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I can never express the true meaning when i say i wish i wrote in this every day no matter what. So many things have gone on and so much is happening i wish i had detailed dated blogs about it. If i was able to speak and have some type of super magnificent recorder thing that changed my words into typed up form or writting. That would be sick and so much easier than me sitting here writting for hours which could happen but i would get into too much detail or skip the point ect so i cant even do that. Plus i dont even have any time.
Mike & I's 4th month going out passed. October 7th, but as always we didnt acknowledge it, and then some days later he dumped me. I'm going to be alright, but I miss him a lot, i'v gotten over him a great deal though, and i was never like my friends tend to be. I still care about him alot and it hurts when i hear things that we used to do happening without me and i dont know everything like that, stupid things but i realize he doesnt want to be with me so i'm taking it good, because i'm not going to ruin my life because i was dumped. I didnt love him, fuck everyone who says they love their spouse when they don't mean it, honestly it's bullshit. We both knew we didnt love each other which was great. But i did care deeply about him, he means a lot to me. Now we are just friends and he said he wants to stay good friends because i'm awesome and i'm teh shit and what not and i just nodded it on because it was teh day he broke up with me, after that he kind of stopped acting the same, i wish i could tell him shit's good, because i know i was awkward at first too, but i really just wnat shit to be back to normal between us minus the being together part, whoch of course i want but i know better than to waste my time wanting something i'm not going to get that will just hurt me. Anywho, today he wanted to chill and we did and he wanted to chill just me and him when lynn went to nightschool but my mom made everyone leave at 6 which sucked because i didnt get any alone time with him to talk and he was quite as fuck the whole time. I just want to be able to be an asshole with him again, i never wnat to loose our friendship, as corny as it sounds. But i think he feels the same way too so whatever shut up.
but yeah. Lynn has lived here for the past i dont knwo how long but quite some time now and ive basically been taking care of her. Shes my love, but she's been making some really bad decisons and she makes me worry. I've been doing cocaine a lot more than i should be, and i actually currently have a dealer who has my money since 2 yesterday and has yet to give me my 2 g's, which is driving me crazy, he's usally mad good so i hope to god he comes through becase im going to go crazy if he doesn't.
my bad on all teh erros i'm barely paying attention to what i'm doing i'm jsut throwing out thoughts. But i doubt any body is reading this anyway, because no one does, and if they do, they never comment because they suck >:[ BAHHHH
I left my books on a vending machine in school the other week when i was cutting because i didnt wnat to carry them around everywhere, and by teh time i wnet back for them they were gone, so once again i'm screwed on the whole book situation. I'm on contract for English, which i have last period. That means i can't just ditch school anymore, which sucks but i'll live.
Right now I'm waiting on Lynn to get the hell out of Em;s house and for Mike to take her here, but that might take a while apparently because Em's dad came home and he cant have people over, so she has to ninja her way out. Ughhh once again stupid decision on her part.
But i'm going to stop writting in here before i bore you all to death as well as drift off the point. But word, i'm off to go smoke a bowl which will hopefully lift my spirits =P
PEACE & LOVE
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_illusiveallure's journal
