so i havent written in like a year and i totally didnt realize it had been so long its just i babysit everyday and if i had my computer i would surely write but i dont so then i come home and i never feel like writing....but i will right now cuz i so dearly need to write. this was homework right?
yeah about homework. i havent done any. is this a problem? yes it definitely is and i totally will get right on that this week also. everyday goes by so freaking fast and then when its over i realize all the things i could have done that i never did. i thought i was ready for school but the more i think about it im not. just because it means im a senior which means ill be leaving in a year and it means stress with homework and getting into college and also luke leaving for college and its not that far but i wont see him everyday. anyway i should start from the begining............what have i done since i last wrote? um lets see i can pretty much say i spent about every night with luke. and i can also say almost everyday i have been babysitting. i've seen napoleon dynamite 4 times. i've seen travis. luke and i went to wheaton to see mae, where i discovered two new bands to add to my collection...modern dance and sleeping at last. it was definitely some good times. i love spending all my time with luke. i have no problem with it at all. i mean its weird. i've probably hated every guy i've ever been with except him. i mean sorry all you others but i can truthfully say i've never gotten mad or annoyed with luke well unless i had good reason to be and thats a big deal seeing as how every guy i've been with i've complained about or hated. weird i know. and today when i went shopping with my mother and clare. my mom was all like i think luke is the longest relationship you have ever had and im like what? are you crazy? mom we really havent been together long i mean i was with paul for 5 months and luke more like over 2 monthes. but it does feel like i've been with him for so much longer. i love that. i can say that im content and thats something ive never been able to say truthfully before.
next week should be hellahott. the cure on the 12th and death cab and modest mouse on the 14th plus a day with luke in chicago before hand. definitely some good times.
states that keep us far apart
track the beating of my heart
mark the places in my book
with photographs we never took
i swear that im not kidding
the night time is so pretty
with all the stars above your eyes
im sneaking out and making ties
states that keep us far apart
track the beating with a chart
mark the rythyms that i shook
everytime i caught you look
i was just thinking....i wish hmmm um i dont know i just wish i could be in pictures. i wish i had a face that people loved to take photographs of....i wish i had a talent for it. i want a talent.
i didnt see luke tonight...i was sad for awhile and then i told myself not to be cuz i see him all the time but i cant help but feel rejected. even tho i so know he just wants to go play cards which is totally cool i just wish i had friends to call and i do but it can be awkward at times. i just feel out of touch with my class...maybe starting school will bring things back.
im upset and i cant really say why. i mean all why other than my house is for sale. this upsets me to the point of tears everytime i think about it. i havent had teh time to cry aobut it yet tho cuz everytime i want to i stop myself because i feel like a child or because i dont want to be a baby in front of everyone but i want to cry so badly so badly i feel like my world has been turned upside down. it gives me my headaches back i mean not intense how they were but they are surely there. i dont know i just want to try not to think about it till i have to. i just dont understand why my parents are putting me through this now. i dotn know what to do with myself.
i should get to bed. i have cheer practice in the morning and there is no sense crying to a computer screen.