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[05 Mar 2007|11:20pm] |
lately a lot of things have been making me sad.
things that are supposed to be nice and happy. things that make me happy are also making me sad.
things like my mom trying to convince me that it'll work out. like watching a movie with my mom and making her sit on my feet because they're cold. things like gift cards and christmas presents. my aunt finding a funny voicemail from my grandmom on her machine 2 days after the funeral.
and then there's things that are just sad but they're making me feel a different kind of sad then i think i've ever felt before. thinking about my dad trying to find something, sitting at home, cooking dinner every night. things like my mom telling stories about my grandmom. thinking about my grandmom a lot.
it's so weird. it's a really quiet sad almost like resignation but worse, like a knot in your throat that won't go away, like being short of breath, but in a different way than ever before.
i just wish i could explain this better because i feel like if i write it down it'll all make sense and i won't feel so bad but i can't. i can't make it make sense and it's confusing and overwhelming.
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