quick! someone, call the girl police & file a report.

You had just enough pathos to keep me hypnotised.

Thu, 25 Jan 2007 00:33:34 GMT

So I got my hair done today, and for the first time in a while, I feel pretty. I didn't feel like resizing the pictures, so be prepared for a screenfaceATTACK.

Whatchu think, son?

SENIOR ROSTER.

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 17:27:09 GMT

HR - A5 - N111 - Sister Eileen Frances (what the fuck, A5 people, what is GOING ON? Where's Deal?)
1st - Band (Mr C)
2nd- Trig (Mr Kraft)
3rd- Gym (Mathis)/Health (Faber)
4th- Religion 4 (Mr Dormer)
5th- LUNCH
6th- English 4 Shakespeare (Mr Macko)
7th- Gov/Economics (Doc Fowler!)
8th- FREE!

Eh. It's pretty cool, actually. I'm miffed that Sister Lauretta didn't take care of my AP Music Theory situation, but whatev, it's not even a real class. So, this is senior year. <3

Comment if we have any classes together.

HA.

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 12:47:26 GMT

SEVENTEEN.

New beginnings.

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 19:43:29 GMT

These hands are too shaky to hold.

Mon, 10 Jul 2006 18:47:43 GMT

Life is pretty interesting as of late. My sleeping habits are nothing to be jealous of, and I'd like to find a real job in order to complain and feel as though I've accomplished something.

I'm on fast as of today. Water, two [healthy] meals, and the occasional fruit [insert joke about friends and self here]. It'll be hardest of all to give up coffee, tea, and chocolate. But this is what needs to be done. I'm also starting my morning/evening walk to -- and eventually, around -- Lincoln. Two miles up and back, which is good to restart my metabolism, which has been painfully MIA since age nine. Once I incorporate going around Lincoln into my repetoire, it'll be four and a half miles.

Why is everything so serious?

I need to register early for the October SATs [blegh, fuck!] and start looking more in-depth at colleges. I wrote my Goals Of Teh Summerz list nearly a month ago and hardly anything has been accomplished.

Time to start.

Items of Joy:
1. Guster concert this Thursday, the 13th
2. Fiona Apple/Damien Rice concert on the 28th
3. Volunteering at the Philadelphia Gay And Lesbian Film Festival this weekend.
4. Starting an Incubus-esque band with Dana and Gianetti. Good lovin'.

I need to start using this more often!

Oh.

After this, everything is friends-only! <3

This is all I'm giving you for today.

Sun, 02 Jul 2006 19:16:14 GMT

I think it's fly when girls stop by fo' tha summa, fo' tha summa.

I really do.

I feel so covered.

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 23:20:47 GMT

Fuck and Jesus and wordswordswords.

I cannot describe what Ani DiFranco does to me.

I finally heard "My IQ".

I am SO inarticulate today.

When I was four years old
They tried to test my I.Q.
They showed me a picture of 3 oranges and a pear
They said, which one is different?
It does not belong
They taught me different is wrong
But when I was 13 years old
I woke up one morning
Thighs covered in blood
Like a war
Like a warning
That I live in a breakable takeable body
An ever-increasingly valuable body
That a woman had come in the night to replace me
Deface me
-ANI DIFRANCO

"I'm flying, fuck you."

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 21:14:51 GMT

So, without giving away any details so as to keep myself and the participants safe, Wet Wednesday/Hang Over Thursday Morning was the best/craziest/funniest/blurriest/rainiest night ever. Bridget and I finally crashed around 8:30 AM. I woke up around 11:30 because Virg came to pick me up. I slept from 12-3, went to work (for an hour! crazy), and now I'm here contemplating what to eat for dinner. I'm sleeping over Jake's apartment when he's done with the band meeting at school. He called for some old school -- lots of food & stuff to watch.

I watched the sunrise this morning, something I've never done before. It was pretty strange. I walked out on the front porch to find Jessie and Bri talking and being their usual Jim-Pam selves. I said, "It feels like we survived the end of the world, and this is all that's left." It just felt like one of those surreal movie moments after the big storm.

I'm not very articulate right now, so I'm a-peacin' out. Take care.

<3

JENNY I GOT YOUR NUMBER, 867-530 NIIIII-EEEEEEEE-IIIIIINE

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 19:22:08 GMT

momface ATTACK: bridget and i made a cake last night and it was so fucked up
enginn ser: well duh

enginn ser: republicans* can't bake.

momface ATTACK: hot milk

enginn ser: mmmm eat my scrotum

*= Bridget = republican

We'll be alright, we'll be easy.

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 17:28:09 GMT

I'm not sure about everyone else, but scent always triggers the strongest memories for me. The scent of Britney Spears Curious reminds me of 2004 and being best friends with Liz cos that always seemed to be the perfume I smelled when I was in her house. The scent of laundry reminds me of Rachel, especially her birthday -- moreover, it reminds me of the tumultuous dismantling of everything in my life that I believed was orderly. I love Rachel to death, so don't get the wrong idea from what I just wrote. It was just the time of year when I realised that I am a lesbian.

The most nostalgic scent, though, overpowers me every time I read my copy of One Degree Of Separation by Karin Kallmaker (as Jake put it, "Karin Kallmaker, she makes the calls!"). It was the first work of lesbian fiction I ever purchased, back in January when I was still closeted to a number of friends and to my family. I had to hide the book in my incense drawer, so it mixed with the pages and created this scent that I can't describe. But it just reminds me of the crazy feelings I had when I started to come out, especially the overwhelming desire to go back in. It reminds me of Saturdays spent in the Gayborhood with Josh, being able to point out a girl and say, "She's pretty!". It reminds me of Rapko's party, when I told Jake. It reminds me of Giovanni's Room, the bookstore that helped me embrace who I am with rows and rows and rows of books. It triggers the memory of the dusty, deep winter sky, waiting to break open with snow. Evenings at Cosi's with Jake. Liberation.

I'm free, and I'm never going back.

I was locked into being my mother's daughter.

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 18:17:17 GMT

Last night/this morning was great. I was on my deck with Bridget till 3 AM talking about everything from our childhood, politics, and that year of high school that we kind of forgot about each other. It took me till this morning to realise how much we've changed, how different we are, and how much those differences make up a much better friendship. I remember when we were younger, I had absolutely no identity, and just adopted any traits that she had so that I could have something, even though I was concious of the fact that it wasn't mine. High school changed that. We've become opposites in many ways, and that's what makes our friendship better, more real than it was twelve years ago.

(Courtney Mum probably read that and said, "Silly Gabby with her troublesome curls and even more troublesome struggle to like people for who they are.") <33

I'm about 99% sure that I'm keeping my job for the summer. Nick has camp from 9 AM till 3-something PM, at which time he gets driven home and I watch him from 4 (this time will change judging on what time he gets home today) till 6:30 like I have all year. Good deal! Now I'll have money for the summer, to buy more books and movies and of course, a beautiful birthday present for Derek.

Love this rain. I'll probably spend the rest of the evening after work watching The L Word and the rest of my collection of queer cinema. Tra la la, peace out.

Life is wonderful.

Sat, 24 Jun 2006 20:07:34 GMT

Emily: Until you're 18, you're Christian.
Me: Until you're 18, you're gay!
Emily: But I wasn't baptised gay!
Me: I baptise you in the name of the Madonna, and of the Prada, and of the Manolo Blahnik. Oooh, men.

Chalk that one up to AWESOME? Yars.

I was asked to say a verb ending in -ing and an animal in order to make my Indian name. First one was Sleeping Kitten, second was Chilling Koala. This just proves how lazy I am.

edit: 7:47 pm. Little prat never called. Time for tea and movies!

I'm earning a reputation.

Fri, 23 Jun 2006 17:01:10 GMT

Ach, I agree with Derek. Nobody reads this anymore.

Howev.

I decided not to go see Guster today at Tower Records. I had nobody to go with, the thought of going made me incredibly nervous, and all everyone has been saying is how distant they've become around the fans. I'm going to see them on the 13th of July with Jake and Emily, so that should be nice.

I discovered Waterloo Road on the BBC. It has my favourite accents and it's so god damn addicting. I loves me some juvie kids.

So yars. I'm off.

There's a twilight, a nighttime and a dawn.

Thu, 22 Jun 2006 03:06:50 GMT

Things have been nice. I promise a proper update within the next few days, so as to allow more interesting things to happen.

June 21st, 20 and 06: I vow to stop bringing up the subject of politics and religion. If someone else does, I'll talk. (believe me, I'm not silencing myself) I realised tonight that people are just plain fed up with it and I don't really blame them.

I need intelligent conversation right about ...

now.

STUFF.

Fri, 16 Jun 2006 15:55:37 GMT

-My hair is cherry blossom red.

-Tonight is Jake's party, which I am attending as a Gender Rebel.

-Guster's album comes out in four days.

-I borrowed Season 3 of Will & Grace from Nuxbuster.

-It finally feels like summer vaca.

HOLLAR.

They're promising that help is on the way.

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 17:19:26 GMT

On the way to Courtney Mum's house yesterday (after we officially became seniors lolz), Jake asked me to rank the last three years of high school.

For some reason, I always compare everything to freshman year. I don't even remember the majority of it. I went through a lot of changes. I probably liked freshman year so much because I made so many friends and because of the thrill of being at a new school, getting to start over. In any case, freshman year is ranked first.

Then there's junior year. I came out of the closet after five years of struggling and, for the most part, didn't have any problems. I'm lucky. Also, I was formally recognised for my musical talents for the first time in my life by being inducted into Tri-M. It was an easy year academically and I finally proved that I'm every bit as capable as anyone else of getting good grades when I actually put out effort and care a bit about my work. I drifted from friends and that still makes me upset but it's a part of life that everyone deals with.

Sophomore year will always remind me of wastefulness, hopelessness, and meaninglessness. I can't think of a single good thing I did in sophomore year besides perform a couple of times with Predestination. I fucked up a long-time friendship, had no job, nothing to be proud of, and was having the most trouble with my sexuality and could tell nobody about it. My grades suffered greatly as a result and I was kicked out of Grease during opening week. I cringe at the thought of sophomore year. Thank God it's almost two years in the past.

So, that's the past three years in a nutshell. All I can do is learn from everything that has happened to me and move on in areas of my life where I'm still far behind. Apply everything to the future.

I made a list of things I want to accomplish this summer. I can't wait to see if I still have this idealistic willpower in mid-July. I sincerely hope so.

Feeling bitter right now, so I'm gonna go read to cheer m'self up before the family gets here. Christian is graduating from St. Tim's tonight. We're finally done with that awful school.

...let the PMS begin.

Gay Pride 2006!

Mon, 12 Jun 2006 16:59:31 GMT

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=7728056&blogID=131840821&MyToken=ba3cd9c6-4336-44d5-ac9f-674e4f62ad97

All the pictures from yesterday's Philly Gay Pride are there in my MySpace blog! <3

HURRAH!

Fri, 09 Jun 2006 18:15:05 GMT

EXAMS ARE OVER! It feels nice to know that I only have one day of school left. This summer is going to be so much better than last, I know it. Tri-Mers were told yesterday that we have to complete ten hours of service to the music department over the summer and that's not bad at all, and really, I don't mind.

Benonis drove me home today after exams. It was so completely random, not to mention the only time we've been around eachother outside of school in the past three years. We talked for a while and I listened to Anti-Flag for the first time in God only knows how long -- definitely since grade school. However, Benonis is the master of parallel parking. It took him the better part of 10 minutes to even get parked slantways.

Tonight I'm going up to Warminster with Kate & Zach to hang out with Jessie. Good stuff. I don't see them that often and I love them. Tomorrow I might be visited by Derek and his Leeland. I need to meet this boy!

Stay safe, kiddos. TEA TIME.

You'll heal over someday.

Tue, 06 Jun 2006 01:53:09 GMT

Well, today was the graduation of the Class of 2006. It was quite surreal to see so many people I've known, some for a few months, some for a few years, one in particular for my whole life, take a huge leap into their futures with just one flip of a tassle. Congradulations, everyone. I'll miss you.

The thing that kept hitting me last night and most of today is that it's all about the Class of 2007 now -- I'm a senior (more or less).

...crazy.

Last day of classes tomorrow!

JUNE.

Thu, 01 Jun 2006 09:52:18 GMT

I'm writing in this more often now because chances are, people aren't going to read it.

RANT that I don't feel like putting behind a cut. SORRRRRRRRRRRY.

There are only two real class days left of my junior year and suddenly, all of the stress exists NOW. 60 in chemistry? Why does my teacher make everything worth SO much? I put my copybook in a late bin and when I got to class it was somehow missing. It was there for seriously 50 minutes at the most. He says his freshmen probably took it. What the hell do a bunch of 3rd track freshmen with physical science want with a chemistry copybook?

According to my failure warning (and the failure warnings of all four people who got them in my 8th period), I'm currently passing and need an 84 to pass for the year. This needs to happen. I am NOT going to summer school on account of this tool.

I seriously let everything go in religion this quarter. It's not my damn-the-man tactic or anything. I seriously just... stopped caring about that class. I dread going to 3rd period every day. I can't even concentrate anymore. It's been almost two months, damn it.

Um, history. Got a fucking 79 on my project. He was all about my summary and presentation but he seriously bled ink all over my paper like I've never written before or something. I'm not saying my papers are flawless, believe me, but he just went to town on this thing. He took points off because I stapled the paper IN CLASS. And margins? I don't know how to adjust margins, nor do I care. Glad I don't have AP Gov, because three years of him would have been too much. Now these notes that he told us to print out yesterday are all shotty because my printer is extremely low on ink.

I don't need this right now. Thank God we have off tomorrow and Monday. Monday's graduation up at Villanova and I hope the weather is nice. It's strange how fast high school is going. I'm not going to be able to concentrate at graduation this year, because of all the people I know graduating. And because I'll be thinking that it's gonna be me NEXT YEAR. You know... I haven't even taken my SATs.

Where the hell am I going in life?

HA!

Sun, 14 May 2006 12:51:24 GMT

I'm alive.

But, more importantly, junior year is almost over. I'm freaking done with this school business. However, I need to continue to work hard, because I'm being inducted into Tri-M on Thursday. Gotta maintain.

Actually, I think that's been my credo lately. Gotta maintain.

FRIENDS AND LOVERS, THE WORLD IS COMING DOOOOOWN!

Tue, 28 Mar 2006 00:04:13 GMT

Godddddd.

Life isn't all that bad, really.

I've been more or less obsessed with Family Guy since January or so, so I figure the new Stewie layout is appropriate. Not to mention, bloody fantastic and adorable. However, the friends page and user info and other features are not working properly for some reason. HMMMM.

I'm not failing anything, harharharharharharharharharharharharhar.

Unrequited feelings are a drag, aren't they? You think you've found someone so amazing and suddenly it's so uncertain that you just want to give up altogether. Lame.

Leave some love.

Livejournal!

Wed, 22 Mar 2006 11:15:11 GMT

Oh, LJ, you've served me faithfully for many years, and lately, I have neglected thee. No more, I say. NO MO.

Well. This is awkward.

...this is worse than Stewie's iPod commericial.

Oh, expect coooopious Family Guy references. That's what my life has basically become since January.

Life.

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 23:26:32 GMT

My life is so fucking weird.

Such stagnancy. SUCH.

No prom. *rock hands*
Senior pictures (because we'll all look the same by graduation, right guys?), Thursday morning.
Lots of money saved to recreate my drum set.

Junior year is almost over and I don't care, honestly. This year was good, easy, and went fast.

I've developed such a strong feeling of apathy toward everyone and everything.

Let the PMS begin!

I can't believe it's already March.

Wed, 01 Mar 2006 14:20:43 GMT

It's sodding March 1st, and my life is still at a stand-still of sorts. Also, it's not 6:04 AM, it's 9:05 AM; apparently I don't have the "proper privilege level to change the Time Setting". That seems kind of outrageous, actually. Like, only my dad can control time. Not just on the computer, but through out the whole universe. Cuh-reepy.

My mind has been a disaster area and I find that writing in an actual journal has helped a lot, and saved my friends a lot of stress. I've decided to go to England after college. Not entirely happy, but it's gotta be done that way.

Things that have been going on:

1. My sleep patterns have become attrocious. I've been trying to rectify them but I end up taking very long naps that result in my getting no sleep during the night.

2. I'm not going to junior prom, so everyone ought to shut up. I don't have a date. I'm not bringing one of my gay boys. Dresses are NOT my thing.

3. There are things in my life that I currently cannot come to grips with. Thus, the written journal, because nobody would actually understand or care or want to hear the details.

4. My parents aren't the "cool liberal hippie" parents that some people perceive them as. They're just as Conservative-Republican-psuedo Christian as George Bush, and I'm slowly feeling a wall grow between my family and I.

5. My long-standing Keep My Mouth Shut In Religion tactic fell through yesterday when the topic of transexuals was brought up. I tackled that topic like there was no tomorrow. My finger was bleeding, however, because I was trying to keep my opinion to myself. I was the only person who said, "Yes, I'd let my child be taught by a transexual." The only person who said it outloud, anyway. I need to learn to shut up, really. Catholic schools are not conducive to opinions, and I should have gone to Lincoln.

I guess that's all that's been going on that anyone needs to know about. Back into my shell I go.