First dance: October 26th.. to 2 Become 1 by the Spice Girls

First kiss: October 26th, Kristen's bedroom.

Officially Officially Official: November 2nd

However, our "anniversary" will be: November 1st (another first. :) ) 

First time he said I love you: December 21st (also the first day of Winter :) )


merry, merry christmas, baby...

Just looking at the people that I talk to on msn dictates to me how much I've grown and changed this year. I'm actually very happy and proud of myself.

I'm really happy about my friendship with Sam and Kristen. I just feel good knowing that I have them as friends because theyre actually such nice people, and there isn't neccessarily drama.. we just get along, make spontaneous plans and have a good time.. it's just good.

Kristen is so great to talk to about guys etc, and she's just funny and helpful in general. Sam is hilarious, and now she's with Robert and he's such a great guy for her, ohh life is just pretty darn good.

Speaking of good, Naaman came over on Thursday night and it was bliss :) he is such a great person, I love spending time with him. I actually could just sit with him for hours and hours and it wouldn't bother me, I'd never get bored. After he left he asked me if I wanted to do something on Friday, and stupid me, forgetting it was a p.a day turned him down cause I had to work at 5.. WELL NOT ANYMORE, I got it switched to a 7-1. YES! So I get the day off and more hours :) So I do get to hang out with him after all. Aw yay!

Anything more than that is meaningless. I have an english essay due on Monday for a novel that is absolutely terrible. I was so determined to do well but I am not lying, I can't even force myself to do the work on this essay. I actually feel nauseus and exhausted even thinking about it. I talked to Mr. McCann about it and he was so surprised and said it was so unlike me, which it is! I'm usually really good about doing work and giving all that I can do english assignments because generally that's what it takes for me to get a good final product, but not with 1984.. eff.

Another random thing , going back to Naaman for a minute. I was talking to him last night after his D&D get together, and he told me I came up in conversation.. read forward for conversation bit:

Naaman: I refuse to acknowledge membership [[ chess club ]]
Me: I just feel accepted by the general populous.
Naaman: Of course you do, you're hot.
Me: Bahaha
Naaman: hey, someone else's words, not mine.
Me: WHOS?
Naaman: A girl, incidentally.
Me: Really?
Naaman: Yeah you came up at D&D today.
Me: Aww, really? I feel special.
Naaman: Mhm, well, you are also intelligent, nice, and talented according to Jaela.. and I happen to agree.
Me: JAELA? OF ALL PEOPLE TO SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT ME.. OH MY GOD. I THOUGHT SHE WISHED DEATH UPON ME. Aw, I feel warm and fuzzy now.
Naaman: Well, she doesn't like you very much, but she's not going to deny the truth.


So that was something that brightened up my evening last night :) Jaela, you have to understand, I have always taken to be very "hoity toity" and I thought she really viewed herself as superior to me, but I guess not if she legitimately said those nice things about me. Wow, I almost want to hug her.

Wow, wow. Yesterday/ Last night .. the best things in my life ever. EVER. Absolute maximum, no higher value, I can pretty much die right now and it will be fabulous. Let me begin with the day :)

*flashback sequence*


At lunch time I had to do a dance workshop in the foyer with Ms. O'Connor.. we did ballroom stuff, like tango and the waltz. Afterwards,I went into Mrs. Canton's room with Connor, and we were chilling and then .. dun dun Naaman came over :) I kind of was a little nervous, and I was a bit scared to look at him, but then we were kind of chilling, and then he was playing a game of chess so I stayed and watched and we talked and such, then I went off to my class, and I didn't personally talk to him again until the dance..

Oh the dance.

I creeped the door for a bit, waiting to see him come in. I freaked out a bit, I was so excited. I danced like a mad woman for the first while, and we were with the same group of people and I talked to him a bit but nothing very long. During the first slow song I was waaayyy to nervous to even go over there, so I just didn't, and then after a few more songs.. He, Will, Shea and Connor left the hall, and were out with the canteen. I went out a couple times, it was soo obvious i was creeping him. Then.. ooh boy, it was the second slow song, and I was like "Okay, it's getting done." and I went out there and he came up to me and was like "I owe you a dance.." so I smiled and said "Okay.." and we went back in. There was hardly any room cause there were people everywhere so we were up right beside a bank of lockers and he put his hands on my hips and I put my arms around his neck.

He was kind of gripping me a little bit so I shuffled a bit closer to him and wrapped my arms tighter and he held me closer <33.. ahh the joy. We talked a little bit, nothing too special. I said that I liked his costume, asked how he was getting to Kristen's. He said he was walking and I said "Oh, really? Cause I saved you a spot in Steph's car." "Really? Thank you." "You're welcome" and I smiled and then we laughed about how the grade 9s were so rude and generally didn't have any sense of etiquitte.. or life.

Also things that happened at the dance include him: buying me a drink, Me sharing my freezie with him after I said "you're lucky I like you..", at around 9:30 I said "The countdown begins.." and he said "I've been counting down since this morning." Oh god he is fabulous.

SO,after the dance ended, we cleaned up turbo speed and Him, me, Shea and Will waited outside in the front for Steph, who was taking her sister home first, and it took Steph soo long that we just decided to walk. It was freezing cold, as well as raining, and I mentioned the fact that I had a blanket at Kristen's which to that Naaman said "I would like some of that blanket."

Once we got there, I think my nerves got to me a bit cause I wasn't really talking that much, I had a cup of coke, and then I asked Jula if I could try her sourpuss/ have some, and I tried it, so I got a bit of that in a cup as well. Naaman, I noticed, had a couple swigs of beer and then some of Connor's rye. And then Kristen, who was quuuite drunk, came over to us and asked us if we had a drink, so she gave us all about a shot and a half of her raspberry vodka. Those cups were not meant for shots, because I got some vodka on my face and I had to wipe it off with a paper towel. Wow, it was strong. I never drink, so wow. Naaman and I were resting our legs on eachother and stuff, and I went to the bedroom to change out of my fishnets cause they were getting caught on stuff.

We were also playing Never Ever Have I Ever... and people kept bringing up ones about sex and stuff, so I'd keep having to drink and Connor would be like "SHELBY ARNOLD, YOU ARE A HO." I was sitting beside Naaman, and Connor was on his other side, and so I had to look at him and I was like "Connor, you're not a ho if it's only one guy, and it was a long time ago." So now he knows that I have slept with people.. and so of course, with all those things I had to drink to, I had more sourpuss, some of Connor's rye..

I felt tipsy, and Laura suggested that we play twister, which I brought from school, and I was the first to fall, and I brought Jula down with me, who then left. Then Connor left, and it was just Naaman and Jess left, and I was spinning, and then Jula called Jess into the room, and so Naaman and I just sat on the floor together and talked a bit. I was rambling of course, we were talking about grade 4, and skin, and other things, haha. He had his arms knd of draped over my legs and he was stroking them a bit, and we were just chilling out.. Then i had to pee, and I think it was around 12ish, and then when I came back he had moved over, and taken my spot, so I had to sit beside him instead of across from him. He tried to deny that he moved, but I know he totally did. After that, Kristen popped in and was like "ISN'T MY ROOM GREAT?" and then when she walked out she shut the door.. xD

We were talking more, and he had his arm around my waist, and then there was a little lull in the conversation and he kind of touched my face and then we were KISSING. Ahhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then afterward I was like "I'm so killing myself tomorrow." and he replied with "*chuckle* Bitch." :) that was my running joke about the whole experience, how it was going to be so spectacular I could just die. We could keep seeing people from out in the living room like, walking past and we were giggling about it, and when one of them would say something we'd laugh if we could hear it. It was just really nice not to have to talk about anything and just enjoy eachother's company. He had to leave at one, and so occasionally we'd look over at the clock and I would pout and he'd say "I don't want to leave.. I hate my parents.. " etc. Oh, another thing we talked about was his bed and breakfast (his dad runs one out of their house, like, they have strangers staying in their house!) and how a lot of them were weird and some of them were really disrespectful. I don't remember every single aspect of conversation, but I know at one point I was like "I hate the clock." and he said "I'd rather just make use of what time we have." which I found to be QUITE bold, and then he kissed me again (AAHHH) and these weren't like ,little pecks. There was open mouth, like a full 30 seconds of glorious fabulous kissing each time. And then, there was the final time, where tongue was also involved, and we were pressed up really close.

Other cute/funny things of the night: Me mentioning how i had glitter all over me, him running his hand over my legs/up my side as we talked about it; me resting my head on his shoulder and feeling his heartbeat and listening to him breathe; holding hands <3; me laughing cause he kept adjusting me and my body was completely dead weight. I would have been happy just to have fallen asleep with him right there. At around 1, he said that he needed to call a cab, and I said he could use my phone so I crawled (yes, crawled) out into the living room and asked for a cab number and Steph was like "Does he want a ride, I can give him a ride.." and Will said "Have you had sex yet??" and I laughed and crawled back into the room, and Naaman was laughing cause he heard Will. I gave him the number and it was busy, so he tried a few more times and then I said "Don't worry about it, Steph offered to give you a ride." so I went out (Crawling, again) and asked her if she would take him and then drop me back and she said "Only if we leave now." and I said "Well, yeah. He has to leave now anyway." so I put my sweater on, and we left, and I sat with him in the back seat, and we held hands and he had his arm around me again and I laid my head on his shoulder.

And then we were talking about a Never Ever Have I Ever that Steph said, I dont quite know Why and it was "Hooked up with someone a year younger than me." and Naaman was like "Does it count, though, if she was born in October and had skipped a grade?" and I was like "Well, yeah probably. Who?" "Oh.. Jenny." "Oh really?" "yeah, so I had just turned 16 and she was still 14." "Weird.." "She's from England right, so.. " "Mmh that makes sense."

So I dont know whether that was him telling me that he has also had sex, or whether it was just tipsy talk. When we dropped him off we said our byes (no more kissing) and then Steph took me back to Kristen's.

MAN. WHAT A GOOD NIGHT. <3333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333333

Sigh, wow it's been a long time I guess. School starts on Tuesday, but right now I'm dealing with a mini crisis.

Poor Chris, I feel so bad for him. He feels worthless, basically. Grade 12 is a huge pressuring year (fuck, everyone knows I'm feeling like hell trying to figure this all out), and he has been drinking tonight and thinks he's a nobody and is going to be a nobody.

It basically started with him getting home from Jens (I was invited but didn't go) and telling me he wasn't sober.. so I got pissed off at him cause he's done this a couple times and fuck, he told me he'd never talk to me again if I drank, so why the hell is he being such a hypocrite, right? So I call him on it, and he flips on me and blocks me. I knew he'd unblock me though, and he did, and then I waited for him to talk to me, which he did.

So, I just told him my peace, calmed down a bit, said sorry but I couldn't handle his hypocrisy, and then he tells me he's completely drunk and feels like a nobody.. Now, I don't know very well how to deal with emotional drunk people, or what is going on in his head right now. He could be playing with me, or he could be genuinely "serious" in that drunk person sense. But I don't want to bring him down or make fun of him in any way so I'm trying to be supportive. We'll see.

Fuck, I feel so bad.

Wow what a ridiculous night.

Nick Arnold is ridiculous. I can't even post what was said because it's so ridiculous.

If he would stop not giving all the information out at once we would never bicker.

He is actually more selfish than he seems at first glance.

Sure he made time for the "important" things.

But spending 6 hours over 2 months with your friend isn't enough.

And THAT'S why I wanted him to sleepover, too.

AH! I am actually so happy. I hope that Sara and I's vacation pans out. It WILL be the best week of my life.

Sara, PLEASE COME. PLEASE. Don't back out now, I'd actually die </3

Hair:
> [x] straightener
> [x] curling iron
> [x] curling gel
> [x] mousse
> [x] hair spray
> [x] other sprays
> [x] bobby pins
> [x] round barrel brush - I don't use it!!
> [x] blow dryer

TOTAL: 9

Eyes:
> [x] black eyeliner
> [x] other color eyeliner
> [x] eye shadow
> [x] mascara
> [x] fake eyelashes
> [x] eyelash curler
> [x] eye shimmer
> [ ] colored contacts
> [x] stunna shades
> [x] eye makeup remover

TOTAL SO FAR: 18

Lips/Teeth:
> [x] clear lip gloss
> [x] red or pink gloss
> [x] chapstick
> [ ] lip plumper
> [ ] mechanical toothbrush
> [ ] teeth whitener
> [ ] lip liner
> [ ] whitening gum
> [ ] had/has braces
> [x] more than 15 chapsticks

TOTAL SO FAR: 22

> Complexion/Overall face:
> [x] blush
> [x] moisturizer
> [x] face wash
> [x] foundation
> [x] makeup remover
> [x] face wipes
> [x] powder

TOTAL SO FAR: 29

Nails:
> [x] nail polish
> [x] filer
> [x] nail clipper
> [ ] nail buffer
> [x] cuticle remover
> [ ] nail hardener
> [ ] nail brush
> [ ] Fake nails
> [x] nail scissors

FINAL TOTAL: 34

YOUR TOTAL x 2 = YOUR %

34 x 2 = 68

Now post your Note titled : Im ___% obsessed with my looks

Wow, the weirdest thing ever of my life just happened. On postsecret. I had my first ever connection to it, and it was the strangest experience. I cried a bit, cause it was just pure shock. like, you read messages and you don't feel a connection, but when you know the story behind what's being said it's so strange.

Austin told me one of his biggest "regrets" (not neccessarily the right term) was that he broke up with a girl before/ (during?) prom or something and they never went. I was on postsecret. One of the secrets was : "I'll never forgive you for not taking me to prom." and the reply email was : "Austin, you probably think this is from me. It's not. Just so you know."

I FREAKED. Isn't that so weird? I didnt freak in a jealous or angry way or anything, it was just like, I got the chills, and it feels so strange.

Just thought I'd put that out there.

Fuck you if you don't support me. I support all of you, and I don't get any support back. Fuck all of you.

I have a new phiolosophy towards the past "loves" of my life.

"Fuck you."

I think it's rather simple and to the point. Very effective. I love being your friend, but I don't need you. I am an independent young woman. Don't try and make me feel weak to get me to crawl back to you. Because I won't.