waltzing with the open sea

_littleteapot_ @ 2007-01-11T20:40:00

2007-01-12T01:40:36Z

<lj-poll name='' whovote='all' whoview='all'>
<lj-pq type='check'>
WHo wants to die
<lj-pi>Me</lj-pi>
<lj-pi>You</lj-pi>
<lj-pi>Your family</lj-pi>
</lj-pq>
</lj-poll>

_littleteapot_ @ 2007-01-09T15:38:00

2007-01-09T20:41:40Z

IN MY LIFE
WHY DO I GIVE
VALUABLE TIME
TO PEOPLE WHO
DON'T CARE IF I
LIVE OR DIE???????

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-12-27T01:47:00

2006-12-27T01:47:15Z

What do you watch when you're filling out college applications and looking for inspiration?

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-12-25T20:23:00

2006-12-25T20:23:19Z

façade

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-12-19T03:53:00

2006-12-19T03:53:10Z

Being a human I have the right to cry whenever I want.
I don't care who sees me anymore.
I'd really appreciate if my mom let me go into school a little after first period so I could sleep and take a shower.
I'll have to ask her.
She'll probably say no.
I'm just so exhausted.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-12-13T05:20:00

2006-12-13T05:20:09Z

"Happy birthday (and legality) Annamarie! Finally, all the old men you have long wished to conquest are within the law! Congratulations, and enjoy."

Ah, my friends are so good.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-12-11T04:50:00

2006-12-11T04:50:10Z

I just want to document this in my life right now.
I love the book East of Eden.
I was thinking about it on the way to my grandma's today.
I just love that book.

I am finished.
Farewell

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-12-05T03:34:00

2006-12-05T03:34:08Z

I'm not saying this sarcastically,
say whatever you want around me.
open your mouth
even if you're offensive
and obnoxious
just talk
so everyone can hear what an idiot you are

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-11-29T05:24:00

2006-11-29T05:24:21Z

All the latest toughs,
you’ve got to shrug them off
or shut them off.
With ten-thousand-time-told truths,
you’ve still got to ask for proof.
Ask for proof,
because if you’re dying to be led
they’ll lead you up the hill in chains
to their popular refrains
until your slaughter’s been arranged,
my little lamb, and it’s much too late to talk the knife out of their hands.

Well, I woke up on a foggy morning.
Hiding from the sun, he was hiding from the sun.
But it came out
and it shot its rays down.
Burning everyone, it was burning everyone.
But they were dying, anyway,
to turn to ash,
to feel their feelings
flash and finally fade away,
in a fabulous and fiery display.

Look, though, I don't know what notes you want to hear played,
I can't think what lines you'd like me to sing or say,
and I'm not sure what subjects you want mentioned.
So pause and add your own intentions.

All the latest toughs,
well, we have seen that stuff,
and we have seen enough blood in dying coughs,
which means that we have lost.
We have lost,
and if you’re crying to be tossed
they’ll toss you down the oubliette
with all the old things that you let yourself forget
because you’d like to love a star
who’d throw you down below the ground he thinks you are.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-11-19T07:18:00

2006-11-19T07:18:12Z

i need to stop writing in this. people dont get it. or me. or le monde.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-11-10T21:50:00

2006-11-10T21:50:59Z

I miss having a digital camera.

I went to Smelly's Wednesday night. I drove her to Chamber Choir, almost got into an accident by the Gulf Station, then slept in my car, and took out Silas Marner from the library.

I am obsessed with Kelly's dog Britt; she's adorable. All the Elam pets are cute.

By far the best picture of the night:

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day.
I have a Sarah Lawrence interview, and then Monday I am sending my application out. One of my essays is about Mr. Fisher.

I made this collage of my favorite pictures:

PS:
I used to have a piano music box that played The Carpenters: "We've Only Just Begun", I think that's why I love them so much. I used to lay down on my floor and listen to it. I wish I could find the music box, but it probably got lost when we moved.

The Salvation Army was fun today. Except for the fucking creeps there, and believe you me, there were some creeps. I realized who I really like and how it probably won't ever happen. But I don't care. I am content with whatever happens. I'll be gone in a few months.

Much love to my friends and lovers
<3

PPS: I am changing all my LJ icons.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-11-10T07:39:00

2006-11-10T07:39:52Z

I sang this song with my mom tonight. It made me unbelievably to be a goof with somene I never get to spend time with anymore.

I have been fiendishly writing college essays. I want to share them, but I am afraid to. It's scary to think that I am putting myself out there, for a group of stuffy almost arrogant people to judge me and rate me. Oh well.

I am going to the Salvation Army tomorrow. YES. haha.

I have stomach cramps.
I need to finish one more essay tonight.
Okay, farewell to you all.
and much love.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-11-08T06:27:00

2006-11-08T06:27:45Z

I've become such a whiny bitch

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-11-05T22:31:00

2006-11-05T22:31:28Z

This weekend was pretty bad. I hate writing when I am angry, but I don't understand my mom's family. Have you ever cried for someone's ignorance? I just sat in the house's white kitchen and cried. And even after my emotions dissipated the way I feel about my family shall always be tainted. One weekend away, and I was contemplating taking a nap in the middle of Route 46. None of what I want to happen now is important. If people aren't going to care about you in the same way, why even bother wasting your time? I can't waste my time with people who refuse to see the future. I wish I was completely behind all I am saying now. I am not though.

I hate shaking the table cloth outside. It's such a pain in my ass.

You know I am really angry and I want everyone to know that I am. If you could only see my face now. I just want to scream obscenities. I can't even begin to use this as an outlet to calm my rage. No one cares. No one cares when you care about them. No matter what you do. no one fucking cares.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-11-03T21:20:00

2006-11-03T21:20:51Z

I can't talk about tonight without being incredibly bitter. My life has gone astray in so many ways. It's this procrastination of growing up. I want more than anything to share a part of my life with someone else, but all people do is live in the past. Nostalgia and the past can be two of the most crippling afflictions to a person. How can you choose to live in constant regret? How can you reject seeing what's in front of you? I have been there. What people write about, what they say, it isn't true to life. And if it is, then it is just with different people.

I don't want to sound sinister.

Kelly Elam bought me underwear at the Gap. Do you know what a nice gesture that is? I love that gurl. I really, truly appreciate her.

I want to take someone out for a ride. I have little secrets. Things I know. Places. I have it all. I am savvy in more ways than you could imagine.

But, farewell my dears. I love all of you.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-11-02T22:02:00

2006-11-02T22:02:49Z

we're living in a den of thieves
and it's contagious

Who is the more logical one?

cutiecam83: can u please remember to tellmommy that i will call her later on
cutiecam83: im going out to get food
Educated Fish: why, she's gonna find out anyway

Auto response from cutiecam83: out
Educated Fish: when you call her

COME ON PEOPLE!

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-10-30T00:00:00

2006-10-30T00:20:44Z

It's no secret that my mom gives terrible advice when it comes to romance. And it's no secret that these people I have turned into conquests have made nothing except a fool out of me. I want to share my whatever it is with you, but my whatever it is seems to be under wraps. Don't become too sure, or too happy, because you could just be fooling.

I make the same entries with the same connections. But to end my love affair with this song, once and for all, isn't Mirah's song "The Sun" one of the most beautiful songs? It's like being intoxicated; moving at incredible speeds. And then it slows down, and you can slip back into the day's hum drum. Hum drum is all I can gather from life. I save intoxicating moments for myself because I tend to appreciate them more. They're never taken for granted because they're private. I hate being private. I like being personal, but I hate being private.

I have been watching My So-Called Life every free moment of the day. I am developing such bad habits. Bad habits are kind of nice though.

Have you ever tried to write a sentence out of order? It's really hard.

Rayanne: So, Rickie, Angela's in love with Jordan Catalano. We have to help her.

Angela: Rayanne!

Rayanne: Oh c'mon, I can tell Rickie. You gotta come to Tino's tonight. He'll be there.

Angela: He doesn't even know me. Am I making a fool of myself?

Rayanne: I don't know. Rickie, give us the male perspective.

Rickie: [putting on eyeliner] Don't you love how he leans?

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-10-29T00:19:00

2006-10-29T04:26:09Z

Cornish duchy: say nothing
Cornish duchy: let him do all the talking
Educated Fish: Thanks Jim
Educated Fish: :-)
Cornish duchy: yes
Cornish duchy: you are a Lady, he is a man
Cornish duchy: understood.
Cornish duchy: ttys
Cornish duchy signed off at 12:18:31 AM.

I have had some meaningful moments in the past 48 hours. For the most part I dislike where my life is going. I only have my relationships with people. It feels like my presence brings dread to some. I don't want to feel that way anymore. I should be upset and I am, but now all I can think of is how I am not just one thing. It's not just one thing. There is a lot right now. I feel too full.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-10-27T02:51:00

2006-10-27T02:52:19Z

A person's hands are the first thing to age, I think.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-10-16T22:55:00

2006-10-17T03:10:05Z

I can't concern myself with the day's trivial aspects. So what, I don't have what I want. A lot of people don't. For once I make the majority and not the minority. I can't get caught up in the minor details and the roads that lead to self-sabatoge because that's what, sometimes, I think I'd rather see.

I'll spare you from the asanine details of my life thus far.

I got my car today, so that's cool. I am going to make a mix for it since it has its own CD player. Then I'll upload the tracks here. That's my plan..somewhere between tonight and applying to college I'll do that.

Fuck college. Seriously, FUCK COLLEGE.

PS: Is it possible to analyze the story of Adam and Eve from an existential point of view? It's something I have been thinking about doing for a term paper for English, or maybe even on a college essay if I am asked to do so.

Everyone is posting where they're applying and so far all I know is:

Sarah Lawrence College - Early Decision
NYU
Hampshire College

NYU is definitely a "reach", but I would love to live in New York City, as would practically 95% of the population.
There are other colleges like Boston University and Smith College, but who knows. I need to focus on my Sarah Lawrence application since really, that's the only place I want to go and I'll go under a spell of depression if I don't get in.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-10-12T14:03:00

2006-10-12T14:03:35Z

Guess who can drive!?

***

Our existence is our own creation; man makes himself. These are two statements I wholeheartedly agree with. However, I find it a bit of an elitist statement. I feel as though, what I have created is not what I want. Part of that creation depends on people, and how they perceive. People see what they want to. If that's true than what's the point of creating anything?

I'll try and refrain from making this a whiny girl post, with complaints like, "No one likes me," "blah, blah, blah." But would it really hurt, for once, to have someone? This is my mantra to my ceiling: Would it really kill you to have someone imitate what I could offer, to me? I don't think that the dawn of the Apocalypse would begin if I got a boyfriend; there wouldn't be an outbreak of Ebola, Mad Cow Disease would not become a disease spread by humans, the sun would still rise and set, Helsinki would still be the capital of Finland, and most importantly Earth would still be a manifestation of chaos. The only thing that would change would be, I'd be happy. For once, no stress, I wouldn't care if people thought I was pretty, school would be bearable; everything would lighten up.

Anyway. I'll delete this tomorrow, when it occurs to me how idiotic I sound.
Goodnight, world.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-10-11T22:01:00

2006-10-11T22:03:51Z

You have chased your share of rainbows looking for the elusive pot of gold and you are tired of being disappointed. This is a critical point and you must make something happen, as this is not just about dreaming of your next possible adventure. Choose cautiously and wisely. Although change is in the air, nothing will transform unless you set realistic goals and then formulate concrete plans.

My hororscope is always right on.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-10-08T23:43:00

2006-10-09T04:06:29Z

Do you have to understand something to admire it? Can't you be awed by what you cannot comprehend? There is a bittersweet quality to understand everything. I would rather not worry and have fun.

I really regret never partaking in common high school activities. I am happy that I have never gotten drunk or smoked anything illegal. I feel like if I were to do that I would want it to be special, with someone for the first time. Breaking the law (minor offenses, not preforming a mass murder) is glamorous, like sex, and should be savored and enjoyed with people who have changed you. If I feel like I missed out on one thing, I feel like I never experienced what being loved feels like. I wish I was able to experience that. I am going to be 18, and to never have gotten back the respect I gave so thoughtlessly to so many people, just makes me wonder if I was too rash. I often act out of impetuous tendencies. Although I feel love at my age can be rather hackneyed. But not all the time. I feel like Kaitlynn has something real with someone else. Other than that it seems girls are just being used and too oblivious and horny to realize it.

People always comment on how much they could give to someone else. I could give a lot. I can honestly say out of all the people I pursued I only loved one of them. And you know, it makes me feel special knowing that. When you think about what love really is at a young age. How it encompasses your whole body. How enamored you become. I remember the little things. I really was so young to be so captivated. I haven't felt that renewal in a while. As a matter of fact I haven't felt it at all. I just really want someone. I know that I am making a desperate attempt right here, and I am putting myself in the butt of many people's jokes, who would probably go behind my back, but I don't care. What's the point of this if I am not going to be honest?

Just, if someone loves you, don't completely rebuke them because of what they say, or their personality, or how they look. There are so many warm souls underneath the dampness we see everyday.

I am not writing to impress, I don't care. So many words I read here are superfluous. People just rape the art of writing on live journal. I know I just did.

LOL!!!

"If something in the deli aisle makes you cry you know I'll put my arm around you and I'll walk you outside, through the sliding doors. Why would I mind?"

I love the blow.

PS:

Wiki-how is my favorite web site.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-10-04T21:27:00

2006-10-05T01:28:31Z

To Kaitlynn Cinelli:

There is a shout out to you in my college essay; and only you.

_littleteapot_ @ 2006-10-04T01:11:00

2006-10-04T05:40:31Z

I need to keep reminding myself that this time I have, I am in control of. I am in control of every action. I don't want to take these days for granted. I don't want to waste any more time. What I am given is never enough. I am too neurotic, too polite, too innocent, too, too, too. I have this itch in my throat and in my body. It's coming out of every pore. It was more than apparent last year. I thought it was gone, but I am in control of bringing it back. I am sick of an auto-pilot lifestyle. Up until now I never realized the weight of what being in control meant. I want to FEEL somebody. Haha. I mean it. Not literally feel somebody. I want someone to feel me.

This wasn't written for you, so just pretend it's not here.

"Dreaming with our hands and dreaming with our minds. Our planet is facing the greatest problems it's ever faced, ever. So whatever you do, don't be bored, this is absolutely the most exciting time we could have possibly hoped to be alive. And things are just starting"