This is stupid
Mar. 2nd, 2008 | 09:20 pm
mood: 
stifled
music: Suzanne Vega - Caramel
and it's only getting worse. I feel weak, overly womanly- like all my feminism is leaving me.
Now grant that I generally dislike my mother's era's feminism! It's too much, with the shoulderpads and the base-human of being a man. Not good. I want to be a strong *woman*, and remain very much a woman. When I say I'm feeling womanly and non-feminist, it's that I feel like... Like I could be pushed into an apron wearing barefoot pregant kowtowing woman-in-the-kitchen and I wouldn't do very much to stop it.
Other things, but yeah. This is bad. @_@ It's kind of been progressing since coming to Reed. Worse lately though- but it's not Martin's fault, I can tell you. I'm standing up to him a lot more lately than I ever used to- it's good, but sometimes, I get super frustrated with him, and we're both so stubborn that it's hard to get through to the other side. I skipped class last monday because we were arguing (also because they were going to YangMing Shan to see the flowers, which I didn't have a great interest in- apparently I didn't miss much). I think some is due to the stagnation I feel- another part due to hanging out ENTIRELY WITH GIRLY GIRLS ohmigod the shopping it will never end
I also have some other ideas about why. But how someone got a cold isn't going to help them cure it. Sooooooo
I dunno. Maybe I have to get all these girly urges out before I explode. Really, stifling them like I have is probably doing no good. Like how I was feeling when I first came, like I needed a pet or something to take care of so my uterus would stop going on alert. That never happened. And now I want to buy shoes (Gasp!) and sew clothes, buy *things*... Of course I don't give in to these at all (for one thing because my feet/body parts are too darned big for Taiwan XD) but... *purses her lips*
Perhaps I should really get on this sewing machine thing. So I can put all this lame female-stuff somewhere, get back to being a strong woman. Maybe that'll stop the domestic disputes XD
hay but srsly guyz I can't wait to get home nowadays. Especially with the computer dying and the lame Taiwanese internet, and the only recreation around here during the day being shopping, and bunches of other crap. And a not-made-of-wire bed. And my friends! I had a dream last night; mom and I were picking up Ali from school, and she was going to go bowling with six friends and she was being useless so we had to go around looking for them while she watched some dude she liked playing some sports or something, and I ran into Shyla, who was depressed about a guy and I told her to buck up, Packard who gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and we chatted for a while, and then I saw Look and Amanda playing on the playground, so after I went and found some more of Ali's friends I went back to talk to them, but it was dark. I thought I saw them, so I went over, but I tripped one of those motion lights, and then I saw Lindsay was there with them talking, and they wondered why I tripped the light since I wasn't in the country (?) and I didn't know. We were about to start hanging out when I started to feel myself waking up, and I was sad because I really miss Look and Amanda- but then I woke up, again (all over the place since like 6:00 in the morning I couldn't sleep) and I was sad. I think I've been kind of morose all day. Just want to run away from the house. Go find a safe place/hide/fall asleep.
Ah well. Tuesday school starts, and tomorrow I go see whether or not I got into Intensive. And what time. And maybe mail Mom's package and Ben's letter. And flail my arms around for the rest of the day until we go to sleep.
Bahhh. Maybe I should really work on that character description for that MUCK I was interested in playing. My writing has SUCKED lately though. So, I finally got this idea for a decent story? Annd it's kind of victorian-era-ish. So I write a page and it's just so focused on the clothing and the socializing. Gahh! Want to shoot myself. Hopefully I will be able to write decently again someday- I miss writing stories so much, and poetry =/
Anyway, love and miss you folks out there.
~K
Now grant that I generally dislike my mother's era's feminism! It's too much, with the shoulderpads and the base-human of being a man. Not good. I want to be a strong *woman*, and remain very much a woman. When I say I'm feeling womanly and non-feminist, it's that I feel like... Like I could be pushed into an apron wearing barefoot pregant kowtowing woman-in-the-kitchen and I wouldn't do very much to stop it.
Other things, but yeah. This is bad. @_@ It's kind of been progressing since coming to Reed. Worse lately though- but it's not Martin's fault, I can tell you. I'm standing up to him a lot more lately than I ever used to- it's good, but sometimes, I get super frustrated with him, and we're both so stubborn that it's hard to get through to the other side. I skipped class last monday because we were arguing (also because they were going to YangMing Shan to see the flowers, which I didn't have a great interest in- apparently I didn't miss much). I think some is due to the stagnation I feel- another part due to hanging out ENTIRELY WITH GIRLY GIRLS ohmigod the shopping it will never end
I also have some other ideas about why. But how someone got a cold isn't going to help them cure it. Sooooooo
I dunno. Maybe I have to get all these girly urges out before I explode. Really, stifling them like I have is probably doing no good. Like how I was feeling when I first came, like I needed a pet or something to take care of so my uterus would stop going on alert. That never happened. And now I want to buy shoes (Gasp!) and sew clothes, buy *things*... Of course I don't give in to these at all (for one thing because my feet/body parts are too darned big for Taiwan XD) but... *purses her lips*
Perhaps I should really get on this sewing machine thing. So I can put all this lame female-stuff somewhere, get back to being a strong woman. Maybe that'll stop the domestic disputes XD
hay but srsly guyz I can't wait to get home nowadays. Especially with the computer dying and the lame Taiwanese internet, and the only recreation around here during the day being shopping, and bunches of other crap. And a not-made-of-wire bed. And my friends! I had a dream last night; mom and I were picking up Ali from school, and she was going to go bowling with six friends and she was being useless so we had to go around looking for them while she watched some dude she liked playing some sports or something, and I ran into Shyla, who was depressed about a guy and I told her to buck up, Packard who gave me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and we chatted for a while, and then I saw Look and Amanda playing on the playground, so after I went and found some more of Ali's friends I went back to talk to them, but it was dark. I thought I saw them, so I went over, but I tripped one of those motion lights, and then I saw Lindsay was there with them talking, and they wondered why I tripped the light since I wasn't in the country (?) and I didn't know. We were about to start hanging out when I started to feel myself waking up, and I was sad because I really miss Look and Amanda- but then I woke up, again (all over the place since like 6:00 in the morning I couldn't sleep) and I was sad. I think I've been kind of morose all day. Just want to run away from the house. Go find a safe place/hide/fall asleep.
Ah well. Tuesday school starts, and tomorrow I go see whether or not I got into Intensive. And what time. And maybe mail Mom's package and Ben's letter. And flail my arms around for the rest of the day until we go to sleep.
Bahhh. Maybe I should really work on that character description for that MUCK I was interested in playing. My writing has SUCKED lately though. So, I finally got this idea for a decent story? Annd it's kind of victorian-era-ish. So I write a page and it's just so focused on the clothing and the socializing. Gahh! Want to shoot myself. Hopefully I will be able to write decently again someday- I miss writing stories so much, and poetry =/
Anyway, love and miss you folks out there.
~K
