A few years ago I read a book and the author talked about making a conscious effort to change your habits. Her theory is that once you commit to making a change there is a pendulum effect where you waiver from one end of the spectrum to the next until it slows down and you reach your desired state of change. I've noticed this in my last few posts here and on my personal journal as well. I was getting upset with myself thinking 'what are you? some type of schizo?' until I realized it was the natural path of embracing change. No one changes overnight and your perception will swing from one extreme to the next until you finally settle and come to terms with the changes you are making in your life.

I'm in the middle of a metamorphosis. Sometimes shyt gets ugly. Sometimes its so sweet I think Ima throw myself into diabetic shock from all the sappiness I'm feeling but I dont fight it anymore. I allow myself to feel whatever it is I am feeling. I try to remain aware of what I am doing and why I am doing it. I'm the subject of my own spiritual experiment and I love seeing the growth I am making. My ego is really tied up with wanting to be right all the time but I dont need to be 'right' if I want to grow.

I cry. A lot. I'll get so overwhelmed with gratitude and I'll start thinking about all the ways I am truly blessed and the tears just start running. I think about my family, my friends and people who I've grown closer to during the year and I am thankful for them all. I thank God for putting such patient people in my life who genuinely care about my growth and I'm like damn, I'm so blessed. More tears. Last night I felt like God was in my ear telling me to prepare myself for the road ahead of me. I cant see the road but I feel it in my heart. My ability to create is my gift. It is not for me to profit and line my pockets with money but it is to be used as a vehicle for me to help as many people as I can. This time right now is for me to build my strength for all the work and responsibility that will be added to my load as the years go on. While chasing my passion I've run smack dab into my purpose and that makes me feel so greatful, so blessed, so motivated.

Instead of spending money on gifts I'll be sending thank you letters to all those who have had a hand in making me better. Theres a lot of people to thank. I sent one a few weeks ago to someone and I was crying while writing it because I am just that damn thankful that they would take time to help me evolve into something greater than I am today. Like damn. They needed to know how much their support truly means and I want my support system to know that I value every word of advice, every hug, every dollar, every vibration of love that they send my way. I'm not doing this alone. My whole team has a hand in who I am and they need to know that.

Your talent is God's gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God. ~Leo Buscaglia

-After a lot of prayer, meditation, heart to heart talks, emails with my circle, I'm back on track.
-Very busy.
-Please check out my blog. Decadentindustries.net
-I just revamped it.
-Working on the online store now.
-I have a sale in Fort Greene on sunday 11/22/09 at the (Fulton Flea Market.
-A lot of custom orders.
-Planning a trip to DC next month.
-Hoping to crash on someones couch cause I dont wanna spring for a hotel.
-Yes, I'm cheap.
-Bout to go home and get back in the lab. Just wanted to check in. I love yall and thank you for the kind words of encouragement.

Over and out!

[Crossposted from my blog - decadentindustries.blogspot.com]

Today went GREAT! My family was there to support me all day and even a few of my friends and coworkers stopped. I met so many cool folks and really felt the love and appreciation on all the pieces I worked so hard to make. The older ladies were KILLIN it style-wise. I saw so many vintage sunglasses and accessories. I mean some really fly stuff. In fact my very 1st customer was an older woman who purchased a wristlet pouch as her new cosmetic bag. Another woman fell in love with a shoulder bag. A third, with a pair of the square earrings. I noticed the younger crowd really liked the ruffle skirts. It was just an overwhelming sense of satisfaction today. If anything I feel more motivated than ever to keep working and booking events.

I know my etsy shop is empty but I'm in the process of uploading the pictures and whatnot. Everything on etsy should be operational by tomorrow night. I'm exhausted.

Here's a few of the pics and a lil video from today that my mom took of me straightening my table.













me and my beautiful cousins, Josh and Roxy

Come and support this weekend if you can! I'd really appeciate it.

Working on my palm cards and then Im done with promotionals for today. I'm runnin off 3 hours of sleep and 2 cups of coffee. I'm HYPE!

And I updated the blog with pictures of some of the dresses - check it out Decadent Industries

I'm dating this post till the end of September so we can keep track of all the free (or really affrodable) things goin on it NYC this summer. I wrote this on NP for _keena but I feel my list can use it as well. I know a few of us are already here in NYC; mochalocks, anonymious1, charmhearts, ontheqtrain, stylisticjess and laugh_life_away being a recent transplant. My goal is to do at least one event per week and to chill with every one of the ppl I listed at least once. I think thats pretty doable. adorelle I really hope I can see you this summer too, love.

Everyone please feel free to leave more suggestions in the comments and let me know if you wanna link up for any of the events. This is gonna be fun ^_^

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Habana Outpost! In the Fort Greene section of Brooklyn. They show free movies in the summer on Sunday nights. Every weekend they have an outdoor market with local vendors (I'm tryna get a few dates secured there for the summer) and a few rappers and neosoul artists have been known to pop in for a sammich or two (mos def, common, ?uestlove, etc).

Not Just Vintage is tiny but they have great clothes, accessories and theres a designer sample sale every month with sidewalk vendors and the like.

Harriets Alter Ego. More cute, handmade clothes, accessories. In the summer they throw some BANGIN BBQ'S.

Re/Dress NYC. A plus size second hand clothing store/boutique with new, gently used and vintage clothes, shoes and accessories at dirt cheap prices.

Wingate Highschool has a concert series every monday night starting in June or July on monday nights. They have some R&B acts (Ms. Badu was there last year, Ms. Hill the year before last), a gospel night and a carribbean/world music night which is usually at the end of the summer. very nice. The website isn't updated with the 2009 dates yet but it will be in a few weeks.

Summerstage in Central Park just posted their concerts for the summer. I'm tryna do the Ginuwine, Joe & Chico DeBarge show on Sunday July 26th (3pm-7pm) and the Jazmine Sullivan, Chrisette Michelle & Jon B show on Sunday August 9th (3pm-7pm). The thing with summerstage is you have to get there HELLA early. Like at least 11am to get a good seat at the 3PM show. Its worth it though. I saw John Legend there back in 2004 and he did the entire Get Lifted album. Good shyt.

Here's a link to free movie venues in the summer. Bring a blanket, a picnic and just chill out to some good films.

The Brooklyn Museum has something every first saturday where they show films and have a dance party. Its free and theres always a cool, mixed crowd there.

The African Burial Grounds in lower manhattan. Girl, you gotta see the memorial and stay for the info session. Wall Street was a popular port, sometimes the first port, of the New World for many of our ancestors. They found mass graves years ago when they were unearthing for a new project and since then they have preserved as much as they could find making some parts of the financial district sacred ground.

Theres also the African Market on 125th street (clothing, african cloth, accessories) as well as a good strip of African vendors (street and storefront) on Fulton street in Brooklyn.

Saturday mornings and afternoons on Coney Island boardwalk theres a house music venue thats mad cool. I went every weekend with my mom and step pops last summer. Its an older crowd but the music is funky and you get to chill on the boardwalk or the beach. I dont mess with Coney Island water ATALL and neither should you ;x

I finally got my blackberry Tour. Shes a mini me - black, intelligent, stylish and sexy as fuck :) I love that bitch. lol. All jokes aside she (why am I personifying my phone? smh) is really nice and I dont have any regrets about dropping the money I spent on her. In fact the first thing Ima do today is drop that mail in rebate in the mail so I can breathe easy.

Back in jan I did one of those 35 things lists on facebook. One of the things was that I have a secret aspiration to do stand up comedy. Its always been something in the back of my mind that I thought would be pretty far fetched but then I realized - this is NYC. People come here to have crazy dreams and live them out. A few are actually successful. I dont wanna be the next queen of comedy but I do enjoy making people laugh. In fact, me and roxy have at least one night a week where I go in her room and we talk (usually over a youtube video) and I make some realy crazy commentary. In fact, my stomach is hurting hard from us watching some old episode of blind date last night. I had the lady pegged as a pill poppin, strap on wearin dominatrix with a closet full of sexually deviant toys, a high pain tolerance and a bag of shrooms in her pocketbook. LOL The sad part is her date looked like the type who would talk a lot of obnoxious shyt in public but totally allow her to fuck him up the ass with a dildo. My dude was wearing a driving miss daisy scarf tied daintily around his neck and a fuckin cheetah hat. you cant trust a nigga in a cheetah hat, I'm just sayin. man o man we ROLLED. I was damn near crying by the time I left her room but it made me think of all the crazy shyt I used to do to make people laugh. Like whenever me and Bari get together how she lovingly tells me that Im 'fuckin stupid' (love ya too boo) or about the time me and Lauren were standing on 117th street at 10am in front of the Mc Donalds walk up window and how I had her and the people on line cracking up. Or the stupid parodies we used to make up in HS to the tunes of hip hop songs. Good times, good times. Im just a natural HAM I guess. Its a part of being very observant and saying shyt that people are saying but dont wanna say. Oh and ever since I found out slacker radio has comedy stations for the past year I've been listenin to some great comedians at work and just thinking 'damn, that could be me some day'. Comedy is a pretty male dominated field and Im all for being a feminist. *singing* Anything you can do, I can do better (remember that commercial?)

craigslist boy and I are still talking and the first night he came over he said that he had secret aspirations of being a stand up comic and I thought that was pretty cool. He was even thinking about taking classes and stuff for it. I already told him that I didnt want to date but I would love to take one of those classes with him cause hes pretty funny and technically it wouldnt be a date, right? Its a class, for enrichment purposes. Uhh...yeah, I;m fooling myself cause Im starting to really like this guy but I'm not playing myself. We talk on BBM or thru text a few times a week and the convo is sexy but playful. He did tell me he likes me hair. Said it was like doing it with a Black Panther. I told him 'uhh thanks? Power to the People'. LMAO

Yeah ima start writing my 'routines' down. You never know. Hell, even Joe Rogan (the Fear Factor guy) does stand up and I think he's fuckin hilarious.

Teen Witch! "I wanna be the most popular girrrrrl!"
I loved 10 Things I Hate About You, too. That and Mean Girls.

I sense a teen movie marathon tonight whilst cleaning my room.

( I'm renovating )

I'm making a concerted effort to update my blog more consistently. After finding an article online I've created an editorial calendar and will be aiming to post something a few times a week. I had fun making these entries so show me a little love :)

5 read-worthy online magazines and a few outfits of my day.

Check it out!

I just had a very animated convo with Roxy about 'carrying news' otherwise known as snitching, instigating or involving yourself in situations that do not involve you. Its a well known fact that if you dont have nothing nice to say your opinion is better kept to yourself. Just mind your business because 9 times outta 10 you you will be the one on the chopping block when shit hits the fan. Someone will be like 'you called me a hoe!' and you remember the conversation distinctly. You probably did call them a hoe but it wasnt without a word or two from a third party who is probably claiming to be impartial at this time. LOL. You'll say to said third party "why didnt you say what you said?! you were the one who told me you saw her sucking 10 dicks! hell, one of the dicks was yours!" LMAOOO. See? just mind ya damn business.

Last night I was gonna make an impromptu trip uptown cause I was bored, a little buzzed and had some money in my pocket. I wanted to see my godbrother, his friend thats tryna talk to me and a homegirl of mine from HS. All 3 know each other. Homegirl gave me a heads up and said the two guys werent speaking anymore. THANK YOU! I was so happy someone let me know something before I walked into a damn landmine. I get on the phone to get 2 sides of the story and there is drama. I side stepped all that shyt and stayed my ass home. Aint no way in hell I'm leaving the peace and quiet of my apartment to walk into a warzone. fuck that. I stayed home drinkin seagrams and juice watching movies on my laptop till I passed out.

Peace and quiet.

Moral of the story: Mind ya damn business and dont be afraid to stay home if a situation seems like more trouble than its worth.


Im heading out to Coney Island today to go to the aquarium, risk my life on the cyclone and eat junk food on the boardwalk. Life is good :)

My test run with the swimsuit I made for Miami, business opportunites and creative thoughts.

Decadent Blog

Cross posted from my blog - Decadent Industries

My cousin Roxy is one of the most fashionable people I know. She takes random pieces and puts them together in a way that many people rarely see. Sometimes its weird, sometimes it's cute but its always original. We're in process of starting a vintage accessories boutique. The vintage boutique has always been Roxy's dream but after snagging some one of a kind pieces from North Carolina this weekend we have decided to start out small and work our way up. We came home with 22 pairs of vintage earrings and have been on a shopping high since coming home :)






Moving on - I absoultely love bright printed fabric, especially afrikan prints. Theres something about taking a traditional afrikan print and seeing it beautifully made into something fresh and modern. A few weeks back I bought some fabric from an afrikan store in flatbush and it took me 3 weeks to sew something from it. I made a skirt but in the process of transferring the gathers to the waistband I ended up sewing it too small. It was the perfect size for my friend so I gave it away. She wore it today and absolutely loves it :)





I finished a jumpsuit for my trip to NC and im pleased with it. I didn't use a pattern and had to make a lot of changes along the way (added a panel in the back, a panel in the front, extra fabric in the shoulders, covered buttons) but I like the end result. Experience is the best teacher!





My next steps are getting some labels made for my clothes, restocking my etsy shop and getting the ball rolling with Roxy on this vintage shop. Busy, busy, busy! :)

Me, Roxy, my dad and my lil brother went to North Carolina for the holiday weekend to see Roxy's parents (my aunt and uncle). I had a good time but I am so pissed with my father and my brother. Call me bitter but its only recently (the last 4 years or so) that I have had a good relationship with my dad. growing up I feared him and found him to be incredibly irratonal, harsh and unfair. As a girl I was raised that not only was I responsible for myself but I was responsible for my brothers. Everything I did was to involve taking care of them, being an A student and not having any interest in anything girly. I didnt wear girls clothes until I was 16 years old.

Now I'm 23 and my 12 year old brother is getting away with MURDER. like unthinkable shyt that I wish I could have done at his age. I've gotten beat for much less and my father is so passive its disgusting. I had to check my brother so many times this weekend, it was like I was talkin to myself. I couldnt believe it. The worst was when my brother decided he didnt want to finish his dinner (we all know you had to finish your dinner or you were sitting at that table all night) and stayed up till 3am. He ate an entire box of ice cream, a jug of juice and the next day threw up all over the kitchen. Then as my father is cleaning up after him he goes upstairs, wraps himself in a blanket and throws up all over the bed. this is a big ass 12 year old (5'9", 200 lbs, 36 waist pants, sz 13 shoe) and he goin on like hes a baby. Let that had been me 10 years ago. Not only would I have been beat within an inch of my life and been forced to clean it up but I would have been shamed to the point where I'd want to bury myself in the backyard to hide myself from the embarassment. I just couldnt believe he was allowed to carry on like that and my aunt and uncle told my father so.

I told my brother about the time I sat at the breakfast table until afternoon over a bowl of cornmeal porrige I refused to eat. I sat at that table in my pajamas until my stepmother was making lunch. I remember the days when my father could just look at me or scold me over the phone and I was terrified. That dad seems to have been replaced with this soft ass man who I do not recognize. what I do know is that my brother is so spoiled that it seems like we come from 2 different worlds. When I was his age every summer I would visit my dad and go to work with him. My dad is a carpenter and my summers consisted of plastering, cutting and laying tiles and clean up duty. At the end of the summer I could go to Marshalls with dad and pick out my manly school clothes and sneakers. During the school year my grades had to be spotless. There was no room for error, no summer school, no getting calls to the house about misbehavior. My parents were a united front and as a result I'm a decent human being with a sense of responsibility. I hated them at the time but now I respect and appreciate them for it. I dont know whats gonna happen with my brother. I seriously cannot see myself having any type of relationship with him right now because he is rediculously spoiled, rude and so unlike me that I dont even know how we are related. I love him because I have to and I feel bad for saying that but its how I feel.

I want to have a relationship with my brother but its obvious that he does not respect me. I probably come off as too strict and unfun but I cant possibly try and be his friend when we have an 11 year age gap and he is SO FUCKING RUDE that I feel the need to put a foot in his ass when he starts talkin to me any ol kinda way. Is it too late to try and have some type of relationship?

I'm havin way too much fun on Twitter.

Follow me! @DecadentDesigns

came out today and I cant play with no computer *cries*

So I've been doing some thinking; I really miss being in school. A lot. As a nerd this is painful. I miss being in a knowledge-centric space and everything/everyone is a reminder to that piece of my life that is unfinished. Even at the damn club on friday I almost lost my buzz everytime the DJ asked all the ladies 'who got a college degree? Who just graduated?' and I was there envying those who had a chance to finish what I barely started.

Language has always appealed to me. As someone who can spend hours reading the dictionary and who has always loved the idea of being able to seamlessly be able to switch between different languages, I think linguistics may be my true calling. I love the arts and fashion but they aren't my main focus.

I wish I had went to a better HS because I don't feel mine challenged me enough. If I didn't have the financial block in my tracks and could just enroll in a university I would be soooo unprepared. AES didn't do shyt for me and I really wish I had studied a bit harder in 8th grade and aced that specialized HS exam. I could've spent 4 years in Stuyvesant, Brooklyn Tech or Bronx Science. *sigh* I can't change the past but what can I do about my future? Does anyone know anything about KLEP exams? My mom was telling me if you place high enough on them you'd be able to redeem some credits when you finally do enroll in a school. I'm gonna do some research on that and report back.

In other news I took mommy to see Star Trek today and LOVED IT! She's such a trekkie; she was giving me commentary throughout the whole movie. It was really cool. I think I see where I get some of my sci fi nerdiness. I should've known because her and Nana pretty much raised me on The Next Generation. You can't tell Nana nuthin about Jean Luc Picard lol that's her man. The movie was great and it just made me truly think about how high up intelligence is on my list of must haves for myself and the ppl around me. Ima find a way to get back in school if it kills me.

So I decided against getting the wacom tablet mentioned in my last post. I have a tech wishlist of things I want (so far its only the Blackberry Curve and the wacom tablet) but I want to hold of on getting these things until I make some sales.

I added some earrings and a few bags on my etsy shop!

Decadent On Etsy!
Decadent On Etsy!
Decadent On Etsy!
Decadent On Etsy!
Decadent On Etsy!
Decadent On Etsy!
Decadent On Etsy!
Decadent On Etsy!
Decadent On Etsy!
Decadent On Etsy!
Decadent On Etsy!


Like Tara says: "tell a friend to tell a friend fi tell ah friend!"

I'll be adding more items over the next couple of days. My mom has to help me take pics of the clothes because the lighting needs to be perfect. I have few dresses and a hoodie I wanna put up. wish me luck and spread the word!

I'm trying to get my swagga back. These bouts of financial depression make me wanna crawl up in a dark place and just sleep until payday but I'm trying to learn how to be broke and happy...or how to budget a lil better so I aint broke from the 1st to the 15th of every month. Baby steps.

I went window shoppin yesterday. The lil shops on nassau street by my job have some cuuuuuute and wallet friendly shyt. I need to go shopping for my trip and I feel for a lil retail therapy, within reason of course. I lost most of my entry but here were the highlights

-Conway's is the ISH. I did a lil browsing there cause I needed to figure out which stores had cute, colorful stuff and that place is still a treasure trove of bargainy goodness. Their plus size section has gotten better too.

-Pretty Girl is making plus size stuff now. I saw these white skinny jeans in there for $17 that I have to go back and get. Up to size 22!

-My job is letting us wear jeans EVERY DAY! We just got the official email that jeans aren't just for friday's anymore.

-I havent started sewing anything for my trip yet because i love the adrenaline rush of being up all night sewing ;x

-I'm having another sale this weekend at Not Just Vintage in Bed-Stuy. If you are in NYC please come out and support. NVJ is a tiny spot with some pretty cool finds. Accessories, clothing, whatever. The prices are pretty good and I will be there with my clutches, some hobo/totes and my Decadent Body lotions, splashes, shower gels & body butters.

Saturday turned out to be a pretty decent day, weather-wise. It was clear and mild in the afternoon. The flea market had an okay turn out. We were one of 5 or 6 other vendors and I think we made the most money. We made out okay. My mom stayed with me for the weekend to help and keep me on track. I didnt let the stress of everything make me crazy and I think I did well in that respect. I'm really learning how to let go and let the universe do it's work. I won't lie; when I was up at 3am mixing shea butter I was thinkin 'God, what if no one buys anything and this was all for naught?' I shook the feelings off and kept going.

( Pictures! )

I started writing this entry yesterday but honestly I dont feel like writing anything. I really dont wanna be at work today. Someone broke into the apt yesterday while I was at work. made off with my macbook, roxy's dell laptop, my lil playstation 2 & both controllers and a lil jump drive that was on the coffee table. Ugh. We called the cops and they said there was no sign of forced entry; that someone must've had the key and I had better change the locks sooner than later. They wouldn't send anyone to dust for prints because it wasn't a forced entry. Blah. I'm okay though. They left the rent money in the kitchen drawer. I find that strange but whatever. I'm thinking if I should save up my money and start lookin for a new place. again. in this economy. without a computer.

Thank God I wasn't home at the time cause I know I would've flipped out at the sight of someone coming into my home uninvited.

My mind is all over the friggin place. I'm really tryna be on some Zen ish right now. Just go with the flow and keep my peace of mind at any cost because I cant afford to flip out right now. I'm nervous about a lot of things (money) and I hate to worry about money so I'm keeping as busy as I can with my business ish. I figure if I dont know what I'm doing down to the letter thats alright. As long as I'm prepared for whatever I'll come out on top. "luck is when preparation meets opportunity.' I have a flea market scheduled for tomorrow and its posed to rain in NY. I'm on some shyt like this: if the weather is decent I'll put in some hours and try to sell what I can. If it rains I'm packing all my products up, puttin my rainboots on, going down Flatbush ave and hittin up all the beauty salons I can (if you know flatbush thats a good 40 shops in a 1.5 mile radius) to sell off some of these smell goods. I have 108 items that need to be bottled including lotion, shower gel, body butter and body splash in 6 fragrances. I got a few more things I need to pick up today but I'm plannin on pullin an all nighter today and hustlin what I can tomorrow and sunday. I'm mad the weather from last weekend happened last weekend. an 80 degree day would've been PERFECT for a fuckin flea market. *woosah*

I bagged this dude on tuesday on my way to my aunt's house over in Ft. Greene. Cuuuuuute chocolate thang with that stocky football player build, nice teeth and a cool spirit. Name's Sebastian. He called me yesterday twice and the 2nd time I answered. My homegirl is stayin for the weekend and she got on me BAD after I got off the phone talkin bout 'a mussa one man fren pon di line cuz mi neva 'ear seh yuh ansa fi mi like dat' (must be one man friend on the phone cause you never answer for me like that) LMAO girl, BYE! lol I was like how am I posed to sound on the phone? WUZZZ GOOD NIGGA!? We didnt speak long cause I was in the middle of measuring out some lotions and I needed to concentrate. He asked when I was available to hang out and I honestly have no idea. I do wanna chill with him tho cause he's fine and I need to see if he's smart. Cross ya fingers for me!

I got orders for prom and sundresses. I have my trip to MIA coming up in a few weeks. I still need to organize my sewing room and get my projects under way. Tonight is gonna be BUSY.

My sale will be at Bristen's Eatery tomorrow on Franklin ave & Sterling Place from 9am-6pm. Weather Permitting, of course. I just sent a note on FB to Habana Outpost inquiring about getting a space at thier block party next saturday. I've been invited to vend at a sample sale at Not Just Vintage on the 16th. I really need to make some money THIS weekend cause my rent and an installment of my miami trip money is due ASAP. Lawd help me! Pray for me yall...