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the girl with the broken smile
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| 2008 predictions |
[7/7/08 - 12:34 pm] |
AoneAStarStar's 2008 predictions, done last January 4, 2008. Late post, I had to rummage through all my old school stuff. It was on the back page of my notebook. Hahaha.
Anyway, I'm gonna cross out the things that have happened. Funny, nagkatotoo nga yung iba.
- Allan will have a girlfriend -- Merbs
- Mauuna work ni Allan before girlfriend. -- EC
- EC will have at least 40k in his bank account. -- Cis
- Allan will quit his first job. -- EC and Cis
- Allan's work will not be according to his course. -- Merbs
- Leigh will become a teacher sa CSA. -- EC and Nik
- Something will happen to Leigh by September - October. -- Cis (Ano ba yan, how vague can you get?!)
- Merbs will remain single but will meet someone within the year. -- Cis
- Merbs will be super rich in 2008. -- EC
- Allan will not be a bank person. -- Cis
- Paulo will leave the country. -- Merbs
- Allan will still not know how to drive. -- everyone except Merbs
- We will go somewhere north! -- Cis
- May madadagdag sa gang (Allan's gf daw.) -- Allan
- By December, EC will have gained 10 pounds. -- Allan
- By December, Allan will still not have gone to the gym. -- Leigh
- Nikka will work in marketing. -- Allan
- Leigh will not be in law school. -- Leigh
- Cis will not have a new girlfriend in 2008. -- Leigh, Cis, Nikka
- Allan will have a job by June. -- EC
- Hindi makakapili ng job si Leigh. -- Allan
- Walang tatalo sa record in EC na walang work (except Cis.) -- EC
- Merbs will work in a restaurant, not in a hotel. -- EC and Allan
- Mars will work in Laguna. -- EC
- Paulo will find work immediately. -- EC, Allan
- Nikka will have a new look for 2008. -- Merbs
- EC will take his work serously! -- Merbs
- We will eat where Merbs works at least twice! -- EC
- Cis wil stay in the family business. -- EC and Nikka
- EC will want another job after a couple of months. -- Allan
- Leigh will join at least one game show on TV. -- Leigh, Nikka, Merbs
- Leigh will learn how to cook! -- Merbs
- There will be a crisis in the middle of the year. -- Nikka
- The Zambales trip will push through! -- everyone
- Paulo's work will be related to his course. -- EC
- Nikka will move to Posadas. -- Nikka
- Cis will have a car and will be our transpo for the year. -- Everybody except EC
- Allan will buy and ipod immediately. -- EC
- Gwapo DAW si Allan this year. -- Nikka
- EC will buy at least 3 pairs of footwear. -- Allan and Nikka
- All of us will work in Makati. -- EC
- Errol will have a new "interest." -- Nikka
- Mars and Paulo forever! -- Cis
- Nikka will cut her hair super short. -- Nikka
- Allan will buy clothes with his first pay day. -- Cis, EC and Merbs
- Leigh will have a business. -- Merbs
- Allan will not change his phone. 3310 forever! -- EC and Merbs
- Allan will have a love life but no girlfriend. -- Leigh
- 2008 will be a good year!
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| Moving! |
[6/23/08 - 1:05 am] |
Well, as most of you have noticed, I haven't been blogging here anymore. Apart from cross-posts from my Multiply blog, this blog has been, well, dead.
I've been dreading having to make this announcement. I started this blog a couple of weeks before graduating from high school, and I can say it has fully chronicled my college life. That's also why I'm moving. I'm starting another phase, so I guess my blog should also move on.
So there. I'm moving. Visit me here. Feel free to comment or tag or whatever too!
I'll still be opening this account to view your entries, so I can still keep in touch with everyone. :)
Thanks! :)
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| Starbucks, friendships and conversations |
[5/5/08 - 12:48 pm] |
I'm thinking maybe the reason why I like going to Starbucks and to random coffee shops in general is because I like the conversations that go on over coffee.
It has been a long time since I've had a real Starbucks session -- a couple of hours of talk about the randomest of things, sticks of Dunhill Frost (or Marlboro menthol if funds are running low. haha.), and my usual iced grande caramel macchiato. I miss the people I go to Starbucks with -- Allan, Francis, Jodel, Bennett, Tady, Cha and Karla. I have come to love the place because I loved the people I went there with. (mushyneeeeessss. hahaha.)
But seriously. Starbucks really isn't the same without a good friend there, with whom you can talk about the most random of things. I miss conversations about lochness monsters and giant squids. I miss talking about politics, philosophy and theology, and how these things affect our lives now. I miss the gossip, and the usual dissing of Jodel's waley jokes and the pretend "I'm-gonna-read-my-handouts-here,-so-I'm-going-to-use-my-ipod-so-that-I-can-tune
-you-out" moments.
Perhaps I just miss having real conversations with people I like talking with. You know, the kind of talk wherein you just blurt stuff out and the other person won't take it against you or against anyone. The kind of conversation wherein everything just flows; no awkward pauses in between topics, when the both of you are thinking of what next to say or what topic to open up next.
Anyway, I don't know if I'm still making sense. I think I really just miss talking with my friends over coffee. Hahahaha. Guhhreaaat. (4 paragraphs summarized into one sentence! My writing skills are deteriorating by the minute!)
Bottom line -- Let's go out? Text me! (Basta coffee dates lang. I can't afford anything else right now. Hahaha. Unemployment sucks!)
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| Leaving the phase of denial |
[4/12/08 - 12:48 pm] |
I want a Steve Brady.
I've been having my late night Sex and the City marathons, and I realized that I wanted my own Steve Brady.
You know. That person who would really take the time out to make you believe that men should and could still be trusted. The person who will eventually break my Miranda-ish beliefs of relationships and of men.
I'm starting to think maybe Sex and the City is like The Little Prince. Not that they're really similar, but more like... they should be seen/read occassionally, when you're in different phases of your life. Sex and the City so much different that I'm twenty one.
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| Succumbing to Pressure |
[4/7/08 - 1:47 pm] |
Tomorrow I will have my first ever job interview. I know I said that I wanted to rest, but one bored summer night got me logging on to jobstreet.com and voila! Job interview.
Just a few hours ago, my HR friends (yes, I have HR friends, because they graduated earlier) were giving me a mock interview. Most of my answers were okay, but you know what, that mock interview actually made me a bit nervous.
This is real life, friends.
On another note, I feel bad, actually. Honestly, THIS IS NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE. I want to be able to use what I learned in Sociology in my job. Seriously. I may not end up as a real Sociologist or a Professor, but I at least want to use the skills I learned in my four years in college.
But no, I have to be happy about this interview. At least someone's interested in what I have to offer.
Hay. I can't believe I succumed to pressure, given that there's no one there to really, actively pressure me! I mean, the only person whose opinions matter is my dad, and he just wants me to do whatever I want, whether it was to rest or to look for a job immediately. Hay. Or maybe I'm just pressuring myself?
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| naisip mo na ba kung kanino mo ibibigay ang blue rose mo? |
[3/21/08 - 7:39 am] |
Oh yes, I have. I have been thinking about it since this last sem started, thus, that crazy bet I had with Jodel and Bennett. (Which, by the way, I WON. Hahahaha.)
And yet now, four months after, I still have no idea who to give that effing blue rose to. (No, I refuse to give it to just anyone. I want to maximize the rose's symbolical meaning, the way Ateneo intended it to be. Hahahaha.)
It's not that I have no one to give it to. It's more like... I've been lucky enough to have lots of people deserving of that blue rose from me. And, I don't know, it just doesn't feel right.
I can't give it to A because it would be too predictable. Plus, our relationship doesn't need a blue rose anymore, because he knows how special he is already.
I can't give it to B, though I've practiced a whole monologue as to how I'm going to give it to him, because I'd be too shy. Hahahaha. I know I'm never gonna see him again, but then, what if? Hahaha. I may not be able to give that blue rose to him, but I'm really gonna make sure that I at least get to talk to him for the first and last time.
I can't give it to C, because... WHY? Hahaha. I know he won't appreciate it. Hahahaha.
I can't give it to D because though he's special, he's also special to A LOT OF PEOPLE. I at least want to give mine to someone who's special to just me. Gets?
I can't give it to E because.. well, he's just the same as D.
I can't give it to F because he won't be there. Same goes for G and H. F and G are like my two most favorite people right now, but I can't give it to them because I'm pretty sure they're gonna be somewhere else. H, on the other hand, is crush. And, obviously, wala din siya dun. (But I wanna see him na, ASAP.)
There. I think, I might just end up giving the blue rose to some random guy, despite the fact that I won the bet. 
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| Going off to look for myself. |
[3/10/08 - 2:44 pm] |
Back from Bora, then off to Tagaytay.
I'm going on a three day Silent Retreat, starting tomorrow. Yes, I may not be the type who would voluntarily go on retreats, but the timing just felt right. There are so many things that need fixing, and I know that only I can fix them.
It scares me; I'm not even gonna pretend and say otherwise. For the longest time, I've used my ability to speak and my voice (kaya ako laging paos), to command attention, to make people listen to me and intimidate people. I don't know how I will fare in the three days that I will not be able to use that which gives me power.
Bahala na.
Like everything I've experienced in this school, I'm sure, it's something I will not regret. (Or at least, I hope not.) I just hope it turns out okay. :)
So there. Next time you will be hearing from me is gonna be on Saturday.
No ipod, no books, no cellphone.
Just me, and my God.
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| Just because I want to remember my last hell week ever. |
[2/25/08 - 9:31 am] |
 Parang hindi nababasa yung mga nakasulat. Hehehe. Tuesday (26 February 2008)
- Th141 Orals
- Th141 Immersion Paper
- Sex and Society Final Paper
- Contact caterer for Kythe Turnover
- Pay for retreat!
Wednesday (27 February 2008) - Pos100 Final Exam
- Pos100 Take Home Exam deadline
- Pos100 Final Paper
- iCan fgd shift
Thursday (28 February 2008) Friday (29 February 2008) - PhilCinema Final Paper
- Deadline of all liquidation reports
- SBC Cheering competition
Saturday (01 March 2008) - Ph103 Orals!
- Kythe Turnover!
... and I'm done forever.
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| On Driving |
[2/15/08 - 2:18 pm] |
Right now, the thought of driving one more day to Katipunan makes me want to puke.
Not that I don't want to go to school, its just that I don't want to drive anymore.
When I was in high school, I was so proud of being one of the first (at least I think so) to be able to drive and have a car. I'd volunteer to drive people everywhere, whether it was to bring my sister to the office, or even just to run errands for the house. It was like driving gave me a sense of independence, that I could go wherever I wanted, whenever.It was fun, super.
Now, after four years of driving to Katipunan from Paranaque and back, the thought of driving seriously makes me want to puke. Contrary to popular belief, it really is tiring. Stressful, even, especially when you go home late at night. (And no, going home early is not the answer. Going home at dinner time is probably even more stressful than going home at 12 midnight.) More than academics or whatever co-curricular thing I have, driving is seriously the main thing that exhausts me.
I can't really do anything about this anymore. After all, what can I do? Hello, I don't want to commute home. Kaya ayan, I'm just here, ranting.
Seriously. When I start working, I'm going to save up for a driver. Or at least, I'm going to start pressuring my dad to get us one again. I'M JUST SO FUCKING TIRED OF DRIVING EVERYDAY. It really makes me want to cry.
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| First and Last |
[2/12/08 - 2:49 pm] |
I'm pulling my first (and hopefully the last) all nighter ever. I'm at Kari's house, with Vany and Patis, who are currently both asleep on the couch.
Yeah, I know I said I never want to have to feel this, and to feel the feeling I know I'm going to feel tomorrow morning, but somehow, college life just won't seem complete without even one of these. I just hope I get to sleep for even an hour or two in the next hours.
Anyway. The past few days were a rollercoaster ride. Emotionally, mainly. Hay. Is this what it feels to have everything be your last?
Plus, valentines is just around the corner and because I have learned to HOPE (to, in and in thee for us -- thanks to Marcel), I know it will be one lonely valentines. But then in all honesty, that's the least of my problems right now, like I don't care that it will be a single's awareness day once more. My attention is more on the fact that I am once more feeling, rather than just blocking these things away.
Oh, by the way. I just want to be emo again, not because I feel like it, but because I just want to. Gets? So, I'm super looking forward to the sabaw moments I'll be having this whole week. Yay!
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| UNLEASH |
[1/30/08 - 1:32 pm] |
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I don't usually do this, but since this is probably the last time I'll be able to do this, so there. I'm promoting. Hahahaha. Kaya, GO NA! It'll be fun, super! :)
Wanna make pediatric cancer patients happy? Now, you've got a chance to through participating in this year's Kythe Week! Here's the list of the activities you can go to and enjoy.  February 2 Mass at the Church of the Gesu (1:30-2:30 pm) Kite Flying at Bellarmine Field (2:30-5:00 pm) with the kids! Tickets at Php100 each only! Comes with a kite and lots of free food (taho, cotton candy, ice cream, etc.)!  February 5-8 Photo Exhibit at MVP Basement (See the pictures of the kids and the submitted photos for the Photography Contest!) Massage Therapy at dela Costa Consultation Rooms 1-3 (Php90 lang!) Blood Drive at Natividad Galang Room (Dela Costa 1st Floor) [The kids need some for their blood transfusions. :)]
Kythe - Ateneo in cooperation with UP Association of Visual Communications
February 8, 2008
7PM at Piedra, 3/F The Fort Strip
Tickets are Php180 and come with a free drink!
Ticket Inquiries: 09164267437 (Viva) or 09173611250 (Joyce)
Hosted by Kat Alano and Dannieboi
With DJ DTech of second story sounds
Featuring dance performances from the Dollhouse, Kythe and many more!
First 50 to buy tickets get a free entrance to JET SET Saturdays at ASCEND with plus 1!
UNLEASH YOUR STYLE. UNLEASH THE MUSIC. UNLEASH YOUR GROOVE. UNLEASH THE LOVE and PARTY WITH US on FEB 8! HELP US HELP THE KIDS!
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| Taking a break from Marcel. |
[1/27/08 - 10:08 am] |
 I hate Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays. Seriously.
Sundays are always spent preparing for the hectic week ahead. Mondays are always late night mondays, because after my 7:30 class, I still have to read and write a paper for my Tuesday class. Tuesday's breaks are always spent writing the paper that I should have written the day before, but wasn't able to because the handout was again probably long.
Whew.
But you know what, I feel like I'm getting used to it. (But that still won't keep me from complaining.)
 (The pictures are what happens if you leave me with my camera while studying.)
Beach, anyone? Grabe. Probably the only thing that's keeping me sane is the thought of going to the beach. God. I want a massage while sunbathing. I want a chocolate shake from Jonah's. I want pizza from Aria. (I know I sound ditzy, but right now, I just don't care. I'm that desperate.)
So there. Who wants to go to Bora with me? Game? Hahaha!
I don't think I'm making much sense right now. I'm sorry. Hahahaha.
Ay. I think I've devised a way to keep this quarter life crisis at bay. From now on, thinking of the future, will mean thinking of what I will do after February. Hahahaha. Meaning, what I will do this March, April, May and June. That's it. Hahaha! I'm not making sense again, but what the heck. Again, I don't care anymore.
I'm totally loving 2008 right now (at least the first few weeks of it.) I feel so much better about a lot of things. Yay! :)
Sige, I'll go finish Marcel now.
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| Suddenly surprised by the noise. |
[1/21/08 - 12:03 pm] |
This was what was written yesterday, January 20, 2008.
Three nights ago, I was getting mad at my yaya because the my toilet's flush won't work. And, being the irrational being that I am, I got mad at her, despite the fact that technically, she had nothing to do with it.
Two nights ago, my "sister" Yani and I were thinking of a way of how to pee in the woods. I wanted to get mad out of sheer frustration of being so in need of a decent restroom, yet not having one right then and there.
I just got back from my three day immersion from the Mangyans in Brgy. Paitan, Naujan, Oriental Mindoro, just around three hours ago. One thing I realized the whole time I was there -- Ateneo never ceases to shock me. I think, this immersion was a fitting close to four years' worth of unique experiences that I know I would never have had if I didn't study here. Our immersion was like a leap of faith. We didn't know what to expect (because no one else has been there. We're the first batch of students from OSCI to go there.), we had no real background as to how things went in there.
Personally, it was the most challenging thing I've ever experienced in my whole life. Three days of no electricity, no running water, no place to pee (much less to do number two), mud everywhere, and limatik (small leeches) to battle against, each time we had to go somewhere. Funny, even the idleness seemed to get to me. I couldn't stand just sitting there and not doing anything.
There's so much to tell about what really went on there, but I haven't got the time right now, so I'll jump to the point of this. My immersion was a humbling experience, for me, at least, and for so many reasons. At the same time, it also left me confused. It's like suddenly, I didn't know what it meant to be poor or rich, and what happiness entailed. The experience made me compare my life to theirs, and sadly, I don't think my life (or the way I live my life) fared well, compared to how they lived theirs.
Valuable lessons learned -- One, that sometimes, people get caught up in the business of running their own lives that they forget the things that are really important. Two, happiness is a complicated matter, and its something that cannot be judged. Three, being in a city doesn't really mean that someone is "civilized." Four, its who YOU are that matters, not what you are.
I know I'm sounding a bit vague right now. Well, that's exactly what I'm feeling. All I know is, so far, this has been the hardest thing I've ever experienced, but I'm thankful, because it has taught me so much.
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| Random things that I will not talk about nor think about ever again. |
[1/15/08 - 2:33 pm] |
1. Inasmuch as blogs are in cyberspace and subject to be read by millions of people, I will not apologize for anything that I've written at any point my life. I've been blogging for four years now, and some of the things I've written I don't even remember, but despite that, I WILL OWN UP TO THOSE ENTRIES and I still won't apologize for anything I've written because THEY'RE MINE. Yes, I will take responsibility if those entries have hurt people, but it was YOUR choice to read them.
Sometimes, I don't even know why blogs were created. So far, apart from being a space where I vent out things, the only thing they've done for me is complicate my life.
And yet I can't seem to stop writing.
2. Bestfriends are overrated. (This means, I DON'T NEED ONE. Okay, I might need just a little more convincing, but still, bestfriends are overrated.)
3. Okay, I forgive you. But I still won't trust you. That's what you call a grudge.
4. Being faced with your own mistakes is hard. Harder for me right now because it entailed a necessary change of perspective. Minsan, ang pinakamasakit na bagay na mararamdaman mo ay ang malaman mong ikaw pala ang may kasalanan ng lahat ng mga pagpapasakit na ginawa mo sa sarili mo ng ilang taon. Ang malaman mong hindi ka naman pala dapat nagdaan sa ganun.
Hello Sartre, is this really what you call despair? (or anguish or forlorness? basta, one of those)
5. I'm not even bothering to lock this entry. Bahala na kung mabasa ng kung sino. Leche.
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| omg. i found my ancestors through google. seriously. |
[1/8/08 - 12:54 pm] |
Okay, I'm soooo effing amazed. Jodel, Bennett and I had this conversation at Starbucks a while ago about our ancestors. Bored as I am right now, I decided to google my lola's name. So I typed: LEONILA VILLARETE (yes, I was named after her. Villarete was her maiden name)
Before I go on, I just have to say that I know very little about my lola's family. She's an illegitimate child kasi, of some wealthy haciendero in Negros. Her father and mother met while her father was in Cebu installing a muscovado mill, or something like that. She wasn't recognized until the 1950's.
So anyway, I found this site. Apparently, it's the blog made by someone in the Villarete family, looking for other relatives. I followed the links and ended up here. They built a family tree pala. I was even surprised that my dad and my uncle were there! (Wrong spelling nga lang, though. They put my dad's name under Manuel Villagas) But they didn't know my lola's name.
Wala lang. Amazing. I mean, right now, I only know one Villarete cousin. It's such fun that now at least I know there are other Villaretes existing and that they know my lola (even though they don't know her name)
 Sixto Aguda Villarete (1888-1964)
There, that's my great grandfather, Leonila Villarete-Villegas' father. Amazing talaga, I swear. And I'm happy kasi when I showed this to my dad he was happy din na at least, they know my lola exists. It was also fun for him seeing his lolo, kahit na sketch lang. The first and last time he saw his lolo daw kasi was when he was around 10 years old, when Sixto went to Cebu to look for his illegitimate daughter.
Anyways. There. In the end, I wanted to give justice to my lola. (But of course! I can't just leave her name "undermined Villarete daughter" there, right?) I emailed the administrator and gave him/her details of my lola. I'm crossing my fingers that he/she answers back. :) Yay!
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| Christmas 2007 |
[12/26/07 - 8:21 am] |
I think, this is the first Christmas in a couple of years that was sort of okay. The past few Christmases were all pathetic, spent alone, or sleeping. This time, mejo okay naman. Hahaha.
If not for the Ateneo simbang gabi, I wouldn't have felt this christmas-y feeling. That week of attending masses and hanging out under the stars at Bel field while eating things that could subtract a couple of years from my life really did a lot. :) Yay!
Christmas eve at the Villegas residence was spent delivering gifts to titos and titas, watching yaya prepare the meal for Noche Buena, drinking beer while pretending to just taste whatever yaya was cooking, and watching TV. By 12, my dad was sound asleep, my sister was online, and I was eating Noche Buena by myself in the kitchen. Well, at least my sister went down to eat with me. She brought her laptop with her, though, so goodbye to good conversation. At least yaya and Kuya Rolly came to eat with us that night.
Christmas day was much worse, and I don't even want to make kwento everything here.
But you know what, I'm not even sad. I guess I've gotten used to it. We're really not the kind of family that celebrates Christmas. It's even a wonder that we even bother putting up christmas lights outside, when it rarely gets lit up anyway. I think, the key is just not to expect. After all, every year naman to ganito eh. ;)
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| avenue q :) |
[12/23/07 - 8:26 am] |
 Hahaha. Ang ganda ng Avenue Q, I swear. For some strange reason, feeling ko, sign sakin yung play (unless I'm just reading too much into things. Hahaha.) It answered A LOT of my questions recently.
What do you do with a B.A. in English,
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college and plenty of knowledge,
Have earned me this useless degree.
I can't pay the bills yet,
'Cause I have no skills yet,
The world is a big scary place.
But somehow I can't shake,
The feeling I might make,
A difference,
To the human race.
This is exactly what I've been feeling for the past few months. Takot ako, pero excited din because I'm finally going to be in the real world. And now, I feel like I won't be using anything that I've learned in college. I have this weird feeling na puro lakas lang ng loob yung kailangan kong gamitin once I step out. (And honestly, kulang ako sa lakas ng loob eh, so good luck sakin.)
I wish I could go back to college.
In college you know who you are.
You sit in the quad, and think, "Oh my God!
I am totally gonna go far!"
Technically, I'm not yet out of college, but I know I'll be missing it sooooo much. I'm afraid that suddenly, I'll realize that I'm not enough and I'll end up disappointing myself. College has a way of showing you everything that you CAN do, but I'm scared that when I graduate, I'll realize that I will not be able to do everything.
Kaya, ang resolution sa lahat ng yan ay...
PRINCETON:
Why does everything have to be so hard?
GARY COLEMAN:
Maybe you'll never find your purpose.
CHRISTMAS EVE:
Lots of people don't.
PRINCETON:
But then- I don't know why I'm even alive!
KATE MONSTER:
Well, who does, really?
Everyone's a little bit unsatisfied.
BRIAN:
Everyone goes 'round a little empty inside.
GARY COLEMAN:
Take a breath,
Look around,
BRIAN:
Swallow your pride,
KATE MONSTER:
FOr now...
BRIAN, KATE, GARY, CHRISTMAS EVE:
For now...
NICKY:
Nothing lasts,
ROD:
Life goes on,
NICKY:
Full of surprises.
ROD:
You'll be faced with problems of all shapes and sizes.
CHRISTMAS EVE:
You're going to have to make a few compromises...
For now...
TREKKIE MONSTER:
For now...
ALL:
But only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now! (For now)
Only for now!
Chill lang muna. Hahahaha. I better just live my life the way it is right now and stop worrying about what's going to happen two months from now. Wow. Ang dali sabihin ah. But I do hope it helps. Kasi lately, that's what I keep thinking of talaga eh.
And this one, I'm just posting because I found it sweet. Hahahaha.
There's a fine, fine line between a lover and a friend;
There's a fine, fine line between reality and pretend;
And you never know 'til you reach the top if it was worth the uphill climb.
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
There's a fine, fine line between a fairy tale and a lie;
And there's a fine, fine line between "You're wonderful" and "Goodbye."
I guess if someone doesn't love you back it isn't such a crime,
But there's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of your time.
And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.
For my own sanity, I've got to close the door
And walk away...
Oh...
There's a fine, fine line between together and not
And there's a fine, fine line between what you wanted and what you got.
You gotta go after the things you want while you're still in your prime...
There's a fine, fine line between love
And a waste of time.
Anywaaaaaayy. I WANT TO WATCH IT AGAIN!! Hahaha, who wants to go with meeeee? (libre!! hahaha)
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| schizo moment |
[12/13/07 - 11:46 am] |
Hello.
Kamusta ka na? Matagal na rin tayong hindi nag-uusap ah. Lagi ka kasing may kasama, di na tuloy tayo nakakapag-heart to heart talk.
Ano na bang nangyayari sayo? Puro org na lang ba? Gagraduate ka na ah. Tatlong buwan na lang. So anong balak mong gawin? Iniisip mo ba? Mukhang hindi yata ah. Dahil ba wala kang oras mag-isip, o dahil ayaw mo talagang isipin?
Sa bagay, hindi kita masisisi. Mukhang nakakatakot nga talaga yung thought na mawawala na sayo yung mga bagay na minahal mo ng apat na taon. Ang emo isipin, kaya nga, naiintindihan kong hindi mo siya iniisip. Pero alam mo namang dapat mo na siyang isipin, diba? Tatlong buwan na lang, Leigh. Tatlong buwan na lang.
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Sa totoo lang, ilang beses ko nang inisip kung ano ba talaga ang gusto kong gawin. Sinusubukan ko talaga, maniwala ka man o hindi. Kaya lang, hindi ko talaga alam kung anong gusto kong gawin. Ang hirap na mag-isip. Nakaka-iyak na.
Napepressure na rin ako. Parang lahat ng tao, handa nang sumabak sa mundo sa labas ng kolehiyo, samantalang ako, hindi pa talaga. Ang dami na ring nagtatanong kung anong gusto kong gawin sa buhay ko. Ang masakit lang talaga dun, hindi ko na talaga alam kung anong isasagot ko.
Mukhang hindi ko talaga kayang umalis sa comfort zone ko, nakakalungkot mang isipin. Kaya nga ayan, talagang nilulubos-lubos ko na ang panahon kong kasama ang mga kaibigan ko. Malapit na kasi matapos yung panahon na madali lang kaming makakapagkita eh.
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Okay. Enough of my schizo moment. I just realized that lately, I've been surrounding myself with lots of people and lots of things, that I don't even have time to think of what I will do after college. Actually, I don't have time to think, period.
My priorities have been skewed lately. Less emphasis on school (even more than usual), and more on my friends. It's like I'm spending each moment with them as if it were our last together. I mean, we have to admit, after school, it's gonna be hard to see each other na, diba?
Grabe. If only my life is so clean-cut, then I wouldn't have this dilemma.
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| just because I wanted to write something. |
[12/12/07 - 1:47 pm] |
Okay. Wala naman talaga akong sasabihin. I just realized na ang tagal ko nang hindi nagbblog.
The wifi in my laptop's still busted, so I'm stuck using my ate's laptop pa rin. Boo.
My God. Having classes that start at noon is really killing me. (kamusta naman ang subject-verb agreement ko dun. I think something's wrong pero ewan. Hahaha.) Not because of the work and shit, but because I keep sleeping late! I get home at around 1ish na in the morning every night, because I "study" at Starbucks. Kamusta naman yun. I seriously need to focus. Hahaha.
Okay. Imma be vague and all. Viva, you got me thinking. He IS cute, nice, smart, and all that, but I'm not going there. At least, imma try not to. Hahaha. It's gonna kill me (and my principles, for that matter. Hahaha.)
Shet. I'm so random. Hahaha. Remind me again why I drank that rum coke and vodka sprite? Hahahaha!
Yun lang! Hahaha! Imma write next time, when I really have stuff to write about na.
Ay, btw. Good job to the Kythers kanina! Level up na tayo guys! Ascott hotel na! Yehey!
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