I hate December.
I have a nice idea. It gets a little bit of positive feedback in private. I present it. It gets SHIT ON and ripped apart.
OVER AND OVER AGAIN.
Three things so far, just this week.
Why do I even bother? WHY do I feel the need to include people in shit? WHY do I keep thinking that people will stop being nasty fucks and actually think of someone else once in a while?
Do you know WHY people won't participate in a grab bag at work? Not because they're cheap, not because they're worried they won't know the person they get well enough to buy, but BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT TO GET A MUG WITH CANDY IN IT.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME????
If that's the case, you can participate and just put on your little Likes/Dislikes that you'd prefer a donation to XYZ Charity in lieu of coffee mug.
Do you know that I have not even thought about what to put down for Likes/Dislikes? It hasn't actually occurred to me, the person starting the festivities, what I'd like to get.
Because I'm SO FUCKING HAPPY that I found all these cute little $25 or close to it gifts online that other people would like. I was LOOKING for reasons to buy these things. I'm actually able to personally Santa each and every person who has replied that they want to participate. ALL BY MYSELF.
Not that there have been many replies, because you know, it's so HARD to find the REPLY button in email apparently. I got, so far, seven confirmed yes out of about 100 employees.
And the admin group, which is running their own grab bag, well, fuck me in the ass, the first reply I get is a screaming 16 pt font Reply to All saying it was "news to her" and "where did this come from?" and "we've never done this before!"
It's news to you because you are not the end all be all of the office you nosy fucking cunt*. It came from me wanting to buy pretty much every admin BUT you something for xmas, and no, it wouldn't be a fucking mug of candy. And you've never done it before because last year there were THREE OF YOU. This year? There's 12 people that fall in the category in one way or another.
Out of 12, I have four no, three yes (including ME) and five people who suck and can't reply at all. I currently hate all of them. Including the yes people. Including me.
And for this stitching project I thought up that would be cool... scattered interest, but the great big place that would generate some interest and maybe some word of mouth I'm not permitted to post about it on. Because I might "mine" the addresses and sell them to... some mythic organization that is interested in cross stitch people. Fuck my ass do you know how long it took me to FIND this community? I'm sure it would take me YEARS of begging to find someone to BUY this "data" from me.
So sum total participation on THAT front will be about six people. I'm so excited now I could SHIT. Yes, it means so VERY much when you can't even bring it to the main audience that has helped you that you'd like to thank.
What am I asking for? Twelve inches of thread. A total of 41cents worth of time and effort. And of course, I HAD to think about giving back, yet again, because hey, welcome to this post, it's titled I AM FUCKING STUPID. So I was going to purchase, with my own money**, a bunch of stitching stuff, and then just give it away to the people who sent me something that equates to .002cents worth of floss in a 41cent container.
Yes. I was going to spend, I dunno, probably $600 over the next year, on people who spent 41.002cents on me. Do you know how much cool stitching stuff I COULD BUY FOR MYSELF for $600?????
But no, I might sell the emails or addresses or whatnot. I honestly don't really understand the denial other than it was 'benefiting' me more than others. Because the 25cent floss skeins would really put me in the poor house to buy for myself. Welcome to Not the Point. They said I could appeal their decision, but why bother.
Why bother doing nice things for other people!?
I try to see how this Golden Year is going well for me, what with the new job, the promotion/raise, the cute guys I work with, interest in stitching, books on tape, better health, but... really, not fucking feeling it right now.
I'm going to go watch people slide out on the black ice in front of our house and laugh at them. Because being nice doesn't really work for me anymore.
* She has been printing, on the color copier that cost so very damn much to operate, personal photos of her grandkids. Not just one or two, but like, fucking sets of them and mailing them out to relatives. Not just on PAPER, fucking hell no, she orders special INK JET PHOTO PAPER to run through there, on the company dime. Not just one box of 100 pages, but FOUR BOXES OF PAPER. Not even LASER photo paper but INK JET which is WHY THE FUCKING COPIER JAMS AND DIES EVERY TIME SHE PRINTS STUFF. Except I wouldn't give a shit if, and you'll love this, she hadn't sent out an email to all staff REPRIMANDING THEM to NOT USE THE COLOR COPIER UNLESS YOU HAVE A FINAL DOCUMENT and you're sure it's right because "we're wasting resources." Three other admins came to me saying 'Um, you know she's trippin' right?' My boss, the HR/VP Admin person, just about shit herself when I told her what was going on. PS? Her grandkids are fucking ugly. WORD LIFE. PPS? This stupid twat leaves our expensive letterhead/card stock in the manual feed tray ALL THE TIME so when someone else prints, it's on the wrong thing. Jesus himself would slap the shit out of her. And she doesn't want a mug of candy.
** Our pipes have backed up/been blocked, possibly by the new ultra strong, ultra not dissolving toilet paper we're using (fuck you Charmin), so now it looks like the front yard will have to be ripped up and the pipes replaced. Before Xmas. And of course this means no water, and even at the special Rizzo rate at a local extended stay motel, it will mean several hundred bucks in hotel costs and who knows how much in house repairs, which of course I'll be helping with. Oh and at some point I need to pay the $12 to go do laundry. Fa la la la fuck me.