*~*If wellness is this what in hells name is sickness? *~*

don't open your eyes you won't like what you see
the blind have been blessed with security
don't open your eyes take it from me
i have found
you can find
happiness is slavery
i don't know what i am i don't know where i've been
human junk just words and so much skin
stick my hands thru the cage of this endless routine


just some flesh caught in this big broken machine





♥

i have a new fun bad habit =) but its too expensive to make it a habit so i guess youd call it a short term bad habit. =P

anyhow i had a great week last week. coach purses and prada wallets! cute sweaters, good vodka, and cheese! 3 am grilled cheese sammiches and morning smoke outs with gossip girl!

today i need to go to the bank and deposit some monies so my account doesnt overdraw. and me and luke are going to go grind my christmas blend coffee. then theres my psychologist appt. and then ill probably take london over to kims for a few hours =)

oh! and yesterday i spent the day with my niece aka little sister XD

Wisconsin?


Maybe =)

back on my meds. for everyones sake. but im soooo sleepy. arGG!!! at least im not crying.

was good thx to me having amazing supportive friends <3 and i was invited to an even bigger event next Saturday!

thankyou skinny puppy and ativan for helping me relax before i leave to set up

im having a crisis

i cant decide what to wear to the event tonite

im not sure if i should just do my usual thing

or if i should tone it down =/

bah

everything is rdy for tmmrw!!! yayayyaya! and i did it all on my own in with only two weeks time!!!
70 pieces in 2 weeks@!!!!

and apparently i might be getting to go to skinny puppy nextweek!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

k im happy and tired
time for sleeps!
tmmrw is going to own!!!

once again anyone who wants to go

Saturday Dec. 5th 5pm @

Tres Chic Boutique

14043 Midland Road Poway, CA 92064


its for a really great cause and this is a great opportunity for me to expand my current business =)



20% of all proceeds will be donated to Oasis Forever Homes !

hmm

so much to do so little time

and my dog officially eats better than me

all these years i really thought i was nothing special to remember years ago

but apparently people do remember! even if it as the girl with the mohawk
they remember and they told me how could they ever forget =)

it feels good
it really does

and it makes me wonder who else noticed me that just never had the nerve to talk to me back then!!!

oh and everythings okay im drinking tonite! lol

so i got about 4 hours of sleep and im wide awake thanks to coffee and diet pills
since i cant afford to sleep the day away with saturday being 3 days away ><

and why does my mother insist on putting all the carbs on my side of the fridge....
this eating raw thing seems to get harder and not easily
especially when i smell food ><

and i realllllllllllllllllllly want to go to skinny puppy next week but i just found out about it

and you know.. since CVS doesnt know how to pay its employees ... i doubt ill be going


damn you life@!!!!!!

blah. back to work.

oh concentrated valerian root you taste so fowl so you better help me get some sleep >:P


me- "im a hot mess"

luke- "well at least youre a HOT mess"

me- "good point"

you know i really thought life was going to be WAY different than this 6 years ago

boy was i wrong...

on a happy note
i got alot of work done today and im starting to get REALLY excited about Saturday now that people are actually coming@!!!!

for all of you who live here in San Diego

Ill be selling my jewelry at a charity art sale here in Poway Saturday evening!

Saturday Dec. 5th 5pm @

Tres Chic Boutique

14043 Midland Road Poway, CA 92064


its for a really great cause and this is a great opportunity for me to expand my current business =)



20% of all proceeds will be donated to Oasis Forever Homes !

i wonder.


if things are always going to be this hard.


forever. ?

i cant sleep and my psychologist never called today so i didnt have my appointment and i suddenly have alot to talk about . BLAH. and im tired but i cant sleep. or maybe that its that i dont want to sleep and dream about people who hate me and arent speaking to me. Life is such a pain in my ass sometimes i swear. My subconscious needs to chill the fuck out. I even had to take an Ativan while i was cleaning my room because things started to remind me of things. Things that make me really sad now that I dont have meds taking away my emotions. i just need to focus on my jewelry and getting out of here asap. and for some weird reason i was listening to the dave matthews band in my dreams all nite so im dl'ing a cd to see if i even actually like it. so random. i need to not eat pie right before i go to bed anymore i guess...
anyhow im done babbling about nothing. i wish i had someone to talk to.. i need a new best friend. any takers?

its always fun spending the nite dreaming about everyone in your life that hates you and isnt speaking to you................

now im super depressed and completely unmotivated...

i really just dont trust people. no matter how hard i try i just cant. because every damn time i give someone an ounce of trust they blow it a week later...


stop fucking it up for other people >:O

i doubt anyone who that actually applies to ever reads this anyhow.


k time to watch ugly betty, laundry, evidently clean the microwave, and get a grip on my life so i can go out

god am i ever going to not have to hate holidays

noones talking to me
= really awkward

at least i have beer. pot. and skinny puppy to keep me company.

ps _ im weaning myself off my meds that arent even working anymore
for good financial reasons
i knew meds were a crock of shit
i feel as shitty and alone as i ever did before

so im not sure how i feel about cider other than that im at a nice tipsy almost drunk lvl after 4 and it basically is like drinking apple juice now.

good times.

at least tmmrw i have a six pack of rogues santas reserve half a bottle of wine and dank dank veggie food to eat
and WoW!
im taking a breaky break from my jewelry before i hate making jewelry =)