Title: Living is Easy with Eyes Closed (6/?)
Author:
_living_is_easy
Rating: R for material Content
Disclaimer: I do not know/own Dominic Monaghan or Billy Boyd (How ever much I would like to). This story is fictional and for entertainment purposes only. Though some things could be based on fact, I have no proof whatsoever. Please enjoy and feedback is nice.
Warnings: Angst. If you do not like the whole idea of cutting, drinking, depression this isn’t for you. Even with a happy ending, the going gets tough.
Feedback: It fuels the fire, and anything is appreciated! There is always room to improve.
Previous Chapters: .:1:. .:2:. .:3:. .:4:. .:5:.
Billy woke the next morning with his back pressed against Dom’s. He yawned wide and looked around for the noise that woke him. A young woman peered at him questioningly in front of him.
“Oh!” He said sitting up quickly and jumping off of the bed, hoping he hadn’t woken Dom. “We watched The Simpson’s.” He said nodding to her and running his hand through his hair. She nodded and moved around him to Dom.
“Did he sleep?” She asked him checking the monitors and the IVs.
“Well… if he is asleep now then I am assuming he did.” Billy said sarcastically.
The nurse gave him a stern look before moving around him to stand beside Dom. Billy sat back down in the chair and studied Dom’s face as he stirred and then woke.
“How are you feeling this morning?” The nurse asked him, gently lifting his arm to take his blood pressure. “You’re not light headed, sick to your stomach, feverish?”
“No, I’m feeling fine.” Dom replied closing his eyes as she continued to list symptoms he knew he didn’t have. “No.” He smiled again, falsely, as she fell silent and removed the bandage. Dom looked down at his arm and did start to feel sick. His skin was glistening, almost slimy, from ointment that had been lathered on. His skin looked wrinkled, like when you leave your hands in the dishwater for too long. But what caught his eye, were three long gashes pulled together by what he assumed was glue.
“It looks very good! Better then last night.” The nurse said cheerfully, wiping the dried blood away before massaging more cream, gently, around the cuts. Dom continued to stare at his arm, unable to reply. He could not have done that.
“I talked to the doctor yesterday and when we go home today, how often do we use that and change the gauze?” Billy asked standing and grimacing as he saw Dom’s arm.
“We suggest twice a day.” The nurse replied finishing wrapping the bandage. “I’ve written the prescription for it as well… are you…” She stopped and sighed. Gently taking Billy’s arm she led him into the hall way. “He is probably still very unstable… to do the kind of damage he did, to inflict that much pain, means he was in a lot of pain. We can send someone home with him if you wish, someone who can be with him 24/7. He should not have to be alone… its advised he is not left alone. With cases like this, there is going to have to be a lot of work and he can stay here as well.” She said locking her eyes with Billy.
Dom sighed and watched the door close, and their voices die out. Not knowing how long they would be out there, he reached over onto the table and got the notebook and then pen.
June 20th,
I think I’m going home today… Billy seems happier then he was… or maybe he’s just putting on a happy face hoping I will follow suit. I don’t want to be happy… the more unhappy I am.. the longer he stays.
behind gray eyes
past the crystal clear
secrets are held
darkness is there
secrets untold
etched into his face
lips parched and yet
sealed tight
afraid of the night
no smile nor frown
just blank
just unloved
the last secret is told
the worst one yet
Billy smiled softly at her and shook his head. “I know you’re concerned, I understand completely. You’re right. Dom shouldn’t have to be alone, at all. But he’s not going to be. I am going to stay with him until he is alright. I know he is unstable. I know he is in pain. I know that I can help him as well. Having someone follow him home, shadowing his every move with a little notebook isn’t going to do anything for him. He not only needs someone that can understand him, he needs someone he can talk to. Someone who’s not studying him. Someone who is his friend and has been through times like these. I’m going to bring him home today… he’s not going to settle down anyways… he know he only has to be here 24 hours.” Billy said patting the nurses arm and opening the door again. He held it open and followed her in.
“I’ll go get your release papers.” She said softly nodding to Dom and then turning away. Dom looked at Billy and sighed.
“Thanks… you know, for watching the Simpson’s, and just being here… I know you’ve already seen them like, a hundred times… and you can’t be that comfortable here. I know you don’t like hospitals.” Dom said quietly.
Billy smiled and moved to sit down next to Dom. “Don’t worry about it. I want you to be alright. I don’t like hospitals much, but this one is much better then the last one I was in.” Billy said quietly, remembering walking into the hospital in Glasgow, the same one where they told him his parent’s were gone, so he could say good bye to his grandmother.
“Can… I tell you something?” Dom whispered looking up at Billy.
“Yeah, of course.” Billy replied nodding.
“You asked me… last night… why I… why I did this. And I didn’t tell you everything.” Dom said quietly. “It’s because I’m dead. Billy… I am dead inside… but when I am sitting here with you… I don’t feel that anymore. I don’t feel completely gone.”
Billy met Dom’s eyes and nodded. “You’re going to feel alive again Dom. I promise you that.” Dom forced a smile and looked away. Billy patted his back and then jumped up from the bed. “Let’s get you ready. We’re going home.” Billy said getting his jacket from the wall and a bag Elijah had brought with clothes for Dom. His other ones were ruined- stained with blood.
“You’re going to go home with me?” Dom asked sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
“Of course you daft wanker! Where the hell else would I go? A hotel?” Billy replied tossing Dom some jeans.
“Yeah. Good point.” Dom sighed, laughing lightly and pulling on the jeans. “What did she say? Out in the hall?”
Billy looked up and met Dom’s eyes. “She was telling me, how she was so jealous. I got to go home with the hottest guy in the hospital. She wanted you to stay for a couple more days.” Billy laughed and looked away again.
“I’m sure. I look absolutely amazing.” Dom scowled and rolled his eyes.
“Very amazing.” Billy said walking over to him and giving him a one armed hug. “Let’s go home.” He smiled pulling Dom out of the room to go and meet up with the nurse.
***
“Thank you!” Billy said cheerfully, coming back into the apartment, an oversized brown paper bag in his arms.
“What is that?” Dom asked looking at the bag.
“You have nothing in this house Dom, no food at all! And we need to eat so…” Billy placed the bag on the coffee table in front of Dom. “I got us some Pad Thai.” Billy said cheerfully pulling the boxes out and handing Dom chop sticks. Dom took them and stared at them for a minute before looking to Billy’s face.
“I haven’t had Thai since the last time you were up.” Dom finally said, taking a box from Billy.
“Tradition.” Billy smiled opening up his own box and spearing a shrimp. Dom found himself smiling back at Billy, shoving the food into his mouth.
“It’s so good.” Dom said, mouth full. It had been such a long time since he had even had real food. He found himself eating the entire box and half of the next one before Billy got them a couple cokes. The whole time, Billy had a strange smile on his face.
“You want to play that wrestling game?” He asked moving to the television to plug in the play station. Dom placed the now empty carton on the table.
“No… not that one.” Dom replied remembering how he tried to play it just a few days ago. “What about that racing one Elijah got me after the third premiere?” Dom asked getting up and sitting down at Billy’s side. They pulled open the cabinet underneath the television and a few games went spilling onto the floor. They searched a couple rows before finding the game. Dom stood up again and went into the kitchen to get more cokes. Opening his fridge, he saw a couple cases of soda, fresh vegetables, hamburger, bread, pasta sauce… his freezer was also stocked up.
“Elijah.” Billy said nodding his head. “When he came by, I told him to come here and clean it up a little bit… I guess he found out you had nothing and took liberty to go shopping.”
“It was fine.” Dom said coldly. He was greatful, he really was. But knowing, Billy had people cleaning up his house. Buying him food… he didn’t need that. Billy showed up after 6 months and was now what, watching over him? Protecting him? Being there for him?
“If he knew you wouldn’t like it… I’m sure he wouldn’t have done…” Billy started but was quickly cut off by Dom slamming the door.
“It’s done.” He said moving around Billy back out into the living room. He scanned the ground and the top of the coffee table. Everything was neatened and anything considered dangerous was taken away. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
“Dom.” Billy said sternly. “I’m not babysitting you. I’m spending time with you.”
“You’re watching over me.” Dom said spinning around. “You’re making sure I don’t fuck up again. You’re making sure I don’t slice my wrists and bleed to death. You’re making sure I’m okay enough to be on my own!”
“No Dom.” Billy said shaking his head and starting to move forward. “I’m here to spend time with my best friend. I’m here because I was a stupid dumb ass. I’m here, because I miss you Dommeh and its time we spent time together.”
“Until you fucking leave again!” Dom screeched, finding tears in his eyes. “Until you decide you don’t really want this. You don’t really want me!” Billy moved to Dom’s side and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him to the couch.
“No Dom! No!” Billy said shaking his head, holding Dom tightly who was trying desperately to pull away from him.
“Yes Billy. You’re going to leave again. Like they did. Like everyone did. Because I changed. I changed… and you don’t want to be anywhere near me when I’m like this. No one does… and I’m drowning Billy. I’m in this fucking whole and you’re leaving. They’re leaving. People watched me fall, and they ignore it… now they’re gone… and I’m left here alone. I’m alone and no matter what you say, no matter how much you’re around, you’re not throwing me down a fucking ladder.” Dom said pushing as hard as he could against Billy’s arm.
“What if I am your ladder?” Billy whispered, locking his arms, feeling Dom still between them. “You’re my Merry. I’m not going to leave you Dom. I love you.”
“I just want my Pippin.” Dom whispered, wrapping his arms around Billy’s back and clutching onto his shirt. Tears fell from his eyes, soaking Billy’s chest. “I want my Pippin!” Dom cried.
“I’m here.” Billy whispered rocking him back and forth, resting his head on Dom’s. He ran his hand up and down Dom’s back, trying to calm his sobs. “I’m here.”
Chapter Seven
Author:
_living_is_easyRating: R for material Content
Disclaimer: I do not know/own Dominic Monaghan or Billy Boyd (How ever much I would like to). This story is fictional and for entertainment purposes only. Though some things could be based on fact, I have no proof whatsoever. Please enjoy and feedback is nice.
Warnings: Angst. If you do not like the whole idea of cutting, drinking, depression this isn’t for you. Even with a happy ending, the going gets tough.
Feedback: It fuels the fire, and anything is appreciated! There is always room to improve.
Previous Chapters: .:1:. .:2:. .:3:. .:4:. .:5:.
Billy woke the next morning with his back pressed against Dom’s. He yawned wide and looked around for the noise that woke him. A young woman peered at him questioningly in front of him.
“Oh!” He said sitting up quickly and jumping off of the bed, hoping he hadn’t woken Dom. “We watched The Simpson’s.” He said nodding to her and running his hand through his hair. She nodded and moved around him to Dom.
“Did he sleep?” She asked him checking the monitors and the IVs.
“Well… if he is asleep now then I am assuming he did.” Billy said sarcastically.
The nurse gave him a stern look before moving around him to stand beside Dom. Billy sat back down in the chair and studied Dom’s face as he stirred and then woke.
“How are you feeling this morning?” The nurse asked him, gently lifting his arm to take his blood pressure. “You’re not light headed, sick to your stomach, feverish?”
“No, I’m feeling fine.” Dom replied closing his eyes as she continued to list symptoms he knew he didn’t have. “No.” He smiled again, falsely, as she fell silent and removed the bandage. Dom looked down at his arm and did start to feel sick. His skin was glistening, almost slimy, from ointment that had been lathered on. His skin looked wrinkled, like when you leave your hands in the dishwater for too long. But what caught his eye, were three long gashes pulled together by what he assumed was glue.
“It looks very good! Better then last night.” The nurse said cheerfully, wiping the dried blood away before massaging more cream, gently, around the cuts. Dom continued to stare at his arm, unable to reply. He could not have done that.
“I talked to the doctor yesterday and when we go home today, how often do we use that and change the gauze?” Billy asked standing and grimacing as he saw Dom’s arm.
“We suggest twice a day.” The nurse replied finishing wrapping the bandage. “I’ve written the prescription for it as well… are you…” She stopped and sighed. Gently taking Billy’s arm she led him into the hall way. “He is probably still very unstable… to do the kind of damage he did, to inflict that much pain, means he was in a lot of pain. We can send someone home with him if you wish, someone who can be with him 24/7. He should not have to be alone… its advised he is not left alone. With cases like this, there is going to have to be a lot of work and he can stay here as well.” She said locking her eyes with Billy.
Dom sighed and watched the door close, and their voices die out. Not knowing how long they would be out there, he reached over onto the table and got the notebook and then pen.
June 20th,
I think I’m going home today… Billy seems happier then he was… or maybe he’s just putting on a happy face hoping I will follow suit. I don’t want to be happy… the more unhappy I am.. the longer he stays.
behind gray eyes
past the crystal clear
secrets are held
darkness is there
secrets untold
etched into his face
lips parched and yet
sealed tight
afraid of the night
no smile nor frown
just blank
just unloved
the last secret is told
the worst one yet
Billy smiled softly at her and shook his head. “I know you’re concerned, I understand completely. You’re right. Dom shouldn’t have to be alone, at all. But he’s not going to be. I am going to stay with him until he is alright. I know he is unstable. I know he is in pain. I know that I can help him as well. Having someone follow him home, shadowing his every move with a little notebook isn’t going to do anything for him. He not only needs someone that can understand him, he needs someone he can talk to. Someone who’s not studying him. Someone who is his friend and has been through times like these. I’m going to bring him home today… he’s not going to settle down anyways… he know he only has to be here 24 hours.” Billy said patting the nurses arm and opening the door again. He held it open and followed her in.
“I’ll go get your release papers.” She said softly nodding to Dom and then turning away. Dom looked at Billy and sighed.
“Thanks… you know, for watching the Simpson’s, and just being here… I know you’ve already seen them like, a hundred times… and you can’t be that comfortable here. I know you don’t like hospitals.” Dom said quietly.
Billy smiled and moved to sit down next to Dom. “Don’t worry about it. I want you to be alright. I don’t like hospitals much, but this one is much better then the last one I was in.” Billy said quietly, remembering walking into the hospital in Glasgow, the same one where they told him his parent’s were gone, so he could say good bye to his grandmother.
“Can… I tell you something?” Dom whispered looking up at Billy.
“Yeah, of course.” Billy replied nodding.
“You asked me… last night… why I… why I did this. And I didn’t tell you everything.” Dom said quietly. “It’s because I’m dead. Billy… I am dead inside… but when I am sitting here with you… I don’t feel that anymore. I don’t feel completely gone.”
Billy met Dom’s eyes and nodded. “You’re going to feel alive again Dom. I promise you that.” Dom forced a smile and looked away. Billy patted his back and then jumped up from the bed. “Let’s get you ready. We’re going home.” Billy said getting his jacket from the wall and a bag Elijah had brought with clothes for Dom. His other ones were ruined- stained with blood.
“You’re going to go home with me?” Dom asked sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
“Of course you daft wanker! Where the hell else would I go? A hotel?” Billy replied tossing Dom some jeans.
“Yeah. Good point.” Dom sighed, laughing lightly and pulling on the jeans. “What did she say? Out in the hall?”
Billy looked up and met Dom’s eyes. “She was telling me, how she was so jealous. I got to go home with the hottest guy in the hospital. She wanted you to stay for a couple more days.” Billy laughed and looked away again.
“I’m sure. I look absolutely amazing.” Dom scowled and rolled his eyes.
“Very amazing.” Billy said walking over to him and giving him a one armed hug. “Let’s go home.” He smiled pulling Dom out of the room to go and meet up with the nurse.
***
“Thank you!” Billy said cheerfully, coming back into the apartment, an oversized brown paper bag in his arms.
“What is that?” Dom asked looking at the bag.
“You have nothing in this house Dom, no food at all! And we need to eat so…” Billy placed the bag on the coffee table in front of Dom. “I got us some Pad Thai.” Billy said cheerfully pulling the boxes out and handing Dom chop sticks. Dom took them and stared at them for a minute before looking to Billy’s face.
“I haven’t had Thai since the last time you were up.” Dom finally said, taking a box from Billy.
“Tradition.” Billy smiled opening up his own box and spearing a shrimp. Dom found himself smiling back at Billy, shoving the food into his mouth.
“It’s so good.” Dom said, mouth full. It had been such a long time since he had even had real food. He found himself eating the entire box and half of the next one before Billy got them a couple cokes. The whole time, Billy had a strange smile on his face.
“You want to play that wrestling game?” He asked moving to the television to plug in the play station. Dom placed the now empty carton on the table.
“No… not that one.” Dom replied remembering how he tried to play it just a few days ago. “What about that racing one Elijah got me after the third premiere?” Dom asked getting up and sitting down at Billy’s side. They pulled open the cabinet underneath the television and a few games went spilling onto the floor. They searched a couple rows before finding the game. Dom stood up again and went into the kitchen to get more cokes. Opening his fridge, he saw a couple cases of soda, fresh vegetables, hamburger, bread, pasta sauce… his freezer was also stocked up.
“Elijah.” Billy said nodding his head. “When he came by, I told him to come here and clean it up a little bit… I guess he found out you had nothing and took liberty to go shopping.”
“It was fine.” Dom said coldly. He was greatful, he really was. But knowing, Billy had people cleaning up his house. Buying him food… he didn’t need that. Billy showed up after 6 months and was now what, watching over him? Protecting him? Being there for him?
“If he knew you wouldn’t like it… I’m sure he wouldn’t have done…” Billy started but was quickly cut off by Dom slamming the door.
“It’s done.” He said moving around Billy back out into the living room. He scanned the ground and the top of the coffee table. Everything was neatened and anything considered dangerous was taken away. “I don’t need a babysitter.”
“Dom.” Billy said sternly. “I’m not babysitting you. I’m spending time with you.”
“You’re watching over me.” Dom said spinning around. “You’re making sure I don’t fuck up again. You’re making sure I don’t slice my wrists and bleed to death. You’re making sure I’m okay enough to be on my own!”
“No Dom.” Billy said shaking his head and starting to move forward. “I’m here to spend time with my best friend. I’m here because I was a stupid dumb ass. I’m here, because I miss you Dommeh and its time we spent time together.”
“Until you fucking leave again!” Dom screeched, finding tears in his eyes. “Until you decide you don’t really want this. You don’t really want me!” Billy moved to Dom’s side and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him to the couch.
“No Dom! No!” Billy said shaking his head, holding Dom tightly who was trying desperately to pull away from him.
“Yes Billy. You’re going to leave again. Like they did. Like everyone did. Because I changed. I changed… and you don’t want to be anywhere near me when I’m like this. No one does… and I’m drowning Billy. I’m in this fucking whole and you’re leaving. They’re leaving. People watched me fall, and they ignore it… now they’re gone… and I’m left here alone. I’m alone and no matter what you say, no matter how much you’re around, you’re not throwing me down a fucking ladder.” Dom said pushing as hard as he could against Billy’s arm.
“What if I am your ladder?” Billy whispered, locking his arms, feeling Dom still between them. “You’re my Merry. I’m not going to leave you Dom. I love you.”
“I just want my Pippin.” Dom whispered, wrapping his arms around Billy’s back and clutching onto his shirt. Tears fell from his eyes, soaking Billy’s chest. “I want my Pippin!” Dom cried.
“I’m here.” Billy whispered rocking him back and forth, resting his head on Dom’s. He ran his hand up and down Dom’s back, trying to calm his sobs. “I’m here.”
Chapter Seven
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