Current mood:	confused
Current music:	third eye blind

mehhhhh
i don't know where to start or what to say, really.

it just feels so right, but at the same time, it doesn't. because it'll be perfect, but then sometimes in the back of my mind i'll be like "well what happens when he changes his mind in a month..." or "well what if i AM second best? what if he's only doing this because he can't have HER?"

and maybe it's all me just being ridiculous. maybe i'll be able to forget about that eventually. i probably will. but like...yeah...YEAH. it's scary and confusing and right and wrong and i dont want to be that girl, i dont know i dont know i dont know. i dont know if i am that girl. i dont want to feel like i am his backup plan, i dont want to feel like i am annoying, i dont know if i would feel like that, i dont know. i hate that i have to base this all on trust and i hate that i dont know if i can trust him, i hate that i am skeptical i hate that the situation makes it seem like i am the backup, i hate that there is nothing he can do or say to convince me, i hate that i dont know, i want to know, one way or the other. i hate that i;ve been imagining this situation in my head over and over since the breakup, wishing it would happen and finnally when i convinced myself it wasnt happening, it did, and now i dont know. i dont know.

and usually i find it pretty easy to describe how i'm feeling but this time i just can't, i'm so confused and ugh.

tomorrow is scranton and allison and mary and I CAN'T WAIT. i miss them like crazy and i want my creep hugs and i want to stay up late and i want to meet their friends and see their school and their room...WALK THE ROYAL WAY. hahahah. i want tater tots and ketchup and and and. and!!!!

love,
laura