|Its the times when Everlong comes on the radio at work and I feel the rigor mortis of what we were.
||[10 Jul 2007|11:23pm]
Overall I think I'm dealing with this pretty well, I'm getting over it little by little, and its starting to hurt less. But every now I then I fall prey to my weaknesses. Every now and then I feel so lonely that I could die. And there are still a few things that I will never understand, mainly because you had no answers for me, because you didn't want to take the time or the effort to dwell on these things any longer than you already had.
How could you have replaced me so quickly?
Do you miss me ever, at all?
How could you have fooled your heart into thinking it loved me for so long?
Do you even care at all?
I swear, one day I'm going to just break down around you and then maybe you will understand the extent of the carnage this has caused to my spirit. And while you fail to "dwell," its actually all that I'm able to do, with a string of haunting images that appear in my mind in every familiar place that I go and that creep into my dreams without notice in spaces I ever expected them to be. I suppose I dwell enough for the both of us.
Its a strange tango that I'm dancing now, deciding whether or not to keep you in or out of my life. Until this moment I had almost forgotten that you already decided that for us, for ME. I have no ammunition anymore. I am at a loss.
I just miss you so goddamn much. How does that not mean anything to you?
I need a new boyfriend.