| Symantics |
[Oct. 11th, 2010|01:54 pm]
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| [ | Tags | | | acquaintance, air force, blessing, epic win, fangirl, karl in ceramics, love, michael c. diesel, nerd, russian revolution, single, stress, wtfyall | ] |
"Mis"pelling is intended, loaning the sym for 'symmetry' and parlaying to Old English spelling, in addition to concerning itself with the interpretation of words
I haven't updated in a while. Mainly, I don't want to elaborate on the clusterfuck that is my life at current. It's a good clusterfuck, in a sense. It's progress in a ... healthier direction, but still, very frustrating. /cryptic
More of my friends have been promoted at work. We all know Adam's doppleganger, Trey, was transferring, and he did my 1 year evaluation before leaving, thankfully. He's the only guy left in charge from when I was hired, it seems. Eric, my new favorite manager, got sent to 1st shift to be grocery manager. Sighhhh. His last day on 3rd with us was also Will's, that tall, dark, rednecky handsome guy with the crazy fiance. He got his transfer to his neighborhood store approved. Gone are his two-hour commutes to and from work. The next night was extra-rough, it seemed, by their absence. The only people I can stand talking to now with frequency are Big Al and Les, the security guard. The whole night after, I was plagued with a type of mourning mixed with apprehension. I'm anxious; what if Big Al and Les get sick or hurt and they leave, too? I've lost the company of many dear people, all stolen away by circumstances beyond their control. I'm tired of it. When I finally get close to someone, I lose them, yet I continue the vicious cycle because I'm hard-wired to love making other people laugh and feel better.
The next night, nothing, nothing, NOTHING was going right. At all. Bereft of good feelings, I remembered something... Whenever I was in a horriblehorribleangry, people=shit mood where I wanted to take a blunt object to everything, if I could make Thomas laugh, I immediately felt ten million times better. All was right in the world if I could see Thomas laugh, forgetting his cares for a moment. Giving him that pleasure returned it to me ten times more.
Hm.
...Maybe that's part of the psychology behind why men desire/offer to perform oral sex on women. The thing is, it must be proferred without any guile or selfishness at all to be overwhelmed by the genuine good!feeling. yes, that came out of left field, I know It's such an intimate, intrusive act, and women conjecture so much about the emotion behind it. Maybe there is no emotion or thinking involved at all, when men have that desire or voice it.
Anyway.
Weight-loss progress is finally progressing. I've hit 168.2 and keep in the 168 range. I've been a better stickler to my diet lately. What's helping me the most is avoiding boredom eating by IM'ing and texting. Granted, it's not the morning schmexytime I used to enjoy, but this suits just as well, too. /overshare Only improved my running time to 12:22, and that was 3 days ago. Oops. :/
Got a new phone, because I was tired of the old one's ringer/speaker not working and not waking me up. Sadly, it means I need to insert all of my contacts in the list... manually. Sadly, the SIM cards don't transfer, and there's no way I know to do it with these basic prepaid devices. It's like night and day compared to my old one and I can text like a deeeeemon with it, lol. Has a camera, so I can get in trouble. Also, can record sound, and I recorded the funniest ringtone. It's so appropriate.
From 0:36 to 0:47
"You notice with the purr, for other women, it's like-it's like, rawr, but for you, for you it's like raaaaawwwwwwwrrrrrrr
That's how every man worthy of me should feel ;) no I'm not conceited, why do you ask?
Basically, I'm lonely at work in body, but the spirit of so many dear people still glide about on soapy heels and the memories keep me company. Sometimes, I even miss Cow pissing me off. I smile, though, because I know I'm never fully alone—I'm unforgettable, and some still dance with my ghost, too. Will (the one with the psycho fiance) told me in Facebook chat how much he already misses me singing and dancing around in my department and watching me climb in and atop the diaper frame. I'm blessed to be able to feel comfortable enough to do that again. To be silly, to thrive and glitter.
I shant chase, but be chased; shant sought, but be sought.
As there is stage, spotlight, I shall find
Myself, cursed with desire to be in
that arch. I have a fondness for glitter,
and glitter I shall do, for you, because you
...Are fond of the vibrant colors I splay.
You give such good chase. Our game of fox and hound is merely paused, for now. I look forward to resuming it with you again soon. |
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| Idio(t)syncratic (Twittery) Musings |
[Oct. 2nd, 2010|12:04 pm]
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| [ | Tags | | | acquaintance, air force, comedians, dream, epic win, fangirl, love, michael c. diesel, mike sasso, nerd, single, stereotyped, story: the red vineyard, stress, surprise, trip, wtfyall | ] |
►12:28 full jog. Last time, I speed-walked a section and only sacrificed a 5sec difference.
►Jasmine is back at work and the other night, she goes "You're still wearing that claw earring? Why?" "Because I am." She doesn't deserve the answer of 'I'm a romantic.' Animals don't understand the concept of romance.
►I don't know if I mentioned it anywhere, but last week, I had my first Conan dream in the longest time. I'm sure it's been about 8-9 months since my last one, but he and Andy were in a VERY icy parking garage in a 56' Chevy convertible. And I'm bobsledding on the ice to make it to their car. And they laugh and give me a ride and we go to Sonic and eat a bunch of burgers. It's awesome. This is BIG for me. I haven't dreamt about Conan in so long... That means I'm coming back around, y'all. ♥
►Also, "Maybe Thomas would've stuck around longer if we put more singles (dollar bills) in his g-string." was a phrase I never expected to come out of SOMEONE ELSE'S MOUTH at work. A million and a half dollars to whoever successfully guesses who would say that (David, you have not met this person).
►Corey Taylor's birthday is Dec 8. We're 12 years, 3 days apart in age. And he's redheaded. He's so full of win. Nnnnnnngh. ♥ He's the penultimate rocker sexgod for me. Like... Whoa. Wow. Hurhur.
►I HAVE OCTOBER 15TH OFF AND THAT MEANS WE CAN HAVE A REHASHING OF EPIC THAT I HAD LAST TIME I SAW SIXandTWENTY.
—Also, Eric is leaving. ( D: OF ULTIMATE PROPORTIONS.Collapse )
►I am filling out my Slipknot and Rammstein discography. It's about time, Hollykins.
►Have you ever read ppl's journals and witnessed as they travel a path so very similar to your own? The paths are in your forest, but they never intersect. However, you're experiencing the exact same emotional tumults as they? I've seen it in a few of my friends, but I'm afraid to say anything about it. I'm afraid they will judge me for comparing/contrasting my pain with theirs, or their travels with mine. That I'm maintaining conceit by noticing similarities in things they feel, that they do not wish to taint their sorrows with mine. I don't want to say something and then hear "this is a case of apples and oranges!" and I'd just be like "... ;~; DIGNITY COME BACK"
( Breaking into the Neon storyCollapse )
Among other things, I wrote a novel, for crying out loud.
►Dude said to me "I'm redheaded. You're redheaded. I like redheads. That's just the way it is."
Me in my infinite charm and charisma? "...Koohohohool."
►Evelyn may retire soon. I think Holly is comfortable enough to come back to the forefront again. She flickered through July and some August, but she needed a solid reminder that she is, indeed, unforgettable. And that's making her shine brightly, once again. ♥
Sparkle, my dears.
( きら☆きらCollapse ) |
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| Epic time is epic PART 3 |
[Sep. 27th, 2010|08:14 am]
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| [ | Tags | | | air force, attention, blessing, epic win, fangirl, god, michael c. diesel, nerd, picspam, profanity, schedule | ] |
Here's the final part in my 3-part series of my epic weekend well worth the callouts in order to fully enjoy.
A week prior, I had promised Nanny (92) that the following Monday, I would dedicate completely to her and whatever her and Mum would like to do. I've neglected them for weeks and felt it was high-time I spend the time with them they both wanted and deserved, however short.
But she was too antsy and wanted to start her shopping early, on Sunday (before the Belk sale would end). So that meant just a girl's afternoon, her and I.
( It was awkward, but awesome, to say the least. ALSO PICSPAM IS SPAMMY. ALSO, another way for me to praise the Clearance-rack gods for smiling upon me lately.Collapse )
Now that I can wear clothes in readily-available sizes... I am now a clothes horse. YAAAAY. But it only seems that way. Right now, I only have the following clothes that fit:
( listylistlistCollapse )
LONG POST IS LONG. EPIC DAYS WERE EPIC.
And also, another shopping day today.
Earned $10 in Kohl's cash for buying that coat and hairclips, soooo... Gonna find something today. Gotta buy some black for Thursday morning, RIP David's grandpa. :( |
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| ugh |
[Sep. 11th, 2010|08:06 am]
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I have a headcold that's trying to lead to strep throat. I am dying, but still going to work. Can't afford not to right now mainly because I plan on calling out after the double concert weekend next week because like HELL I am working another 8-day week ever. FUCK THIS NOISE...
But anyway, I still double-take now and then but Brandon doesn't bother me anymore. I asked him what his favorite 3 artists or bands were and he stuttered and forgot the name and then thought I meant drawing artists I wouldn't have added "band" in there if I did and he finally spits out Bullet for My Valentine after the generic "well I like everything like rock and rap and country !!!! DX" in the most grating redneck accent. I hadn't noticed how bad it or his teeth were and I was just like
Thank you, God.
I can handle this easier. ♥
 perfect_gold, thanks for the shove to atleast say something to the doof. It worked better than I hoped by backfiring. Hallelujah!
( piccypicpicCollapse ) |
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| Quick Toss |
[Sep. 10th, 2010|09:52 am]
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| [ | Tags | | | acquaintance, air force, attention, blessing, epic win, fml, god, love, nerd, picspam, stress | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ingrid Michaelson - Incredible Love | ] |
►I am angry at Christians and the idea of them right now.
►I am frustrated with people shitting all over "holy matrimony" and then daring to say that gay people can't have an equal opportunity to lose their shit in divorce just like other good, straight, tax-paying Americans.
►I am surprised at how long it takes for the sun to rise lately. Seasons changing again...
►I am further challenged to get into the 11 minute range by the end of the month... And maintaining it.
►I am thankful for what friends I have that have stuck around.
►I am blessed I have not been set on fire yet.
►I am not-good amused at what God thinks is funny.
►I am disappointed I am unable to help my friends lift their emotional burdens.
►I am pissed because there are those who neglect the ones they say they love most and call it love, then turn around and blame THEM for their pain.
►I am neglectful of my time.
►I am seeking out the most beautiful me within myself and finding some traces of her existence.
►I am chastized by people for feeling too much.
►I am y♥urs because I give that to you.
►I am proud to say that I was never promised anything I couldn't have.
►I am NOT ready to do sit-ups... Last time I did, I only got a layer of muscle hidden underneath my layer of fat that made the fat stick out further. I kinda like how soft and flat and smooth and squishy my tummy feels, in fact. DO NOT WANT but the Air Force does, so I gotta. =\
►I am good-bitey and I miss being so.
...
►I am in love with incredible love.
( Mum and Daddy enjoying baseballCollapse )
►I am ready for tea and a little CraigyFerg, but, first, SIT UPS HOLLY DO THEM NAO D: |
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| heavenly shades of night are falling, it's tweetytime |
[Sep. 8th, 2010|07:52 am]
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Had a super busy weekend and most of my free time was spent talking to/spending time with the following people:  crobat_lover, jeannabee, dmode101, underthepiano and I think her LJ name is edit wait it's not domino43 so go blame them for this being such a short lame post :}
Some notes, though
►13:29 yesterday. My hair got caught in my headphone clip in the back of my neck, so I'll attribute the slowdown to that.
►I bought several matching bra/panty sets from Hot Topic on their double-mark down secret sale that started yesterday. Actually, I bought a ton of everything awesome and am really excited to type more about it (when I'm not-busy). Now, to think of creative ways to show these off (because I love how damn cheap/cute they were)... Inclusion of other plushies, perhaps?
►Never underestimate the power of a sex drive's insistance despite the "never gonna happen" and "not bloody likely"s of the world.
►I consumed three varieties of "fried sweet thing covered in cinnamon sugar" in one day. Hello, diabetes. No, I do not need to keep my legs after all.
►I AM NOW THE PROUD OWNER OF THE SEXIEST BAND T-SHIRT KNOWN TO MAN AND THERE WILL BE PICS OF THIS HAWTNESS WHEN I AM FEELING LESS MINNESOTA caps warranted AND WANNA LOOK MORE CALIFORNIA
►OMFG THE MISFITS FOLLOWS ME EVERYWHERE D:
►I don't want to start doing sit-ups because I like how soft and smooth and flat my tummy feels laying down. But I'mma have to. Have to be able to do 50 (I think) in under 2 minutes for the Air Force, so even though I like my tummy soft, it'll have to get lumpy with muscles underneath. :P ... :{ Yes. Without a naked Johnny Depp Conan O'Brien beckoning me.
►I should have yelled PARKOUR today when I scaled that fence like a monkey, jeannabee, forlz. Atleast I didn't kerplunk INTO an empty box a la Andy Bernard firthgal needs to bust up into this entry with that gif, btw
►I need to start posting my shoe porn a la uranus_sama in addition to my underwear porn.
►"I get that way far too often when talking to people who don't understand the concept of writing for pleasure. 'Why would you write?' [My reply is] 'Why would you breathe?'"
"Why do you make me question the judgement of man to breed?"
"YESSSS."
/genius
►I was asked about my "It's Complicated". A-han~ Well, atleast I had warning I was gonna get it. And I'm glad I decided I had the choice whether or not to answer. ♥
►I still don't know why people on Facebook end their comments/updates with the "\nINSERTNAMEHERE" What is this \n shite? *grumbles* ... is it wrestling-related? ¬_¬
Les lent me The Hurt Locker and I'mma crawl into bed to watch it. From what I interpret, it's very cathartic. How we always save remnants/memories or small pieces of things in order to quantify all that we have survived or endured. Upon this realization we build a foundation, a purpose, to continue breathing. Yeah, we're knocked to the mat, spitting blood and teeth and tears, slapping the canvas to tap out, but it's not gonna stop that boxer from hitting us again as we're down. While we personally may want to die, our body still wants to live despite us. And we still take another shuddering breath, filling our lungs with hope-filled oxygen.
Let's get in another punch until the knock-out. We can't let the Universe be a bitch and take us down without a fight. Yes, Craig Ferguson, the Universe is very, very big, and will have Its way, but It also tends to double-back and correct Its egregious mistakes against us.
Start apologizing, motherfucker. *shakyfist at Universe*
( and pic of the day not of meCollapse ) |
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| Twitta-tweetweetweet *clapclapclap* |
[Sep. 5th, 2010|09:25 am]
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►13:20 holy cow.
►I asked a guy at work tonight "When someone breaks up with you, how long does it take you to get over it?"
"As long as it takes me to get through a bottle of Jim Beam."
That wasn't helpful.
►I'm getting paid DOUBLE TIME tomorrow (tonight, really) for working into Labor Day (FUCK YEAH FOR MONEY) and I just got off shift with the $1.00 additional an hour premium for working what-is-technically-Sundays. This makes up for calling in last week.
►One of my back molars broke. On ice cream (I abstained for a week and a half). FML there goes that bonus...
►I was zoning with James, an older man (50's) who reminds me of Andy Griffith with his simple and kind way about him. When it's just us zoning and chatting in an area, he says the funniest double entendres. The last time he was talking dirty, and this morning a customer tried a slip-and-fall and I remarked how they wouldn't get much out of this store.
"Yeah, I hope they enjoy their bruised ego and 20% discount or whatever."
"Wow, we're such mean-spirited people about the customers here..."
"You make me wicked."
LOL WTFERY INDEED.
"I don't make you anything you aren't already, sir."
*giggles* yes the man giggled "You're right."
":O"
►A friend told me tonight that I'm going to know TEN more heartbreaks like this one by the time I'm 40. What? WHAT?! I've only known 1 heaping double-punch of heartache and dribbles of a first in a 7 year span. I'd say I'm far behind on that estimate thank God because I feel too hard.
►OMFG ERIC I COULD KISS/HUG YOU. You do NOT know how oddly helpful you were tonight. It's kinda funny, the information you tell me when I'm not even asking for it. Maybe I'll just firmly shake your hand at some point, lol...
( and more pwnage from EricCollapse )
►Nicole reminds me so much of me even more, when I first started. She said something about Maintenance and asked "Where's Thomas?" and the dingbat newb who was hired with her didn't even know who Joe was, he said, until last night. She could have sworn she'd met Thomas at some point... She looked at everyone (me, James, William) wondering if she was crazy. "Wasn't there another Thomas?" I just looked at her, for once, and nodded.
"I thought there was... Where is he?"
I wasn't in a place I could answer, so I said nothing. James said nothing. William just shrugged his shoulders and went "There was another Thomas?" ...This, coming from the same guy who fixes heartbreak with a bottle of Jim Beam classy.
( Today's pic is actually related to content in this entryCollapse ) |
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| Twitteryness + small story |
[Sep. 3rd, 2010|10:07 am]
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I've missed you, bbs. Nothing is wrong apart from the usual and getting really, really inconvenient daydreams around Mum >_< forlz.
►I'm sorry Keyana, Trey, little gay man unloader (Charlie!), and new Mgmt assistant dude who won't stop talking to me damn he's creepy, is my "leave me alone" vibe not strong enough?. If I hadn't precipitated a matter, you guys wouldn't have had to empty the trash, buff, and clean bathrooms tonight. When I apologized to Keyana, she said, "Don't worry about it, gurl. People have to make their own decisions." and... She was right. I didn't need to apologize decisions someone else made. Doesn't mean they don't hurt, but it makes the whole thing a bit more bearable.
►These sliced apples from Chile are SO FLIPPIN GOOD YUMF. ♥ They're expensive but so lowcal and delicious.
►Spunky (our little grey urchin of a cat) is standing in front of the trash can on her hind legs. Not sitting back on her hind legs. Standing. ...wtf.
►13:48 today, bitches!
"Look at that~"
I'm under 14 minutes already! New goal—in the 12 minute zone by September 17th (Dethro Tull show)
( Also, little story about Charlie cheering me up tonight and pic-of-the-day x 2Collapse )
Charlie will never know how much it helped my night improve just by him talking about Thomas. Michael always used to do that, talk about Thomas to me, even though he never knew about what went on between us. And that always made me happy. I like hearing that stuff.
The Lord giveth Charlie for a moment when He taketh away Michael.
( and a little secretCollapse ) |
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| Bucket List Addition |
[Sep. 1st, 2010|09:35 am]
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I've made it apparent how much guitar!porn is one of the ultimate hunks of kryptonite one can use to make me swoon. And I've mentioned how, basically, I plan to return the favor and sweep a man off his feet who can play and serenade me like no other.
I saw this pic which is NSFW (no nude, but, NSFW) and I have totally decided I want to do a super-hot photoshoot much the same for my man with his guitars.
Also, I'm not even gonna lie, I had a photoshoot like this in mind for months now. But not with my Guitar Hero controllers. But then I was looking at "hot guitar pics" today and Google image search was like *angels singing*
Just sayin'. |
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| Bullets in the Quiver |
[Sep. 1st, 2010|08:22 am]
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| [ | Tags | | | acquaintance, attention, blessing, epic win, god, love, michael c. diesel, music, nerd, reviews, surprise, video post, wtfyall | ] |
A lot of weird stuff has happened on my 3-day weekend. I felt awful Sunday and needed to be with David after all the shitfest that went down, so I stayed with them the night and helped him with the store in the morning. Lots of good David/Me time. But! Let's condense this Twitter-style, ok? OKAY.
►Sometimes it's okay to take a break from yourself/routine in order to get back to what matters—Good company, lots of food, and not exercising. Also, running is my least-favorite method of working up a sweat in the world. I greatly prefer my earlier exercise routine.
►David proposed to me (this time—I had sorta proposed a month back). I didn't know he was doing it at first yes, dense as always:
"We should be like Alan and Denny."
"What, buy some cigars and have a scotch when we get back?"
"No, get married, so we can take care of each other."
Sorry, but even though it's an appealing idea, we just wouldn't be happy at all. That's also a set-up that's hard to explain to other guys when I bring them back to my place (which he said I would have to and should resort to). "Yes, this is my husband. No, he doesn't care to watch. Stop asking about the dress and keep kissing me."
►Ran into Christian when he was getting off shift at WM. He was ending a phone call and Mum was saying I was keeping him from his call with his wife or girlfriend (I think he's remarried already, but I'm not certain). I was waving Mum away (so I could tell him about Thomas leaving {I don't particularly like bringing him up so much around Mum}) and before she did he bear-hugged me. We walked to find something he could cook for dinner ("I need ideas. Something quick, though. I've got homework and laundry to do.") and when he got what he needed, Mum circled back around and he gave me another bearhug in departure. Both times, Mum didn't look at me/us in judgement/confusion/o_O. She said to me once before, and has reiterated it a few times, that "I can see how someone could fall in love with you, especially with your personality... especially if the person they're with or were with is so boring in comparison. It can be overwhelming at first, but you're magnetic. Your crazy simmers, gets manageable. The ones who stick around get the benefit of you." She said that to me again later on, as we completed our trip, on our drive home. I am NOT saying Christian and I are dating/will date/could date/etc. just for the record, but he's an example of a good, safe, interactive coworker friendship Hm.
►It's a terrible burden to be a single, attractive young woman between the ages of 25-35.
►I had written before, about how I felt God had sat idly by in the MCD saga. I wrote recently how Les and David just let me be whatever I'm feeling. It finally joined to make the thoughts cohesive. That is what Jesus was doing with me. He never left me, and how I said it felt like He was only sitting by was a correct assumption. I'm supposed to go to Him because I can fall into His arms and be weak there; He shouldn't/doesn't hunt me down with a pointy stick. I only came to realize this when the congregation sang the hymn "Tell Me The Story of Jesus" Sunday morning.
( lyrics under the cut—they're beautiful (even if you aren't a believer)Collapse )
►Ingrid Michaelson is on Twitter. I must follow. How did I not know about this earlier?
►I've had it on TBS for 1 hour. I've seen Conan promos 6 times. I am so thrilled this station loves him so much already. ♥
►Jeanna (who I am going to make sure I see either Monday or Tuesday when she's in town) tweeted "my cousin's last name is going to be Slaughter. That cracks me up for some reason. She also wants to name her son Temple. Temple Slaughter." How is this not inherently \m/ METAL \m/? She's a year or two my senior, and experiences things a year or to before I ever do... It's weird...
►Watched/listened to a TON of baseball last night and it felt really good. Had a big hamburger while watching/listening to said games. Life was good.
►"I love the way you cut tomatoes and vegetables. Not because I don't want to do it, but because you're... so good with a knife."
"You wanted to say 'hands', didn't you?"
"I try not to be lewd when it comes to my only daughter."
"'Comes to your only daughter'?"
"This is not a Craigy Ferg show."
"Then why are you laughing?"
►I love these two Bible verses/sections. Basically, it goes
"I'mma let my kids suffer to refine and test them, to strengthen them, but those assholes who talk nice but feel evil in their hearts against them? Yeah, I'mma avenge myself on them, because when they fuck with the daughters of my people1, I'mma fuck them up." So yeah, God allows suffering for growth, but for assholes? He'll crush 'em, because they're being assholes to be evil, not for their own personal growth.
TL;DR version: DEM BITCHES GOING DOWN.
1 translations everywhere else include "daughter of my people", even in the ESV, but their website's ESV doesn't include this for some reason... o.O;
►A cancer benefit concert MayLay is doing sprang up last weekend for this coming Saturday. I want to go, but not alone, because it's out of state AND will run late. MCD Jr. invited me to their last show, and since I couldn't make it, he threw this one at me right after. I'm not sure how I feel about this at all.
►Fuck you, Saved By the Bell rerun entitled "The Mamas and the Papas" that just aired. More of that marriage/divorce/compatability shizz shoving in my face. WRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY. AND I NEVER WATCH SAVED BY THE BELL RERUNS.
And now for a message:
minimal make-up just mascara and chapstick ftw! |
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