So, I apologize to my f-list (especially since I've added like 4 new people!) for saying I was coming back and then disappearing again but... I've been moving into my new apartment. Omg I'm so excited.

I also don't have internet yet (or cable much to Peter's disappointment) but that will be coming and I have free internet at my school. How is everyone? I'll try to update a little better and post pictures next chance I get!!

I feel like shit.

I woke up this morning, couldn't breathe, and felt like my throat was on fire. I laid in my bed for almost fifteen minutes trying to breathe before I tried to talk. I called over my cat and was shocked at how hoarse I sounded. I called out of work and gave Zack my hours for today. My manager didn't even know who I was, that's how different I sounded. She thought I was an old man.

I hung out with Peter for most of the day because I had to be the driver. He's looking at a 93 Spirit tomorrow so hopefully I wont be the only one driving us and the kids around to school and work. But it was nice... I was sick and when I'm sick I'm pretty difficult to be around but he made me laugh and didn't try to fight with me even when last night ended up being horrible. We've been fighting a lot lately... and it's stressful but it's days like today that makes me stay.

Lately I've been hesitating to reply every time he tells me he loves me. I don't really know why... Instantly I either hesitate or say I love you too and then ask myself Do I? And I do. I don't regret or feel bad or strange about saying it... but then why do I hesitate? If you have to ask yourself Do I love this person? Does mean that you really don't love them, or does it just mean... something else? I don't know *sigh*.

But I don't think I have to know right now. He know's what I've been thinking... and he's okay with that. He says he knows that I love him because if I didn't, then I wouldn't put up with fighting with him or everything I've been through with his family. I don't know.

I haven't written in almost a month... and the funny thing is, almost every day I plan some entry in my mind and tell myself I'm going to update. So why don't I? I think partly, because I know it will help, and I'm kind of content being a emotional time bomb.

I didn't even write about my NYC trip where we got to go to the Twilight Concert Series and meet Stephanie Meyer and listen to the lead singer of Blue October sing 6 songs, 2 of which won't be released until March 2009. I had a weekend in NY all by myself and it almost seems like nothing right now.

Yesterday, my mom and I went to Northwood to go to my Grandparents house. My Grandma has been slowly deteriorating. She can't stand on her own for longer than 2 minutes before she collapses. She can't do simple things around the house, she can't stay awake for longer than 2 hours... and she's just drained. Their estimated time for her is in November. But I don't really know how this is supposed to work. Can you really give someone a time limit, on their life?! Maybe. Last week she was still making their dinner and doing small gardening things. Now she can't even get herself to the bathroom.

My mom took my Grandpa shopping (his dizziness is back and he can't drive), and my Grandma and I stayed and watched the last of the Olympics. By the time it got to the boxing, neither one of us were interested and we both ended up falling asleep --her on the couch and me on the floor--. After they got back from shopping, my mom joined us in the living room and was clipping my Gram's nails and just talking and they started planning her funeral. Like, seriously.

It was... strange. And I think it messed me up a little bit. My Grandma is sitting there talking easially and calmly about how she decided she doesn't want her ashes off of Mt. Washington because she really doesn't like tall mountains and she would rather be across the lake they used to go boating and camping on for years. And how she decided the best place for her stone would be in Derry so everyone would be happy. She actually contemplated this for weeks because she wanted her kids and Clay to be happy. Had nothing to do with her. Can you believe that?! And then where the service after the funeral and where the funeral its self would be held. They decided it would be at our house and then they started planning what kind of food! As we got into the car after we left it just... really hit me. I've seen her sick before. I've seen her weak, I've seen her loose her hair... and a year later it was back and she was strong. But... that's not going to work this time. It's not going to be that simple and that easy. I mean... fuck, right? It became... real.

My mom went off to her friend's house who got diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer and I went home and sat on my bed and looked around. I saw this stupid little plastic barbie sitting on my desk that my Grandma got me for christmas because everytime she would ask what I wanted, I would answer a pretty pretty barbie and stick out my tongue. I have a million of them, stupid little stocking stuffers that made me laugh every single time I got them. I saw a little silver angel ornament sitting on my nightstand waiting to go on the christmas tree this christmas. Probably the last one... I have 18 of them. Every christmas she would get us an ornament that meant something. I have a lion king one, an empty book and pen, a clay kitten, and 14 others wrapped and put away in the basement... and I'm not going to get anymore. I have my flowered Memory box that she gave me on my 13th birthday for all of the memories I wanted to keep close, with the letter she wrote me in the top section. She can't even write anymore...

Then Peter walked in and I started crying. It's all real, and it's happening, and I can't change anything and neither can my mom. But she's hopped up on antidepressants and can't cry even if she wanted to. It's only waiting... and not the kind that makes you all bubbly and warm inside like waiting for the newest book in a series, or your favorite movie to come out in theaters, or waiting for that email or text from whoever. It's cold and hard. How do you successfully wait for someone to die?

Why do we have to?

It's not fair.

*exhales*

The past couple days have been absolutely fucking crazy. And I mean crazy.

June 12th-- Prom
June 13th-- After Prom hah.
June 14th-- Graduation, my 18th Birthday
June 15th-- Graduation Party

( highlights from all ) 


As of right now? Nothing is going on, not really. I've got to pull myself out of bed in a couple minutes so I can go across town and see Peter for his break and bring him something good to eat.

I hope everyone's alright!! 

Lots of love,
Dani

So, I've decided that since I read so much... I was going to keep track of all of the books I've read this summer. Sorted by Author Starting June 1st and going until August 31st when I am back to school. When I update a lot of books... I'll randomally link at the bottom of the page. Also, I'll add just how amazing the book was. (out of 5 ♥) *grins*

( Turn the page )

I've been trying to catch up on my f-list... and I realized, I have WAY to many communities and just random posts that I don't ever read. So this is my first f-list cut.

I never really wanted to do this, because everyone is on here for a reason. But, just as I haven't been on in ages, other people haven't been on either... If you're still interested in being on my f-list then comment here and you'll stay. :)

I just need to get a grip on everyone and who is on my f-list and I need to actually get to know you all. I feel like I've lost that... and I want to get that back.

Title: Mistake
Summary: Dom made a mistake
Rating: PG probably
Pairing: Monaboyd ♥
A/N: Just a long drabble I had floating around... I'm cleaning out my folders. lol


( From the day Dominic Monaghan met Billy Boyd, he knew that something special was about to happen )

Senior same-sex couples navigate system that doesn't recognize them

Without these papers, one cannot visit the other in the hospital, consult on his medical treatment, handle his finances or perform other chores that become necessary as couples grow old.

Nor could one man claim the other's body, inherit his property or arrange his funeral when he dies.

"Everything is Bill and Casper," said Twibill, 68, sitting at the dining room table in their Concord home. "It's two names, always two names. Would a hospital deny us? I don't know. . . . That would be a shame that, after all these years, I'd be thrown in potter's field."

*

It's more likely for a relative to contest a will or interfere with funeral arrangements after one partner dies, so couples lay out their wishes in intricate documents. Some couples start saving for retirement earlier too, funneling additional money into private investment accounts because survivors benefits don't transfer between partners.

"Casper can't get my social security benefits," said Twibill. "He can't get anything from the federal government, but we pay all the taxes."

I thought it was interesting. This is the 21st centuary now... I think we should move one from the gay/straight discrimination. People, are people no matter who they love or who they prefer to engage in sexual relationships with. Why should it matter? It shouldn't... and to not be regognized because you love someone society veiws as wrong, as someone you shouldn't love is just a... bit of shit, actually.

We need to get off of this high horse and move on to something else. I don't care what your sexual orientaion is, if you're lucky enough to have found love? You should be able to do just as much as everyone else with it.

Title: Alright Then
Pairing: Monaboyd
Rating: NC-17
Summary: As the filming for the Lord of the Rings trilogy ends, things finally start to fall in place. All of the pushed back feelings and thoughts finally emerge. Dom starts feelings angsty and alone, and Billy helps him realize, he's not.
Warning: Um its slash. But, thats why you're here.
Disclaimer: I do not know/own Billy or Dom as much as I --and really, everyone on here-- would love to. I am just borrowing. And playing.
A/N:This story frustrated me to no end, simply because I was being utterly ridiculous. I’m glad with how it turned out though, but I don’t think I’ll ever read it again. Haha! Oh and, I love feedback. *grins*

( Alright Then. )

New Layout!!!!

_living_is_easy _living_is_easy _living_is_easy _living_is_easy

What do you all think?!


EDIT: I also made a graphics journal! dying_is_easy. I'm most likely going to re-vamp it when I can, but thats pretty much everything. Feel free to add it or look around if you want.

Title: Misery
Rating: PG?
Pairing: Monaboyd
Summary: This is really just a long drabble... Everything, has to come to an end eventually. And, as always, its angst.

( Misery )

Title: Never Forever, but Until Always (3/?)
Authors: mouseyheather&_living_is_easy
Pairing: Rupert Grint & Dan Radcliffe
Rating: This chapter: PG-13 Over all: NC-17
Summary: From the day they met, they instantly became best mates, instantly became inseperable. Then, what happens when feelings start to get a little more then friendly? And after that... what happens when the real tolls of a relationship --and the problem of risking one of the best friendships they'll ever have-- start to become too much? Forever, is an awfully long time, and too great of a promise to keep. So, the rule is, never forever.
Warnings: Warnings: Has its fluff, has its angst. Has lots of naughty thoughts and actions too. ;)
Disclaimer: Rupert and Dan are not ours (shame... I know!) and neither is Harry Potter or the other actors/directors/random famous people you might recognize. We're just borrowing... and playing. A lot.
A/N: We've changed the formatting!!! We've gotten a lot of comments and decided they were right. From this point on, there's no more of the repeating parts. We thank those of you who left feedback!
Previous Chapters: .:1:. .:2:.


( Chapter Three )

Title: Rain, Rain
Rating: PG?
Summary: It's raining and Dom is stuck inside on one of the last days any of them are in New Zealand. And there is only one thing hanging over him that is heavier then the dark grey clouds.
Disclaimer: Though I wish it, Dom and Billy are not mine. This story is fiction, and yadda yadda, you know the rest.
Feedback: Yes please!!!

( Rain, Rain, Go away. )

"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" - Ernest Gaines

We would like to know who really believes in gay rights on LiveJournal. There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "Gay Rights". If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this. Thanks.

I think its crazy... I dont see what exactly the big deal is. If you're lucky enough to have found love... then thats really the most beautiful thing there is. Love, is love. Whether you've fallen in love with a girl or a guy. Love is true and pure, and beautiful. End of story.