Tyler's Journal

She Was Beautiful : Part Three

She was beautiful. Everything about her drew me in: the way her long blue hair slipped out from beneath her knitted cap and spilled over her shoulders, the way she curled her left foot behind her right calf while she waited in line. It was all elegant and charming. Today she was wearing a lovely sundress, a dirty off white color with laced edges. It complimented her ivory skin perfectly. I wanted to make her mine. I needed her. I chased the very idea of her. My soul begged for her. I could not wait any longer. I was going to approach her.

-x-

            I balanced on one foot, bouncing impatiently as I waited to pay for my fruit smoothie. I glanced out the window at the perfect day that awaited me. The sky was vast and blue and welcoming. Today would be good. I would make it good, I promised myself.

-x-

            As she moved away from the queue and out the door I drew near her. She did not look affronted by my proximity; instead she smiled warmly and moved to go around me with a soft “Pardon me.” But I stopped her with a gentle touch upon her forearm. She looked at me with a question in her eyes.

-x-

            He was rather attractive. His hair was pale and his eyes heavy lidded with fine lashes. He looked strong, but his touch was feather light. My heart skipped a beat and I held my breath.

            “I couldn’t help but notice how lovely you are.”

-x-

            She flushed at my words, smiling as the blood rushed to her cheeks. Everything she did was perfect. She filled me with nothing short of wonder. I reached to touch her unusual hair. She did not flinch.

-x-

            “Let me steal you.” He said softly, “Whatever plans you have, break them. I want to know you.”

            I did not resist. His words had already stolen me.

            He placed his hand over her mouth to stifle her screams. “Hush,” He whispered into her hair, “Hush, you are so beautiful, please, hush.”

            She was crying. Hot tears spilled from her eyes and across his hand. He stroked her hair, her face, her body. “You are so beautiful.”

            “I could love you,” He whispered, “I could love you, you are so beautiful. I wanted you to be mine. Please, please let me keep you.” She sobbed harder at that. He wouldn’t remove his hand. He wouldn’t let her speak. He had lured her here, and he was conquering what he had coveted for so long.

            She whimpered and he pressed into her. His hand found her neck, stroked the soft skin and wrapped around her delicate throat. Her grey eyes rolled into the back of her head as she struggled in vain for air.

            “Don’t make a sound,” He cooed, “I love you. I’ll take care of you.”

-x-

            She struggled. She struggled until she had no strength left. Now she lay broken on the floor beneath him. And he was all she could see. His hand pressed against her throat and she could not breathe. She saw his face, his eyes, staring at her. They were so clear. So Blue.

Light exploded behind her eyes and she struggled to understand what was happening to her. The Sun? Was she looking at The Sun? It must be; it was so bright. And the blue. The intense, never ending blue. Oh, it was the Sky! She loved the Sky. She stared at it with adoration. She felt her lips lift into a smile as she watched the sky above her. It was wide and bright as she stared at it now, and she fell into it, spiraled up into its depths. She released the air in her lungs and she struggled to keep her eyes open so that she may continue to stare at the blue above.

Then it swallowed her whole. The sky opened up before her and she rose up towards it. And then she felt herself fading. She was disappearing! And then nothingness. She was nothing.

Her expression softened. She craned her body toward him, as if she was aching for him as much as he was for her. She smiled at him, looked into his eyes with something akin to love. He soared at the sensation.

Her eyes were fluttering closed.

Her head rolled to the side and her eyes stared blankly ahead.

“Oh, you’re going to be mine forever, beautiful.” He whispered, burying his face in her tresses, admiring how the shade of it nearly matched the color of her lips now. “You remind me of the sky…” He whispered wistfully, as he continued to fuck her cooling corpse.

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She Was Beautiful : Part Two

            I first saw her in the park. She was laying spread eagle in the grass, staring above her in awe. I envied the clouds that she so enamored.

            I don’t know how long I watched her. I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Even after her cloud viewing ended, I did not want to stop. As she stood the wind swept her hair, a shock of blue, across her fair face. And the gust of air swept up me too, and I knew I had to follow her.

            Watching her move was more beautiful than anything I had ever seen before. It was beyond graceful. Her hair, an unusual, but fitting color, swayed around her as she walked. Her expression was open and soft. Her eyelids fell in heavy blinks, her eyelashes forming dark half circles around her eyes.

            I wanted to touch her, to feel her, to be part of her. I would speak with her. I craved to know her, to hear her voice.

            I followed her home. I peered into her windows and saw her life. I heard the music she liked. I saw the things she painted. Every piece of her was exquisite.

            I could love her. I could love her as I had loved nothing in my life.

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The Sky : She Was Beautiful

Part One

            Of all things in this world, I love the Sky the most. It baffles me, and yet I can feel the way it mirrors my self. It is so beautiful, a perfect creation. It is ever changing. It is infinite. And People love the Sky. They dream of it, dream of flying just a bit closer. But the Sky isn’t real. It’s an illusion. There is nothing above our heads but air and refracted light. It is not solid. It will not catch you if the world releases its hold.

            So the Sky is a liar. It presents itself as this marvelous thing, but it is hollow and empty. And maybe it is saddened by this emptiness. Maybe it regrets it. Maybe it wishes it were better, and that is why it lies. Maybe it is more like me than I previously thought.

            Because I am empty. I am hollow, and sad, and nothing. I am a shadow of existence. A Non-Entity. Just like the Sky. And one day, I will disappear from my body. My perfect, beautiful body, that causes so much lust and envy. But the beauty will fade. I will fade away, like a ghost in time, until, eventually, no one even remembers my name.

            But people will always remember the sky. Because hopes and dream and beauty like that never really leave our hearts. That sort of abstract wonder lasts forever.

            I want to last forever. I want someone to look at me and see more than my body, to see the Sky and all its infinity inside of me.

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