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some girls are just born with glitter in their veins....
Mar. 16th, 2007
12:13 am - PIERCED
i just got my tongue pierced.
i cant eat.
and it feels horrifically awkward.
but i love it.
i miss sean.
iraq sucks, it stole my boyfriend.
october though.<3
yup. thats my life.
Feb. 15th, 2007
02:14 am - aghhh what do i do????
i dont know
justin is talking to me
bein all nice
and wantin to be friends
telling me my new hair looks hot
apologizing out the wazoo.
how did i know he would do this the second i stopped thinking about him?????????
help.
Feb. 7th, 2007
03:18 am - oh man.
i have a crush!
and he is really cute
and sweet
and we talk on the phone until our batteries die.
and i cant stop smiling.
and when he calls...my heart speeds up, because i am so excited.
i missed this feeling. and this time...i am getting it from someone who is worth it.
Feb. 4th, 2007
09:24 pm - and this is how i feel....
buried from the neck up in a slipknot. dragging my feet through the dead air, suspended a fallen chair length from the ground when you found me. when they finally found me this halo fit my throat. I am your contorted angel writhing at a loss for wings. swelled tongues tell of brighter eyes. a severed spine of better days like the deafened clicks of a blue lipped off the beat pendulum. I just wanted to be something. my God I don't think I'm breathing. Jesus Christ when did I stop breathing? oh my God I can't hear myself breathing. this is all I know of flying. my eyes set on you like stains in memory of romance
Jan. 18th, 2007
12:58 am - I know it's not perfect, but it's life. Life is messy sometimes.
I'm back home.
I wont say, I never should have left. Because I am glad I did. Had I not struggled, had I not been hurt, had I not been decieved...I would never have learned. And I learned. I learned about people, about life, about who my truest of friends are, and most important of all I learned about myself.
I am hardly a perfect person. I can be irrational and unnaturally emotional, but I'm not asking to be perfect. I refuse to try and optain a title that does not exist. We are human, perfection does not exist in our lives. I am human, I make mistakes, I feel pain, but I am greatful for it. I would rather make mistakes and learn from them, and feel pain...and know that I am capable of feeling an emotion so strong...even if it is negative. I think we need these things, as much as we dont want them. Because without them, how would the moments that take our breath away, the moments of feeling invincible, how would they be real? They wouldnt. In life there needs to be a balance. We need to suffer, to appreciate the feeling of joy, of love. Without the negative to counteract the positive and vice versa, how would we feel alive? Truly and honestly, alive.
I have learned that in the end, it all comes down to you. Life is what you make it, its too short to be miserable...what's the point?
So this is it. It comes down to me, and this is what I've decided. This is my grand opinion of life. I have decided that my imperfections are beautiful. My maddness is nothing short of genius. My emotions and the ability to feel to embrace them is not a negative thing, it makes me a better person. I would rather be absolutely fucking ridiculous, then ever be boring. My friends arent just my family, they are soulmates, they fill the holes and mend the breaks in my heart, and complete me once again. My family is not my enemy. I am stubborn, and I must learn things for myself...but its okay, it makes me stronger. I see the good in people. I dont need or have time for enemies. My scars are not ugly, they are reminders of how bad things can get, and to remember to rise above. My goals are not unreachable...and I will obtain them in a way I see fit. My life is not perfect but I dont need perfection, I just need those moments when for whatever reason I feel alive.
I finally feel it.
I finally get it.
Like children we need to be able to believe in the unbelievable, to have faith in the things we cannot see, to always hope....so when lay down in bed at night the world isnt such an ugly place, and we know how lucky we are...that there is always a brand new day.