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[03 Aug 2009|09:41pm] |
Drinking slippery elm tea for my sore throat. Eating wasabi peas to clear my sinuses. Also ingesting black bean soup with brown rice and lots of soymilk/almond butter/chocolate sauce smoothies so I don't lose even more weight like I always do when I'm sick.
I'm at like 92 pounds and I'd like to be 95+.
Saw Andrew Jackson Jihad yesterday and it was awesome, though.
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Comments: 4 Weeds - Crack the sidewalk.
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[01 Aug 2009|06:17pm] |
Facebook URL:
facebook.com//itcouldblindus
That seems much easier.
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Comments: Crack the sidewalk.
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[10 Jul 2009|10:27pm] |
Friends.
Maybe I should wear longer shorts? Hmm.
Climbing on the train by the flea market. I bought a ukelele for 12 bucks, I should learn to play it now, preferably starting with wagon wheel.
lame.
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Comments: 6 Weeds - Crack the sidewalk.
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| No I won't take your hand, and marry the state. |
[04 Jul 2009|07:04pm] |
If you're like me then you're sick and tired of people blaming America for everything that's wrong with the world. Every action of self-defense or commerce undertaken by the USA is cast in the worst possible light and every national hero, new and old, is vilified as a tool in a monstrous system stretching back more than four centuries.
I want to puke my goddamn guts out every time I hear some grade F sissy rushing to apologize for something America did. These people even act like they feel embarrassed by the United States.
( God Bless AmericaCollapse )
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Comments: 3 Weeds - Crack the sidewalk.
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[01 Jul 2009|09:51pm] |
I GOT A 97 ON MY MATH FINAL.
The last class I ever have to take at quinsig. I have an associates degree, I have a year sober, things are sooo good.
Went out to eat before the meeting last night with Chris, Angela, Jacqui, and Bobby. Chris got me a vegan carrot cake with two x'd up fists on it!
Inspired by the Teen Idles cover art, one of my favorite bands.
Plus a big "1" candle, for one year sober.
He's the best boyfriend ever.
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Comments: 1 Weed - Crack the sidewalk.
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[27 Jun 2009|09:59pm] |
Some music I used to listen to a lot, and should still.
Going to the go-go 15th anniversary party tonight.
Freakshow theme. I'm going as a bearded lady and so is Chris.
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Comments: 8 Weeds - Crack the sidewalk.
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| what a year. |
[26 Jun 2009|03:53pm] |
To look back on:I'm sitting at the bean counter with Holmes, doing math homework mostly, talking some, and listening to a little music. I have a bottle of water, a large coffee with soy, bits of a cupcake, bits of a cookie, and half a cup of red chili with a tortilla next to me. I'm wearing my sewn in sleeveless Aus Rotten shirt, given to me by Brux 2 years ago when we first met. The front shows someone bleeding out on a sidewalk, and reads "if only your veins were filled with oil, the world would rush to your rescue" The back has the logo including a large circle A and reads "people are not expendable. government is". Perhaps contrary to this I am wearing leopard print short shorts with pink piping, which I bought at the mall. Torn up converse which were once pink, then dyed black, and are now grey.
I am so happy with Chris that it's unreal.
I am even happier with myself, and that's even more unreal.
One of my best friends, when I first got sober, said I was becoming the person he always knew I was. I'm not there yet, but I'm closer than I've ever been.
and if I die tonight, then I guess I die tonight.
I've been sober for a solid year now, I never thought I could be this clear-headed, productive, and happy. I am more comfortable in my skin that I ever imagined I could be.
I'm proud of who I am, and I am starting not to hate who I've been.
I love everyone in my life so much. My heart is fairly bursting, at times.
Learning to forgive, myself, everyone else, but never forget.
It's been a hard year. I've cried and cried, but I've also laughed and danced more times than I can count.
Thank you to everyone that believed in me. Also thanks to everyone who didn't, including myself, because I've proved us all wrong.
Leave me a comment saying the best and worst things that have happened to you in the last 12 months.
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Comments: 1 Weed - Crack the sidewalk.
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| um |
[21 Jun 2009|11:39pm] |
Happy Birthday. If I didn't feel so sick right now I would be out celebrating it with everyone, but I'm there in spirit.
In other news,
Sometimes I wear dresses but not usually.
I wore it to dinner after my graduation.
( andCollapse )
Things are good. Summer of Worcester is:
-skinny dipping and danceparties and ridiculous shows,
-vegan feasts and food not bombs,
-Chris's haunted victorian mansion with more bathrooms than my house has rooms,
-getting supremely, achingly jealous while watching documentaries on trainhopping, and
-sitting in my room sometimes but still looking forward to having a tent instead of a room, -cautiously dumpster diving despite still being on probation,
-driving around smoking cigarettes even though I'm hating smoking cigarettes more and more every day,
- my new blue moped,it's a Puch Maxi and it's as old as I am.
-signing up for a mixtape club then only 4 hours later having someone run up to me with a tape with my name on it in the dark at a show, putting it in my hands, and running off again.
-staying up until the sun rises in the park near my house,
- riding bikes, getting lost in the woods, eating vegan brownie ice cream sundaes complete with vegan whipped cream,
- generally feeling sososo lucky.
I told Chris that if I ever had a traveling name it would be Lucky.
This was my summer outfit til it got cold and rainy and ick outside. I've had a few others, perhaps to be documented at some point.
Sorry all these pictures were taken by myself on my cellphone and generally suck.
Anyway, the song that's been keeping me sane lately is "heavy heart" by Jeffrey Lewis.
"Say you've got a heavy heart, yeah you've got a heavy load...
and you sure don't know, where you're going.
And I say
The sun dont know, when its glowing
The flower dont know, when its growing
The river dont know, when its flowing
You're doing better than you know
You're doing better than you know
Also, that girl in the previous post never did take down the entries she stole, and she's stolen writing from a number of other people's journals but, you know what? She's just a sad, empty soul and there's nothing I can do but feel bad for her and maybe hope that someday she feels like she's enough of a person that she doesn't have to pretend to be other people.
On Wednesday I will have a year sober and that's unreal.
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Comments: 5 Weeds - Crack the sidewalk.
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| facebook |
[06 Jun 2009|05:48pm] |
Okay, I haven't posted in almost a month, I guess we can blame facebook for that.
Speaking of facebook, leave your email address if you'd like to be added, comments are screened.
and just because, a picture of my friend Scott and I 5 or 6 years ago:
He's still one of my best friends.
I found it looking through my old livejournal. Weird.
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Comments: 2 Weeds - Crack the sidewalk.
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[07 May 2009|07:33pm] |
I'm graduating from Quinsig :)
Ceremony is on May 21st, I got my cap and gown today.
It's overrrr
I don't know how I did it, but, there it is.
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Comments: 2 Weeds - Crack the sidewalk.
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[26 Apr 2009|06:52pm] |
Sometimes you just let the tears fall. Don't dry your eyes, but smile a little through them, and feel them slide wet and salty over your upturned lips.
This is life, and be grateful that you've got it. Many aren't so lucky and who knows why, you should question authority but you can't question death.
It just happens... just know that everything ends but nothing disappears and every moment is eternal in that moment.
Somewhere, somehow, you're holding her in your arms or looking into his eyes until the sun explodes, even if their husk is under the ground somewhere.
Things are only as real as you let them be, there are hundreds of times you've sat in class and the only reason you know you were there is that your ass is sore later, or you've got this damn headache that just won't go away.
Try to: sit in the desk, know you're sitting in the desk. Cry your fucking eyes out until its hard to breathe and know you're crying your fucking eyes out, cause I'd rather be dying and knowing it than just sleepwalking any day.
Wake up! Every one of us has a cancer inside us that we need to kill, before it swallows us whole. Finding it and holding a candle to it is a solid beginning.
Start looking at the night sky before you forget the stars even exist.
Remember, or discover, that it's okay to be okay. We're all so used to forcing shit down our own throats that we forget to breathe sometimes. Wrap your arms around yourself and say "It's okay, I forgive you, whatever you've done, whoever you've hurt, (even if it's yourself, especially if it's yourself), say baby, it came from a place of pain and confusion and you're going to be okay now, I love you. I forgive you."
I love you all.
May you be happy,
may you be at ease,
may you be free from suffering.
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Comments: 5 Weeds - Crack the sidewalk.
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[23 Apr 2009|10:19pm] |
Going to Kripalu yoga center tomorrow for another retreat with Noah Levine, author of Dharma Punx. Chris is going to D.C for the IMF, I'm gonna send good thoughts for him not to get arrested.
I have ten months sober tomorrow.
Not looking back.
Life is good.
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Comments: 2 Weeds - Crack the sidewalk.
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| you can't get to heaven in a paper bag |
[03 Apr 2009|12:23am] |
Crying into my coffee cup, sitting on the hardwood floor, GLAD that I'm sitting on the floor cause now the music isn't just around me, it's under me too. I don't believe in God so I don't know who to thank but for the love of everything, I'm so grateful to be alive. Tapping my feet, moving my hands, looking up at this trembling, rocking, noise-making creature in front of me and thinking, some day my guitar will be that loved and that worn. Someday I'll be rocking and noising in front of a room full of people and my heart will be as full then as it is now. Love is all you need, you have to bite the hand that feeds, and bite hard.
It's been nine months since I've had a drink, or done a drug. One time I was in that very house so drunk that I vomited all over the stairs. I've seen a hundred people do just that, wake up the next day sick as all hell and say "I'll never drink again".
I never said never. When I was deep in it, I would have just as soon cut off my right arm. Now "never" is "forever", and I wouldn't change a thing. I've never felt so perfect in my two decades of existence. Love is pounding hot through my veins and it feels so much better than any chemical ever could. I'm not dead anymore, I'm made of blood and dirt and hair and everything is so, so, so, real.
When was the last time you felt really, really alive?
I don't know who to thank but oh fucking hell, I am thankful.
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Comments: 2 Weeds - Crack the sidewalk.
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