so my brother left for dover, delaware today to pursue his vocation in the religous.. calling? if that`s how it`s uh, said. but yea. i usually act tough on the outside but i`m a sissy la la on the inside. and i myself didn`t happen to believe that either because i didn`t expect myself to cry at the airport. but, in fact, i did.
it`s weird how they leave up escalators. it was like glenn was going up the stairway of heaven or something and i`m stuck down here. hahah. but yea.
i`m going to miss having a brother around the house. even though lately we haven`t been the best of friends, more like the worst of enemies. but it just made me think. i regret those times i made him cry before he left. and those times we fought. before when we were little we used to be really really really inseperable. but i don`t know what happened. we just started fighting and hating eachother til it got to the point where we hung out with different sets of friends. and had two, totally different personalities and habits.
but i don`t know.. anyways. glenn left me with a birthday card. how thoughtful. weird too, because i think i was a little mad at the fact that he was leaving 3 days before my birthday. but he gave me $20. because he knows with money, that would never go wrong. and over the summer i`ve been broke all the time so he knows how much i complain to him. and wrote something inside that went like this..
[pre written on card]
you`ve really been a good sister.
i don`t know if
i`ve ever told you
how many memories i have
that include you
in a special way.
you mean a lot to me
and on your birthday,
i want you to know that you`ll always be a special part of my life.
well, i guess this basically summed up what i would say, but i would just like to let you know that you weren't just my friend, you were my... sister? switch friend and sister around. but yeah. the reason i`m going isn`t to leave this world, but to pray for the oens i love. i want to especially pray for you because i`ve seen you stray away from the faith. i`ve seen you from the start. and it`s my fault because i didn`t make an effort to pull you back. but now i know. i know that this is serious. i know you believe there is a God and when i leave i want to you to come back to the faith. the reason i say this is because sadly, i see your sould walking and making its path towards hell. i don`t want to see your sould go to hello therwise that would mean my time in delware will be useless. don`t ever fall so far away because i know you know there are people praying for you. don`t let their prayers be wasted. people like florence and keith.i guess ive never said this but i really wish things could go back to normal. back when we were younger. remember? we were like the best of friends, now look at us, were always fighting. im not sure if it was my fault, but i`m sorry.
-your brother glenn
keep praying for me when i leave.
ahh sheet i started bawling again.
but yea. that last part about us always fighting and stuff is what really got to me, i suppose. maybe because i never got to say sorry either. but i`ll write to him later on. so no worries.. but yea. it just sucks because now i know i`m the only one in the house now. it`s no the same with tiffany. glenn`s like my twin.
i could always count on him being in the room next to mines. he was the one i woke up at 3am because i had a stomach ache and i needed a glass of cold water with ice from downstairs. he was the one i woke up at 2am to unlock the door whenever i forget my key. i have no one to kick off the computer anymore. or to talk to my mom or dad for me.
man. and those were just the days when we were fighting. back in the days when we were close, hoooolly crap were they fun and we got in much trouble. i don`t know what more to say. i guess i just have to face the facts that he`s gone. i don`t know when this crying will stop. my sissy la la ness will come back to me if i`m remembered of glenn in any way. he left a lot of his stuff at home. i guess i`ll keep them for memoriabilia`s sake.
people are telling me to come to holy and loc. but i can`t go to holy this thursday because i have ap calc tutoring afterschool, then a sheeeetload of hw to do after that because i procrastinated. then friday i have an art show to go to with andrew and them. i think i`ll just go to the art show because i`m scared i might go bawling in front of everyone if i go to loc because it would remind me of my brother. i think it`ll take me a week to let this thing pass.
glenn left me with $100+. he left his pants at home when we got to the airport and just figured he`d tell me about the money and let me keep it. i`m not sure whether to spend it or not. but he knew i complained about being broke all the time so he told me to keep it. yea. i love my brother. he was a good brother. i just failed to see it.