Life seems to be going well. The last few days have been great, even though we haven't seen eachother. I don't know what to think anymore. Yesterday I was on the phone with Jessica telling her I was getting bored with Luis, telling her that I didn't know what was happening. And then today, he showed me how immature he was by being angry over petty shit, arguing with me. It led to me throwing things in his face, because fuck if I was going to be the bigger person again. After a 30 minute conversation. I got a text message: "Why do I hurt so bad =(" I texted back "Because we haven't fallen asleep holding eachother in sooooo long, i miss you" texts back "Do you like me as much as you did when we first stated. Be truthful" Now of course this has me paniced. Fuck if this son of a bitch tried to break up with me. I don't know what to say, I think he's ending it, but I decided to be truthful. I texted back, "More... I think that's why i hurt easily, and i'm jealous of everyone else, why don't you?" I'm waiting for the breakup, I'm waiting for the I don't think so. I'm waiting for more negative, but I get this "I think I'm falling for you, good night, nap time : /" I text back "The awkward face is throwing me off, do you mean falling in the good way?" I get back "I think so." I text back "Baby, I started falling a long time ago"
Is this one of those things where you start talking about a baby to save the relationship? Is this his last minute attempt to keep me around because he knows I treat him so well and he can look for someone else. What does it mean? I wish I thought it was genuine. But it surely a fucked up way to tell me you're falling in love with me after a huge, petty fight. I'm waiting for him to call me. I'm wondering where this conversation will go.
I'm also thinking about telling him I love him. I want the first time to be in person, but I don't want to wait. I want to call at midnight tomorrow (new years eve) and leave a voicemail saying "The first words I wanted you to hear in 2006 were, I love you" But I don't know. I just don't. Maybe I'll write an update after we talk tonight. So, strange. I love him, but I'm so scared.