to be doing some overtime, which can also go towards saving.

I found out our office IS moving and it IS staying in Monroeville. YAY! In fact, we're moving like, a block away from where we are now, literally at the top of a hill. Only Dia and Amanda might know what I mean, but we're moving from the ExpoMart to the bldg beside the old Racquet Club. It's now Club4Life, and the building mainly houses what looks like a giant Progressive insurance office. So literally up a hill and that's it.

This is good for several reasons, which I will enumerate below. Hah.
1. It's next to the gym I want to join, so I can walk over and swim after work.
2. I'll get my own cube finally, no more sharing with Kathy!
3. HOPEFULLY I will get my desk facing the door. I don't know what the layout will be, whether we'll be building drywall cubes or using prefab. I can't see us using prefab because hello, we have a ton of desks already. But then again, they could sell those and get us all conforming.
4. Maybe more room to decorate!
5. I might ask for a filing cabinet for the past markups. That'd be cool.
6. The apartments are still there (Racquet Club Apartments) and while I remember them being expensive, maybe our company can work out a discount rate for employees. I think we lodge newbs and foreigners there temporarily already anyway. This would be good when I just can't take this shit any more.

This is also a little bad because I don't know the layout and I might not see either work crush much anymore. At least I passed by J. several times a day on the way to the copier now.

I think once I get the sinus thing worked out I'm going to ask for anti-depressants.

And the sinus thing is NOT working out, so I kept my increased rate of insurance. It went up $25 a month this year. Technically, they added a NEW plan at the old rate, but you pay $20 a copay instead of $10, and a much higher deductible as well. I think precriptions went up on that plan too. As I don't know what's going on with the nose, I'm going to take the higher rate for the year then hope I'm healthier in 2009.

I'm on the 3rd week of antibiotics and it's not doing crapola. I have until the 4th of February though till I see the doctor. And I'm pretty sure then I'll have to schedule a CT scan. And if it's not budging with antibiotics... maybe we'll pull out the small nukes.

I admit, I haven't been doing the nasal spray though. it's not BAD, it's just not pleasant. And if a general steroid didn't work, I don't see how shooting one directly onto mucus membranes can be healthy.

I don't have face pain, stuffy nose, that sort of thing. They say my ears and nose are clear, excepting the puddle. The bit of discharge I have from the nose comes after a shower, and is clear, but exceedingly sticky. And the drainage down my throat is tasteless. All pointing to Not An Infection.

I'm hoping by August everything will be sorted out in all areas (finance, resolutions, health, work) and I can just coast for a bit. That'd be nice.

Does anyone have the following MP3? My p2p isn't working and I'm hooked on these songs. DON'T JUDGE!!

Britney - Piece of Me
Miley/Hanna Montana - See You Again

Appreciated!!!

Sonia Dada downloads

2008-01-05T22:35:50Z

Just uploaded these and figured I'd share here too. Really good, totally awesome, even-better-live Chicago-based blues and rock band called Sonia Dada under the cut. You can preview the tracks on Box.

Now, I believe this is all of the CD My Secret Life, and some of Lay Down and Love It Live. Because there were live dupes from the first CD, I think I deleted them in favor of studio tracks.

Favorites have asterisks!

Ain't Life for the Living
Amazing Jane *
Anna Lee
Cold
Don't Go Giving Your Love Away *
Get To You
Goodnight
Green Eyed Esther
I Want to Take You Higher * cover of Sly and the Family Stone and MUCH BETTER
I'm Gone **
Las Vegas Virgin
Last Parade (Crazy Lady)
Lester's Methadone Clinic
Morning Comes
Never See Me Again *
Paradise
Phases of the Moon *
Planes and Satellites *
So Sad
Things Change
Would I Lie To You
You Ain't Thinking About Me *
You Don't Love Me Anymore
You Don't Treat Me No Good
Zachary

A Meme

2008-01-05T20:20:39Z

Because amand_r made it look so fun....

01. Name a TV show series in which you have seen every episode at least twice: That 70s Show up until Season 5, which is when the series ends anyway. Probably Charmed or Angel since those were on TNT every day when I was in LA. Doesn't mean I retained the plot points, however.

02. Name a show you can't miss: Unfortunately, there is none these days. I catch what I want, when I want. Also Neila controls the clicker with an iron fist and keeps it locked to the games network or HGTV. When I do get it I must find Ina Garten or Kylie Kwong. I need to be gayified or grossed out on a weekly basis.

03. Name an actor who would make you more inclined to watch a show: While it's nice to see my favorites working, that's no indicator of show interest, so... none?

04. Name an actor who would make you less likely to watch a show: Jeremy Piven... :( I used to like him but now find him incredibly irritating.

05. Name a show you can and do quote from: That 70s Show, because it's always work-appropriate to exclaim "Sacrifice a virgin!" It's probably the only one I know enough quotes from to use very often, I tend to quote more from movies. Maybe some Arrested Development in there too.

06. Name a show you like that no one else enjoys: I used to think I was the only one watching Food Network but apparently 75% of ONTD watches it as well. No one in my house enjoys My Sweet Sixteen. And I don't think many people like The Hills either, but honestly I watch mostly for the scenery shots. If I could pay someone to compile all those scenery shots from each episode onto DVD for me... Well, I would. Oh and Dr. 90210.

07. Name a TV show which you've been known to sing the theme song: Two and a Half Men (it's real hard), That 70s Show, Thundercats (another toughie), GI Joe, Sesame Street... People at work must think I'm retarded.

08. Name a show you would recommend everyone watch: Although I am apparently years late, both Firefly and Arrested Development were hysterical and I now understand the bandwagon. I'll go with Psych, Two and a Half Men, How I Met Your Mother, Planet Earth, John and Kate Plus Eight, Bridezillas, Good Eats, Runs House!

09. Name a TV series you own: I have Season 1 of That 70s Show that I'm willing to sell, real cheap.

10. Name an actor who launched his/her entertainment career in another medium but who has surprised you with his/her acting chops in television: Tyra has surprised me at how BAD she is, does that count? I can't think of anyone else, sadly.

11. What is your favorite episode of your favorite series? Hyde Moves In from T7S... it was so funny and so sad and so sweet and I deeply loved all of them for one bright moment.

12. Name a show you keep meaning to watch but you just haven’t gotten around to yet: 30 Rock, but I don't find Tina Fey at all funny, but I keep hearing good things, but then again Tina Fey...

13. Ever quit watching a show because it was so bad? Hah, CSI NY anyone? Oh and CSI Vegas. The whole office romance thing in those two was so gross and completely unbelievable. Oh and of course, T7S because again, romance thing was so gross and completely unbelievable. As Amanda said, XFiles because the conspiracy got BORING, I wanted MONSTERS, who the fuck cares about his fucking sister!? And Big Love because Nikki still breathed. Worst choice in wife ever! Wait. Second worst. Did Hyde and Jackie ever marry? NO NO, don't tell me.

14. Name a show that's made you cry multiple times: Buffy. Those bastards.

15. What do you eat when you watch TV? Usually nothing, but often water. Unless I'm watching chocolate cooking shows, then I need a mini desert bowl. Oh and if I plan on catching a good movie (i.e., Resident Evil) I'll make popcorn!

16. How often do you watch TV? Generally only on weekends when Neila can be pried away from it. Sometimes at night after she goes upstairs after 8pm.

17. What's the last TV show you watched? I caught glimpses of Lingo while making lunch today. It was probably the Fag Hag Queen of New York Ina on Wednesday when I was off work.

18. What's your favorite/preferred genre of TV? Comedy or cooking. I may never eat the crap Kylie makes, but I sure do love watching her slop it around!

19. What was the first TV show you were obsessed with? Kids Incorporated (K! I! D! S!) In retrospect, I didn't know they let 12 year old girls pitch TV ideas.

20. What TV show do you wish you never watched? Rachel Raytard. I could honestly live without her in my life.

21. What is the weirdest show you enjoyed? Cleopatra 2025 and Mutant X. What can I say, Canadian sci-fi gets me. Oh and V.I.P.

22. What TV show scared you the most? My Sweet Sixteen. It's sad people breed these things.

23. What is the funniest TV show you have ever watched? Toss up between AD/2 1/2 Men/Psych/HIMYM. I never really counted laughs per episode to make a comparison.

Also, I have to work tomorrow because of other people's poor planning, one of my Mittens being out sick two days this week, and because if I want overtime for it I have to work it in a week without holiday pay. You have to work 48 regular hours during a holiday pay week if you want overtime, which is utter bullshit, so instead of going in today I'm going in tomorrow. Work the system!

fuck them all.

2008-01-01T19:28:57Z

The stress, anger/fury, and disgust is not worth it anymore. I need to move out. My brother gets to do whatever he wants, no matter what the Parental Unit says. When I tried this crap, on a SMALL scale, mind you, I got punished and it's brought up all the time.

I'm sick of this shit.

He and I can nuke the same food in the microwave but if it's me I'll get an "EWWW what are you cooking?! It smells like dog vomit?!" from Neila. If he does it? Nothing.

We can both leave the dining room light on at various points, and I'll get a lecture on how much I waste, whereas he gets told 40 times to turn it off until she just does it herself.

Small examples. But they stand out.

The Barnacle is NOT supposed to be upstairs at all. Period. That's what Neila said.

So far she's followed him up for a 5 minute ironing session, then she went up for a longer time when he had to change, then when Neila didn't say anything on those items she went up to watch a movie, and up until today the crowning glory was the two of them naked on his bed while mom was awake in her room, hooked to her machine, watching TV and I was downstairs. At least, downstairs until I needed something from his room. There is no unseeing shit like that.

Today it's the fact that she slept over last night.

I told Neila she was an absolutely ineffectual parent and she asked what she was supposed to do. I don't know, Neila, fucking kick his stupid ass out? Even MENTIONING IT TO HIM would be a LOGICAL FIRST STEP YOU stupid cunt. She doesn't say anything about anything!!!!!

This is going down the same road as the last slut he brought home that couldn't follow simple directions. Yes, this one is going away to school, but he goes up to see her, he brings her back home, it's like Jess in reverse. And while she may have good grades now, you BET she will drop out when she gets pregnant.

Why can't he, the rule-breaker and general "never lived on his own before" ass move the fuck out and leave us be!? Oh right, because he's got a useless job and no potential. RIGHT.

Why can't I, the one so pissed off and yet so unable to do anything about it, move the fuck out and pretend they don't exist? Oh right, I have some debt again from getting a job (clothes, shoes, stuff I charged whilst paying for mom/Dave's groceries and gas and tv/internet each month), don't have a car, don't drive, and probably still can't afford that now, again, with debt. Granted it's not big, it's like, $3.5K, but it's still a decent chunk of change each month to pay down. Not a big deal if I'd be staying here for the next four years, but if I want to move out, it's a big deal.

Last night was so nice, I wasn't depressed over the loss of the old year because to me I'm right in the middle of the year - my golden birthday. So really, I wasn't losing anything and was thinking how great things had been so far this year. And how good 2008 will be. I watched some George Lopez and laughed my butt off, did a little stitching, went to bed.

Today I wish like fuck I could quit this job and move back to California and take whatever receptionist job they offer.

Then I can pretend Neila is the one who died and my brother never existed in the first place. Oh how I long to be an orphan.

I'm 31, by the way.

2007-12-24T22:45:47Z

And yet I still allow people to stick painful things up my nose for no discernible purpose.

"We'll try a scope. Dr. Lee, GAUZE UP!"

"Hmmm severely deviated septum. MOAR GAUZE!!! Bring the battering ram."

"Is that a puddle? Why is there a puddle? SUCTION!!!!"

"I don't know where the puddle came from... and that is my professional opinion."

"What the hay, let's try antibiotics (and nasal spray! hooray!) for three weeks and let your sinuses battle your twat. Maybe the old girl will just give up and bake us some brownies while we're at it, wot wot?"

He didn't really say 'wot wot,' but the rest is mostly true. Oh, and my teeth DID go numb and crunchy, which was a unique experience [that I could have lived without, all said and done].

I do have a puddle in my nose for no apparent reason, and it's not from my sinuses. We've found the fucking fountain of youth. Hold on, a little more numbing gauze and y'all can just climb in and go swimming.

Don't FUCK with the babysitter!

2007-12-18T01:05:07Z

So there's this fellow that we let go when we closed a branch office, and we found him another firm to work for. He and a few others are wrapping up our company business while working there, so occasionally we have to do work for them. Fine. In fact, because they have their own engineer seals, we usually pack everything off to them once assembled, they sign and seal it and send our file copies back. They have our letterhead (small supply) with the caveat that I MUST approve all correspondence first or shit will ROLL.

So late afternoon Nov. 30th, this guy DD sends me an email telling me (no please or thanks) that he needs 10 copies of XX Specifications as soon as possible. Nothing else. He cc:s a VP on it as per usual dealings with him (he's an ass, everyone knows). I say "Hey, VP, wtf is this guy talking about?" VP tells me, I go to find it, server is down, Help Desk is working on it, late afternoon December 3 we get the files, we start working on them.

They. Are. A. Mess.

It's like that branch office didn't have a Style Guide because the formatting is wrong (they don't even have the company NAME at the top of the page - we'd have no idea whose project it was!), I had to read them all because I found spelling errors and blank spots, etc. K. was working on them then was off sick for two days. With being down one admin, I put this project aside and worked on other stuff... she wasn't there to make my corrections anyway.

So DD is like "OMG WHERE IS MY STUFF" a few times. VP comes to see me. Hell no I can't get it to him sooner than Dec. X. Fine, VP will take care of it with DD. More time passes, we're WORKING ON IT (fourth revision, K isn't the swiftest in correcting everything i mark the FIRST time around) and we start an email chain today that is behind the cut.

Note, we agreed to ship this to him for arrival Wednesday.

From: m3
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 1:16 PM
To: DD
Subject: Specs Questions

A few things that need answered:

On the TOC, Division 1 lists Section 01500 – Pennsylvania Department of Transporation Inspection. We don’t have this. Do we need it or can we remove it from the TOC? It’s referenced a few times in the specs themselves.

Within the Manholes Spec (02310) it cites a spec 4001. We don’t seem to have that spec. Action?

thanks
M3
_____________________________

From: DD
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 2:41 PM
To: M3
Subject: RE: Specs Questions

On the copy of the spec that I have, the TOC lists Section 1410 as the PaDOT inpection and it is in the spec. Just remove the statement that refers to section 4001 for dewatering in section 2310.

I have attached a copy of the TOC in the specs that I have to make sure that we are talking about the same specs.
_____________________________
Note: He had the same listing on the Table of Contents (TOC) TWICE with two different numbers... So, obvious fuck up #1...
_____________________________
From: M3
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 3:04 PM
To: DD
Subject: RE: Specs Questions

Let me send you what we’ve conformed to standard and see what you’d like to change.
_____________________________
From: DD
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 3:21 PM
To: M3
Cc: VP
Subject: RE: Specs Questions

I'd like to leave it the way it was. The B. Group, the DEP, the Somerset Township Municipal Authority and the EADS Group have reviewed and approved this spec.
_____________________________
Note: I'm SORRY, since when did something that's gone out before not require editing?!?!? What fucking planet is he on that he's never heard of Draft!? Also note he's admitting he sent this really ugly shit out under our name to clients... asshole.
_____________________________
From: M3
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 3:34 PM
To: DD
Cc: VP; K
Subject: RE: Specs Questions

I think the revised TOC (per our established standards) looks more professional. The contents haven’t changed, just the aesthetics. Technically anything that goes out of the office under the PCR cover needs to be in PCR format – I don’t know why these went out originally in the format they did!
_____________________________
Note: I politely tell him his stuff is wrong and ugly. I explain what "standard formating" means and explain, again, our policy of formatting and basically what my job is about. Also, I mention, admitting I should probably have not used the exclamation point, that I realize these went to a client WRONG.

Up next, dude flips his lid over nothing and throws a hissy. It was awesome.
_____________________________
From: DD
Sent: Monday, December 17, 2007 3:58 PM
To: M3
Cc: VP; K
Subject: RE: Specs Questions

Fine. that's great! I'm glad you think it looks more professional and in the mean time I'm trying to explain to The B. Company why they don't have their specs that were approved more than a year ago. why are you asking me questions when I can't change anything anyhow.

VP - here is the contact at B. - you can now call and apologize. Bill D - 412-422-xxxx ext. xxx.
_____________________________
Note: OH NOES!!! So, first, sarcasm, secondly WHY have these people been waiting a year, what the FUCK have you been sitting on you stupid cunt?! And now is not the time to get all hysterical on me, I mean, jesus, take a fucking midol. I'm asking you because you CAN CHANGE THINGS because ITS NOT FINAL UNTIL I SEND IT YOU STUPID WHORE. I mean, fucking christ, I was like wtf!?

So THIS is when SOMEHOW the VP of FINANCE gets involved. I get a call on my line from him and HE wants to know what's up with these Specs, I exclaim "Did DD email you TOO!?!? GOD!" and no no, VP went to see VP FIN or vice versa. Apparently The B. Group ain't paying us till they get specs, it's been a year, whats the hold up. I explain the same thing to VP FIN as to VP. Fucking waste of time.

I hear later from VP that when he explained to VP FIN what was going on the VP FIN didn't believe him that I'd set a deadline and how could I know to do that, how long would this take, blah blah. So VP FIN was going to call me and confirm and "light a fire." You can't light a fire that's already burning, duh. Anyway.

My coup de grace follows.
_____________________________

From: M3
Sent: Mon 12/17/2007 4:09 PM
To: DD
Cc: VP; K
Bcc: VP Finance
Subject: RE: Specs Questions

I really have nothing to do with the upline of the Project, nor the planning, nor the time management. However, I have everything to do with how documents leave the office, especially when they are bound as a PCR Report. I affect change where I can, when I can, hopefully for the better.

I also deal with many people every day with many projects, and about half of them are considered “emergencies” by the time they reach my hands. We all do the best we can with the skills and resources we have.

If you’d like to change the content of the TOC or Specs, just let me know - it’s our goal to have our best product going out the door.
________________________________

CHECK and MATE, bitches.

Follow what I said...

1. It's not MY fault you sat on this for a year.
2. You did it wrong in the first place.
3. Your errors are causing delays.
4. You're not getting around me.
5. I'm trying to fix these errors so the client doesn't think we're retarded.
6. You aren't the only dog sniffing my ass.
7. Failure to plan on your part does not constitute emergency on my part.
8. I understand you're stupid. We're working around you.
9. I'm doing the best I can with the two helpers I have and only one set of eyes.
10. I'm still willing to work with you even though you are being an absolute prick.
11. Once again your work sucked on several levels and I refuse to let it leave the office with your stink all over it.
12. Have a nice day!

I had sent him an email at some point in this exchange reminding him I needed a transmittal letter asap to approve for this package to go out.

The final email of the day, in response to all this, was a terse list of who I can send the packages to directly, implying that he's not going to sign or seal them.

To sum up...

1. I win.
2. You look like a DOUCHE.
3. I still win.
4. I don't care if I send direct or not.
5. Oh I have to cry now, you hurt my FEELINGS.
6. Don't pull VPs into a fight you can't be mature enough not to whine through.
7. Never go against a proofing admin when her reputation is on the line.
8. Never get involved in a land war in Asia.
9. Oh and I still win, you giant aching douche.

This was my day. I RULE!

OMGWTF almost full inboxes!

2007-12-16T01:38:57Z

This sinus infection is killing me. Headache everyday, neck-ache everyday, disgusting thick drainage, sore throat (yay for NOT having tonsils!?), and I don't know if it's ANOTHER side effect of the tonsil surgery, but about twice a day I inhale my own saliva accidentally and cough half to death. That plus the sudden halt mid-swallow plus the deeelightful backup into nasal passages whilst drinking makes me so FUCKING glad I had the tonsils removed. Oh yeah, and the feeling of gagging constantly like something is back there. I swear, I need a new ENT because this dude sucks. Like $200 in office visits and medicines and a surgery later and I'm still back at square one!?

I have two weeks to see the dentist, obgyn, ENT AGAAAAIN, and regular doc.

Latest paycheck came with new rate... CHA FUCKING CHING!? It's nearly a thousand more than my last paycheck! But because of the massive overtime (25 hours) I can't tell wtf my regular pay will be like. Of course it's already marked for bills. I do love my credit card, damn me.

Can't keep up with all the effing magazines I ordered. Of course I ordered them BEFORE I got the promo and discovered I'd be reading bullshit for 9 hours of the day at work. And before I got back into stitching.

Both my work crushes are bringing dates to the office party tonight [that I'm not going to because the mere thought of it makes me anxious]. I have my homegirl from work scoping out the dates and getting details. I can accept D. having a girl, whatever, he's hot, he can have a harem of men and women for all I care, but J? That'll hurt. She was surprised at that choice, but I tried to explain (in the midst of cubicle land) that it was surprising to me too but it was more about the person and only half that I think he's cute.

He got asked to participate in a demo at our manager's meeting on Friday, because he's smallish. Then they picked three fat asses to be the conflicting voices yelling in his face (giant waste of a two hour motivational speaker, my left nut could do better). It was sad. I wish they picked some other guy, all of our Mexicans are short, why not them!?

I was glad everyone gave a vocal "YES!" when the speaker asked "So do you all like J?" And I was glad when J. said he was single to the "Married or single?" question, but single is NOT the opposite of married, guy. Dating but not married, serious relationship but not married, about to get engaged but not married. WHO KNOWS.

I hope it's his sister that's his date.

No wait. That's lame. I hope it's... a blind orphan he adopted from Romania. Yeah.

I have had my new year resolutions ready for a month now. And I can fucking DO THEM because if I can move across country by myself for no reason at all, I can fucking do anything.

Except maybe kill people with my brain. But I'm trying.

EDITTTT! I remembered HOW even. So proud.

I'm currently eating a low-salt ham sandwich on nice thick italian bread, lightly warmed in the toaster because it was kept in the fridge, with a nice pile of sour cream and onion Lays potato chips and an icy cold coke. MMMMM.

So the issue with the pipes was our front cement slab was pressing down on a pipe that had some rocks in it and it was more or less blocked and broken. They pulled up our sidewalk in one place (in a solid piece, AWESOME) and fixed some other plumbing issues and put everything back. They moved the outlet pipe thingie forward three feet (away from up against the house) and across the sidewalk, and brought up TWO pipe outlets into our yard. I don't know what for, mom is going to find out. Mowing around those fuckers is going to be rough.

Also, we lost our bushes in front. Yes, my mother has succeeded in denuding the property of all it's original greenery. I asked her if she hated nature or what and she laughed. She does, she really does.

I was worried we'd lose one of our hard-earned trees that have FINALLY gotten big enough not to wrap in the winter. If they'd had to go further, we might have, based on where the gas and water mains are in our yard. But luckily no.

So now mom is planning on getting the front "stoop" done in a big semi-circular pattern and redoing our sidewalk. I think we might get a little foot-high brick wall around the "flower beds" in front, around the "stoop" and down the sidewalk as well. I'd like to make it wide enough to sit on as well as place some planters on, because hello, far easier than planting down in the ground! Better soil, too.

Don't know when that will happen, I'm still mourning Squarehead and Circley (we never did succumb to mom's threats and trim those bushes one way or another, they stayed square and circle!!!). Plus we need money. The digging and pipework will be about $5,000 and that's not including our plumber bill of the two times he was at the house for several hours doing things.

Needless to say, she's not getting us anything for xmas but flushing toilets and a non shit-smelling front yard.

And I'm OK with that.

I seriously shit you not.

2007-12-05T23:58:19Z

So we're packing to go to a hotel for the night because we really shouldn't be running water because of the backups and flooding and clogs and mom comes up to start her part and drops this little nugget...

"Oh, I have skin cancer. Those two things I had taken off [her neck] were, and the nose one is precancerous, so now I have to go back in and see what they want to do."

Silence.

We all resume packing and don't talk about it.

I hate December.

2007-12-04T00:15:08Z

I have yet to learn that I'm the only stupidly optimistic person in the world.

I have a nice idea. It gets a little bit of positive feedback in private. I present it. It gets SHIT ON and ripped apart.

OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

Three things so far, just this week.

Why do I even bother? WHY do I feel the need to include people in shit? WHY do I keep thinking that people will stop being nasty fucks and actually think of someone else once in a while?

Do you know WHY people won't participate in a grab bag at work? Not because they're cheap, not because they're worried they won't know the person they get well enough to buy, but BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT TO GET A MUG WITH CANDY IN IT.

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????

If that's the case, you can participate and just put on your little Likes/Dislikes that you'd prefer a donation to XYZ Charity in lieu of coffee mug.

Do you know that I have not even thought about what to put down for Likes/Dislikes? It hasn't actually occurred to me, the person starting the festivities, what I'd like to get.

Because I'm SO FUCKING HAPPY that I found all these cute little $25 or close to it gifts online that other people would like. I was LOOKING for reasons to buy these things. I'm actually able to personally Santa each and every person who has replied that they want to participate. ALL BY MYSELF.

Not that there have been many replies, because you know, it's so HARD to find the REPLY button in email apparently. I got, so far, seven confirmed yes out of about 100 employees.

And the admin group, which is running their own grab bag, well, fuck me in the ass, the first reply I get is a screaming 16 pt font Reply to All saying it was "news to her" and "where did this come from?" and "we've never done this before!"

It's news to you because you are not the end all be all of the office you nosy fucking cunt*. It came from me wanting to buy pretty much every admin BUT you something for xmas, and no, it wouldn't be a fucking mug of candy. And you've never done it before because last year there were THREE OF YOU. This year? There's 12 people that fall in the category in one way or another.

Out of 12, I have four no, three yes (including ME) and five people who suck and can't reply at all. I currently hate all of them. Including the yes people. Including me.

And for this stitching project I thought up that would be cool... scattered interest, but the great big place that would generate some interest and maybe some word of mouth I'm not permitted to post about it on. Because I might "mine" the addresses and sell them to... some mythic organization that is interested in cross stitch people. Fuck my ass do you know how long it took me to FIND this community? I'm sure it would take me YEARS of begging to find someone to BUY this "data" from me.

So sum total participation on THAT front will be about six people. I'm so excited now I could SHIT. Yes, it means so VERY much when you can't even bring it to the main audience that has helped you that you'd like to thank.

What am I asking for? Twelve inches of thread. A total of 41cents worth of time and effort. And of course, I HAD to think about giving back, yet again, because hey, welcome to this post, it's titled I AM FUCKING STUPID. So I was going to purchase, with my own money**, a bunch of stitching stuff, and then just give it away to the people who sent me something that equates to .002cents worth of floss in a 41cent container.

Yes. I was going to spend, I dunno, probably $600 over the next year, on people who spent 41.002cents on me. Do you know how much cool stitching stuff I COULD BUY FOR MYSELF for $600?????

But no, I might sell the emails or addresses or whatnot. I honestly don't really understand the denial other than it was 'benefiting' me more than others. Because the 25cent floss skeins would really put me in the poor house to buy for myself. Welcome to Not the Point. They said I could appeal their decision, but why bother.

Why bother doing nice things for other people!?

I try to see how this Golden Year is going well for me, what with the new job, the promotion/raise, the cute guys I work with, interest in stitching, books on tape, better health, but... really, not fucking feeling it right now.

I'm going to go watch people slide out on the black ice in front of our house and laugh at them. Because being nice doesn't really work for me anymore.

* She has been printing, on the color copier that cost so very damn much to operate, personal photos of her grandkids. Not just one or two, but like, fucking sets of them and mailing them out to relatives. Not just on PAPER, fucking hell no, she orders special INK JET PHOTO PAPER to run through there, on the company dime. Not just one box of 100 pages, but FOUR BOXES OF PAPER. Not even LASER photo paper but INK JET which is WHY THE FUCKING COPIER JAMS AND DIES EVERY TIME SHE PRINTS STUFF. Except I wouldn't give a shit if, and you'll love this, she hadn't sent out an email to all staff REPRIMANDING THEM to NOT USE THE COLOR COPIER UNLESS YOU HAVE A FINAL DOCUMENT and you're sure it's right because "we're wasting resources." Three other admins came to me saying 'Um, you know she's trippin' right?' My boss, the HR/VP Admin person, just about shit herself when I told her what was going on. PS? Her grandkids are fucking ugly. WORD LIFE. PPS? This stupid twat leaves our expensive letterhead/card stock in the manual feed tray ALL THE TIME so when someone else prints, it's on the wrong thing. Jesus himself would slap the shit out of her. And she doesn't want a mug of candy.

** Our pipes have backed up/been blocked, possibly by the new ultra strong, ultra not dissolving toilet paper we're using (fuck you Charmin), so now it looks like the front yard will have to be ripped up and the pipes replaced. Before Xmas. And of course this means no water, and even at the special Rizzo rate at a local extended stay motel, it will mean several hundred bucks in hotel costs and who knows how much in house repairs, which of course I'll be helping with. Oh and at some point I need to pay the $12 to go do laundry. Fa la la la fuck me.