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Oh Fuck. Here I Go Again.

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Been a while again

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I haven't felt much up to journaling lately. Too much other shit, and its too hard to find free alone time to just sit and vent shit out. A lot of things get surpressed to the point of explosion. But whatever. The more I harden and fall back to my steely core the better off I'll be.

Cats are going through another asshole phase and need to be fixed. I got a new tattoo.

I find myself zoning out into my own thoughts in a way that's completely different from when I was single. Its strange, isolating myself into my own world while other people are around. It leaves a weird taste in the back of my mouth.

I want this semester to be over. Its horrible. I'm stagnating, not learning anything. I feel outside myself right now. Like another person is controlling my actions and driving my body so as to continue to ride the fine balance that I've made for myself.

I think making a few new close friends is helping me out a little. I hung out with some new people on Halloween, making the split second desision to go get a tattoo with a girl in my class and her friend. I really enjoy getting to know new people that have the same attitude as me. I tried to make my halloween good, as I have been plagued with having bad days on this holiday my whole life. Hanging out with my friends was a good choice. Meeting new people and going on an adventure into new parts of queens a was also a good idea. It satisfied that empty party of me that fills itself up with wandering.

I got off at the wrong train platform on my way home though. And spent too much on the airtrain.

I don't exactly know where my life is going now. I feel pretty distinctly jaded in a way that I haven't felt before. I'm hoping that I'll have time to break out of it over one of the breaks from school. Its soul sucking right now. Empty learning.

Oh well.

In life news, I'm considering becoming a war photographer or a csi type photographer. I like the gooore.

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