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[23 Mar 2005|07:22pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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I was in such a shitty mood today. for no reason at all, it's the new thing for me i guess.
But then.........
Aleah called me on her way to Florida =)
and just the fact that she thought me me, and called me totally made my week. I love her and miss here dearly, already <3
Spring break..ehh, hopefully going to florida on Thursday..maybe..maybe not, i need it.
Hopefully it's some what warm, maybe hoodie weather, i'll be happy with that!
This Friday-Eye appt at 9 am >.< then to the Airport to drop of my mom's old boyfriend then HOPEFULLY to Rose's. Then Friday night el Local Show with As Dawn Falls, A Second Too Late, and A Sundail, i know none of the bands that well, but i REALLY need to get knocked around. The show would be like a zillion times better tho if The Weakend or Chiodos were there, oh yeah, you know it's true.
{/Edit\} No show this weekend, i have to go up north for easter on friday =( and then hopefully rose is comming over on monday tuesday and maybe go home wednesday?=) {/Edit\}
my friends are amazingly awesome<3
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[21 Mar 2005|07:51pm] |
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mood |
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 crappy, VERY crappy |
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i hate this soo much
i hate comming home and being alone
and when i'm alone i think ALOT about one certain thing/person
and it sucks, i guess
i hate being sad all the time
i liked it when i was happy
the only person that knows how i feel is Aleah
because she's going through what i am just at a present date
i love her to death.
Sandra too, because she's going through EXACTLY what i'm going through, word for word
i love her more than life it's self
and we're going to Mongolian BBQ to hang with Andrew from The Weakend over spring break
I'm tired of wanted to say something about this to him.
but i never know how to put it
or i'm too afraid.
I'm speachless
that's why i love live journal, just to get somethings more than others out.
everything sucks.
i hate school, but it's the only place where i don't think about this AS much
Everything's changing
and it's terrible
it's tearing me apart.
i hate break-ups =(
on the bright side
Julia (Fika) Fowler is one of the greatest most brilliant people i know, she's always there for me, even when times are rough with her. She has great taste in music, and is a great dictionary. She knows how to spell every word on this planet. She has an amazing boyfriend, and i love her dearly<3 THANK YOU FIKA<3
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[20 Mar 2005|08:42pm] |
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mood |
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 curious |
] |
yes, soo this weekend was fun, but not as fun as i thought it was going to be
Friday night sucked, i was really sad about everything, but Holly helped soo much, we were up till like 1:30-2:00ish just talking about everything. She's pretty stinkin sweet and she made me feel alot better!
Saturday was good, but my plans like went to crap. My mom woke me up at 10:00 to clean my room and bathroom, even though i already did it friday night. Soo then i couldn't go back to sleep. Around 11:30 she took me to get my hurr cut, and it's SHORT! like shoulder length. (when i get batteries i'll post pics) The lady that was cutting my hair said i have BEAUTIFUL hair but i need a moistuizer because my hair is really dry and fried. Cause i blow dry and straighten it everyday and the school pool and shiz. oh well. But then i got home took a shower and did my hair, and i love the new doo, even tho i miss my long hair. But then my mom took me n my bro to 12 Oaks and i got new pants from AE and they don't fit AGAIN, and theyre a size 2 when i'm a size three....oh well, and they were 50 freakin bucks, yeah, definetly getting my money back. Soo then we went to Pac Sun and i FINALLY got my studded belt, but it's like sweet it's got one row of studs, and then a row of stars that got cut out, and then another row of studs. FUCKIN SWEET Y0! and then we went to Hot Topic for shirts. I got the black Hawthorne Heights shirt and the blue Hawthorne Heights shirt that says "Hawthorne Heights Ohio is for Lovers" it's sweet! Then i went to Abercrombie to use up my gift card that i got for christmas from my bro. Okay, i know he's broke and shit, soo he only put 25 bucks on the card, but seriously, you can't get shit from Abercrombie for 25 bucks. But i found something that was 19 bucks, It's a shirt that said "Let's get out of here" on it, and i thought it was cute!
Then after the mall my mom me n danny went to my brother Joe's house, from there i went to Jenns =) and we hung out there. We were SAPPOSED to hang out with our men (kevin, jason, bryan, mike lang, phill, mike c and steve) but yeah they ditched us to go to some other girls house, i was REALLY pissed. But then me Jenn Jamie and Melissa went and saw the ring 2, UGH it was scary. But i didn't see the ring 1 soo i was clueless at parts. But then we went back to Jenn's and watched a sweet movie on life time and went to sleep
This this morning me n Jenn woke up around 10:30 and did pretty much nothing but it was a fun nothing =) my mom came and got me at 3:30 and me her Danny and Joe went out to eat for my Grandmother's birthday and we went to a pizza place in Center Line, and MAN they have good pizza. But then we came home and i took a shower, and now i'm doing nothing!
This morning Justin told me he was thinking about me last night and he hasn't told me why, i'm kind of worried/anxious.....oh well.
i'm going tho, going to watch the best DVD i own.
Dashboard Confessional Unplugged<3
PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST
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[19 Mar 2005|05:30pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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yup today will be sweet
testing my feelings for a certain someone that i haven't seen since october, kind of nervous. but excited.
Last night was crappy
but Holly helped SOOOOO much<3
Jenn Padula is my love<3
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[17 Mar 2005|08:53pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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I seriously don't understand anything any more. Why are things soo hard? and why always for me? Always, with everything i've ever done.
School is shitty, home is shitty, everything is shitty
All the good bands are breaking up
The Auditon, well they didn't break up, but it's kind of like they did
Only in Movies
FUCKING BASED ON A TRUE STORY
AND FROM HERE ON OUT
What the fuck, if The Weakend or Dashboard Confessional break up, i'm done.
peace
p.s i think i'm moving in with my dad in the summer...
TeMptd lxl TouCh (9:45:48 PM): i'm irish:-)
TeMptd lxl TouCh (9:45:52 PM): and no one kissed me :-[
BIG PoPpPa 690 (9:46:04 PM): oh no
BIG PoPpPa 690 (9:46:27 PM): if u were here there would be a bunch of volunteers ready
TeMptd lxl TouCh (9:47:11 PM): :-)
Yup, definetly moving back.
this weekend will rock
hanging with my old hoodies, yup yup!
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[16 Mar 2005|04:29pm] |
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mood |
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 hopeful, very hopeful |
] |
Does anyone want my black From Autumn To Ashes shirt, it's a small, and it has a design on the front, it's pretty sweet, but i never wear it?!?!?!
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[13 Mar 2005|05:50pm] |
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mood |
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 mellow |
] |
This weekend did me alot of good. I love going up north soo much. The air, the scenery, the smell, the snow, everything it really helped out alot with this week, since it wasn't too great. Chiodos, The Weakend, and Dashboard Confessional filled my weeked with joy, adn made me realize that if i don't go to a show soon, i'll........cry? I can't contain my self!! and it sucks because i've only been to 3 of them =/.
But things are going alot better, for the most part, i'm thinking next weekend i'm not going to my dad's, so i'm thinking i'm going to the old hood, and visiting my men! Mike C, Mike Lang, Phill, Jason, Kevin, Bryan, and Steve. and my women Ali, Jenn, Alysha, Melissa, Kate, Alyssa, Tiff, and MORE!!!!! Wow i miss those peeps
and then one of those days DEFINETLY hanging with Rose n Jessica =)
wouldn't want to get my hopes up tho, still gotta get the okay from the rents.
So this weekend i tried to find the good in EVERYTHING, and i did, even with music, and Dashboard Confessional is really REALLY emo, and soo like it was hard, but i found a song that was about feeling bad and feeling better. which is how i've been this week! <3
-----------------------------------------------------------
The Best Deceptions
I heard about your trip.
I heard about your souvenirs.
I heard about the cool breeze, in the cool nights,
and the cool guys that you spent them with.
Well I guess I should have heard of them from you.
I guess I should have heard of them from you.
Don't you see, don't you see,
that the charade is over?
And all the "Best Deceptions" and "Clever Cover Story" awards go to you.
So kiss me hard
'cause this will be the last time that I let you.
You will be back someday
and this awkward kiss that screams of other people's lips will be of service
to keeping you away.
I heard about your regrets.
I heard that you were feeling sorry.
I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us.
Well I guess I should have heard of them from you.
I guess I should have heard of them from you.
I'm waiting for blood to flow to my fingers,
I'll be all right when my hands get warm. Ignoring the phone,
I'd rather say nothing. I'd rather you'd never heard my voice.
You're calling too late
too late to be gracious you do not warrant long goodbyes.
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[10 Mar 2005|08:28pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
i've come to the conclusion that
everything will be okay.
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[09 Mar 2005|04:38pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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Yeah, so for those of you who don't know, Justin broke up with me. I swear, i think i had a nervous break down, i didn't know what was going on. I was soo alone last night, i was talking too sooooooo many people about it, but i was still alone, and listening to dashboard confessional helped soooo much, but in the same time it made me think too...i talked to Rose she helped, soo much, she's my other half, and i love her to death, i would take a bullet for her in a second. Me n my mom got in a huge fight, but then we worked it out and ended up talking about EVERY THING untill lke 11:30, soo i tried to go to sleep after that, but i didn't sleep a wink, i ended up taking my shower at 4:30 in the morning and just looking at the wall in the shower for like ever. it was the only thing that felt right. Everythingn felt wrong last night, even sleeping, soo i didn't, i stayed up listening to the weakend and dashboard confessional, the same three songs on their cd over and over and over, Brialliant Dance, Screaming Infideltides (sp?) and Living in Your Letters. Anf the whole cd of The Weakend, fuck, i can't only listen to one song haha. those were the only things that actually felt right. I don't know, i don't know anything anymore..
So school sucked terribly, listen to dashboard confessional on the bus, yeah i broke down. I love Julia soo much, he helped too, ALOT, just talking to her about it for like 5 minutes helped soo much. I was very sad alll day. I cried in alot of my hours, and then lunch was just terrible, Steve Flora told me the Justin told Hannah that he liked her again and broke up with me for her, i like died. but then i found out it wasn't the truth. I didn't see Justin untill before 5th hour, and it was soo hard. I walked into Mrs. Lahti's class to set my books down and then i came back out and he was there, and i hugged him, which wasn't a bad thing, but it sucked, because i didn't want to let go, and i started to cry there, but i didn't want him to see me, because i don't want him to get sad. He told me he wrote a letter to me on myspace and that i needed to read it. When i got home i did, and i..ughh it was soo hard. I replyed, telling him how i felt, answering questions, adding my point of view to his, all that not soo good stuff ya kno. I miss him like crazy tho =/
So many people have been such a help to me, like its awesome.
Aleah, and Rose have been like the best tho i love them dearly
But i'm going to go. i gotta babysit
I love Aleah, Rose, Jessie, Jim Morrison, Megan, ______, Sam Wasko, Sandra, Jenn, Kevin Lewis, Mike C, Jason Lewis, and many others. Thank you all soo much <3
----------------2 songs today, Dashboard confessional, best emo band-----------------
"Living In Your Letters"
I'm always assuming the worst,
but you're going on nonetheless
and there's nothing to cushion your heart led fall.
Letters from further away
keep pulling me close to home.
And there's something to cushion my callous sighs.
And I know that you hope for
longer good-byes
embracing for forever
and falling in your eyes.
(In your eyes, your eyes)
Pouring over photographs.
I'm living in your letters.
Breathe deeply from this envelope
it smells like you and I can't be
without that scent. It's filling me
with all you mean to me.
(To me)
Continually failing these trials
but you stand by me nonetheless
and you won't let me sink
though I'm beggin you, I'm begging you
Phone calls from further away
and messages on my machine,
but I don't ever tell you this distance
seems terrible.
There is no need to test my heart,
with useless space.
These roads go on forever,
there will always be a place, for you.. in my heart
So I'll hit the pavement
it's gotta be better than waiting
and pushing you far away
cause I'm scared.
So I'll take my chances
and head on my way up there.
'Cause turning to you is like falling in love when you're ten
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"The Brilliant Dance"
So this is odd,
the painful realization that has all gone wrong.
And nobody cares at all,
and nobody cares at all.
So you buried all your lover's clothes
and burned the letters lover wrote,
but it doesn't make it any better.
Does it make it any better?
And the plaster dented from your fist
in the hall where you had your first kiss
reminds you that the memories will fade.
So this is strange,
our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance
where nobody leads at all,
where nobody leads at all.
And the picture frames are facing down
and the ringing from this empty sound
is deafening and keeping you from sleep.
And breathing is a foreign task
and thinking's just too much to ask
and you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eights.
This is incredible.
Starving, insatiable,
yes, this is love for the first time.
Well you'd like to think that you were invincible.
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt loss for the first time?
Well this is the last time.
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[08 Mar 2005|07:59pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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i can't move
i can't breathe
i'm shaking
idk what this feeling is
maybe love
fucking heart broken
crying like crazy
i don't understand
i don't understand anything
everything has changed
EVERYTHING
and i hope it goes back to how it was before.
i feel like nothing
i can't believe it's over
---------------------------------------------------
I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak,
And this bottle of beast
Is taking me home
I'm cuddling close
To blankets and sheets
But you're not alone, and you're not discreet
Make sure I know who's taking you home.
I'm reading your note over again
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it
"I will love you always and forever."
Well As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs
And sit alone and wonder
How you're making out
But as for me, I wish that I was anywhere with anyone
Making out.
I'm missing your laugh
How did it break?
And when did your eyes begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you 're pretending.
I am alone
In my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at home
I'm missing your bed
I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have speak, and
This bottle of beast is taking me home.
Your hair, it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities
And taking its wear.
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[08 Mar 2005|02:54pm] |
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mood |
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 optimistic |
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Life is gooooooood =)
My mom aplogized for what she did
because she KNEW she was wrong
we're getting along alot better.
(knock on wood)
Justin is the greatest person alive
and i love him, SOOO MUCH!
And yeah, this is sweeeet<3
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[06 Mar 2005|08:44pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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i'm running away from home
i can't live here anymore
after this week i'll be gone
she has one more chance not to fuck up
she used to be a cool mom
but we moved and got stupid
she's an embarresment to myself
and my brothers. yet they still love her?
i hate her, more than i've ever hated anyone
more than ANYONE. I want to live with my dad
but i want to go to Lakeland.
i don't know, i have to leave this house though.
I was sapposed to have another happy week
but she made me cry for the first time in a LONG time
it sucks when someone could be that mean and bougess.
she has her days sometimes when she's cool. but then she
turns around and acts like an idiot.
i should tell her what i did last weekend.
show her whats up. i'm not a fucking 12 year old
I fucking hate Marianne Moran.
Yet, I fucking love Justin Moore
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[05 Mar 2005|05:04pm] |
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mood |
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tired |
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Well laides n gents. I haven't updated about my life in a while. LIKE ANYONE CARES!!! Everything is great, this week was "be happy week" and i can honestly say, nothing brought me down this week, not even my mom really. Thursday night i was SUPER stressed out because Mr. Maltese is an idiot as assigns WAY to much work to do in a matter of like 2 days, but i got it all done, BECAUSE I'M SWEET!! But then like my dad called and we had this huge discussin about grades n shit, cuz i guess my brother is getting D's in all but 2 of his classes, soo that means i have to suffer, and my dad doesn't even kno my grades yet, but once he does, i'm fucked =(.
Soo, Friday was sweeet! It was Natalie's birthday<33333 and me, Alex, Justin, Keith, Aleah, James, and Natalie knew we were all hanging but we didn't kno what we were doing till like 5. But me n Natalie already knew we were staying the night at Aleah's. Soo my mom drove me to Aleah's at like 5ish and then her dad took us to Natalie's. James was there already, then Keith, Adam, (the coolest kid EVER and who wants my boyfriend) Justin, and Weak show up and we chilled at Natalie's for a while, her mom is sweet, but she worries about Natalie alot, like all parents. But then we chilled at Natalie's and then we went to Keith's. I played Natalie and Adam in Mario Kart, and KILLED THEM ALL!!!! no, not really =( last place all times. Then Justin played and HE'S GOOD!!! But while he was playing i kept falling asleep on his shoulder, i was sleepy =(. But then at 12 James and Justin drove me, Natalie, and Aleah back to Natalie's and we just hung out there and talked and shizz. We didn't go to bed untill like 4:30.
It was soo weird Aleah was sleeping next to me on Natalie's couch, but like her feet were near my head and my feet were near her head. So like, at one point during the night i thought Aleah was Justin soo like i got really close to her, then i felt a toe, and i was like WOW, NO! Haha it was weird.
But then this morning we woke up around 10:45 cause Keith called Natalie's cell which was near my butt, and on vibrate, soo i woke up to a vibrating butt. Kinky ;). Natalie and Aleah took showers and we all got beautified.
My mom came and got us at around 12:45. She took me, Natalie, and Aleah to Aleah's, and i got my stuff from Aleah's, then i went home got ready and my mom took me n my bro to my dad's.
We stopped and looked at a car my mom wants to buy and the price was like $5,500 which is soo incredibly cheap, but like it had a few things wrong soo my mom was like yeah, i want to bring down the price to 4,800 and i was like, no, you're insane, that's too much, and she didn't listen, so when she told the guy 4,800 he was like nope, not interested. Yeah, she should have listened to me!
But then we went to my dad's, and around 6:30 Rose picked me up and we went to Sterling to watch the TAPP people perform Oliver and Company. It was sweet, and funny! But then i got home at like 10 and watched Somethings Gotta Give and Anger Management with my daddy, and now i'm talking to my love =)
But i'm going to go, SUPER tired.
OH YEAH! We had a fiesta in spanish and it sucked, besides the food. And our crew (me, Keith, Tom Davis, and Pat) there was no crew, it was only me =( and i want to kill Robin Beel and Caroline Zyrini
FUCK THEM UGH! If Robin says one more snotty thing to me, i'll go crazy and cuss her out untill she hits me, and then i'll be her ass. i'm dead fucking serious.
OHHH!
And this week was a good week
anyone up for another happy week?
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[03 Mar 2005|07:36pm] |
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mood |
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 stressed |
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I'M SOO STRESSED
i will kill mr. maltese
tommorrow is natal's birthday
I'M EXCITED
we're partying !!!
It's 7:40 and i still have to study, make a poster, and do toerh shiz
PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST
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[01 Mar 2005|10:20am] |
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Kayla----Don't forget to bring sour cream to school for spanish on friday
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[28 Feb 2005|03:53pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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A wise man once said, "This week, i will be happy!"
and i'm game for a happy week!!!!
this made me happy
foxracinchicx05: you know how to cheer me up!
i love making people cheep up =)
but today was upsetting.
RIP Sadie Metty. 1990-2005
(Jessica's dog)
I put the immortal spell on her the wrong way =/
But in exciting news...I'm in love with the greatest person ever. andddddddd
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JESSICA MEGOTTITTIES!!!
BFFE&E&E&E&&E&E&E
I LOVE YOU!
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[27 Feb 2005|07:48pm] |
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mood |
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crappy |
] |
i really miss the old hood =(
I really miss the friends i used to have.
I miss alot of things.
yes this is love for the first time
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[26 Feb 2005|11:41pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
] |
CRACK!!!
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[26 Feb 2005|12:11am] |
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mood |
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high |
] |
tonite was awesome
i love Aleah, Natalie, Alex, Keith, and Adam
but most of all i love my only one, JUSTIN!!!!!!!!!!
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[24 Feb 2005|03:56pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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i was always told my whole life that i had a big heart, or a heart of gold. Well, you know how your genes get passed down to you from your parents? Well, my dad doesn't have a big heart because he doesnt have a dog and he won't take me to Cedar Point. (lol) And I always thought my mom had a heart because how she cares for soo many things. Then she found out I was inlove, and her heart turned to black. But ya kno, this always happens when something good happens, she like, makes me feel like shit, and doesn't let me hold on to that feeling. She basically does what she can to bring me down. Like my dad loving me more than Danny, she tries to ruin that, when me and Joe, or me n Danny are getting along, she brings something up to make us fight. yeah, she's the ipitimy of life runiner, bitch, slut, and evey other bad name. I hate her sooo much, and if it wasn't for Justin I would move in with my dad just to get away from her. She makes me more unhappy than anyone else on this planet, and I honestly believe she enjoys seeing me upset.. She doesn't want me n Justin to hang out when she isn't home, only God knows why, yeah shit happened, FUCKING GET OVER IT!!! We watched The Notebook last night and she told me how she never loved my dad or Joe's dad, she just married them because she liked the fact of having kids and being inlove, but it took her this long to realize that she wasn't. Fucking 26 years since she got married to Terry (Joe's dad), and she JUST NOW realized it. She said the only person she's ever loved was Kevin, and he like basically cheated on her. Hmm, I see a problem here. But anyways, yeah soo she wants me to suffer. Dumb bitch
I hate her, and I want to run away from home. I can't wait till I get my license, I'll be in Warren every God damn day. Or in Royal Oak visiting Andrew from The Weakend.
I haven't seen Justin since Tuesday before 4th hour and ALLL DAY I was looking forward to hanging with him. And now i can't, soo the only thing i have now is Julia's comming home today, which makes me soo incredibly happy because i miss her very much. But i still hate my mom, soo that makes me sad, wow, i'm confused, i need a nap
peaCe in the fucking miDdle easT
Justin i love you with all my heart
and i don't fucking care who doesn't think soo
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_hold_me_close