lily

You know you're the child of a quilter when...

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 00:20:00 GMT

... in return for helping out with a charity that gives quilts to premature babies and kids in women's shelters, your mother lets you have a mini rotary cutter and make-shift cutting board that someone has donated.

A mini rotary cutter! I feel like a wizard's apprentice. One day, I'll earn my stripes and get a proper, big, grown-up lady one... *sigh*

What is the world coming to?

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 12:44:30 GMT

I had a message from someone today which included the sentence:

"wow using capital letters for proper nouns - that's what i call making an effort!"

My left eye starts twitching and the rage builds. No, it's not an effort. It's the proper use of language.

Hello, my name is Lynn Truss...

The Perils of Answering the Phone at your Parents' House

Fri, 23 May 2008 19:40:02 GMT

Lily: Hello?
Caller: Hello is that [Lily's mother]?
L: No, it's Lily.
C: Oh, hello, Lily, it's Bunty*. Is your mother there?
L: No, sorry, she'll be back just after lunch. Can I take a message?
C: Oh, right... you see, I was just ringing to ask her about The Cosmic Wonder... but it can wait until this afternoon. Thankyou - bye! [click.]

My mother knows about this wonderful thing called The Cosmic Wonder? The meaning of life? The true nature of god and the universe? She's running a helpline to spread the joy of enlightenment, now?

No. The Cosmic Wonder is a quilt with silvery bits on. It hasn't stopped me calling her Swami Mum all afternoon, though.

*I don't understand that name. What kind of name is 'Bunty'? And what is it short for? Buntabelle? Bunticia? The mind boggles.

New Icon...

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 18:47:25 GMT

... because I need the distraction.

Slight reminiscent of the icon of someone else on my friends list, I have just realised, this pic was suggested by debsworld and seems apt enough.

But why does it look kinda... fuzzy? You can tell I'm not that great at this game.

Petition

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 13:55:56 GMT

I've just tried to email this round but my address book is wildly out of date (so some of you may get an email three times, others not at all). Please have a look. Originally sent by Ana Lopes (of the International Union of Sex Workers).

note: you must be a British citizen or resident

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to reject
proposals to drive prostitution further underground by
prosecuting clients of prostitutes; to endorse the policy
suggested by the Royal College of Nursing, the National
Association of Probation Officers and others by decriminalising
prostitution; and to observe Council of Europe Resolution 1579
of October 2007.

Criminalising clients means: Street prostitutes revert to
darker less safe areas * don't carry condoms (as used in
evidence) * they have little time to appraise clients and weigh
up risk * dispersal breaks up informal networks, needed for
protection, and inhibits health services' ability * trafficking
victims are less likely to be helped * prices have fallen so
they have to work longer with more clients, and accept clients
+ acts they would have rejected .

We call upon Government to decriminalise + to comply with
Council of Europe Resolution 1579 (Oct 2007), specifically:

"…avoid double standards + policies which force prostitutes
underground or under the influence of pimps..; instead...seek
to empower them..by..refraining from criminalising…prostitutes
+ developing programmes to assist (them) leave the profession
should they wish to..;…ensuring prostitutes have access to safe
sexual practices...respect the right of prostitutes who freely
choose (prostitution) to have a say in.. policies..;..ending
the abuse of power by the police + other public authorities
towards prostitutes.."
http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/sexworkers/
FORWARD WIDELY

More sexy geek stuff

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 13:57:45 GMT

My friends know me so well. Here is the latest offering from my favourite cool geek friend. He decribed it as "the best site on the internet... for you".

It's not explicit, but not really safe for work if boobs offend. Clearly a joke, but you know someone is jerking off to it... it's very cleverly done. I love it.

I give you...

http://eroticfalconry.com/

Sometimes I love my friends who are geeks...

Thu, 28 Feb 2008 16:44:35 GMT

Dumont gets cross. Again.

Thu, 20 Dec 2007 19:17:27 GMT

Grrrrr!

Just when things were very, very slowly inching towards something sensible (allowing two sex workers to operate from private premises, rather than just one, etc), first we get the Scottish kerb crawling law and now this from Harriet Harman:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7153358.stm

I know it's a very thorny issue and I'm not sure I have 100% made up my black-and-white mind, but surely if her sole aim is to protect women, criminalising prostitution is about the worst thing she could do? I try not to be cynical, but sometimes things like this make me wonder if it's not about women's safety at all. Moral purity, anyone?

*fume*

I know I'm the world's most rubbish person at writing letters, but really, this time... Grrr.

Thankyou, jaketherat...

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 15:18:48 GMT

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)

A co-worker is way out of line, but your best response is stay quiet in the office and let them do or say what they think they need to. Then you can beat them to death with a cricket bat on their way home and no one will suspect you. Give them one from me! Bastards.

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/features/horoscopes/your-astrological-week-ahead-2007042356/

The event I was supposed to speak at...

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 20:06:31 GMT

http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/theatre/2007/10/stripping_away_the_myths_of_bu.html

And I have to say I'm glad it actually took the whole thing rather more seriously than some of the burlesque debates which seem to be cyclical and wooly. I love doing burlesque because of Julie Atlas Muz, Ursula Martinez and Bearlesque. I HATE burlesque because of the newer "cashcow" element - of having watched (OVER and OVER) the same old performance of the same old corsets singing the same old version of "Fever" or "Hey Big Spender" and showing me the same old tassels. At the risk of being curmudgeonly, in my day, burlesque was as much saying something (even implicitly) as it was being entertaining (as all good entertainment does, I tend to think). If you remove one from the other, though... it just gets boring and doesn't achieve anything.

I'm being pompous and santimonious, I know. It's just a sad day when the burlesque dancer hates burlesque.

A very cheeky friend sent me this today...

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 20:30:18 GMT

Nice to know, eh?

Leo:

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 10:29:09 GMT

Can you feel the moon tugging at the fluids in your body? Usually, you can't. Are you aware of how large-scale cultural influences affect your day-to-day rhythms? Again, that's typically beyond your capacity to sense in any immediate way. But this week, you just might be able to do both of those things. You're more attuned than usual to the subtle currents that are unfolding within you. You're also more alert to the impact that big cosmic energies and long-term historical trends are making on your unconscious mind. I advise you to take maximum advantage of this extra sensitivity. You could discover important clues about how to position yourself to thrive in the face of upcoming social transformations. (P.S. Listen reverently to the secrets your body tells you.)

Hmmm...

I htink I've seen this before but...

Mon, 10 Sep 2007 20:00:50 GMT

I mean, I'm a staunch mooncupper, but if you HAD to use tampons... you'd use PIRATE TAMPONS! Yarrrr...

Leo:

Wed, 05 Sep 2007 10:53:31 GMT

'"Success is dangerous," said Picasso. "One begins to copy oneself, and to copy oneself is more dangerous than to copy others. It leads to sterility." Sorry to start your horoscope with a warning, Leo, especially given how much beautiful success you've generated recently. But the astrological omens suggest you may soon be tempted to turn your spontaneous outpourings into pat formulas. And that would be a shame. There's still a lot more fresh hot mojo brewing within you, and it'll reach its highest expression if it keeps surprising you. Trust what's fresh, uncategorizable, and at the frontiers of your understanding.'

I need to get a move on with my "fresh hot mojo", I think. Make sure I keep stoking the fire... Hmmm.

Belated Art Pics

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 23:51:49 GMT

I never got round to posting these - I exhibited at the Festival of Quilts at the NEC this year (oh yes, I'm just that cool) and as these are my first and second quilts respectively, to get an average set of marks from the judges (they liked the cot quilt more than the bed quilt, the latter of which worked better in my installation than on its own) was quite an achievement. So yes - none of my more intricate, small-scale, cross-stitch stuff, but.. here you are.

White Flour!

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 15:33:17 GMT

Love it. This is how entertainment and humour can save the world. Or at least give it a good old go.

http://asheville.indymedia.org/article/107Clowns

Even though I just had a birthday...

Fri, 10 Aug 2007 00:00:21 GMT

... I was IDed for cigarettes today.

Apparently, I look 15! I know I shouldn't have, but I smiled and handed over my driving liscence with the words "I turned 24 last week..." and quickly added "It's fine - I get this A LOT...".

So even though I live a slightly madcap, not-healthy-enough lifestyle, I still look nearly 10 years younger.

That said, life is shifting up a gear or three for the next 3-4 weeks so... I wonder if I'll look so fresh after that...

It's my party and...

Sun, 05 Aug 2007 00:22:52 GMT

I just want to say a big thankyou to all those who wished me a happy birthday, on and off LJ.

Was a typical tokenistic day, but not unpleasant. My dad got me a magical invisible pony and he says it's in the garden... but I can't find it to play with it. I hope it doesn't escape... as I'm not sure I'd know. And what happens if I tread on it on my way to the compost bin? Carnage. Invisible pony-blood on my hands.

Here's to another year, to the upcoming filming and fringe festival, to the wishes I made as I blew out my candles and to that lovely, invisible, magic pony.

xxx

Lily D in National Dress Shock!

Fri, 11 May 2007 12:22:58 GMT

I shall, all being well, be wearing a cap and gown this summer, which is obviously a grand occassion and, while it's a bit silly and pompous, I quite like dressing up in silly outfits (I'm a burlesque dancer, come on...) so I'm looking forward to it.
Reading the guidelines and so on for the day, I find out that graduands must wear, under their robes, smart dress ("shirt and tie or female equivalent") OR they can wear their national dress. National dress! That's double the dressing up fun! Can you imagine?! So I went to look up what I could, potentially, wear.

ENGLAND HAS NO NATIONAL DRESS.

The cheek! I'm not a particularly patriotic person (the English do have a rather shameful past or invasion, slavery, empire-building and general mean-ness) and I get a bit uncomfortable when the football is on and people have those little St George flags on their cars as it makes me think about the BNP and neo-nazis and stuff. But Scotland gets a national dress (even if pervs like princealbert make themselves rubber ones and stuff) as do the Welsh and Irish. I think we should have one, one that recognises the nice things england has done. It's a bit difficult as I prefer to be all inclusive and think of myself as British but I still think the English are missing out on a shitload of dressing up and that's just not fair.

All we have is the beefeater costume for the blokes and Brittannia for girls. And they don't really count. I WANT A NATIONAL DRESS. Something that honours the history but celebrates modern britain (as we'd be making it now). I think I'm going to go on a mission to get a national dress. It's a bit of a scary thought as I think a load of scary royalists and aryans might get on the bandwagon but... I want to wear a new outfit!

So. People. Suggest things. What should England's National Dress be? Different for women and men, variations on a theme? Should we go historic and kind of... rural pagany? I read something whilst trying to find out what our dress is that the problem was our class system as peasant stock would wear very different things to the middle classes... Maybe it should be made from fabric that's native to England? Or... coloured with natural English dyes? Or flattering to the English body-shape? I think there should be a head-dress or hat involved too.

Help me do this! I'm going to write some serious letters when my exams are done, I'm telling you right now...

Strike the pose...

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 14:25:58 GMT

Finally got to see the awesome pic from the photoshoot I did for the Fierce Festival. Sorry the quality is dodgy but I had to sneakily do a screendump from the pdf (so you can't see the whole pic, which is awesome).

I think I'm going to jack everything in and become a supermodel...

EDIT: Finally got the full pic so have replaced the small portion with the full proper one. Fit.

Dottie Lux? This one's for you...

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 16:30:56 GMT

Hooray - finally get to see what the clown act looks like... and so can you. I think the tracking is off (why does youtube always do that?) so imagine that I do everything to a very premeditated, exact beat... Big thanks to beautiful glitterknickers who filmed it and magicked it onto the interweb.

Where's my troupe of burlesque clown acrobats?

heehee... thankyou princealbert

Thu, 05 Apr 2007 19:53:45 GMT

Random meme...

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 23:11:35 GMT

What is the most common misconception about you?

Mine is basically that I'm flamboyant and exciting - parts of my life are (and I have to admit that I am unorthadox in many things), but at the end of the day, I love sewing, I listen to radio 2 and I love my grandparents. Not exactly thrills-ville.

The other common ones are that I'm vegetarian and smoke weed - I don't do any drugs (thanks to poor mental health running in my family) and I've never been vegetarian (though I do try and be an ethical meat eater - no baby animals and free-range/organic meat as far as possible).

Your turn.

Are you Crap At The Environment?

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 18:15:32 GMT

If so, or even if you're Quite Good At The Enviroment, you may like to know what's basically starting to take over my life at the minute.

My friend Mark who's a comedian (self confessed as Crap At The Environment, or CATE) has started a bit of a community-esque project, encouraging people to be a bit less crap in fun ways, setting little weekly challenges, setting up events and whatnot. He'll possibly be building his trademark Long Show (he's done one every Edinburgh Festival for the past 3 years, from 24 hours to 36 hours...) around the theme and there will be a few other events and gatherings round and about, I imagine.

My involvement is that I, as an afficionado of all things icky, am responible for encouraging people to look after the yucky-yet-important side of the environment (I'm talking mooncups, re-usable nappies, responsible condom disposal, etc), which I have a personal issue about as I tend to think we're all just a bit silly and stiff-upper-lip about everything and feel it improper to talk about things like periods.

This is taking over my life a bit though - I feel a monumental sense of guilt if I forget a canvas bag (or a plastic one I can re-use) when I'm at the supermarket. I've put up a little sign in our communal flat loo saying "If it's brown, flush it down. If it's yellow, let it mellow." I get all cross when things have too much packaging and am actually being good and watering my (new) plants; Mary (as in Poppins, as she's an umbrella plant) and Cyndi (as in Lauper, as she's "Thyme after thyme"). I'm in danger of being GATE - Good At The Environment. All I need now is to move in somewhere with solar panels and eat only things from the farmers' market and I'm basicalyl good to go.

If you feel inspired and are a myspace user - do go and friend www.myspace.com/crapattheenvironment (for the proper stuff) and my sister page called TED (The Environment is Disgusting) at www.myspace.com/environmentisdisgusting

If you feel myspace is evil and will have no part, have a little look at www.crapattheenvironment.com where all the blogs are automatically posted and you can keep track of how things are going.

I'm only doing this so I can stand a chance at going on Richard and Judy...

How could I have forgotten this?

Fri, 09 Mar 2007 00:02:24 GMT

jinxremoving is wonderful. Very knowledgable and kind and when I picked up my mail today from the old folks' home, I found she'd sent me a really interesting article (that I am copying and sending to at least two people...) and some general good cheer, a recipe and stickers for threadless.com - VERY cool tees for the discerning hipster. I might submit an entry to their competition as I want a tee shirt that says "WHORES ARE MY HEROES". Or should it be heroines? And is that being sexist? Or is it more sexist to put "heroes" if the majority of whores ARE female?

Oh, feminist semantics, how I love thee...

But not as much as I love jinxremoving. She rocks my socks.