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[27 Mar 2008|09:51pm] |
every once in awhile i get the incredible urge to rip out the bitter pages from my notebook and fold them all up along with the other random things i've collected explaining how i feel and put them in a box or a huge envelope and send them to you because i'm so disappointed lately but then i realize it wouldn't make one bit of a difference because you'll still be you and not the old you no matter what. i guess i just miss when things weren't always about drinking or smoking or parties. when it was still fun to just sit around and do nothing. every once in awhilei get a tiny sense of that person but not usually. i hope you are having fun "living your life" and that it is everything you hoped it would be, only not really, because the whole thing seems meaningless and stupid and i would hope that that is not what you want, in the end.
i can't wait for spring break to be over. the only thing getting me by these days is having a schedule and having specific things that i have to do and the lack of schedule is making me anxious and aimless. i went to the used bookstore on 40th st today and bought 3 books so hopefully they will keep me occupied the rest of break, along with organizing my room (again). i hope i can focus enough to read them, i've been so restless lately. plus, organizing my room in my parents house is full of setbacks. i keep finding old stuff which in turn makes me sad because i'm an emotional idiot lately. bllalahahhhh.
alright. time to (try) to organize.
<3
laura
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