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| 05:26pm 14/05/2005 |
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music: keasbey nights hehehe
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Thing's are not great with my family at all. With my dad in detox and my mom going through depression, it's hard to keep a smile on your face every day. I'm a trooper no doubt about it but there's so many things that people should be doing to make things better and they aren't. I miss my dad but i hate him. I guess that's a normal feeling. When i go to bed at night, i'm scared. I dont feel protected like i do when my dad is home. When i was little and so afraid of bee's. He told me he would chase them all away to Mexico for me. A few weeks ago , i saw a spider and he said simply, "Get over it." He's so different now and so is my mom. I give her credit for being so strong and staying with him throughout his tough time with alcoholism. SOME CERTAIN people are probably feeling really sorry right now thinking back to the time i said my dad was an alcoholic at a sleepover and when i fell asleep, that CERTAIN SOMEONE talked about me saying it wasn't true. Well, she's a meanie and should feel bad. My mom told me to write in a journal and all my journal entries in my diary are very angry and/ or covered with tears spattering. This helps me out a little more. My dad's trying to get out of detox early. There are so many more little tidbits that are really bugging me. My mom forced me to go to the school pyshcologist. She was a waste of time. Everytime i tried to say something, she'd be like "MMM...MHM... i understand."Or she'd say, "Wow Meagan, You're such a strong beautiful person for holding it together. You have charisma." I respond with things such as, "thanks, i got my charisma from my father who is in detox and if you'd let me finish a freakin' sentence without going MHM THAT'D BE GREAT." okay so i dont really say that but i dont know, i'm just frustrated. |
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| wow i haven't updated in a dog's age |
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| 06:21pm 01/05/2005 |
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mood: you know music: hellogoodbye
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surveyyyy
( Read more... ) |
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| stolen from Kristina! |
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| 01:43pm 13/03/2005 |
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1. Comment with your name, and I will reply with something I really like about you.
2. I will then tell what song(s) remind me of you.
3. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
4. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
5. Put this in your journal. |
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| 01:17pm 08/03/2005 |
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this summer i'm going to be working 16 hour days with modeling.I'm not excited about that, but if it's what i have to do to be one, it's worth it. |
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| when i'm with you there's no point in breathing. |
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| 10:39pm 05/03/2005 |
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mood: happy music: The format-tie the rope.
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( Read more... ) |
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| i'm so silly. |
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| 09:21pm 03/03/2005 |
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mood: calm music: Brand new
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( Read more... ) |
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Post |
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| sorry about the last cut. i screwed up the code |
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| 04:38pm 02/03/2005 |
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mood: tired music: ves,virginia
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( Read more... )
ps; exactly 3 months until my birthday! |
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Read 2 - Post |
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| hayy |
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| 02:47am 26/02/2005 |
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mood: indescribable music: THE BLOOD BROTHAZ
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i havent updated in like years.
it's like 3am
i'm eating cheerios and listening to the blood brothers
dsjkfhfgkjdg
<3
dhsdjdkfghfgldfhgdflgs&hearts' |
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| i really need your advice |
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| 10:38pm 06/02/2005 |
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i'm just going to say it all. i need advice. well, no i dont but i feel better venting it to a stupid livejournal. It's so hard to talk to any person about this. I hate my dad so much. Plain and simple. It sounds so generic but i dont even care anymore. I've delt with this all my life and i'm not going to cry about it and let it affect the way i am towards people but it eats at me. It really does. My whole family is different. My brother is so angry.He's angry all the time. Liams alright. He almost just blocks it out of his head. My mother is a controlling bitch for lack of a better term. She wont let me do anything. It's the little things she does that makes me so angry. The "make my bed" or "watch your brothers all day" makes me so angry. i understand how hard it is for her. I know my dad still drinks. It makes me cry just writting this. It hurts me so much because i know i cant leave my house. In so many ways i want to. I want to live with my cousin and her husband so bad. She always says, Meagan anytime you need me, come to my house. But honestly, do i just show up at her door and say,"i hate my parents, can i stay with you?" I know i'm depressed but how do i tell my mom that. When i do she either says(depending on what mood she's in) "Meagan, i'll get you a doctor who can help you or maybe alateen can. Or if she's in a bad mood, she'll say STOP OVER-REACTING TO EVERYTHING" Maybe i do over react but i'm a very sensitive girl. I need help. I need to get out of my house. If even for a week. I cant tlak to my guidance counselor because she's a shithead. My mom doesnt get it. Meghan absorbs what i say but i know, what can she say back?I completely understand that. Who else? There's no one and it's horrible.
help |
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| 04:21pm 24/01/2005 |
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mood: chipper music: BREATHE STRETCH SHAKE LET IT GO
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the computer doesn't interest me as much as it used to. only the Sims 2. I plan on fighting this girl in my school. She looks like a horse and makes fun of me. Hanging out with Leanne Britt Kate Meghan Meaghan and Brandy is so much fun. I feel a good group of friends being born.People in other towns seem to like, hate me or something. I dont know. Maybe i'm over-reacting as i normally do. I go to massachusetts tomorow. It should be fun.
here's a list of people i miss terribly and want to hang out with;;
1. Steve
2. Travis 2
3. Hauppauge boys
4. Mary
5. Hauppauge/Smithtown/Centereach girls
6. Cory
7. Old Lewis street gang
okay im out.
payce
♥ |
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| 01:11pm 02/01/2005 |
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mood: blah music: R-O-C-K in the USA
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i need excitment in my life. And friends. that i actually hang out with.
i have work 2-10 today so i'll probably be a bitch when i come home. |
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| i love Gary. |
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| 11:56pm 27/12/2004 |
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oh goodness. Christmas was fun. I got pretty much everything i had hoped for. Today was cool. I woke up at like 11:00 and went to Meghans. We went shopping then my mom picked us up. My mom, Lauren Cody, her mom, Sarah Ruth and her mom all went out to a cafe called milk and sugar. it was pyschic night there. I got my cards read. The physcic told me, I am a very strong girl, i have no problem speaking my mind but when it comes to tough desicions, i take my time and when i figure out the thing to do, it's always right. She said i'd be accomplished and have no financial problems. I'll be close with my mom for awhile and my poppy says hello from heaven.Lauren and Sarah and me had a few laughs. All and all it was a good night. I get my iPod tomorow. woo.
( i decided, i totally look better as a blonde. ) |
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| DEAR YOU. |
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| 06:40pm 24/12/2004 |
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AND MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, YOU DIDN'T GET IN TROUBLE WITH US BECAUSE WE'RE NOT STUPID ASSHOLES LIKE SHE IS. I CANT SPEAK ON BEHALF OF THE GIRLS, BUT IF IT WAS UP TO ME, YOU WOULD'NT BE WELCOME BACK. SO YEAH, STOP LYING AND MAKING UP EXCUSES AND JUST TELL US YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR US. I'VE NEVER SAID THIS ABOUT A GOOD FRIEND BUT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I'M JUST GOING TO TELL YOU STRAIGHT UP. I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU FOR MAKING ME CRY AND MEGHAN AND BRANDY. I HATE YOU FOR STANDING US UP SO MANY TIMES AND MAKING EXCUSES. I DONT HATE YOU FOR TURNING GANGSTER BECAUSE IF I HATED EVERYONE FOR HOW THEY DRESSED, I'D HAVE NO FRIENDS. I'M TIRED OF US 3 TRYING TO MAKE US YOUR FRIEND SO THIS IS WHERE END IT.COMPLETELY. |
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Read 27 - Post |
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| this song always made me think of him. |
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| 01:54pm 21/12/2004 |
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mood: chipper music: head automatica
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beating hearts baby
baby is this love for real?
beating hearts baby
let me in your arms to feel
beating hearts baby
the beating of your heart, baby
beating hearts baby
the beating of your heart, baby
you, you want nothing to do with me
you, you want nothing to do with me
i, i don't know what to do with you
cause you don't know what you do to me
baby is this love for real
let me in your arms to feel
the beating of your heart, baby
the beating of your heart, baby
beating hearts baby
baby is this love for real?
beating hearts baby
let me in your arms to feel
beating hearts baby
your beating heart, baby
beating hearts baby
the beating of your heart, baby
you, you really got your hold on me
you, you really got your hold on me
you, you gotta get away from me
cause you, you want nothing to do with me
baby is this love for real
let me in your arms to feel
the beating of your heart, baby
the beating of your heart, baby
beating hearts baby
baby is this love for real?
beating hearts baby
let me in your arms to feel
beating hearts baby
your beating heart, baby
beating hearts baby
the beating of your heart, baby
in spite of you of you
even out of view
still I love all of you
i do, yeah
in spite of you
even out of view
still I love all of you
i do, yeah
you want nothing to do with me
you, you want nothing to do with me
baby is this love for real
let me in your arms to feel
your beating heart, baby
the beating of your heart, baby
beating hearts baby
baby is this love for real?
beating hearts baby
let me in your arms to feel
beating hearts baby
the beating of your heart, baby
beating hearts baby
the beating of your heart, baby
beating hearts baby
baby is this love for real?
beating hearts baby
let me in your arms to feel
beating hearts baby
your beating heart, baby
beating hearts baby
the beating of your heart, baby
not only because it's one of his favorite bands, because it fits perfect with the situation i was in. Sometimes i really miss him. Sometimes i hate him a lot for making me sad. Overall it was a good friendship until i ruined it. Well, you cant change the past and it's almost a year later and i'm fine. Maybe one day our paths will cross again. Maybe. Until now, i'm happy being single. Almost content. I hate being alone but i dont want any hook-ups. I think i should spend some time figuring out who i am before i figure out who i need to be with. It's so hard because i'm such a flirt. I dont mean to be in all honesty. For now, I'll concintrate on my friends, my own self, and my future. Maybe if someone and me click really well and he makes an effort, i will.
bye |
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| i lost my fear of falling. I will be with you. |
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| 07:02pm 20/12/2004 |
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my anemia is causing my body to be run down all the time.I'm not getting enough nutrition so they're tellling me i'm going to die or something. I dont know. i'm not going to school tomorow so i can go for more blood tests. Everyone hates my hair black.It's cool though because i really like it. MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE IS PLAYING IN FEBRUARY WITH THE USED. ANYONE WANT TO GO TO THE CITY WITH ME TO SEE THEM? Oh that reminds me, MATT IS THE BEST FOR BURNING THE USED CD FOR ME.
alright bye |
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| 07:53pm 13/12/2004 |
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i decided to make this public again. It's more fun this way. |
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_incairo's journal
