and so renee finds herself in china for the first time in her life. HAHA.

me: me is in beijing!
yunhui: are you bloody serious

HAHA awesome reaction. but yes it really is freezing here! haha. -9 degrees when we landed, and it was snowing! :D hahaha. i've seen snow many times before but i've never seen it snow! i was enjoying it so much that i didn't mind standing in the cold with my arms out, even though i was really freezing. xD

ah well. there was a snowstorm when we were supposed to land, so the landing was delayed by 2 hours. then, we waited for a taxi for 2 hours because the queue was crazily long, and taxis only came once in a few minutes (snow = stay out of the roads). haha, didn't really spoil my mood though. it's nice to be away from home. flights also generally make me happy. hahaha well if you get good seats, that is. love the 777-300ER. oh, had fun kicking around in the snow too, when we got to the hotel. hahah.

oh well. kinda tired. bedtime! and ARGH i hate the fact that i can't access fb and tumblr from here. *grumbles*

sigh, why on earth did i agree... :(

2009 went by in a flash. a whole ton of 'last's and here i am, ready to face a whole year of uncertainty. i just came back from a gala dinner and dance at raffles town club, and it was really fun! my first new year's countdown party, heh. xD while i was there, i thought back about the year, and realised it's really been an awesome year. definitely better than what i'd hoped, it was a great way to end my pre-uni life.

well. 2010's here and it's hard to believe that it was a DECADE ago that we were celebrating the new millennium! here's wishing everyone a great year ahead. good luck to the guys in disneyland tekong (as what a certain someone calls it) and all the best to the rest of us who don't really know what to expect in the year ahead!

man i'm really high. HAHA. nah, i'm pretty sure the champagne didn't make me drunk. xD

I just came back from the most awesome camp I've ever been to. And I wonder why this is the first church camp I've gone for. Right now I wish we could've just stayed there forever. The safe environment of the church, with our eyes focused on God for three whole days, encouragement from everyone around, and the spirit of God... It was easiest to just forget about everything that was on my mind, and just trust God fully.

Yes, I'm setting my priorities right. Gotta listen out for the still small voice. I hope I never forget this feeling. Even after the camp high dies down.

Well. Other than that, I would say this camp is The dirtiest camp I've ever been to. Seriously. The first day, we have to stick our hands into one of four buckets (they're all covered, so, whichever you pick, good luck.) and find the white marbles. I was REALLY lucky to have stuck my hand into the nicest bucket - maggi mee with curry seasoning (which made my hand stick for the rest of the day. i couldn't even go to the toilet to wash it off!) The other three were live mealworms, water + live frogs, and... hmm i can't remember the last one. There was another station where they'd have to compete to see who could stand longest in a squatting position over chairs filled with chilli, ketchup, mustard, and all sorts of liquidy rubbish (and they'd eventually be pushed down anyway.) Thankfully we didn't get to do that station.

Yesterday there was quite a bad station called Candy Land, where you had to sit there and they could do whatever they wanted to you. Put nail polish on your feet, paint your whole body/clothes (acrylic paint), put flour over you, gel up your hair and put some yellow stuff in it, dump peanut butter/chilli/mustard/ketchup on your face/hair... oh and spray you with coke. Absolutely horrible. Guess my sensitive nose saved me, though. After walking past the other groups who had gone through the station, I was super nauseated after smelling them. Probably the mixture of the army camouflage paint + ketchup + everything la. So yes, when it was our group's turn, I really needed to sit out.

One thing I'm very thankful for in church are the TAG-ers. Who do everything in love, talk to you to genuinely know more about you, and would sacrifice playing with the other guys just to sit and talk with the tired girls. Somehow, I never feel anything less than loved when I'm with the bunch of them. (It still feels weird to be called 'bro', though.)

Also, The Sprouts was an awesome group. We weren't very competitive, we didn't win many of the games, but everyone was so encouraging and friendly. Hopefully we'll stay in touch. =)

Amazingly, someone just told me he sensed that something was going on at the sports school, on Friday night. The night that I really sensed the holy spirit speaking to me about my worries. The night when everyone knelt down and was silent for so long, in His presence, just talking and surrendering ourselves to Him. Wow.

On the way back home, I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have so many people in my life who can help to guide me along. Mentors and friends, people I can trust with my innermost thoughts and feelings, knowing they won't judge, and knowing I can count on them to help me stay on this road forever. I thank God for these people, and I love you guys very much. (You know who you are.)

With everything, with everything
We will shout for Your glory
With everything, with everything
We will shout forth Your praise

well, it looks like i have to change my lj layout every two months to keep my blog updated haha! hmm, more or less done with stuff for the year, now that comp was over yesterday haha. it's scary to know that people are going into ns tomorrow. TOMORROW. oh, man. it still feels weird to say "i've just graduated from nus high." and now the guys are already starting to go to ns. :(

(yup. notice the lack of mention of uni apps so far. sigh.)

so. eight months to do all the stuff i've wanted to do but haven't had the time to. really hope i'm allowed to go for baptism/membership class! top of the list. :D

( tagged by jj on fb (again)! )

we've graduated. we've finally reached the end of these four years, and all that's left is prom. which i hope will go well! :D gotta finish up the door gifts today lol. but anyway yes. convocation today, which went by really quickly. after getting my diploma, i messaged cherm: "scary, that went by SO fast!"

well, it's really been a memorable day. i realised while singing the school song just now that it'd be the last time singing to that piano recording... after that, i took plenty of photos with people i hope i never forget, gave drwong her presents :D and hung around waiting for 1pm to come.

( and this. because i haven't done one in ages )

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

okay that looks better on msn, with the emoticons. but. EXAMS ARE OVER. finally!!! well, convocation's in two days, prom's in three.. and that'd really be the end of these four years. oh well.

and yes i've managed to find another way to fill my schedule - carolling! hahahah should be an awesome load of fun, i think. lanabel you singing? :D

nes alerted me to the fact that gradebook was finally published on espace. so, i went to check out the module comments, and according to nes, i'm a "magnet for bad english." from the various mistakes in most of my comments, nes formed the sentence which is my blogpost title. *facepalms*

well anyway. most of today's gone, and i really need to study for my nus exams. after this. xD piano in the morning was kind of bad, thereafter, i went to pick up my passport (oh! i need to remember to tell them of my new number before my next trip to senggarang!), came home for lunch, practised violin for like 15 minutes before going for lesson (and getting caught in that heavy rain and flooding on bt timah road).

it's really annoying how the 15 minutes of violin prac was all i'd managed to squeeze out since my lesson on tuesday, but ms lim says i improved a lot. on the other hand, i've been practising piano about 2 hours everyday and it still sounds like crap! *sighs* man i really hope i pass my exam. four days.. OMG FOUR DAYS. *hyperventilates* but yes, i think ms chew thinks i'm still practising a lot of violin and neglecting the piano, 'cos it certainly SOUNDS that way. sigh. :( nevermind, last piano exam. better pass!

lol, interestingly, (or annoyingly,) both teachers are encouraging me to heck my exams and make sure i pass my piano. their reason: you paid so much for it, don't waste the money! but then, they don't realise the nus modules cost 1000+ in total. hahahaha but anyway that's not the point. i still have to pass both, regardless of their cost! okay enough nato-ing. off to do something productive!

i went SWIMMING today :D whoo! first time in AGES. hahahaha. paying the price of it now, though. my arms are so tired i'm having trouble even lifting them. xD but NEVERMIND. i still love swimming hahahah. and yeah, right now i don't care if my timing's horribly slow (i must've taken about 1/2 an hour just to do 1km HAHA. that's like 1.5 min/lap xD slowness.) it was still fun overtaking the older men in the next lane. heh.

okay yes i know i'm really high right now hahahah. apparently that's what swimming does to me. should really go more often! oh shucks i just realised i sound like lux when he opens a convo saying "RAWR!" when he's super high after doing certain stuff (like sleeping at 8pm and waking up at 4am.)

WHEEEEEEEEEEE.

after piano lesson today, i went shopping with my mum! hahaha. haven't done that in ages. without sean to be annoyed at how long us girls were taking, too! lol. well anyway, was kinda fun, buying whatever i felt like getting (and i really didn't get much!) and eating some rubbish for lunch at 2.30pm HAHA.

anyway. on the way back home, i was thinking about the stuff that i'm supposed to be doing now: piano, violin, nus and uni apps. and i realised that i should REALLY stop slacking off so much. hahaha. for a while, i had this image in my head, of both my violin teachers standing over me and 'fighting' for my time. lol, maybe that's 'cos my piano teacher said, "today, tomorrow you don't have violin right? must practise more piano okay! and don't tell ms lim i said this!"

haha, i sometimes wonder if i'd agreed to overload myself too badly this semester. piano at, violin comp, two nus modules... nevermind. i'll get through them soon enough, then start thinking of ways to overload myself next year. :D whee!

happy SECOND birthday evelyn!!! :D

hahahahaha. i won again this year. :D maybe 'cos my clock's slightly faster than yours. since we both seem to have been looking at the seconds hand and typed it a split second apart. xD

thanks again to everybody for the wishes and presents!!! and for those who happily passed the piece-of-meat around today. *ahem* well at least i got returned to my mum in one piece, and not as a bag of bones!

today's been an awesome day. hahaha. despite having been out from 7.30am to 9pm and feeling awfully tired (but still unable to sleep in my lecture *grumbles*) awardees and diplomas have finally been announced, and i'm glad i've managed to achieve what i'd hoped to be getting during convocation.

MA bonding was fun not because of the activities itself, but because of the company. and, of course, singing songs with the music majors and relieving memories of austria! it felt really good, too, to be a graduating year 6 and having the luxury of being spectators for the activities and being sadistic seniors. :D lol. and we definitely can't forget the free food and drinks. (hahahaha i sound like a pig.)

also, it feels as if it's my birthday today. HAHA. i went to school with a bag, and i came back with four. lol that's including the convo gown, though. a huge thanks for the thoughtful gifts i received, the wishes, and the party that was organised by ren! hahaha, another long day tomorrow. should be fun though. =D

haha, and to the people having a's, all the best!!! first year in a while that i'm not celebrating with my twin. :( stupid a's. hope GP goes well!

i wonder whether this urge to blog is due to the fact that i changed my lj layout or the fact that i'm just waiting to use my newly found lj icons. xD

in any case. vienna boys choir concert yesterday was awesome! hahahaha the paedophilic nature in all of us was revealed. xD that cute boy with the solos, demonstrating his talent!!! AND those four boys dancing. hahahah. okay i think i was just kinda high. and, i realised it was my first choir concert. :D

been thinking a lot about life recently. after the point of amusement comes the point of frustration. not sure when the latter will set in. hopefully it won't? haha. so many things to settle...

i've been slacking. a lot. man, it feels good to finally join the rest of the level in slacking! hahaha okay fine, nes. i know i'm conveniently forgetting about the essays. AGAIN. but nevermind. i'll... worry about them soon enough.

i'm really looking forward to the vienna boys choir later tonight! :D haha, i was so excited when dr wong sent out the email telling us we had another free concert to attend!! (the other free concert was to watch the ny phil) yeah, this is going to be one of the things i'll miss when i graduate from here.

hahaha okay. balo's getting me to do bible study tomorrow again. better get started!!

oh man, lux just sent this:

Ha: Not all NUS High students graduate with Merit and above
P-value: 0.07
At the 0.10 significance level, we have insufficient evidence to and hence do not reject the null hypothesis

so. thought it was time i revived my blog. haha, just as well, nes inspired me to change my layout - it was a bit too emo-y for my liking, at this point in time.

so many things have happened since i last blogged. we got back our exam results (which was an awful way to end the four years here), i went to senggarang once again for a weekend, we had our farewell assembly, i got stomach flu the next day and couldn't go out for two whole days, got my sat results for the last time ever, sat for the bmat, and am finally joining the rest of the cohort in slacking the days away. (yes, i'm conveniently forgetting about my nus modules. shh!)

here's something i wrote in an email, when i just got back from senggarang:

"one thing that i kept thinking about when i was there was childhood innocence. seeing the little kids run around, being easily satisfied by the simplistic lifestyle they lead. i wonder if we would've been happier, without the luxuries of our lives, but with carefree days, where it's enough to afford food, proper clothing and housing. in the church service, there were these three young girls with tambourines who were dancing to the music. they smiled throughout, and weren't bothered by the fact that they weren't synchronized half the time. that's quite different from how we'd behave in singapore, isn't it? i imagine the older kids would usually get annoyed at the younger ones for being unable to keep up... how is it that we can't tolerate imperfection most of the time? i think the beauty was in the imperfection of it all."

in other news, i'm mentally preparing myself for the three piano and two violin class performances which will come up this month. life never gets boring, does it?

well, well. the last exam paper in nus high turned out to be some kind of a killer, but i'm not too worried about it, i guess. at least, for now. i still have some hope in my CA grades. haha! the savior of all my modules here. *wonders how badly i'm going to die when i go to uni and they have a 70% exam grading thing.* then again, i'll find out soon enough, when that dreaded cm1131 exam comes to kill me in 1.5 months.

anyway. i went back to the acjc sports complex for the first time in years today, for my last SAT. walking down the long walkway towards the basketball courts/swimming pool, i remembered the times when jie/sean/i used to go there twice or three times a week for our lessons. for a moment, i pictured meng jiao lian on his bicycle, cycling along the track and jumping off it just a few metres outside the apsc office. haha, jie remember that guy in our first swimming class, that ruliyah named yuki or something, who was so much older and taller? i bet he's not really that tall - we were just tiny little kids, then. maybe we're taller than him now! :D

i hadn't been there in so long that it took some walking around for me to remember the general layout of the place again. i'd forgotten that there was the other staircase just next to the basketball court that we always used as a shortcut when we didn't feel like getting sweets from the office. while walking along it, though, i was reminded of the many times that we took the stairs while talking to the others from our various training classes. there was soon yeong (haha, cherm that's how his name's spelt, right?) from half-squad, who i always made sure i beat in our trainings, and i remember he was the one who said i looked pregnant in one of my dresses and subsequently got a whack on the head from his dad. he left before getting through to competitive, though. then, there was grace, probably the closest friend i had in my trainings, 'cos she was the only one who was in both my half-squad and competitive lessons. sadly, she left swimming to concentrate on horse-back riding, i think? of course, there were others like sasha and petra, who left due to other commitments, too. those were the days when lessons were great not only 'cos i love swimming, but also 'cos the people were really nice.

amazing how everything seemed so small just now, compared to what i remembered from the past. when i walked past the pool, i saw the benches where we would put our bags and get read for lessons. random flashes of memories passed by, like how jiao lian would blow his whistle and shout 'exercise, exercise!' and we'd run behind the benches to do our stretching, and the times when sean and i went for early morning trainings at 6am and stoned at the benches while waiting for training to start. there was another set of benches, right in front of the cafe next to the pool. that was where we'd sit during time-trials, while awaiting our turns. hahaha i remember once when one of the coaches gave us one of those safety talks while we sat there, he kept reminding us about the importance of not eating before trainings, if not we'd end up like the merlion - throwing up by the pool.

well, after finishing the sat just now, i contemplated listening to my mum and going into the apsc office to look for aunty wendy - ang peng siong's wife - just to say hi. haha, i soon realised i don't even remember how she looks like anymore, and that i wouldn't know what else to say ("i miss swimming"?), so i dismissed the idea. i suddenly had an image of myself, running towards the office after most trainings, to try to get there ahead of sean so i'd be able to get the nice light green gummies. i could also remember the elation and excitement i felt, as i stood in front of the office, staring at the noticeboard the day i found out i'd passed the time-trials and gotten into blue sky, the competitive swimming group for the 11 and 12 year olds.

there're many times when i wonder how on earth i managed to give up all this. swimming was a form of escapism from the tons of homework i'd always had waiting for me at home. it was an avenue for continual self-improvement - bettering previous personal bests by 1s at every single competition, gaining the muscles/strength to carry heavier weights at the weekly gym sessions, or even just trying not to be the slowest in the group for the competitive trainings. from being the fastest in half-squad, to one of the slowest in competitive, i'm proud of my younger self for never giving up, and for never losing hope. in the end, i didn't manage to reach that ideal of being one of the fastest in the group. i think that's understandable, though, since the others could afford the time to attend training 9 times a week (i got scolded for jiao lian for only attending 3). besides, i was one of the last to join the competitive team, since i started swimming lessons from the basics when i was already p3 - roughly the time the rest joined the competitive team.

well, i wasn't well-liked in the competitive group - i was the only GEPper, the only one who actually put in effort into studies and so couldn't come for all the trainings; the nerd. i attended lessons only because i love the sport, and because i had a great jiao lian who had faith in me, and that was enough. if not for the fact that i couldn't handle so many commitments, and i was already in HMP so i couldn't choose to quit piano, i don't think i would ever have given it up. but, maybe, if i'd been closer to the people there, i might've tried harder to juggle everything.

hahah. i was thinking, though. that if i hadn't stopped swimming, i might've ended up a jack of all trades, master of none. i wouldn't have been able to spend more time on violin to get it to the standard that it is today, and i probably would've been too tired to stay up late to study/finish homework. well. we can't get all that we want, i guess. i'd better appreciate everything that i have today, if not one day i'm going to regret not having put in my best effort and wasting these years spent on them. =)

yet another last, in this school filled with countless memories. now all that's left are the exams, and post-exam activities, which are going to pass by too quickly.

today was quite a crazy day. which is a little sad, as i would've liked to enjoy my last day of lessons, rather than count down the hours till 6pm when i'd be able to go home and sleep. but then, i realised that today is actually representative of life in nus high. the unique curriculum (going to nus in the morning for lecture), the normal lessons in school (english), the mix-and-match classes (chem hons class), the heavy workload (rushing out music project and other homework till 4am the night before, and the english project on the day itself), crazy last minute mugging for tests/exams (nus chem test in the evening)...

well. one week later we'll be done with exams. a scary yet wonderful fact.

life's been full of ups and downs recently.

austria was awesome, a welcome break from reality, a wonderful week spent with great friends (plus the crazy teacher xD).

came back and plunged into the pile of homework... okay fine i didn't. went a bit crazy trying to complete them one at a time, though. if i remember correctly the earliest i slept the whole week was 2am, but amazingly i wasn't really dead in school. probably because in austria we slept like 8 hours a day, making up for it? hahahah. was really tired on thursday night, though. (thanks, the both of you. really.)

well, it seems i've survived the week, and am really grateful for this nus recess week. since it means i've an extra day tomorrow to study for the three tests this week and two tests next week. (haha i have a feeling i'm going to be so sian tomorrow that i, at most, only finish studying for one test.) i suddenly remember something i've always hated about this school - the fact that the syllabus is completed the week before the exams. there's no time to fully understand anything, and we're surrounded by exams already.

however, amidst all these, i've found there's always a reason to smile. priceless friends, late night talks, and other little things that make your day.

haha, i really do owe my blog an update. hmm. well, life's just been life recently, with tons of things going on. i took quite a while to recover from the recital, 'cos after all that work i deserve a break, right! okay, maybe not. but it really sucks to have had to rush out everything that i'd been neglecting while focusing on the recital. it's really quite bad that up till now, i'm still falling behind in work. i've got lots of things to catch up on, stuff i don't understand from my classes... and it probably doesn't help that much of what we have to study this semester doesn't interest me - like sep science, and music in cultural perspectives.

( stuff to do )

i'd be surprised if i didn't fall sick one more time from the many late nights i'm expecting to have. i'd also be surprised if i manage to get my target CAP this semester (or, in other words, get my target grad cap). haha, the PSC thing said that i set overly ambitious targets which set myself up for disappointment. *hmm*.

yesterday wasn't exactly one of the best days. thoughts of uni apps and scholarship apps never fail to bring my mood down. almost didn't go for rehearsal, but i'm glad i went in the end 'cos i was pleasantly surprised during agm! think i'll do a more detailed post wrt this some other time.

today was a great day spent in disneyland (hahahaha i.e. justin's house) with TAG and God. was called the 'thorn among the roses' when the girls pangsehed me during lunch, but i'm glad i stayed 'cos time spent with the group is always refreshing. even if i had/have lots of homework to complete. and of course, being the only girl, i had special privileges like getting the first slice of pizza, getting the last slice of the more popular pizza, not needing to get my own drinks.. etc. hahaha.

and lanabel, i got sabo-ed for grace today!! :( horrible guys. balo says "you did good today! next time again k?" haha. oh no. xD

okay. time to somehow finish up both english and graph theory, and hopefully get some sleep before the crazy weeks ahead.

Recital's over, and there's a whole pile of stuff waiting for me to clear. It's nice to finally have the recital behind me, but I feel a little aimless now that I don't wake up every morning thinking about the day ahead and how on earth I'm going to squeeze in the three or so hours of practice. There's a lot of homework to catch up on, stuff to study for, lessons to understand (where I was previously zoning out in, thinking about recital stuff)... but all I really want to do is to just relax after the horribly stressful period.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the amount of stuff I have to handle right now. I know I'm the only one who's finished my recital, and that's something to be very thankful for. I don't want to think about my results, because that'd just be plain torture.

Well, we were told to write reflections, and I seriously have no idea what exactly it is that she wants, so I wrote it like a blog post, i.e. filled with lots of rubbish, but with slightly better english. Since that's essentially what I would've written here, I'll just copy and paste it. Here goes:

( Reflections for Dr Wong )

Well I'd just like to say a huge thank you to everybody who came down to support me on Friday. I'm really, really sorry about the under-catering; I was expecting less than a hundred!! Good thing that some people came late, I guess. So I didn't have as big a shock when I first came onstage! Haha. Thanks all you guys who gave me flowers, fruits, cards, chocolates, the banner, and the such. Especially Jie and the-one-who-helped-her, for the largest bouquet, and for actually getting it for me, even though she's physically miles and miles away! <3 Yes, the house still smells awesome with the scent of flowers everywhere!



And of course, one thing that always makes me cheer up, this time three weeks later, we'll be in vienna having the time of our lives! :D jiayou, guys!!!

( a long recount of today )

well here i am now, finishing up the annoying spectro homework. maybe i'll actually sleep at 11! lol. jawn's 'late' bedtime...