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new journal [Jan. 1st, 2006|11:56 pm]
i got a new lj yo. decided to start over i guess. if you read this.. and i dont think many do.. ask for the new name..
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(no subject) [Dec. 13th, 2005|10:32 pm]
yeah so saturday night basically rocked. after work moe came over for her bday but had to go home early cuz she had to work early and so alicia joined me at andy adam and austins hotel party. it was fucking sweet. and we took video footage. yeahhhhh it was a GREAT night. but no time for details. actually thats all i want to say. christmas break is in 3 days!! one giant party bitchessssss. later
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in our eyes are mirror images and when we k i s s they're perfectly aligned [Dec. 7th, 2005|04:06 pm]
[Mood |exhaustedexhausted]
[Music |The Postal Service <33]

i just got my hair cut and it is sweet as fuck. im loving it and now i just have to get it recolored differently, just didnt have time for that today. probably wont do that til christmas break, but oh well.

anyways. last friday i had to play my trumpet in the madrigals choir production, and then afterwards i went to alicias for awhile. and then austin called me around 11 30 and i went to chris's with him. on the drive there i actually got to listen to the whole postal service cd with austin, and ive only heard a few songs by them before, and i freaking loooooooove it. yeah deff. getting that cd real soon. i fed austin chicken nuggets too on our way there. what a friend i am. so at chris's adam and landon were there then later andy and max came also. it was sweet. didnt have much to drink, just kind of chilled, i still need to try making alcoholic macaroni and cheese with landon haha. that boy is crazy and hilarious, hes awesome. austins friends are all freaking awesome. me n moe both love hanging with them. oh and alicia is going to invite herself to come hang with us she said haha, not that she has to invite herself, cuz i love her like thisssssssss much and i miss hanging with her all the time! but anyways.. got home at like 3 30 that morning then had to wake at 8 for work, which sucked balls, but work wasnt too bad. and then i had to go to my cousin harrison's birthday party and i swear everyone is popping out kids left n right, i couldnt even figure out whos was whos there. and then lynns birthday party was that night which was cool i guess, and me n moe left at like 10 and then roads were covered in snow and i had never drove in snow before so haha, yeah that was fun. i was going like 20 mph on our way to taco bell, which idk why we still went cuz my car sucks so bad in snow. she drove from t bell back to my house cuz shes a better snow driver i guess, or at least had experience. then we snuck out at like 12 30 and david picked us up in his big truck and i just chilled at matts with him n austin for a few. nothing big really. watched part of unleashed on tv. sunday my family cut down a christmas tree and we decorated that and then i had to play at madrigals again. didnt do shit that night since someone ditched me sort of ljslkajflksjd. oh well.

7 days left til christmas break! haldflksjd couldnt be more excited for that. too bad i have to work on an 85 minute presentation over a book for enlish. fucking gayyyyyyy, but i need an A+ on it real bad so im going to work hard. jordan came over last night and we watched pulp fiction and talked a lot, mostly about his wrestling, that boy is on insane diet cuz he had to maintain certain weight, that would suck so bad, i couldnt do it. im so tired, ive actually been getting lots of sleep lately, and ive been so exhausted. my mom thought maybe i was getting mono but i feel fine. she wouldnt let me go to school today ljsdflj. at least i had test in two classes so i didnt miss learning anything really. okay time to go watch friends episodes and maybe sleep more. cuz im a loser. later.
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(no subject) [Dec. 1st, 2005|12:31 am]
California deffinitely turned out to be much more fun than i thought. the night before i left was a fun night as well. cept i sort of got in trouble with mi madre but i think shes over it already. i got to see moe before i left then went to alicias and saw mary alex and emily. and then joey came over with matt and broc. and then i went over to matt midd's house to see austin and some others, sean was in town, and that was fun, til it was like one and my mom said i needed to be home since i had to be at school at three am. then austin came back to my house and we hung out here til about 2 30 when i had to throw my last minute stuff in my suitcase to leave. then the trip went well and all the amusement parks were great and i hung out with sara pretty much the whole time even though i never really talked to her at all before the trip. me n all my roommates had some good talks at night. and there was deff. lots of good food there. im glad to be home now. i had a shitload of homework to do tonight but i got pretty much everything done. im trying to get my act together in school because i havent been doing so well... well thats all there is to say. later
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(no subject) [Nov. 22nd, 2005|09:58 pm]
haha some people are so immature.

okay so i leave thursday morning at 3 AM for california.. im going to miss everyone =( im not even going to bed though wednesday cuz 2 or 3 hours of sleep that i would get is pointless and im going to go see some friends for goodbyes. ahhhh, but hopefully the trip is fun! i dont really have much to say.. i always tend to write in here quite a bit for like a week or two and then dont do it for like 2 months. im sick of school, i cant wait til fucking christmas break. its only like a month away, time sure it flying. okay i really dont have anything to say. later
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another survey [Nov. 21st, 2005|04:10 pm]
130 Things People Want To Know About You
.: The Basics :.
Location?:fort wayne
Hair color?:dark brown, red highlights
Eye color?:blue
shoe size?:7 1/2
height?:5'1" maybe.
interests::music. friends. chill parties.
.: Favourites :.
food:fridays sesame jack chicken.. fuckin awesome i tell ya
drink:raspberry tea...unless your talking alcoholic.......
music style:rock
music artist/band:brand new. they just dont get old...
tv show:Friends. i own the first 7 seasons...
movie:requiem for a dream
thing to do:drinkin with the guys. being with my girls.
ice cream:coldstone's cake batter with cookie dough mmmm
song:varies all the time
book:fuck i dont read enough for that. i liked forever...
computer game:dont play those
board game:um.. i guess monopoly..
dessert:apple pie. or peach cobbler.
quote:too many..
name:haha. who has a favorite name
.: Friendship :.:
who's your best friend?:idk these days. Marys been since 7th grade but i basically hang out with Moe all the time and i love her to death
other close buddies...?:alicia, lynn, alex, sam, emily, steph, kate, joebear, and yeah.. lots of others. enough of this though...
last friend you hung out with:Moe
last friend you hugged:Grey
last friend you saw a movie with:oh my.. i dont think ive been to a movie since a date i had with austin like 3 months ago
last friend's house you went to:Moe
any friends you cant stand?:well i suppose if they are my friends i wouldnt say i totally cant stand them...
any friends you've regretted becoming friends with?:not at the moment.
if so, who?:dslkjfakdjs
do you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex?:most deffinitely. i like hanging with guys more than girls, ive always been that way....
most annoying friend?:haha. i probably shouldnt say...
most preppy friend?:kate for sure.
darkest friend?:darkest how?
hyper-est friend?:Mary
nicest friend?:all my friends are nice.... to me at least
funniest friend?:many of them are quite goofy
meanest friend?:well if they were mean they probably wouldnt be my friend.........
most outgoing friend?:alex or kate. they freaking know everyone
shyest friend?:hmm...idk. hard to tell since they arent shy with me..
hottest friend?:im just going to say austin cuz im very attracted to that boy haha
friend with the best personality?:ill have to say moe becuz we pretty much have everything in common
friend with the best music taste?:well ive introduced much music to my friends and they all have fairly good taste. orgianlly id have to say alicia or moe (even if shes also a country freak lol)
friend who sings the best?:mary
friend who laughs the most?:they all laugh a lot
friend you enjoy being around the most?:moe mary and alicia... as for guys, austin
friend who your parents love?:Moe
friend who your parents hate?:uhhhhhhhh
friend your parents don't know about?:they dont know im friends with many of the guys i hang out with to party, cuz well, they dont know i party haha
.: Romance :.
got a crush/boyfriend?:yes, for sure still really like this one boy, who i aleady answered a shitload of quetsions about in the last survery
if so, what gender?:male..........
how far have you gone?:sex
with who?:only austin
the last person you kissed::austin
the last person you hugged::Grey, already answered that question
the last person you wanted to kiss::...austin..
how far you do want to go (at this point in life)?:how far with what
hottest friend?:i believe this was already asked as well..
hottest celebrity?:ryan gosling, id do him in a heartbeat
if you could date any famous person, who would it be?:ryan gosling
dream date::ryan gosling haha. these are basically the same three questions
dream honeymoon::well ill be spending most my honeymoon on a beach or having sex.. so probably just hawaii or something. all the major traveling will occur later int he marriage
age you want to get married (if not already):whenever its right. not til after college though..
number of kids you want to have (if not already):idk. 2.
straight?:thats me
would you rather your boyfriend/girlfriend be gay or bi?:haha. why the fuck would i want my boyfriend to be gay
.: This or That :.
Kerry or Bush:bush
rap or rock:rock
pop or country:country
movie or tv show:movie
girl or guy:guy
fire or water:water
death or life:life
cheerleader or punk:punk
prep or jock:prep
kroger or publix:kroger
walmart or target:target
avril or jay-z:jay-z
pink or black:black
cheez it or cheese nip:cheez it
cat or dog:dog
tape or glue:tape
msn or aim:aim
mall or movies:mall
writing or typing:typing
phone or computer:computer
baseball or football:football
p.e. or health:p.e.
high school or middle school:high school
dunkin donuts or starbucks:starbucks
amc or united artists:?
walgreens or CVS:walgreens.... this is getting gay
brownies or cookies:cookies
reading or writing:reading
surveys or polls:surveys
livejournal or xanga:livejournal
Yellowcard or Ashlee Simpson:yellowcard
AFI or Jojo:afi
Green Day or Beastie Boys:green day
kill or be killed:kill
eat or be eaten:eat
hate or be hated:hate
ocean or pool:pool
singing or dancing:dancing
heart or peace sign:heart
halloween or christmas:christmas
question or answer:okay this is getting really fuckin old
fear factor or the o.c.:oc
the simpsons or who's line is it anyway?:whos line
Disney or The N:disney
pancakes or waffles:waffles
strawberrys or blueberrys:strawberrys
yogurt or frozen yogurt:frozen yogurt
kiss or hug:both
guitar or drums:guitar
Take this survey | Find more surveys
You've been totally Bzoink*d
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in the sun, in the sun i feel as one [Nov. 19th, 2005|06:50 pm]
[Mood |boredbored]
[Music |nirvana]

im on a path in life right that is taking many different turns... my mood changes constantly from being really happy to just flat out feeling like shit. i suppose certain situations going on in my life right now would be the cause of that. i feel like i could be on a path to failure, or i could learn to change things around a bit and start accepting what i have no control over.

a few weekends ago i went to western michigan with Moe to visit her brother and it was a grand time. he cooked really well and at night we got to party some so that was sweet. ive never been able to aquire the taste of beer, but when playing beer pong its not so bad. it was a good weekend. i dont know what i would do without moe sometimes, she gets me through everything, i love her.
ive been partying at least once every weekend just about, last night was the first night i actually got realllly drunk though in awhile, i was mostly just getting kinda tipsy every weekend for awhile. so austin and his friends called me one night a couple weekends ago asking me to party with them so i did, and austin and i ended up..... well i dont care to share exactly what we did but yeah, it started stuff up again. and then the next weekend we did stuff again, and partied, and well i just need to be careful. i understand he doesnt want a relationship, and i think im okay with it, but i think im just making myself believe it doesnt bother me, and last week i realized all this is hurting me and then he decided we need to work on just being friends. so i guess we will see where that goes.... i wish i didnt think about this all the time.

so that path of failure i mentioned is mostly in school, i have a huge lack of motivation this year and i dont know why. theres just so much shit ive been getting myself in to, and then i never feel like doing homework at night and i feel so behind in everything, and im just not doing well this year.
tonight im hanging out with moe, like i do every weekend.
thursday, the marching band leaves for california, im not really that excited for it. i think once it comes i will be, i really need this get away so hopefully it is a good time.

i may fill out a survery later.. idk. im out though.
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(no subject) [Oct. 25th, 2005|02:15 pm]
[Mood |calmcalm]
[Music |my humpssssssss]

okay so i lied. im sort of punishing myself by not having you there.. so either way i cant win. i just hope this friendship thing starts getting better, cuz we always end up fighting.

anyways. saturday night, not so fun. lets just say it was the first time i went over my limit, and i didnt just go a little over, but a lot. luckily, i had people to take care of me, and i ended up okay.

my mother finally told me news about my grandpa. at first they said his tumor is malignent, and then they said there is a chance it isnt. sooooooo i guess we have to wait a little while longer for the scans and what not to get back. i really hope hes okay.. i dont want anymore disapointments right now, and i love my grandpa.

okay so im looking for a good note. today i took this indiana math league test ummm it was pretty easy, except for one question troubled me, but at least i get extra credit for it. im joining the academic team this year to compete in the area of math, and next week jared and i are getting together to research everything on the study guide. that should be fun. im a nerd and i enjoy this stuff occasionally. (with the exception of some of what we have learned in pre calc). id ask others to join us on this research we are doing, but i dont know of anyone who reads my lj with that interest.

well my younger brother wants me to bake cookies with him, so i am off to do that. later.
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lksdjfkljsdfsed [Oct. 22nd, 2005|03:19 pm]
fucking sick of this.

tonight is going to be sweet.
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life.. [Oct. 16th, 2005|06:30 pm]
[Mood |blahblah]
[Music |alkaline trio]

so im letting out some of my feelings... thanks if you take the time to read it. its appreciated!

well.. the 2005 marching band season is officially over. and sadly, it ended without the Dome. last night was full of tears and i was surprised to see so many of the freshmen crying becuz i really didnt think any of them cared that much, but i guess that shows you really dont realize how much you care for something until you lose it. (i guess that could be interpreted into this situation somehow) i felt as if i had let the senior class down last night, but theres nothing i can do. it truly was a good season though. however, ill admit, i just didnt feel the show this year, at least not as much as previous years, and i dont know why. but its over and done and ill end it there. im starting to get more excited for the california trip, i mean im pretty sure im going to have a blast, but the thing is i have hardly any friends in the band. i mean sure, i talk to plenty of people, and id consider them my friends... but when im not in band, i really dont hang out with any of the band members. most my friends are outside of band. so sometimes when im in band, i almost feel lonely, becuz i really dont know who actually likes me. its a weird feeling.. but i think the trip should be good. maybe ill grow closer to some people, who knows. now onto another subject...

about 2 weeks ago austin broke up with me. it was quite the shock to be honest with ya, he was telling me how awesome i was and we were always having fun, then he visits his mother one weekend and with his return he decides that being in a relationship isnt the best thing for him right now. but you know what... every guy ive talked to in the past year says a relationship isnt the best thing for them. they usually end up finding someone worth it enough to date shortly after though. i feel like im always being left for another girl. the one boyfriend i have had since ive been in high school, cheated on me, and that was heartbreaking, and i find it so hard to trust people sometimes. i wish i could have one good relationship with a guy, even if it isnt as a boyfriend, becuz at this point idk if i should bother, although i usually end up falling for a guy, but since im always let down right when i decide i like someone, maybe ill finally learn. i just want a guy im close with and can run to when im down and stuff, sure, my girls are great for that, and i love them all dearly, but its nice to get a guys opinion as well. and honestly, im jealous of all these couples who just seem so happy and last for so long and blah blah. my mom says i should stay away from guys.. becuz it never turns out well for me. right now i wish i could just go on a date, with a normal guy, as friends, and have fun. just simple, ya know. but i doubt any guy will just ask me on a date like that. i really do miss austin though.. thats the problem, but maybe a date would help me feel better, but id just want to be friends with the guy for now. well anything can happen. im hoping things start to turn around soon, now that bands over ill have plenty free time. and im quite excited for that.

well this entry was rather lengthy. i havent wrote in a long time though so it was needed. today i hung out with mary and lynn and i missed them, becuz i had hardly any time during band season. i already talked to alicia last night and theres deff. going to be some time spent with her and the other girls next weekend. and the following weekend im going with Moe to visit her brother at U of M, should be fun. well comment if you have any thoughts, i love to hear them. time for some homework.
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