| don't you dare look out your window, darling; everything's on fire |
[Mar. 25th, 2012|05:59 pm] |
Writing again for the first time in a long time. typing on the keyboard for something for myself and not for any class' papers feels strange, almost illegal, like i'm not allowed to do anything for myself until march ends.
(on a side note: i must stop writing with research-paper-language and revert back to how i used to be)
so much has happened in the past two and a half months; feels like i've aged matured faster than i would have hoped. so many decisions to make, so many bullets to dodge; it's been crazier and rougher than i had thought it would be.
one of which is dealing with people dealing with me: mga nakikialam sa buhay ko. i know you all mean well, but REALLY. please stop poking into my life, asking me questions that are way out of line (including forcing me to answer, no matter how awkwardly) and just be happy for me.
another would be people judging me without taking into context the situation i'm in. this is why i'm so disillusioned, and i want to avoid them totally. i want to have nothing to do with them anymore. and although i miss them terribly, i'm never going back. never has any group caused me this much tears and anxiety i know i don't deserve.
i'm having a somewhat similar experience to divorce and marrying again. you know how it is in the movies when a couple with kids divorces and marries other people? in our case, we're not marrying, but we have kids. in your case, you're Peter Pan, i'm Wendy, and i'm happily accepted by the Lost Boys. in my case, you're the evil stepfather. why can't they take you like they took me in like Wendy?
But in any case, i'm glad you're here.
And will you please stop convincing everyone else to poke into my life about you.
Here's to ending the month real soon, with me hoping to close a lot of open-ended situations and starting a new, happier, more peaceful life come April. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 1st, 2012|12:09 pm] |
Last night, while partying it up with neighbors i don't normally talk to the other 364 days of the year, while downing all sorts of drinks, jumping like crazy up and down, singing my heart out to 2012(as well as other songs) on the makeshift karaoke, and pretty much just enjoying the fireworks display, i realized that 2011 has been truly good to me.
2011 was a crazy up and down year, full of unexpected twists and turns. A lot of the year's events, i super didn't expect at all because of the way they would just jump out and present themselves to me, in a "pick me! pick me!" kind of way.
( I'm writing again! :D )
word/s for 2011: blessings. trust. resiliency. :)
I spent the last day of 2011 and the first day of 2012 reconnecting with my two longest friends. i guess a lot was said and done in our pasts that i realize we've all got to forgive and move on. maybe i'm too nice, too forgiving, too understanding, but as long as hindi pa naman nang-aabuso, and marunong naman magsorry, okay na sakin yun. to be super kadiri cliche about it, life's too short to hold grudges. won't let that be my fatal flaw :))
resolutions! i resolve to:
- greet people on their birthdays, kahit facebook lang
- be more consistent with my devos
- hold my temper but know when to get angry
- stop being afraid to try new things
- find a way to earn even if i'm studying
THANK YOU 2011. LET'S GO 2012!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2011|06:49 pm] |
nagulat ako kasi akala ko ikaw na nga, at akala ko akala mo rin. pero hindi pala.
ano na gagawin ko ngayon? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 12th, 2011|10:53 pm] |
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never has my self-worth sunk to this low. and how timely, too, just when everything is about to take on a major overhaul. add to this the feeling of being betrayed. why so? |
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