Man, oh, man. This seems so surreal it's unbelievable. I know it sounds cliche, but it really does seem like yesterday I was so unsure about Full Sail and the whole "College Experience". That I had just packed all my things into a quarter of a backseat of a Mitsubishi Galant and looked back at Pottstown, Pa like I was never coming back. And yet here I am, two years wiser, two years more grown up, and two years still so unsure about anything that lies in front of me.
I'm pretty sure since the dawn of my existence I've never been a person who embraces change. I know that it is necessary for change to occur in order to grow as a person, but I hate that feeling in the pit of your stomach when you just don't know. It happened when I changed schools from Spring Ford to Pottsgrove. I remember that feeling when I was bawling my eyes out cause I didn't want to leave all I knew and start all over. I remember that feeling when I moved into the condo....and then when I moved back home after that ended in disaster. That feeling definitely creeps around me like a bad cold. People fear what they don't know, what they can't understand or comprehend. I guess it's just human nature. But I really hate when things seem to fall apart like they are now, especially when I know in my heart of hearts, they really aren't falling apart.
I think Toby said it best when he compared what is happening now to The Real World. Here we are, 5 kids thrown together, pretty much lived together, and although nothing was taped, we all went through a lot and had amazingly fun times. But this is the final episode. Everyone is making plans to leave. We'll all go back to Boston, California, Carolina, and Philly, and it's going to be so hard to try to keep these ties from being cut. It really hit me this morning when I watched Ryan get into the car and leave to go back home. It almost felt like vacation. Like we'll all be back in 2 weeks complaining about going to class and going out seeking out random trouble. But we won't. That time is over. And I hate that.
I'm sure once my parents get down here, and Watson gets down here, things will change. I'll start packing up, get my diploma, have a couple more awesome times and it will be great. I'll throw everything in the back of my small-ass 93 civic, sit down next to Watson, plug in the iPod and listen to "Time of Your Life" as I leave Crane's Landing for the last time in my life. I'm not gonna lie, cause life is way to short for that shit, I will probably shed a tear or two until I hit 95 N. for a million miles, but I think that that's okay. Once I'm home, there is nowhere to go but up. For now, though, this feeling is going to plague me. And I hate that.